"It's only awkward if you let it be" – Silvia Donahue
September 11th, 2013
I balanced my textbooks in one hand and my cell phone, bottle of water, and laptop in the other as I walked down the hallway towards my locker.
There was hardly anyone left in the hallway, only a few people who didn't mind skipping class, chatting with each other or walking briskly from the toilet or towards the library.
I slowed down, and rearranged the textbooks that were on the verge of tumbling, and started walking again.
The bell rang, signaling the end of class, so I sighed irately and cursed under my breath. Students shuffled out then, from left and right, slamming rudely into me as they stalked past to join their friends and go about their lives.
"Shit," I muttered as someone slammed hard into me, my arms failing to hold on to the items in my hand; my cell phone and books flew everywhere and I cursed under my breath again.
"I'm sorry," the person said and I rolled my eyes, trying to gather up my stuff as the person snatched up the rest of my textbooks.
See, this is what happens to the half-minded human beings in this school, hardly ever paying attention to where they were headed.
I stood up and brushed myself off before glancing up with a raised brow.
"Watch it next time," I snapped, before realizing who it was; my voice trailed off nervously as one of my close friends stood before me with a half-smile on his face and my textbooks in his hands.
His dirty blonde hair had grown over his face, he had grown a few inches taller since the last time I saw him because he towered over me now, and his eyes seemed even bluer than I remembered.
"Alexander" I breathed, looking at the boy I had completely ignored, along with the rest of my friends, for the past summer.
He also happened to be my ex-boyfriend.
Alexander Morris was an all-round teenage geek: he was co-captain of the math athletes, the school's valedictorian, an excellent chess player and probably the smartest and sweetest kid I had ever met; but his best friend Justin was the exact opposite: he was the quarterback of the football team, co-captain of the swim team, an excellent runner on the track team, also smart (but not as much as Alex) and the hugest dick ever.
Together though, they were deemed unstoppable and inseparable.
"Could you follow me to my locker with those books?" I asked Alex as I balanced my laptop, along with my other belongings, on my hip. Alex smiled at me and took the last textbook gingerly from my arms.
"Will do ma'am" he said with a half salute, smirking as I giggled quietly.
I sighed and looked at him once more; trying to figure out what to say to him that would sum up my actions of the past months.
"Thanks," I said, bending slightly to straighten the crease in my pants.
"For knocking you over or calling you ma'am?" he joked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. I rolled my eyes and punched him in the shoulder slightly with a small smile.
"For taking my textbooks, smartass," I said, walking around him. He fell into step beside me, balancing the textbooks in his left hand.
We walked in a silence that I could not determine if it was awkward or comfortable. When we reached my locker, I punched in my code and pulled the metal door, gently placing my laptop on the lower shelf.
"Here," he handed me the books one after the other, as I arranged them accordingly.
When I was done, I turned to him and leaned against my locker, before crossing my hands over my chest.
"So, how are you?"
I looked at him, knowing fully that he meant well and also knowing that although he had asked it lightly, he wanted a much deeper answer; like how I was coping after everything that had happened.
Deeper in that question, it was obvious that he wanted an explanation as to why I had broken up with him so suddenly.
Alex was too sweet a guy. Even though the question would burn through him, he held it in and waited patiently for what felt like the right time.
As I stared at him, I had the urge to let him hug me and tell me that everything would be okay.
If I did that, then I had to accept her not being here anymore.
I had to accept that I was delusional.
Slowly, I shook my head, pushed my bangs out of my face, before refolding my hands across my chest.
"Fine," I said lightly, the side of my lips tugging on a smile as I watched him frown, clearly wanting more than that. The fact was he knew that was all he was going to get.
"You changed your hair," he tried again with a light smile and I almost burst out laughing at his uneasiness. I smiled and fingered the tip of the wig.
"Yeah, you like?" I asked. I sniggered then twirled slowly, a smile playing on my lips. He smirked, realizing that I was mocking him now and slowly shook his head, feigning disappointment.
"You look different," he said with a shrug, placing his hands in his pockets. I sighed and looked away briefly at the people shuffling past us, some stopping ever so briefly, probably to wonder if Alex and I were friends again and when that had happened.
"I like different," I muttered, slowly dragging my gaze from the students to a pink-faced Alex.
I laughed, which only caused the shades in his cheeks to deepen, and placed my laptop in my handbag, along with my cell phone and water bottle.
"Thanks, Alex."
"No problem," he said with a tiny smile, and pushed himself off the locker he had leaned on.
"You know you can talk to me right?" he asked, looking at me expectantly.
Could I Alex? I hadn't even spoken to Angel or Rain yet; imagine how pissed they would be if I started pouring my heart out to Alex, after breaking up with him.
The thought caused me to laugh slightly and Alex pursed his lips, probably offended that I had laughed at his suggestion.
"Sure," I said quietly, shooting him a small smile. Satisfied with that answer, he nodded and put his arms around me, my arms staying crossed against my chest, and patted my back awkwardly.
Without another word, he smiled and turned, then strode down the hallway.
I let out a low long breath I didn't realize I had been holding in.
"Talk about awkward," someone said suddenly behind me, and I let out a small yelp, before spinning around.
Avian stood in front of me, with tousled hair and a half-smirk as he leaned into the locker next to mine.
"Did he just tap your back?"
"Give him a break," I laughed softly, rolling my eyes at Avian's insensitivity "He was nervous. I haven't talked to him in a while; it was weird for me too" I muttered.
"Well, that's one way of putting it" Avian laughed, clearly not hearing the last bit and shaking his head in dismay. I smiled and grabbed my bag out of my locker, before slamming it shut.
"So when are we going to work on the project?"
I looked at Avian as he stared at me keenly. What was he talking about now? What project?
Seeing my confused look, Avian shook his head in pity and smiled.
"The growth of bacteria," he said, waving his hands as if willing me to remember "you know, the class with the short, bald and angry teacher"
I laughed at his description of Mr. Darwin and started walking towards my next class, with him falling into step next to me.
"Don't be mean."
"Hey, I'm just stating the facts," Avian said, holding his hand up in surrender before shooting me a cheeky smile.
I smiled and we walked for a few seconds in silence, until Avian bumped his shoulder into mine gently.
"So…"
"So what?" I asked, slowing down as I neared my geography class. Avian face-palmed and then stared at me in disbelief.
"You have the attention span of a goldfish," he said, sighing as if trying to control the urge to smack me silly.
I laughed.
"When do we start the project?"
"We can start this weekend," I said, stopping in front of my geography class and turning to face him.
"Okay, I'll pick you up" he said, tucking his hands into his pockets.
"I'd rather you didn't" I said, glancing at him from the corner of my eyes. He wiggled his eyebrows at me in questioning.
"Why?"
"Well, I don't even know you," I said exasperatedly, wondering why he even had to ask.
He looked at me even more confused like he didn't understand why I would say such a thing. I sighed and lowered my voice.
"Waking up in your bed freaked me out plenty. I'm just trying to keep my distance from your house. I tried distancing myself from you," I said as I glanced at him with raised brows "but you wouldn't leave me alone."
He laughed and ran a hand through his hair, before shaking it out.
"Fine. So where do we work on our project then?"
"What about my place on Saturday? Angel and Rain are coming over to 'talk' to me so maybe after" I used my fingers to quote the word talk, earning myself a grimace from Avian.
When Angel had called me, and told me that they were coming over this weekend to talk to me whether I wanted to or not, I panicked. Instantly, I started coming up with excuses as to why this weekend would not be a good time.
However Angel, being the bossy person that she was, said she didn't care and that I should cancel all my plans, because they were coming over and that was final.
Lolita earned herself a flick on the forehead for not saving me; she had sat in the corner, painting her nails while I was being crucified over the phone.
"It won't be such a bad thing," Lolita had shrugged, minutes after the phone call. I had groaned and rolled over, eyeing her jealously.
"At least you don't have to sit through it. What happens when they see mom?"
"It is highly doubtful that mom would be home this weekend. She's been gone for three days now."
"It's been that long? Should we call the police?"
"Please," Lolita blew on her nails "she's done this too many times before"
"Maybe I should call Angel and cancel…"
"They're your best friends Shay; you can't shut them out forever."
"Not forever! Maybe just a few more weeks."
"Well they are coming over, even if I have to lock your ass in this room till they show up."
"Shut up."
That was the end of that conversation and that was how I found myself mindlessly tidying up my room, and dreading the "talk".
"Gosh, I would not want to be you," he said, shuddering slightly and backing away from me slowly.
"Why don't I come over on Sunday then? Let you spend quality time with your friends" he sniggered, knowing that it was the last thing I wanted.
"Whatever pleases you," I rolled my eyes, opened the door and entered my geography class.