Unlike the outside of the school, the inside was completely the opposite.
Students and teachers roamed the hallways as the sound of chatting and laughter bounced off the walls.
The girls were scratching, pushing, shrieking and desperately trying to reach their friends, the boys high-fived and bumped fists with each other while the few teachers brave enough to venture out into the halls tried balancing coursework books in one hand and steaming coffee in the other.
Building up whatever courage I had left, I ducked my head and joined the girls to push my way through the crowds and towards my locker.
A lot of people I hadn't seen since the beginning of summer and since before that day said soft hellos to me with sympathy.
Groaning inwardly, I shrugged off their pitiful glances and gossip-filled whispers. I jutted out my chin and continued pushing through the crowds, eventually making it to my locker in one piece.
Finally, I stopped and panted softly, before leaning on the row of lockers and closing my eyes.
Calming myself, I punched in my combination and opened my locker.
Frankly, I was thankful that I had emptied out my locker last year because I was totally not ready for a trip down memory lane this morning. I emptied the contents of my bag into the locker, leaving my phone, a blank notepad, my laptop, and a couple of pens in my tote.
"Shay?" a soft voice hesitantly said behind me and I froze with my hand in mid-air.
Instantly, I thought back to the night after it happened. Angel and Rain had stood outside my bedroom for hours, begging me to open the door.
Two days after that happened to be the night my mother took up drinking, so she wasn't at home to let them in.
I had left them in the rain outside my bedroom window as they yelled for me to talk to them.
I clearly remember standing behind the closed curtain with my arms wrapped around my torso as they stood yelling in the rain.
The missed calls, the unread messages, the many, many notes slipped underneath my door.
I also remember lying on my bed, putting on headphones so I could shut out the endless begging to see me, and closing my eyes.
Goodness knows how angry they must be with me.
Groaning inwardly, I took in a deep breath and let out a sigh before closing my locker and turning to face my best friends.
Rain had cut her russet-colored hair into a bob and a piercing that was obviously new peeked at me from her right nostril. The collar necklace that she was sporting fit perfectly with the white ruffle top, black skinny jeans, and black flats.
I dragged my gaze from her flats to meet her eyes and she stared at me expectantly, as if willing me to say something, anything. She had the same sympathetic look I had seen on everyone this morning so irritated, I glanced at Angel.
Angel on the other hand, looked extremely pissed.
She hadn't cut her hair but it wasn't straight and black anymore. Instead, the bouncy brown curls on her head matched her auburn eyes as she stared at me with a raised brow. She was also wearing a collar necklace but had matched it with a pastel blue, frilly long-sleeved blouse, a black poufy skirt, and low heeled black boots.
I glanced at her face and she looked like she was holding her tongue, for Rain's sake who had probably told her to take it easy and not say anything harsh.
I smiled.
Rain took this as her opportunity to speak "You look well," she said and my gaze snapped from Angel to stare at her in confusion. Why was she not as pissed off as Angel was? If it was me, I would have been fuming.
"Why aren't you angry?" I asked, glancing briefly at Angel before focusing my attention on Rain. She looked like she was about to say something but decided against it. Instead, she smiled softly and said
"We're just glad you're okay"
"Oh screw this," Angel hissed, crossing her arms against her chest "Of course we're angry, what the hell do you think?"
"Angel," Rain said quietly in a warning tone as she glanced disapprovingly at Angel. Angel frowned but shut up as she shrugged, clearly irritated.
"No, it's fine. Speak your mind Angel," I heard myself say and I shook my head, wondering why on earth I had basically given her an excuse to blow up at me. Rain looked at me uncertainly, as if knowing that it had been a bad idea, but shrugged and glanced at Angel.
"Gladly," Angel said as she uncrossed her arms and placed them on her hips "The entire summer, Shay Hunter, we called you, texted you, threw freaking pebbles at your goddamn window and not once," she held up her finger dramatically "not once did you think we were worthy of a reply."
"Angel," Rain said in a low warning tone, but Angel shook her head as if telling her redheaded friend to butt out of the conversation.
And why shouldn't she? I had stupidly given her permission to express whatever she felt against me, which is exactly what she was doing.
"No, Rain," she said before glancing back at me "We understand okay? We understand the need you felt to shut yourself off from the world," she said, waving her arms frantically "the need to put up this whole 'I don't give a hoot' façade and we get that! Now you show up with black contacts and straight brown hair looking like a completely different person and we're just meant to accept it? In case you've forgotten, Rain here," she said gesturing towards Rain, who just stared exasperatedly back at her, "knows how badly you are hurt and we get that but shutting us out? Not even giving us the chance to be there for you, that was complete bullshit!!" she said and as though her rant had weakened her, she leaned against the lockers, panting slightly.
A small crowd had gathered, chatting quietly amongst themselves and trying to look as though they were not paying attention to our conversation.
When I gathered that Angel was finished, I turned my gaze over to Rain.
"Is there anything that you would like to get off your chest?" I asked quietly.
Rain stood there; clearly unsure of if she should say something or just let it go.
She glanced at Angel, who looked at her as if to say "go ahead" so, with newfound courage, she looked back at me.
"I understand Shay," she started her tone a lot less sharp and not as angry as Angel's "but for the entire summer, you shut us out. You ignored us completely even though we stood outside your house, in the rain, yelling for you to open the door. I was sick for three days after that but did you care?" she said, seeming to get bolder with every word "of course you didn't because you didn't even know and why didn't you know? Because you wouldn't pick up the damn phone" she concluded, breathing heavily as she stared at me, waiting on my response.
I took in a deep breath and glanced between the two of them.
"Look, I understand, you're pissed; whatever but," I said as I looked away, thinking of the right words to say "I can't deal with this right now."
They stared at me in shock then quickly exchanged an infuriated look.
With that said, I shrugged carelessly and tried to brush past the two of them but they stood rooted firmly to the spot.
Sighing, I rolled my eyes, cursed under my breath, and looked in annoyance at the two.
"Can you move?"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Rain yelled, completely losing it.
This caused Angel to stare at her in surprise for about 5 seconds because frankly, Rain was the quiet, conservative type that spoke in hushed tones because she didn't believe you had to raise your voice to be heard, wore conservative clothes and never ever swore, before glancing back at me and crossing her arms over her chest.
"After everything Angel and I just said to you," she continued, clicking her tongue distastefully at my attitude "all you can say is that you can't deal with us right now?" she took in a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair "We're supposed to be best friends and best friends help each other when the other isn't feeling all right in the head, which clearly Shay, you aren't."
I narrowed my eyes at her and she stopped her ranting, realizing just how much she had insulted me. I cleared my throat and looked warily at the both of them.
"Just get out of my way," I muttered as I tried getting past them again but they wouldn't let me through.
At this point, even more, people had gathered around us and they were not even trying to hide the fact that they were listening in.
"Nope," Angel said, stepping in front of me and backing Rain up, who had become quiet after the round of insults she had just thrown in my face "we are not going anywhere, and even after that bell rings we will wait here until you freaking break down and admit you've lost your mind. You wouldn't cry, you wouldn't even look at us, at her…" she got cut off as I slammed my fist hard into the locker that was closest to me.
Everyone that was listening, including Angel and Rain, jumped slightly when my fist connected with the metal.
"Don't," I said in a low threatening voice. I looked at them, the blood boiling in my veins. I hissed irately and slammed my fist into the locker again.
"Don't you even dare bring that up."
There was complete silence in the hallway as Rain and Angel glanced nervously at each other. I glared daggers at them as if daring them to say something else on that topic to me.
When neither of them said anything, I scoffed, and out of frustration, I banged my fist into the locker again.
"I," my fist hit the lockers with all the force I could muster "AM," again with the fist, the two of them looking at me like I had completely lost it "FINE" I yelled then rubbing my right palm with my left hand, I took in deep breaths and tried to calm myself.
Rain looked a little scared and a whole lot nervous, shifting her weight from leg to leg and looking everywhere but at me. Angel, well, she looked at me like I had no right to be pissed.
Like I was in the wrong here.
Grinding my teeth irritably, I shoved at them so I could get through, causing them to stumble back in alarm.
I hissed to myself before slamming my fist again into some random locker as I rounded the corner at the end of the hallway.
Then the bell rang