The car ride was eerily quiet. I could feel beads of sweat form on my neck and trickle down my back. She hadn't said a word since we left the cafe and I doubt that she would anytime soon.
"Stop here."
"What? We still have a while before we get there..."
"I won't repeat myself."
I sigh and turn on the blinker. I was already on thin ice with her and the last thing I wanted to do was even further piss her off. I pull over off of the road and she steps out of the car.
"I'll only be a second." She slammed the door behind her and began to pace back and forth outside the car.
She had her phone pressed firmly to her ear and was speaking what I believe is French. She seemed frantic, she was waving her hands around and yelling at the person on the other side of the line. She quickly turn towards me and I look away, I think she was aware that I was trying to listen in on her conversation.
While staring directly in front of me, I can hear her mumble out a few more words then get back into the car.
"Listen to me carefully because I won't repeat myself again: You will take me to Carlos' then head directly to the place you mentioned before. You will go anywhere else but there, you die. You call anyone, you die. To be clear; No detours and backup. Got it?"
"Yeah. I got it. But what makes you so sure that I haven't already called someone? Or that were In going is even the actual location?" I was bluffing. I wanted to show her that I wasn't as scared as I actually was.
She slowly turn her head to face me and looks at me with a deadpan expression.
"You have yet to take your hands off the wheel let alone touch your phone and I'll take my chances and call your bluff. We both know this is a game I'd definitely win."
Fuck. She's good.
"Right. Carlos' house it is."
I pull back onto the road and start my route to his house. The same emptiness that I felt before was gnawing at me again. I wanted it to stop, to go away but it felt like the longer I was with her, the worse it got.
"I'm so sorry..." I couldn't stop the tears that seemed to appear out of thin air. "Please, forgive me. Kazzie please."
"What the hell are you talking about? And watch where you're going!" She leans over and grabs the wheel, steering it back to the right side of the road. "Are you fucking crazy?! Jesus christ, stop the car and let me drive; You're hysterical right now."
"No, no I'm fine. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I swear."
I wipe my face and regain my focus. I can feel her gaze, piercing, cold, looking at someone she no longer trust. Someone she wants nothing to do with.
"You can stop here, I'll walk the rest of the way."
"Huh? But his place is still a few blocks away."
"Don't worry about me. You just do what I told you before."
I stopped the car once more and she hastily got out. But before she closed the door, she poked her head inside and looked at me.
"Listen, I'm not a hundred percent sure of what you did or why you did it but just know that if I don't handle you, he will. So don't run. You do that and it'll be hell." She pinches the bridge of her nose and groans. "I don't mean to scare you or make you feel threatened, I just don't want you to have to suffer before you- Never mind. I'll be leaving now."
She close the door and starts walking. I watch from the drivers side of my car as her silhouette grows smaller and smaller until she disappears into the darknesses. I was angry. Angry at her for making me feel like this. Making me fall for her, for wanting her to mine and steal her away from the asshole.
Why couldn't she see what I saw? That we were meant to be together? That I could give her so much more than he ever could?
"Please Kazmaria, forgive me. I'm so sorry for loving you... I really am."
[Kaz's pov]
"Goddamnit. So it really was her after all. I don't think she would do this without solid reasonings, right?" I grab at my jacket as cold wind whips past my face. "Fuck. I don't want to think about this right now... I just want a warm bath."
It didn't take too long for me to reach the mansion. Carlos was furious at me for walking around at night in the cold weather all alone but I tried to assure him that I was fine.
"Just because you can beat everyone's ass doesn't mean you should!"
He yelled something like that while following me to one of the guest rooms. I think it meant that just because I was capable of protecting myself doesn't mean that I should willingly put myself in danger. Then again that seems too responsible for him.
"Hello? Are you even listening to me?!"
"Sì, te escucho."
(Yeah, In listening to you.)
"Good. Now here," He grabs his phone from his pocket and shoves it into my hand. "I refuse to get on Ricky's bad side. Call him and tell yo you're here."
"I was just about to ask for your phone. Thanks."
I smile and dial his number while Carlos rolls his eyes and mumbles something about 'two crazy ass people who need intense psychological evaluation'.
"You better have a good fuckin' reason for calling me this late. You almost woke up the baby."
"Well hello to you too my love."
"Kaz?! Baby what the hell are you doing with that idiot? Did the meeting with the girl go bad?"
"No, stop worrying so much, In fine. I bugged her car and had her drive towards a location she wanted to take me. I didn't think it was smart to go alone so I made her drop me off at Carlos'."
"Mhm, I told you I never liked that woman."
"Now's really not the time for 'I told you so'."
"You're right, I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing, it's okay. How are the boys? Were they too much? Did they eat? I made sure to make a few extra bottles for Josiah."
"Sí, mi amor, they both have eaten, been burped, changed and put down for the night."
"Awe.m, I can't believe I missed that." I clutch my chest. "You're such a good papa, I miss you."
"I miss you too mami. But you should stay the night with Carlos. It's late and I don't think anyone should be driving at night, the roads freeze over."
"I guess sleeping alone for one night won't kill me. But promise you'll make it up to me?"
"I promise. Now get some rest hermosa. I'll see you first thing in the morning."
"Right. Goodnight Ricardo, I love you."
"I love you too baby. Goodnight."
I hand the phone back to Carlos and he gags. "God you two are so gross. I cringed the entire time."
"I bet of it was Dee you'd be just as cringe." I snap back and he instantly shuts his mouth. "Yeah, that's what I thought."
"Shut up, just go to sleep okay? I'll talk to ya in the morning."
"Yeah okay. Night Carlos."
"Night hermana." He gives me a quick hug then leaves me alone in the empty room.
I peel out of my clothes and head i to the bathroom. I stop in front of the mirror and look at my bare body. I knew that having kids would mean gaining weight but I still felt heavy. I worked night and day, through blood, sweat and tears to get my body damn near perfect. But despite my life's work, it only took nine months to undo all my hard progress.
"I can get it back..."
I put my hand on the cold glass. All I had to do was start over again. All the way from the beginning...
"God, that's a long way to go. I don't know if I can even do it again. I- I just can't..."
To stop myself from crying, I look away from my reflection and get into the shower. This is why I hated being alone. I always ended up making myself feel bad for not being good enough. I know it sounds corny but that's why I needed Ricky. I need him by my side to tell that I'm going to be okay. To tell me that I'm beautiful no matter how much I hated myself.
"Fuck," I laugh and wipe my face. "One night away from you and I'm already falling apart. How pathetic can you be Kazmaria?" I turn the waters temperature all the up until it makes my skin red. "'A messy girl will never get anywhere in life. She will cling to others because she hates who's she is. That's why messy girls get punished... No one likes a messy girl."