Those expressions, those sounds, and those soft moans of pleasure. They replay in my head like a broken record. The day she let me officially make her mine. As the details of that night get more and more explicit, I wake out of my sleep in a cold sweat while my lower area stands tall.
"Shit. This is the fifth fucking time this week."
I can't stop them. They come to me almost every night and it makes me furious. The thought of her skin against mine and her sweet, gentle touches. The woman I love so much, even to this day, the woman I'll never see again. I get myself together, roll out of bed and head over to the shower.
***
'If you wanna stay awake, find something worth keeping you up.'
So I did. I did something that I knew would take my mind off of things, something that I thought I'd never be doing again.
"Hielo, eres el siguiente, así que prepárate."
(Ice, you're next, so get ready)
I don't feel like speaking but I manage to make a grunting noise. He seems satisfied with it and leaves the room.
'No sleep, no dreams, no dreams, no more thinking about her.'
I wrap my hands up in boxing tape and look at myself in the mirror.
"Look at what you've become...disgusting."
I hit it and it instantly breaks into several pieces. I kick them out of my way and head for the ring. The lights are drawn low but the crowd is incredibly loud, the smell of blood is still fresh on the mat and the feedback is screeching. The mike is lowered and the announcer taps on it to get the audience quiet.
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, tonight is no regular fight. Tonight two of our best fighters will be going head to head to see who will be the champion of the ring and take home the belt and a sweet cash prize of $500,000!"
They scream and cheer until he gets them to be quiet once more.
"And now coming to the stage is one hell of a fighter. He's our undefeated champion with nothing but victories. He's our monster, our beast, Ice!"
I walk out and the spotlight is blinding. The floor is so cold against my bare feet, that it sends chills throughout my entire body.
"And tonight he'll be fighting none other than Mica 'The Menace'! He's our first man to kill in the ring, so watch out Ice!"
'Mica, aka some prick who beat a man to death a few weeks ago. Looks about my age but still has kinda a baby face, large scar on his forearm and covered head to toe in tattoos.'
"This is the guy i'm supposed to be fighting? Damn, I didn't know they let people your age fight."
He laughs at his own bad joke and tosses his fighting robe off to the side.
"Now listen up, I want nice clean fight between you two. So that means no foul play, no low blow, or illegal fighting moves. You may bump gloves if you wish."
Like every other time, I hold out my hand for him to bump but he spits on the floor near me. "I'm not here to be your friend, I'm here to beat your ass."
"Round one, BEGIN!"
With the ring of the bell I make the first swing and land a hard hit to his nose. He stumbles back and wipes the blood off of his lower lip. "Heh, looks like I might've underestimated you old man."
His posture shifts and his speed increases, his stance changes and the look in his eyes become quite familiar; murderous intent. One I've learned quite to love.
'He knows more than one kinda fighting style? Interesting...'
He takes his jab at me but I doge it. The hits keep coming but his movements become easy to read after a few punches.
'My best option is to let him wear himself out when keeping my distance, but depending on how long that'll take, I should try to do a little damage while he still hasn't noticed that I can read all his moves.'
I move in closer to get rid of as much distance as I can and swipe his legs. When he's down, I pin his arms down with my knees and deliver continuous punches to his face until my bruised knuckles go numb and the ref has to pull me off of him.
"Okay ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner for round one: Ice!"
Mica hobbles over to his corner and is instantly given an ice pack and towel as he slumps down into his seat. As he leans over to talk to what i'm assuming is his trainer, I see from the corner of my eye that he's handed something but I can't make out what it is.
'He's weaker than I thought. I should be able to finish this in less than a few rounds.'
Ref grabs the mike and lets us know that the second round is about to begin. We meet up in the center and the bell rings again. Unlike last time, he starts to cover more ground and avoid my attacks.
"Haha, surprised I ain't got hit yet? That's because I know what you're game is."
'Does this cocky asshole every shut the hell up?'
I know that he's trying to get under my skin but I don't let his empty words get to me. I fake a left jab and hit him with a right hook as hard as I can. He falls to the floor and stays there.
'Stay down you son of a bitch.'
"1, 2, oh, wait a minute folks! It would seem that he's back up!"
He hops back up and smiles a bloody smile at me, but something's off about how he's looking at me.
"Lets end this pops."
With the ref's back turned, Mica pulls out a blade and pounces on me. He tries to cut my neck but I manage to wrestle it out of his hands but not before he nicks me right across my face.
Once I have the knife in hand I jab it into his throat. His breathing becomes ragged and he soon stops moving. I look up at the referee then out at the crowd. The lights seem more intense and the once thundering roar of the audience is now deathly silent.
"Well uh, it would seem that Mica had an illegal weapon, so by disqualification, tonight's winner is...Ice." He grabs the walkie-talkie off of his belt and presses down on the button, "We needa stretcher down here."
I walk out of the ring and as soon as I do, the crowd is louder than before. My name fills the air as I walk back to the dressing room. When I close the door behind me all the anxiety and confusion comes flooding out of me. My legs feel like jelly as I notice the blood staining my shorts and hands. I never thought I'd kill again...not like this. But I must admit,
"It felt so fucking good..."
There's a sudden knock on my door, "Hey, Ice can I come in?"
I get up and open the door for her and she looks down at my bloody attire then up at my wound, "I'm guessing you need me to stitch that up?"
I nod and she steps in with her first aid kit tucked under her arm and a thermos in the other.
"Okay, this might sting a bit so I'm sorry in advance."
She pulls out a disinfectant wipe and carefully cleans around my wound. Her hand slips and accidentally touches the cut and I wince in pain.
"Oh shit, sorry."
I shake it off and let her finish. "Hey, I brought you some tea...it should help with your sore throat."
"What sore throat? I'm fine."
"Oh! I overheard someone say that you haven't been talking at all, so I just thought that you weren't feeling to well..."
I shake my head while she threads the needle. "Well I appreciate the thought but I don't need it."
"Yeah, no problem at all."
She slowly slides the needle under my skin and before I know it, she finishes and puts a bandage over my new stitches.
"Alright you're all done."
She gathers her things and heads for the door but suddenly stops in her tracks, "Can I ask you a question?"
"...Sure?"
"How did you know he had a knife?"
I'm caught off guard by her question, "Excuse me?"
She turns around to face me and crosses her arms in curiosity. "I mean there's no way you could've reacted that fast without knowing he had one...That would be insane."
"I didn't."
"...But I saw the match...I saw how fast you grabbed it from him and...Well you know." She can't say that I killed him. "Any normal person shouldn't have those kinda reflexes."
"Well I'm clearly not normal. Can you leave now? I still have to get changed."
"Why are you being such an ass right now? And you won the cash plus all the other money you didn't pick up from the last matches you won."
"Don't want it, and I'm not being an ass."
"Right, well if you keep living like this, you won't be able to keep fighting. You're barely getting by."
"Barely's good enough."
She huffs, "Listen, you're a grown ass man, I should't have to keep telling you this!"
I take off my dirty shirt and shove past her to get a new one and slip it over my head. "So don't keep telling me."
My sudden action must've made her uncomfortable because she's staring at floor while tightly gripping the thermos. I can't see her whole face but her cheeks are red and she's biting her lower lip.
"Listen, I know that you have to keep up the tough guy facade but please don't do it with me. I'm just trying to be nice."
I don't know why but hearing her say that pisses me off. I grab her shoulders and push her up against the wall and she yelps.
"You think I'm playing around, eh?" I tighten my grip on her, "You think I won't hesitate to kill you too?!"
Her bottom lip quivers as she stares at her feet, "I- I'm sorry! Please let me go...You're hurting me."
I let her go but she doesn't move.
"The next time you feel like being nice to anyone down here, remember that we're nothing but thugs who kill, fight, and steal for fun."
I open the door for her, "Tell 'em I want my money by tomorrow, all of it, in cash."
"O- okay!"
She speed walks past me but I grab her before she leaves, "And one more thing," I tilt her head up so I can finally make eye contact with her, "Don't come back to my room alone...There's no telling what I might do to you next time."
She jerks away and runs out of my room and down the hallway.
"Good girl. Run far away from here...Run far."