Rare are the times that I hold on for too long in intense emotions such as anger.
This may sound hypocritical for someone who tends to be mad for a lot of times, but in my case, once I have already expressed my annoyance and rage, it is all well and good for me. What I mean is that, after I have poured everything in my mind externally, I will already feel better…well for the most part.
But…for this case, I am experiencing 'this' rare occasion regarding someone that I associated with my anger.
I pushed the two boys to be quick in consuming their lunch and once they were done, we will hastily go to the village in order to start our training with the Boss right away. I did not mind the confused and numerous questions of the two and told them that getting things done in a quick and efficient manner is the best way to end the nearly-ending task of the week.
I will show you! I will show to all!
We arrived at the village and while trying my utmost best to contain my impatience, Boss finally announced the objective of the training for this afternoon:
"Alright, you three! For today, we are still going to focus in your Essence training but there is a twist! Right now, I will be tasking you to channel out that large amounts of newly-surfaced Essence from your reserves and ask you to allocate it to the core of your swords! Through it, we can discover what kind of tricks and knacks can your swords bring when it comes to important situations such as battles!"
Hmmmm… understandable. Very well.
"However, this task is much easier to hear, than to do. So let me ask to the three of you, take your time with this one, alright?" he continued while giving us some questionable reminders.
The three of us just nodded for our goal for today and assumed in our meditation stances when he stopped us half-way through:
"AH-! Haha! Before I forgot… there is another twist. I will be asking you to do that without your meditation stances, but with your respective swords! Since the three of you were already familiar about entering a state of meditation with a stance, it is time to do it with your own blades!" he said apologetically.
…Ugh. You could have told us sooner!
In any case, so be it…
I mean, how difficult this task would be?
The three of us were aligned to each other when we are about to do our attempt in channeling our Essences. We sighed heavily so that we can feel the tranquility within ourselves, then afterwards…
"WHOA- HA-HA!!! Redhead! Impressive! That is how you channel it! Now, let me tell you… do not beckon anything within your sword! I will just ask of you to channel your inner Essences to the respective cores of your blades! Afterwards, we can then proceed to the next step of this training!"
ARGH! Focus, Astoria! Do not let Roy distract you from your meditation!
"Hmmm…keep doing it, pale boy! You are nearly close!!! Hey, Samson's kid! You have to focus intensely! Keep those thoughts away!" Boss continued to coach us.
…I…why?...
This time, the session was just focused between me and Malthur. For the both of us, it seemed that we had our own difficulties in channeling our own Essences. Due to this, we took an hour for our channeling session, but to no avail.
At that hour, Boss already stopped us.
"Okay, enough for this time! The both of you are in need of a break!" he roared while clanging his metal pitcher.
"Argh! This is really infuriating!"
Finally, after being mummed while being locked in his meditation, Malthur bursted in his own way of expressing his desperation and annoyance towards the task.
The Boss asked the two of us to line up in front of him and discuss the matter on our difficulty in channeling our respective Essences.
"Now…I told you that you must not feel any anger nor irritation towards this act. Let me just repeat this again, this method of calling your sword takes a lot of time so do not beat yourselves about it!!!" he said, trying to ease our aggravation.
A silence.
Suddenly, Roy stated his piece of mind as well:
"Hmmm??? I have no idea that the both of you are novices about this! You should have informed me sooner, you two!"
Hey, do not speak like that! Do not rub that insult on our pain already!
But looking at his expression and way of speaking, it seems that…he is not even looking down on us. Like most of the times when we are with him.
Roy is an idiot. An airhead at best, but certainly, he is not a bad person.
"Hey, Redhead! Enough with your pointless pity and help us with this! Since you are oh-so good with this act, why not help the two of us so that we can get this over with?" Malthur angrily barked.
Hearing his desperate call, Roy shrugged with both of his hands then said:
"Oh…well…I guess I have no choice now, huh? I did not know that you have it in you to cry for help when you are in a pinch so this is a surprise! Hah! Both of you are so helpless so let me help the both of you!"
I take it back. What I said about him on being a good person? I take it back!
"Hey! Shut it! I never said that! Just…ugh. Tell us, how do you channel your Essences in a very specific way?! While we are at it, how would you know if we are already successful in channeling our Essences, huh?!"
Roy innocently placed his hands down his jawline and assumed his thinking position, then said casually:
"EH? Oh, that… first, you just have to assume your same line of thought back then when we were meditating with a stance: filling yourself with unexplainable tranquility! I know that you have felt it too, right? Next, you have to handle your sword carefully and while properly grabbing your respective grip, imagine that you are feeling the calmness around you…that, it is if, you can realistically touch the presence of your own inner abstract state and transform it in a tangible one! Just carefully allow it to flow around you and with gentleness in your intentions, allocate the now-turned Essence to the core of your sword!"
…Ugh. I need a piece of parchment paper and a quill for this one.
"Now finally, you will uhh… know if the Essence was already channeled into your sword, if your core is glowing!" he continued.
…
Um…how?
When the both of us just kept staring at him while he was intently educating us, Roy took his Flamberge and impatiently waved it in front of us.
"Argh. Look! I tend to be terrible in explaining things so instead of stating this to you, let me just show it! Got it? But be careful, you have to be extremely observant when watching, so look closely!" he said blushingly.
Okay. I prefer it that way.
It is better to show, than tell, after all.
He carefully handled the grip of his sword and raised it upward in the sky in order for its core to touch his lips. He sighed heavily to prepare for his second attempt to channel out his Essence and before closing his eyes, he said:
"May I request Boss, please tell the interpretations of the scenarios for my act so that they can understand what is happening."
"Hmm-hm. You got it, kid." he replied accordingly.
Finally, he closed his eyes and readied himself to channel his Essence.
A silence…
Roy stood straightly and while still handling his sword, he then kissed his core when he breathed heavily.
"Ah…that fast? Eh…the Redhead already entered that state of tranquility and is about to command his Essence to flow to his sword's core." the Boss awkwardly commented.
Roy kept closing his eyes while breathing lowly and intently. After a short time, he raised his sword once again in the sky and with an image as if to heroically proclaim that his sword is a legendary relic, he intensified his posture by putting all of his might in his pose…
What is this…?
"OH??? That soon, I see. Hmmm. This Redhead is a talented one. You two, you cannot see it clearly so I will explain it to you. Right now, as he raises his sword, he is commanding his inner Essence to be controlled and as he does, he allocates them to the core carefully!" the Boss said while marveling the performance of Roy.
H-How? How can you sense that, Boss?
I know that he told us last time that he can sense an abstract idea such as "Aura" and "Essence", but…how do you do that specifically?
Frankly, I am intrigued.
As Roy focuses on his stance, suddenly, the air around us became unnaturally hot. I know that we are training in the hotness of the afternoon, but when this Redhead raised his sword majestically, the temperature of our vicinity sky-rocketed. Several leaves in our area swiveled with the movement of the winds and as I confusedly stared at them, Boss shouted:
"AHA! Here it is! Look, you two! Into the sword of this Redhead!"
I quickly then shifted my line of sight to the Flamberge of Roy and indeed…he did it.
The blade of Roy was engulfed with a faint tinge of crimson as he still raises the whole body of his sword in the sky. His core, now glowing with the same color, looked like it was in the verge of exploding into the ever-familiar crimson flames that he is accustomed to call upon.
Altogether, it was breathtaking.
"WAHAHAHA! Well done, Redhead! Why, you have a real and natural talent with your sword!" the Boss said with a congratulatory tone.
When he heard the cheery voice of Boss, Roy slowly opened his eyes, then return his Flamberge to its long scabbard.
"Really, Boss. I have a name. It is Roy…please do not call me alike to what Malthur here calls me!" Roy said tiredly.
"EH? But why do you not like it this way? I just thought that you love being called in that name since 'pale boy' here also calls you in the same fashion! Is it not so?" Boss replied with a confusion in his face.
"Absolutely not! I honestly despise it! So please, stop calling me in that name!" he rebutted annoyingly.
Out of nowhere, while watching the silly banter between the two, Malthur suddenly joined in:
"Well, if you do not want that calling, shall we just call you in the naming: 'Flemeroy Flinston Arsonstel' then?"
Hoi. Stop that. I can see the helplessness from his eyes over here.
"OH! Good idea, pale kid! How about it then, 'Flemeroy Flinston Arsonstel' shall we just call you, 'Flemeroy Flinston Arsonstel' instead?"
Not you too, Boss!
"NO! Please, no Boss!"
Wah. See? He looks mildly depressed now!
"Awww! Why are you frowning like that, 'Flemeroy Flinston Arsonstel'? We are just merely jesting!"
"Ah! Good touch, Boss! When we are addressing him in his full and noble name, we should also use the refined and educated tone of the nobles and royal blood! That way, we can sound like we are important people too!"
Really, you must stop. The both of you!
"AHEM. 'Tis a beautiful afternoon that we are having! Is it not that so, oh 'Flemeroy Flinston Arsonstel'? Why, can I offer you a pleasing cup of tea to ease your pressure from this hot, scathing afternoon? No? Perhaps giving you some heavy snacks might change your mind then, hmm?"
"OHO! Thou are the most caring one, pale lad! If I must be asking as well for my sake, could I also have the same heaping portion of thy feast for my stead? I hope that thou see that imparting knowledge for thee are a grueling task for a man like me! Why, I even have to give a watchful eye for you, all while also managing the whole village! Is my plea not that understandable?"
"…Ah, eh… well, of course, kind teacher! Offering you my sumptuous feast is not even comparable to the wisdom and knowledge that you are bestowing us, so help yourself! (Hey, Boss! Do not use those kind of words! I am not that proficient in uttering them!)"
Hey!
"Well, sir 'Flemeroy Flinston Arsonstel', are you perhaps waiting for the Heroes to come? Worry not! I shall do that tolling task in your stead while you are happily dining with the village Lord! Come oh, 'Flemeroy Flinston Arsonstel', have a seat!"
("Hey, kid! Addressing me as a 'lord is a bit too much! Just call me a-")
"ENOUGH!"
Well, it was nice knowing the both of you…
While these two idiots kept their charade running alike to an endless wagon in an unknown destination, Roy exploded in anger as we felt the same hotness in the atmosphere in the second time. We do not know what face he was wearing because he turned his back in front of us, but I can vividly sense that he has had enough of the ridiculousness from these two, helpless gits. When I managed to look in his lower side, I saw that his sword was instantly glowing in the color of crimson once again.
Wait…so he can do this, even without touching his sword?
Okay. I have to say, I am impressed.
"Eek!!! S-Sorry about that, Redhea-I mean Roy! Roy, I apologize! Come on, we are just joking around so drop that huge reserves of Essence in front of us!"
Noticing the air of threat in front of him that he felt from the angered Roy, Boss instantly prostrated in his expression. On his side however, Malthur just remained silent and kept staring at Roy.
Okay…I have to stop this before it goes into something else…
"ROY!" I loudly bellowed.
In an instant, the hot winds ceased in moving and the normal warmth of the air returned in exchange. The glowing tinge of crimson that was surrounding the scabbard of Roy swiftly dissipated, and just like that, everything returned into normal. Roy faced us with his normal face, then calmly said:
"Really, Boss. Do not tease me up like that. You too, Malthur!"
He smiled a bit, then walked away from them to gently sit down on the grass while drinking a portion of water from the Boss' pitcher.
Looking from this distance, I can fairly say that Roy managed to scare the Boss quite a lot.
Like I said, Roy is a lot of things. Resistance to teasing is not one of them.
When it comes to my own teasing, however…
"Hey, Boss! I want to do it again! I have an idea and I want to try it, so let us attempt in channeling it again!" suddenly, Malthur pressed the Boss to do the session for the second time.
Hmm…understandable. I would hate in consuming time without doing much progress so I want to finish this as soon as possible!
The both of us assumed in our position once again, and for the second time to redeem ourselves, we sighed heavily in order for us to easily enter the state of meditation.
…Calm down!
It is already two hours after our second attempt…
Malthur, in his own way, successfully managed to draw out his internal Essences in the core of his wooden sword.
While for my case…
Well, let me just state that I was too distracted after this Mal-git here started celebrating for his own.
"Argh. What is the matter, smitha? Why are you having a hard time with this?" he further added while I am struggling in front of him.
Please, send him away so that I can focus!
Come on, Astoria! Calm yourself! Why are you struggling at this point?!
I have already committed myself in doing those countless formations just to enter the state of calmness but for every thought of doing it, I just cannot bring myself in that state! I tried in shifting to that same formation alike to Roy's and it does not do anything good for me! Countless sighs and heavy breathing and for all of those, I can only feel that, it is as if, my pressured head is about to explode! I also tried to chase those thoughts away, but they just keep surging in every nook and cranny of my mind!
What is holding me back?
Pitiful! Utterly pitiful!
Here I am, determined to make a huge progress for myself in order to show for those people who doubt us that I have what it takes in becoming an 'ideal' Myrmidon, only to fall flatly on my own saddening failure!
A-Am I not a true Myrmidon after all?
That Crowhart…was he right all along and I was just too foolish to realize it early?
I…
Because of those saddening and heart-wrenching thoughts, even my sheer willpower became useless in holding down my inevitable tears from falling on my eyes.
"H-Hey! T-Tori? What is wrong? Why are you crying?" Roy worriedly shouted.
"Come on, smitha! No hard feelings for this training! Do not weep this early!" Malthur uncharacteristically bellowed afterwards.
I just cannot stop it. My frustrations, my thoughts, and most of all, my deepest and inner insecurities within myself suddenly resurrected despite telling them to stay dead for my sake.
Am I this helpless?
While weeping unrestrainedly, a soft hand suddenly patted my wailing head and when I peeked to meet the owner of it, I saw the gentle smile of Boss.
I gingerly opened my tearful eyes and saw the worried faces of my comrades.
Yeah…they look stupid but that is not the point.
Boss crotched lowly to meet my height and with kindness from his words, he softly said:
"Tell me Gilcram's kid, what is bugging on your mind at this very moment?"
…What is…bugging me?
Well, that is fairly obvious…
When I was about to answer my response in front of the Boss, he then swiftly shook his head and with a face of disappointment, he said:
"That is not what I am referring to."
…!
Can you read minds as well, Boss?
I…ah. I guess, it does not matter at this point.
I cleared my throat in order to utter the incoming thoughts in my inner mind. I quickly wiped my tears, then seriously faced Boss. When his gaze met mine, I asked him soberly:
"Tell me Boss, do I-… do we look like an ideal Myrmidon to you?"
Upon hearing my unexpected query, the Boss wore a face that clearly spells: 'what in the name of the forgotten Heroes are you talking about, kid?', then cleared his throat as well. After rummaging some words on his head shortly, he calmly gave his reply:
"Of course…not."
"ACK-!" x3
Ah… I see. So it is true, huh.
"Yet…"
"EH??!" x3
Boss! Do not scare us like that!
"What? You did not let me finish so let me repeat it!" the Boss overreacted in front of our own overreaction and when he cleared the silly expression from his face, he seriously continued:
"No…I do not think that you are Myrmidons at this very instant. But you know what? Perhaps, it is a good thing that you are not Myrmidons right away. Because you see…"
He peered closely on our faces then lowly said:
"Being a Myrmidon is a journey!"
…Is it? How so?
"Tell you what. When I was a novice like the three of you, I was reluctant in becoming a Myrmidon. I spent my precious effort and time in despising the position I was destined to become and before I even realized it, I was slowly becoming as an actual one- an ideal person that the Swordsfolk look up to. Well, it was fun at first, but then I asked myself that despite all of that, I still do not want to become a Myrmidon."
Oh…so that is the reason why…you became the village Boss.
Also…wait-
Are you underhandedly telling us the story of your past? Right at this very crucial moment of my existential crisis?!
"I recalled that in my younger days, life can offer you a branching passages to walk through. At the end of the day, you only have to select the road of your own preference and you must stay your course on it, in order to arrive in your destination. Well in my case, my life was a mixture of different roads- each varying into another, and I decided that, in the end, I must select the one that pleases me. Right now, you can see me- everything as myself! This is me! This is the path that I selected!"
…Right. I am so proud at you, my Boss.
But, can you skip on the part where you actually answer my query, please?
"You might be wondering why am I telling you this. Well actually, the answer for your question lies beneath yourself. Look at me, I was not even trying to be deemed as a Myrmidon, but the Swordsfolk loved my legacy as one of them! What more if I fully committed myself in becoming one? That is why, my point goes to the three of you!"
He stood up, walked around in circles while putting both of his hands on his back, then continued:
"When I saw the three of you push yourselves like that, I thought that your futures as Myrmidons are rest assured. I may not look it, but I have a very observant eyes and within the span of short days in watching you, it dawned on me that the faces of these three, determined nestlings were a reflection of myself…my past self, to be exact."
Yourself? Us?
"But Boss! We are not that even fat yet! How can you compare us to your body like that?" Malthur distastefully asked.
*SMACK*
"…What I mean about this is…while all of you were training daily in this village, the sight of your faces brought back those memories with me when I was just a trainee like you. The sheer push, the hunger, the excitement- all of them were throbbing into my very self when I was with my comrades! I will be honest that I only see a slightness of these characteristics from the three of you, but still! A motivation is still something for a Myrmidon's development!"
The Boss then returned in front of us after his unnecessary prancing and with a smile, he gently said:
"So Gilcram's kid, in order to answer your question, I do not think that the three of you are not that ideal yet to become a fully-pledged Myrmidon and like I said before, I personally think that it is better that way. Who knows? Perhaps FatherFate has more in store on your future, eh? So right now, do not worry on your image as an 'ideal' Myrmidon. Go to your own course of journey! Through it, you will finally realize that each path for a Myrmidon may lead you to a path of flat roads, some will be a path of raggedness, while others will be a path of ruin."
He then turned into me and while bringing his face much closer to me, as if to peek into my soul, he lowly added:
"Here is an advice: may it be Myrmidon-related or not, when it comes to a career, allow yourself to be immersed by it! That way, your work in your targeted career will not be a chore! Haha! Take it from me, I am having fun in educating the three of you since with this, I can secretly measure how stronger I am than the future generations of Myrmidons! Wahahaha!"
Wait- really?!
The Boss laughed happily in his words and when he realized that the three of us are now just staring at him coldly, he hurriedly excused himself out.
"That is it for my long and adult-sounding sermon! I still do not know what is your motivation for being a Myrmidon, but I whatever the reason, I shall give you my ever-growing support! Fufufufu!" he laughed heartily.
Before completely going out, I asked him:
"Excuse me Boss, can I still continue in this session?"
He stopped in his tracks then, without looking at me, he gave a nod of approval.
Alright! I have to do this!
I do not know how, but I will manage somehow!
I retrieved my sword that was lying in the ground for quite some time, and assumed in my calm position.
I tried to close my eyes for a moment and sigh to restart my concentration but-
"Hey you two, look. You can just go home early without me. I have to finish this and I decided that I will not go back to the city unless I successfully do this!" I annoyingly said to the two staring boys in front of me.
Unflinchingly, the two just kept looking at me, then Roy finally commented:
"Well count us in as well, Tori! Let us do this together!"
…Ah.
"…Suit yourself."
In the end, that is the only thing that I managed to muster.
I decided to walk away from them and with a determination from my footsteps, it finally dawned on me.
Really, Boss. Your sermon was so right on-time; it might have been an uncanny coincidence.
I just could not explain it but…as he was telling us his past, it gave me an idea of an image of how to be an ideal Myrmidon. Sure, he did not fully spell it out for me, but for some reason, I quickly understood the overlying implications from his words earlier.
Perhaps it was just me, but his words probed something, particularly about me.
While gripping the handle of my stick, my memory made me recall the question that I asked in front of these two boys who are still watching me from my back:
"What is your goal in becoming a Myrmidon?"
Back then, that question's sole purpose was merely for entertainment and to sate my curiosity towards them. However right now, this question became extremely substantial for me.
Argh. It was as if, the Boss saw right through me!
After walking shortly, I stopped my feet and faced the place of my meditation.
It was a small lake.
I entered its vicinity, took my sword and positioned its blade upward, then closed my eyes…
Really, I was too foolish to not realize it sooner.
I sighed heavily…
Then asked this question:
"Astoria, what is your reason for becoming a Myrmidon, despite hating swords?"
I…because…
I did not speak loudly into my mind, but I allowed my heart to speak my hidden and pure desires.
…
Out of the blue, I felt a fleeting surge of calmness on my body that for a second, it made me freeze in my posture. I let the tranquility flow into my senses and after experiencing it, I finally realized that I was sent into another state of surroundings.
Right now, without opening my eyes, I can say that I am not at Boss' training grounds anymore but in fact, in another plane of environment.
I gingerly opened my eyes.
I was not mistaken.
Right now, while still standing calmly, I saw my surroundings shift in the ever-familiar emptiness of the water plane- the vast, and empty ocean. I already saw this before on my recent days and being here for the second time, it did not shock me anymore.
I cannot manage to let myself be agitated right now.
Uncharacteristically for me, even if I was transported in a different environment, I kept my stance and still retained my concentration with the aid of my sword. I allowed the gentleness of the scenery to wrap my mind with it to aid me for my concentration.
The same breeziness, chillness, emptiness, and stillness of the waters- all of them aided me in my meditation.
Moments later, my senses alerted me for an incoming figure that slowly emerges in my front. I swiftly shifted my line of sight to the direction of the closing figure on my vicinity and afterwards, it showed its true self.
It was an image of a woman, clothed in a long, blue dress.
However, the back of my mind shouted my inner self that this woman is a familiar for me…
After all, this makes my third encounter with her.
"Excuse me, who are you?"
Since this particular lady loves to show in front of me in an inopportune moment of my life, I better use my time wisely and directly asks her why she loves to do this kind of habitual encounter.
…
However, the lady did not answer.
The same haze still covers her face, but I can see that her lips are slowly forming a small smile.
It left me puzzled as to why is she smiling like that, but seeing the lady in a joyful state even if I do not know her, made me joyful a bit too.
Abruptly afterwards, she turned her face into me and proceeded to walk away from me.
"W-Wait!!!" I hurriedly screamed in her back.
Despite calling her in a voice that sounds into a state of loneliness, the lady still kept in walking away until the haze swept her overall image that she disappeared.
Huh, bummer.
Perhaps…she is shy?
No matter, I feel like she will return to me soon…
Before completely closing my eyes once again for me to resume my meditation, I suddenly heard a soft voice from afar:
"Ni…ue…"
Huh?
I peered closely and made my hearing sharp.
"Nimue…"
Hah?