My heart swallowed, my soul now is hollow,
Conquered my body that did not borrow
Said, "We will ravish you 'till tomorrow."
Leaving my heart in thrill and pure sorrow.
Alas, that is me- my name is so narrow
Identity is nowhere, dark- shallow
Now, I appear for the next that'll follow-
Save me? Turn my blue soul into yellow.
So it says- the book that I was reading.
I have been immersing my curious mind with some of the important and knowledge-inducing manuscripts that I can find from the Magus library.
History, Arithmetic, Runes, Egisian Studies, and many more that I cannot begin to count how many time-sands I had spent in this library space.
But alas, for every golden apple that mankind can receive from a deity, there will always be a spoiled one- a useless and rotting apple.
I hurriedly closed the book I was reading and with a faint clap coming from every page of the book, I realized I was wearing an expression that belongs to a mild irritation upon reading some of those passage- a poetry, perhaps.
What a useless and nonsensical entry to a book, I thought.
Really, there are a lots of things that can be written from this gigantic and extremely vast world and yet, some imbeciles think that it is best to write first the inner workings of their mind than what is happening realistically outside of them! They would rather waste a lot of gold to write their emotions using an expensive ink and parchment than proclaim the breakthroughs and outbreaks in the modern society today, thanks to the Magus!
I cannot begin to comprehend the perceptions of others in this point of time, honestly. Even if I had the energy and empathy to do it so, reality will tell me first-hand that it is, in fact, otherwise.
Indeed.
In this life, knowledge is absolute.
Living without a well-educated brain is useless. It is best for a person who is not using their God-given knowledge and talents to bury themselves and never breathe again.
Emotions? Feelings? Sentiments? What utter nonsense!
Can a plebeian become a rich and well-respected man if they used emotions in this knowledge-led society? Will they be contributing to this world if they just blabbed about nonsensical topics about friendship and camaraderie?
No.
In this world, emotions will only prove futility and cowardice towards the advancement of all things- a blockade for the initial fate of humanity that is, to be perfect and victorious brought by their knowledge.
For those who live with their feelings first and wits second, they can just immediately eliminate themselves to this advanced society.
Or just die for all I care!
Ugh. Such foolishness. Utterly useless!
Just like… him.
He was led astray of the sightings in his original goal: to lead the empire. To provide the needs of his subjects, the cries of his citizens, and the holistic needs and interest of everyone.
He betrayed everybody. Just because of his so-called "Empathy."
Every night, when I am close and on the verge of my sleep, he would barge in my room with his loud and manly voice saying the words:
"How is my lovable imperial princess?"
I would just scoff at him and tell him to leave me alone since I have lectures tomorrow. He would tease and try to talk to me for a minute until I burst out from anger, causing him to be shocked.
Then, with a defeated sound and expression coming from him, he would swiftly give me a tight embrace and say:
"I will always love you, my imperial princess…" then he will leave.
I-I… still remember those times that even if I am pushing him away on every means necessary, he would just come back, more annoying than usual.
And per annoyance that he was causing me, the tighter the embrace he was giving me.
A warm and gentle embrace.
Those were the days where it came across in my mind to try on talking to him. I am young. Curiosity is running rampant on my head and just hearing his side might shed some light on his dubious and stupid ideology.
However…
Comparable on a lioness tumbling miserably in a puddle of water while preying on a young and nimble deer, I missed the opportunity on talking to him again.
Before I even knew it, on a one and life-changing day, I saw myself standing beside the imperial empress while wearing a conflicted expression.
"Due to the charges given to the accused as they were proved by the jury, I, Aevalith Lionia La Maga, by the power bested in me as the empress of Magus, now sentence you in a Reclusion Perpetua having the inability to speak!"
She, a woman of absolute power and authority, delivered her sentence to the accused as she raised a gigantic blade- a heritage and historical treasure of the empire.
Everyone in the jury roared in a manner of variance as he was there, looking terrified and held his head down amongst of the words of his empress. He may be looking terrified because of the sentence he was given to, but perhaps that is not the case.
He wore an expression as if something was forcefully taken from him- a part of his soul and whole being that originally belonged to him, now was brutally mutilated.
Maybe because he thought that those words were not coming from an empress of a mighty empire…
No, those were the words that came from his wife- a woman that he loved his entire life.
I did not know how to react nor contain this feeling I was having, after all, I was raised by the empress to not process my feelings accordingly.
But-
For the first time, unexplainable emotions busted right open in me that resulted in a cold and wet sensation I was feeling from both of my eyes.
Are these tears?
I did not mind. I do not care at all what emotion is this.
All I care is to let me reach out…
"PAPA!!!"
For the first time of my young, reclusive, and cold life, I called my father with a childish scream, tears slowly running in my face.
My voice was trembling. I could not believe that my whole body would react that way just because I uttered a one, simple word. A word that I was longing to say many years ago.
Before I even knew it, after hearing my exasperated breath from the heaviness of feeling I was experiencing, my trembling body moved on its own and tried to go near the vicinity of the man that comforted and checked on me every night…
I am his imperial princess, after all.
But with a quick halt, I was stopped.
Mother blocked my way by spreading her metallic right hand in front of me while saying:
"No, child. He is a traitor in the entire empire and therefore, he should be punished."
Mother's voice was unnaturally cold. Colder even comparable to her words as she was sentencing father in a lifetime imprisonment. Those were the words that did not belong in a loving woman anymore, but from a savage and cold empress.
When I heard her chilly voice, the same temperature laid in my left shoulder as I felt a metallic object touching it in my side.
I��� What…
My body stopped. My entire emotion that resulted in my childish crying came in a halt.
A-A traitor? Him? F-Father is a traitor?!
When I thought of a questionable possibility, I forcefully looked in the face of the person deemed as a traitor of the very land he was destined to rule. To my surprise, he was looking right at me with his usual face. When my gaze interacted with his own, he slowly wore a smile.
A fatherly smile. A warm, innocent, and reassuring smile…
…
I will never forget that face…
After that… I…
*GASP*
With a shock and complete halt in my thinking, I realized that I was reminiscing a past.
A past I would rather not speak of. An event in my childhood that I can compare into as a nightmare.
Before I even knew it, I saw droplets of tears in the table I was leaning on where I kept that poetry book.
Huh. That is what you are getting when you read books about emotions:
They only remind you of your scars.
I hurriedly stood up, reluctantly returned the poetry book in the shelf, praying I will not find it again, and sat down to get some fresh air in the veranda…
*SIGH*
Suddenly.
I heard a knock on the door.
I was waiting for a voice before I open it but unexpectedly, I saw a small parchment rolling below the aforementioned door.
Oh, a message.
From whom it might be?
I gingerly unraveled the parchment and read the passages.
Oh, mother wants to come and see me.
Hmmm, a ceremony? Of what kind? I do not even know that there are festivities in the empire.
Hmmm… got it.
Already? Heavens, mother is most impatient when it comes to announcements.
I hurriedly wore my azure attire- a long and bright gown for me to meet mother and carefully wore my tiara.
I guess, I will come now.
I hurriedly fixed myself and with a faint but audibly loud sound, I closed my door to meet the empress.