"So, any ideas, douchebag?"
"Me? I thought you were the war genius, missy."
"But this isn't a war, is it?"
Truly, it wasn't. Actually, far from it. From where we're standing, on the oval track of the Tsukuba Circuit in Ibaraki the situation was somewhat comical. Even for Elite members like us, not every day a really overweight demoniac dragon was found. He had a humanoid shape and was quite large and fat, causing his arms and legs to look much shorter than it should. The monster was also unable to stand on its feet. A tired fat thing sitting in the center of the land in the middle of a circuit in egg shape. His face, slightly similar to a reptilian, had swollen cheeks and gray scaly skin, the only thing resembling a dragon.
"Is he… sleeping? Tsc, frankly, if I knew this was the most legendary youkai, I'd have changed positions after three months of experience. On the other hand, I cannot just ignore this unique opportunity."
"Then why didn't you freeze and shatter him?"
"You think I haven't tried? This youkai's scales apparently have a magic wrapper preventing me from transforming him into an ice lolly. Anyway, he's only postponing the inevitable for anyone who crosses the Youkai slayer's way."
"Now you proudly talk about yourself in third person?"
"Uh, what an imprudent observation, dog. People do that sometimes, you know? I believe you're a little stressed out, Ulim, I'm gonna pet you."
Suddenly, Yuna's hands reached the back of my neck. Her fingers began to massage me through my thick fur. Quite therapeutic, even with the missy sitting on my back clenching my body with her strong legs.
"I particularly esteem dogs a lot."
"You mentioned it many times."
"But I enjoy reminding you, Fleas Kingdom."
That nickname…
"Contrary to humans, shinigamis, gods and youkais," she proceeded, "dogs are faithful and mates for life. They're also cute."
"I appreciate your kindness, but I'm a wolf. A Canis lupus. Of the Canine genus, of Canidae family, of carnivorous order, mammal class, of phylum chordate and animalia kingdom. Additionally, I'm an inugami. In other words, a shikigami. Going into details, a family member in a canine body, summoned to be my master's guardian and avenger and also summoner. So as a supernatural existence in this world, being called merely a DOG somehow disappointed me."
"I'm aware," she said. "But when I say dog, I mean you're a cute puppy."
"What?! You're just diminishing me more!"
"I'm kidding, my puppy."
She uttered those humiliating things in my concern while her fingers massaged my back following her words rhythm. The combination caused me to actually feel worse. Especially when I noticed the massage wasn't to make me relax but to flourish her injuries.
"Let's drop the jokes, missy. We have a problem to deal with."
"Well, you have a problem to solve. It's your mission after all."
"You butted into my mission and now it's half yours too, missy! Besides, this monster over there is a youkai, meaning, your department."
"Your department corresponds to my department, so you can work it out yourself."
"Are you planning on leaving me?!"
"Leaving isn't the right word. My idea is to sit by the track's edge and watch your effort to win a cookie."
"You know I don't eat cookies!"
"Oh, right... So, is it enough to pet your belly?"
"That's not the point here!" I shook my body and Yuna rocked on my back. "Let's take this situation seriously, as difficult it might be."
"Okay, Ulim." She settled on me. "And I formerly told you not to shake when I'm riding you. My perfect pair of breasts swings in an erotic way and that's awkward."
Did she say perfect breasts? Honestly, Yuna has ego disorders, which was nothing new for me.
"The dragon is still asleep," I said, ignoring the missy last comment. "If we get closer, do you think you're able to stab his skin with ice?"
"Possibly," she replied, finally taking it seriously. "I'll attempt to use a spear with maximum ice density. If I manage to trespass its scales, I can freeze it completely by touching the flesh."
"Are you sure?"
"No. This youkai may be immune to molecular changes or something."
"I wouldn't bet on that."
"Awesome. So, I'll follow your intuition." Yuna leaned forward grabbing the base of my neck as if I were her motorcycle. That's how I felt most of the time I went out with the missy on a mission. Not that I cared. Only Yuna earned this seat on my back. After all, besides my master she was the only one who could ride me.
"Thank you for your confidence, missy."
"You're very welcome, Fleas Kingdom. But enough chit-chat. You're such a blabber today."
Ignoring the Youkai slayer's sarcasm, I budged. Using a little of my overall speed surpassing the sound I raced with the missy on my back, running over two hundred miles an hour on the smooth Tsukuba Circuit's pavement. I exit the big corner, shooting down the starting line, gazing at the sleeping dragon.
As I surpassed the monster's line, I saw his back unprotected. Then I made a sharp curve at a very high-speed leaving a trail of blue light in the air. Obviously, I don't emanate my own light. It's that the missy attached two neon lanterns on the side of my rear thighs, precisely for the purpose of creating this effect with my propelling. She had watched Akira last week and was probably biased by it to perform a resemblance to Kaneda's motorcycle, emphasizing her fantasy about me being one.
Or maybe she just wanted to mock me.
It's the most probable, after all.
But this isn't relevant. When I turned sharply to the left, I fell off the track, now running across the land in the middle of the oval circuit. Once again, I turned left and Yuna lifted her right hand from my body, stretching her arm to the side generating an ice spear in the middle of her joined fingers.
Time to bring that youkai down and retreat to the Association. Straight to my well-deserved rest and…
"Cain, cain!"
I banged my muzzle against something.
An invisible force apparently surrounded the huge dragon and acted as a resistant repellent field. Not exactly an invisible wall, since it had no mass. If it did, the damage with the sudden impact at that speed I was at would crush my bone structure and it'd take a while for me to regenerate. What I felt was just a small shock on my muzzle that made me stop running and shake my head.
"You douchebag, why did you stop? What was it?"
"There's... something ahead of us. A repelling force, equivalent to a gravitational shield."
"Gravitational...?"
"Yes. Do you know what gravity is, missy?"
"Of course, I do, Fleas Kingdom. This attempt to mock me could've been more creative." And her arm wielding the ice spear amazingly motioned, striking the vacuum. As a result, the moment its ice tip reached the invisible force area her spear got pushed back, causing it to slide and dropped from Yuna's hand. The weapon in water solid state hit its rod in the dirt and crumbled into snow.
"Now you comprehend?" I barked
"It's pretty strange but it's really a type of gravitational field. Although I guess it's a controlled perimeter."
"With magic?"
"And what else do you do a controlled perimeter with?"
"Well, with coarse salt in the case of ghosts. And also, with garlic in the case of vampires."
"Hmm... true, you're right. You finally used your top head, huh."
"And you know I'm properly castrated! Hmph, what a rude comment."
"Ownt, I didn't mean to hurt you, puppy. Come here, I'll pet you…"
"You're just driving me angrier!" I objected. Then I let out three barks in the air, also in protest. And I snarled gazing at the miss on my back.
"No, no snarling! Bad Ulim, very bad!"
Even scolded, I reassured myself.
I huffed as I twisted my muzzle towards the dragon.
The missy had an annoying way of showing affection.
"What're we going to do now?" I asked. "Soon it'll be dawn and won't be long before someone bumps into this humongous dragon. Therefore, they'll contact Mythpool."
"You're right. To be honest, I'm surprised no one from the mythological police has shown up here. Not even the pedophile or his jealous partner."
"It's better this way. That irresponsible agent is the reason you're grounded, lonely and depressed in your room."
"Come on, Ulim, let's not talk about it, okay?" She brought her hands to my ears and began to massage its tips with her fingers. "I'm giving you this extra massage so you don't come back to this subject. As you're already gaining it, you cannot fail to fulfill your part in the deal."
"We didn't make a deal, missy, you decided that all by yourself. And I didn't intend to talk regarding what happened, I just made a brief reference, nothing more. Now, you can stop petting me, I'm trying to figure something out and this ecstatic feeling is distracting me."
"I've already seen a boy decipher an algebra question while enjoying a deep throat."
"What kind of situation did you put yourself into?!"
"Hey, no! No, no, no. I wasn't the girl, just the viewer."
"Someone needs to snatch the internet away from you, missy."
"Unfortunately, I contemplated it all live and in color."
"What do you mean?! Where was that?!"
"I don't remember exactly when, but I found myself bored and decided to walk around at dawn. In this residential area I was jumping silently over the house's roofs, when I finally landed on a balcony with large windows…"
"Wait, were you leaping from roof to roof and ended up on a balcony?"
"Specifically in that house I choose to jump onto the balcony, you douchebag, don't interrupt my chronicle."
Was she really excited to narrate that irrelevant story to me?
"Then," she continued. "As I landed hiding my presence, I observed through the glass and watched that scene. I should've ignored it and left, respecting the couple's privacy. But it's fun to see the boy writing crooked numbers in his notebook. Also, I was considering ways to earn money out of it.
"Did you intend to record the couple?!"
"Perhaps. We'll never know. At the time I didn't have a cell phone... oh, I remembered! It was during the World Cup. This explains why I was only wearing the Japanese National Team's jersey."
"And nothing underneath?!"
"Nothing, not a little thing. But it was a really long T-shirt, so I was covered up against perverted looks."
"Hey, you were fourteen at the time of the World Cup. That was two years ago. Did you already have your secret passage at AAA?"
"Absolutely, it took me forever to build it up but I finished it when I was thirteen."
"You've been running away at nights without underwear since you were thirteen?!"
"Hey! Bad Ulim! Don't use that tone. That was the only time I got out in those erotic conditions. I'm not an exhibitionist."
If I didn't know she behaved like that to draw attention and was fully aware of it, I'd probably pity her and advise my master to take her to some specialist.
"Listen, aren't we forgetting anything?"
"True, douchebag, the... dragon…"
After getting distracted again, when we drew our attention to the big youkai a few feet ahead both my body and Yuna's were covered by chills, leaving us speechless.
The dragon had awakened from its sleep.
And he was gazing at us over his shoulder.
"What the f...!"
It was impossible to finish my growl. Suddenly, with unbelievable resourcefulness, the great youkai tilted his body at the same time he stood up and lifted one leg in an arch kick. Just this sudden motion raised a wall of dust spiraling towards us. We were going to be swallowed up by the brown powder blow, just before the kick hit our bodies, comparable to a racket pounding a tennis ball.
Nonetheless, in about milliseconds to the dirt curtain merciless devouring us, time slowed down, as if that battle image was displayed in slow motion. And unfortunately, or fortunately that detailed movement view around us could only be seen by my canine eyes. An ace up my sleeve, my most remarkable skill. My physical and mental existence was above sound speed.
Anyway, obviously I couldn't freeze time and space. The dust wall kept on spreading and regardless of my speed advantage that curtain was very near, as well as the kick that created it. That way, even with the time difference, I had no time to lose. I turned my back on the monster and ran behind the dust wall, circling around the dragon and taking a safe distance.
The transitory change ceased. I slid on the ground with my body turned to the side of the youkai's back.
"Good boy, you won your cookie."
"We were clearly thrown as two insects and is that what you say?"
"But it's a way of gratitude, you douchebag."
"Whatever."
The out-of-shape dragon scanned out where we were when the dust settled, not aware of what's occurring. He again glanced over his shoulder, but this time he swirled at a speed considered acceptable for his size. His round eyes resembled those of a fish, and those same eyeballs angrily stared at us.
Besides the out of context appearance regarding his legend, that ravenous expression reminded us of who we're battling against; Yamata no Orochi.
A youkai that in the past could be defeated exclusively by a god.
"Did you come up with a plan, missy?"
"Indeed." Yuna hopped off my back, which made my body relax and to adjust the offhand seat she had propped on me. And then, she turned to the dragon, placing her hands on her hips;
"I'm gonna whack one of your eyes, dog. In order not to run the risk of a retaliation, it's best to nip the evil in the bud. His eyes are unprotected by the scaly skin, so I won't be surprised by it. And even if his flesh is immune to freezing, from one eye I can damage the brain.
"But what about the gravitational field?"
"Didn't you notice? It was undone when he budged to assault us. If the field surrounded him in an X distance radius, when he rose and stretched to perform his kick the repellent force would've found us long before the brown dust. Now that he's awake, no longer needs the controlled perimeter."
"Hmm... there must be some truth to that. But why does he keep waiting?"
"It's Sicilian Defense." Yuna took the hundred meters dash starting position. "Even though he's agile, he must be clumsy to directly charge. The best for him is to wait for his target to approach and strike."
"Like in a chess game?"
"Exactly."
Not equal to my speed of sound but the missy had sonic acceleration. Raising dust at the starting point, she fired in attack leaving a straight trail on the ground. When my eyes reached her Yuna was already in midair leaping against the youkai's face. A spear emerged in her hand, which was already propped over her shoulder to accomplish her finishing move. She would fall against the monster's face and sink her icy weapon into one of his eyes, in this case, the right one.
But the missy had to rearrange her strategy, as Orochi gave one step back, which itself was long enough to keep him out of danger. And so, the dragon set up its countermove. Not a kick like I thought it would be. The youkai opened up his mouth and Yuna knew what was coming. At the same time she saw a new opportunity. With no hesitation her arm comes down resembling a lever and the ice spear is thrown with magnificent precision against the creature's mouth.
And yet, the pitch was useless.
Yamata no Orochi expelled a ray of fire in the missy's direction. The same glimmer absorbed the ice spear heading to its owner. Inevitably, the next one would be Yuna, who could not dodge in midair. Under this circumstance, the Youkais slayer could only curl up and create an ice cocoon around her.
The ray of infernal flames ran over and devoured the sphere in the solid state of water, pushing it with its strength away on the field.
What fell from the fire trail was only Yuna's young body, which collapsed knocking her back on the ground.
"Guff! Guff!" And the dragon roared in victory to the sky.
"Missy!" My four paws dragged me quickly to Yuna's fallen body. "Are you ok, missy?!"
She slowly opened her eyes, re-introducing her pair of sapphires to me.
"Hi, puppy." She smiled.
"Tsc," she was fine after all. "Did the ice endure long enough?"
"Almost. At the last second, what saved me was my uniform."
23° Tokyo, was the model she wore. Her favorite. A long, red mystical basketball jersey made from mythological fabric as sturdy as gold and flexible enough to twist and stretch, converting into a sharp crimson spear.
"He thinks he beat you."
"Yeah, what helped me wake up was his shouting." Yuna raised her torso, sitting on the ground. She pointed a hand towards the youkai. Precisely to his stomach.
"What is...?"
My words were cut off by the great monster's choking sob some feet ahead of us. Apparently, he had something stuck in his throat. It reminded me of a cat close to spitting a hairball.
"Miss...?"
"Cool, huh? You probably wish to know what's going on."
"Of course."
"Well," she began, keeping her hand pointed at the youkai, "the initial strategy was to whack one of his eyes, but due to his reaction I reconsidered the target from the eye to his mouth. The end justifies the means, eventually."
"I got that, but he crumbled your ice spear."
"You douchebag, don't you think I thought of that?" The moment he opened up that sewer door I knew what he would do. So, I reinforced my spears core before firing it at the dragon. Regardless his fire beam shattered my weapon, I just needed to insert a piece of ice inside his body. That fragment was the core I reinforced. Although the spear melted on the way amongst flames, its core was tough enough to complete the path and invade the dragon's body.
In short, if the original idea was to hazard the monster's eyes, the missy was aware he was playing on the counteroffensive. She probably scrutinized him very well to anticipate his blast of fire. Yuna realized that even approaching his face the youkai couldn't hit her with arms, considering they were very short and fat and his legs were definitely out of question. Therefore, to play on the defense the dragon could only have one hidden move. And what do dragons usually do?
The Youkai slayer knew the monster was about to blow its blast of fire, so she forced him to do so. The end justifies the means, as she spoke. Her main goal was to rip the mystical youkai's skin, passing over its flesh in order to freeze it from the inside. The method she was using for this was irrelevant. Simply by crossing one of the monster's eyes or risking her life against a flash of blazes. To Yuna, 'what matters is the important thing.'
Yuna got what she craved for and Yamata no Orochi was being frozen from the inside out.
"Washu, you're a genius. Yes, yes, a genius." The missy had already stood up when made this reference to the Tenchi Universe.
The youkai, consecutively, was paralyzed with his mouth open and gazing up. In some spots on his immense body, patches of ice coated his gray scales. In theory, the dragon was supposed to be dead. Once again, Yuna would ride me and we'd rotate around, returning to AAA. Although, a creature that in the past could only be defeated by a god would not perish with a mere ice trick, no matter how ingenious.
When the Youkai slayer lowered her arm and propped her hands on the hips, joyful for her checkmate, she still didn't realize the Pyrrhic victory. In the next moment, the ice patches on the dragon skin began to melt. From ears and nostrils, white smoke began to leak as if inside that youkai was in a fervent fire. That's exactly what was happening.
From the creature's open mouth resembling an erupting volcano, a blast of fire was fired into the sky.
"Any new ideas, missy?"
"I wanna make it clear I imagined this could happen, but I thought improbable. Didn't know he could evoke fire regardless of his frozen brain."
"That means a magical reaction, not a mental one."
"Yes. It must be similar to my adaptable body temperature so that my perception is always the same. Of course, it simulates a much-improved version."
So, the beam of fire ceased then the dragon's mouth closed up. He resumed his body motions and twisted to us. The same mad gaze stared at us from head to toe. And mimicking a pressure cooker he blew smoke out of his nostrils and ears, emptying his post-fire interior and in a way, expressing his anger.
"You haven't come up with anything yet?"
"Don't pressure me, Fleas Kingdom. I wonder if the way might be destroying the brain instead of freezing it."
"And how do you intend to get near his head? If you try a leap, he'll dodge and spit fire. Even if you jump closer to the body he can swirl and whack you with one arm, he's got the dexterity to do so. At a distance we have more disadvantages."
"Ulim, you're only concerned with the problems, you douchebag. Think regarding the solution."
"What solution, missy?"
"Let's knock him down. If he's down, his head will be easily reachable. Such a fat thing won't be able to stand up easily and if he eventually does, my puppy is the fastest dog in the world."
"There's Nothing glorious when you talk like that!"
She didn't respond, just contentedly smiled and straddled my back, again.
"And how exactly are we managing to bring him down, missy?"
"Well, that's up to you. I forgot to warn you that you'll have a serious authorial participation in this plan."
"Wait, you left me with the tricky part."
"I have faith in you, Ulim. If you manage to do it, I'll give you the most expensive cookie in Japan."
"Tsc, you know I don't eat cookies."
Frankly, that missy was nonsense. Not satisfied with her teenage body weighing on me, she decided to throw the responsibility on my canine back as well. Suddenly, I felt the missy's outlined hips become heavier. No, I suppose it was just the pressure of bringing down a big, fat youkai."
"It's coming…"
"What?"
The dragon opened its mouth, again. It seems playing on the counterattack was no longer his strategy. The orange flames' glow signaled the arrival of a new fire flash. And my paws shuddered, ready to run from what was on the way.
"Don't worry." Yuna's voice reassured me. "Let him come."
"Are you out of your mind?"
"After suffering that full blast, I realized how dense the ice needs to be to withstand the stream of fire... and here it comes."
Opposite to the last time, Yamata no Orochi left no room for chit-chat. He spat out his blaze of flares, descending precisely towards us, bathing the dawn with its orange light. A few feet from us Yuna shifted her arm upwards, as if pulling the heavy top of an urn at once. With that, a little further in front of me a wall of white ice grew, crashing head-on with the blazes' lightning.
At first, when the fire collided with the wall and the heat wave hit us, I disbelieved the ice would withstand such a bonfire. But he bravely endured. Even with burning flames escaping its edges the wall remained steady and strong.
The streak of fire was dissipated by the youkai's desire and the wall was still in front of me. Although the side of direct fire was disfigured and melting, more than seventy percent of our ice shield was intact.
"Our turn, Ulim!"
"Got it "
The ice wall magically disintegrated into a group of icy butterflies flying against the dragon's face. In the next moment I sped, raising dust on the ground and racing against the great creature. While the butterflies tormented him up there, I approached from below, elaborating a way to take the youkai down.
And not complicated as I thought it would be. As I approached Its legs, still at a safe distance I broke the sequence, rotating right and forming a circle movement around the monster.
Increasing my speed to four hundred kilometers an hour, the only thing the dragon recognized was a large dust trail constantly circulating him.
Yamata no Orochi got rid of the butterflies. His eyes focused on the dust circle that surrounded him, as if watching a very annoying bug. He masterfully calculated the right time to deliver his kick against the missy and me. Even so, this is what I hoped to attract him into my trap.
To the dragon's kick, I broke the sound barrier. My existence was on a supersonic level. In slow motion it was possible to see the youkai's leg coming like a heavy pendulum in my direction. But I didn't have time to look at the details of a dragon's paw. I went on with my circular motion quickly propelling to the side of the creature's supporting leg. The rest was simple. I circled around pointing my muzzle at the leg, and then barked.
A super bark.
A sound firing, loud enough to bring down a helicopter.
As a result, while I sped normally again the first step of Yuna's scheme worked.
Yamata no Orochi was defeated.
Considering this, I'll abstain from the details but the miss crossed the youkai skull with the 23° Tokyo in its spear form. However, it didn't put an end into the dragon's life.
I guess that in order to understand a little bit better about o the case, I'll have to go back a few hours in history and tell what led the youkai slayer and a pack leader to face a legendary youkai on an auto racing circuit. Therefore, I'll rewind to the moment when I got back from my failed pursuit for the Untouchable Killer.