Casting her eyes down the narrow hallway, Selina's feet weighed thousands of pounds as she dragged herself to the living room. Her eyelashes fluttered and eyes squinted in dismay. With her body leaning against the baby blue wall, she listened to the rest of the conversation Katrina Gu was having. Her graven complexion couldn't get any paler.
"Don't worry, Selina wouldn't think it was me who leaked the budget price to you. She would never trace back to me and even if she does, so what? It's not like she would do anything to me. She always listened to me and considered me before herself. She'll forget about it sooner or later. Shirley, you don't have to worry. My mouth is seal closed for you."
Covering her mouth, Selina desperately wandered her eyes back and forth as she failed to catch fresh air. From the clear angle she was standing, she caught the disdain pouring gaze as Katrina mentioned her name. She silently listened while limiting the sobs she wanted to rage out.
Katrina smiled, "As long as you want something and I could provide for you, I will do it. If Selina listened to my advice and left Peter because of our status differences, we wouldn't have to make this move. This is all her fault. It doesn't matter when she finds out later on. She's just a chess piece to me."
Unlike the pain from the sharp tip of the blade and waves of needlepoint sensation that tortured her in the car; Katrina's words were invisible flames roasting her innards. It was pain exceeding boiling water on bare skin; the burn only continued blasting to a whole new level. Her knees weakened and stumbled to the floor. The loud thud instantly alerted Katrina, draining colors from her face.
She hung up the call and stuttered when she saw Selina on the floor. "S..Selina, you're back. Didn't you say you weren't coming back for dinner?" For once, Selina felt her tongue tangled. She didn't know what she should say to this woman she called "mother."
Those words she said were worse than pouring acid to her heart. Selina shook her head slightly as her body lost its strength to maintain a slouching position. Recalling the cold, raw metal tip against her chest from earlier, she really wished Peter had dug deeper while her body was feeling numb. This way, the numbness would take away the excruciating pain of his accusations and the many lies her mother hid from her.
Tears had dried as it surfed in her eyes without falling. Selina pointed to the ugly wound where her broken skin had turned dark red. "Do you know who made this hole here?" Katrina didn't dare answer.
"You did. Did you know what I felt when the blade sat precariously against my skin before Peter forced it out of my flesh? I really wished the piercing strike he gave me would penetrate through my heart! So... I wouldn't have to come home to find out that my mother was behind all this!"
"D..Daughter.. It's not like this. Listen to me..Listen to mom..." Katrina's words were overpowered by Selina's instantly. With her bloody hands, Selina covered her ears and screamed out petrifying cries. All her sufferings and agony were all shouted uncontrollably.
Her chest heaved up and down rapidly. She stepped backwards as she continued moving her head to and fro sideways. "Daughter? Have you ever once treated me as your daughter? Did you know how much I've wanted to hear you call me that since young? I've always worked my hardest to impress you, but you never looked at me. That was fine because I always told myself it was because I haven't done well enough."
"Whenever you shoved me out of your sight, I repeatedly told myself you were tired from work. I told myself I needed to be an honest, hardworking person like you and earn lots of money to repay you. Maybe then, you would spare a few more seconds of attention on me. Perhaps you would smile, pat my head and tell me that I did a good job."
She stared lifelessly into Katrina's frightened pair of brown eyes like a bottomless pit; so deep with nothing but darkness. Her inner peace has been disturbed tremendously and there was no way to settle it. With quivered lips, she forced herself to say the rest of her words.
"The person I loved and was ready to spend my life with... had never believed in me. Instead, he hurt me. The person I respected and cherished never appreciated me. Instead, she stabbed my back and betrayed me. And this heart of mine only contributed and suffered. Now, it's too tired to fix itself. If none of you could keep your words nor commitments, then why bother having me in the first place?"
"Are you still human? Are you still made of flesh and blood? How could you deliberately cause other harm, yet feel happy? And you, if you never wanted me in the first place, then why give birth to me? You should have killed me when I was born or given me up for abortion. Right now, I don't want anything anymore."
Turning around slowly, the blood from her hand left faded trails of blood on the wall. Katrina tried stopping her from leaving, but her touch was immediately flung away by Selina's arms. "Don't call me your daughter. I don't have a mother nor a fiancé. All of these things hurt so much that I'm withering to ashes inside out. I'm already drained. Let me be. Please.."
"If you can't take responsibility for me, then don't give me hope. Hope is the worst desires to break. Once I'm hopeful, I would expect for more...but this type of more was nonexistent to begin with. I'm tired..Very tired..I don't want to play this game with you anymore."
Selina walked like a corpse with no sense of direction and desire to live. Snapping back to reality, Katrina wiped away her tears and ran after her. She banged against the driver seat window. "Selina! Where are you going? Where are you going?! Get out of the car!"
Glancing coldly to the window side, Selina forced a smile. "To be a filial child and quit this chess game of yours. Without this chess piece, you can do what you like with no interruptions."