I wake up to find myself in my crib. at first am confused, but then I remembered what happened. The guilt comes rushing back, my baby brain not being able to handle the flood of emotions, and I start crying. How could I do that!?
One thing that is a constant through my old life is I am a strict Pacifist. I never hurt others physically. sure maybe when I was younger and was a little monster (I still remember all those stories mom yelled me), but by the time I moved away from my old Dad, I was set on never harming another person.
I feel my body being picked up, and I hold back my tears for a second. looking up I see my new mother, Chi-Chi, the same mother I hurt. I lose control again, and start wailing. If I wasn't an infant again, I may be able to control myself. But right now I have the body of a 5 month old.
I hear my mother comforting me, her soft voice helping calm me a bit.
Chi-Chi: "It's okay sweetheart, I know you didn't mean it"
But at this point I was wallowing in self loathing, only thinking about how kind the mother I hurt was. I always cared for family. Family was the only thing I could truly trust to he their for me in my old life. I had basically no close friends through out my life. I maybe had a few normal friends, but those were few.
despite how weird our family was, we all cared for one another, at least I think we do. Point is, Family is the most important thing in the world to me, and I hurt one of my family members, not just a family member, but my own mother!
I was closest with my mother in my old life. She was always there, no matter what. I'm not going to lie and say that most of those feelings haven't transfered to Chi-Chi. I am in a babies body, and my brain does have control over my thinking, my personality.
despite me keeping most of my original self intact, I have changed greatly. You can't just cram the mind of an 18 year old into a baby and expect it to go smoothly, and if that ROB knew this, he didn't do anything to help.
as such, I used the emotional Ties of my past life as a way to ground myself. my emotion connection to Tom, who is basically my father in all but blood, have transferred over to Goku, while my mother's emotional ties, have been transferred to Chi-Chi
So it would he like I seriously hurt my original mother, who was the most important person in the world to me, and my baby brain just can't cope. The only reason my hidden powers don't react to my emotional distress, is that due to the trauma of hurting my mother, my baby brain subconsciously locked it away due to fear.
I cry for a couple hours, in which my Mother was their for me the whole time. despite what I think about myself, their is no denying I have a fragile heart. I have always cared to deeply for the things I cared about, and my Semi Sheltered lifestyle from my previous life cause me to be fairly fainthearted ( I only learned what sex was when I was 15. I had to figure out how sex worked myself).
needless to say, when I feel emotions, I feel them HARD. At least with my old self, I had adapted to it all my life so I had a good handle on my emotions. But now with my undeveloped brain, I don't have that emotional control.
When I wake up, I had let out ally emotions before, although I still feel incredibly guilty for what happened. For the next week I eat only when needed, and barely play with my brother or parents. That is until my parents (Chi-Chi), basically force me and Gohan into a room together.
I tried to stay away from Gohan, fearing I may hurt him to. i regret asking for the potential of Gohan, as without that, I doubt I could have this power. That is until Gohan picked of a building block and gave me to most heartbreaking look you can imagine.
my resolve breaks, and I start to play with my brother. soon he starts to be happy, and that makes me happy. for the next month, Gohan and to a lesser extent my parents helped me out of my sadness and guilt. But I was still deeply afraid of my power, that didn't change.
the following month, I was torn between trying to figure out how to harness Ki, or just ignoring the problem. I mean I don't NEED to be powerful. look at the canon, I don't exist and everything turns out fine. of course these were just excuses so I wouldn't have to try to use my powers. I feared if I start going into martial arts and Ki, I might get closer to my power.
I didn't necessarily fear Ki, or the power that Dad and the Z fighters used, I feared MY power. I feared what would happen if I lost control. who could I hurt? could someone die? My fear lead to me not starting my training early, something I would regret for a long time to come.