I caught myself staring blankly at a filthy dog which pounced into a nearby trash can where I stood. For the last five years, I was nowhere near success. Stagnant – this is how I saw myself after a long time. I smirked as the dog successfully found a piece of meat from a red plastic bag. It was almost three in the morning, and we were just in Tabugon, Camarines Norte.
"Is everyone here?"
The bus conductor went looking out for possible passengers still out somewhere. His voice held my attention. I puffed my cigarette one last time, threw it towards the murky dog after. As I sat down in the bus, the old woman, who was beside me during the trip, looked at me hazily. Realizing that I still smelled Marlboro Blue, I immediately took out a small bottle of alcohol from my pocket and coated myself with its essence.
While underway, I slowly fell asleep to Eminem's "Lucky You." Yes, I know what you're thinking. How can someone slumber while listening to a Hip-hop song? Well, that's just me – Not-your-typical kind of guy. Rap songs made more sense to me, especially the uncanny ones.
Was everything worth it? All the toils, the stresses, the drudgeries. I had more downfalls than feats. These things blustered my peace over and over. By far, my existence was all about the ceaseless questions of what ifs. I looked outside the window as the bus passed by series of huge, concrete houses.
"I want one of those." I whispered.
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"How was the trip?" Angel said as I called her onset of Naga City.
"I'll be there soon. I miss you," I replied.
"OK."
Giddy and tired, I decided to drop by the Smoking Area. The feeling was wistful as I looked around the terminal.
"Nothing has changed," I simpered.
My phone buzzed as I was about to finish my first stick. My best friend, Bryan, was calling. I was about to hit on the answer button when a familiar voice poked me.
"Pat, is that you?"
I almost choked when I saw the guy who called me.
"The heck? CJ?"
CJ punched me on my chest. He was surprised that I was home. I really intended not to tell anyone about my homecoming. Well, all I wanted was a discreet comeback – to say the least.
"Fuck you! For not informing us ahead of time. It's as if we're not best friends. But, man. I'm glad to see you again."
Circle of friends really vary for some. As for me, I have two: my high school circle and college circle. You may be wondering why I haven't built any concrete friendship the fact that I lived in Manila for a long time. Honestly, I met almost every type of personality when I was in the BPO industry. Consequently, I learned how to mask my emotions and not express myself too much.
"Why did you come back here, anyway?"
"I'll go back to school, Bro. I'm sorry I kept this a private shit. It's just…"
"Here, take one." – CJ handed me a stick upon realizing I already consumed my pack.
The smoke I huffed brought me to my zone again.
"Man, this fucking cig is lit."
"I got that from a friend abroad. It's an international brand," CJ bragged.
"Well. As I was saying, I really wanted to keep this thing private because I don't want anyone to try and intervene with my decisions."
He knew what I was talking about. Ever since, my decisions had always been influenced by the people around me. I was too egoistic – never wanted my image to faze along with my reputation. CJ was one of the people who witnessed how time tested my firmness. At the same time, he was one of the few who stayed with me as I fought for my sane.
"Will you make it this time? Oh, fuck that. You will."
"Hope so," I sighed.
"You will. You're Patrick fucking Prado! You can do everything."
"Man, you better stop before I smack the shit out of you. HA-HA-HA!"
CJ and I parted ways after a couple more jests.
I was never a fan of coincidences, and I didn't really consider this as such. As I rode a van to Iriga City, where my girlfriend is confined, I recalled how CJ's career took off in Manila. In 2019, he was in his worst. As troubled as he was, I extended a helping hand – I helped him land a job while funding his daily expenses.
He realized his initial employment with one of the biggest BPO companies in Mandaluyong City. Until he was able to somehow make things up for his family. We lived in the same apartment, smoked in the same room, played in the same area. We were brothers, even before.
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Two huge needles were impaled on Angel's right hand. She was diagnosed with Lupus. We were so devastated when we learned about her condition.
Lupus is a long-term autoimmune disease in which the body's immune system becomes hyperactive and attacks normal, healthy tissue. Moreover, its symptoms include inflammation, swelling and damage to the joints, skin, kidneys, blood, heart and lungs.
I felt the uneasiness in her eyes. She was in pain, definitely.