Wednesday, March 10. It was officially the day before the cultural festival, and the moods of the students were all over the place. A lot of them were excited about the event, looking forward to showcasing their ideas and efforts, but some of course were nervous. A few worried if they'd succeed in the festival, while a few others were trying to get everything to be perfect before the big day.
Regardless of their moods, most of the students were just happy that the festival was almost here. Plenty of them were enjoying wrapping up their preparations and getting ready to just enjoy themselves. Unfortunately, there was one class that wasn't among them.
"Endo-san, you missed your cue AGAIN!" Akitsuki shrieked. "What cue?! I'm not even in this scene for two more lines!" Haruna shouted back from the stage. Currently, the members of Haruna, Chiyo and Hinami's class were in the gym, using the stage in the back. The area itself was plenty spacious, with typical thick walls and a really high ceiling making up the dimensions. As the class practiced, volunteers were helping to set up chairs for the future audience. While they did, they occasionally looked up at the chaos on stage and found their worries about the show's success continuously increasing.
"One more time! And Endo-san, come in when you're supposed to!" Akitsuki commanded. "I am you idiot," she mumbled as she trudged back to the right wing of the stage. "Don't worry about it Haru-chi. You'll get it this time!" Chiyo offered enthusiastically. "Yeah, sure…" Haruna muttered. Just one look at her was enough to see how exhausted she was.
For the past several weeks, the class had been practicing morning and night in order to make the play a success. Being in one of the main roles, the time demanded of Haruna had been even greater than most. It felt like the only thing she had done for weeks now was practice, and because of that, she was beginning to wear quite thin.
"This is scandalous! Where's Holden?! Get him in here now!"
"Y-Yes sir!"
…
"He's not at his desk!"
"Then check outside!"
…
…
"ENDO-SAN!!" Akitsuki screamed. "THAT'S. YOUR. CUE!!!" "It shows two more lines before I come in!" Haruna shouted back. "We cut those two days ago! You should know that!" Akituski yelled back. In Haruna's hand, the grip on her script tightened. "No, I shouldn't know that, because two days ago you made me go practice separately with Chiyo!" "We told you later!" Akitsuki shouted. "No you didn't!" Haruna protested.
Haruna Endo possessed very little remaining patience. In the last several weeks, she had listened to Akitsuki's overbearing directing. She had practiced like she was supposed to, she put in the effort to memorize her lines early, and she had even gone to the theater club for advice. Now, one might wonder why someone who didn't care about the play would go to such lengths. For Haruna, there were two reasons. The first was that she didn't want to make a fool of herself on stage, because she knew she'd never live it down. The second was that on the chance that Kanako came to see the play, Haruna wanted to look good for her. Perhaps they were simple and basic reasons, but it was enough to keep Haruna motivated.
However, simple motivation can only carry you so far, and Haruna was finding that out quickly. Replacing her drive was annoyance and exhaustion, and with each successive comment that came out of Akitsuki's mouth, Haruna got closer and closer to snapping.
"Just breathe Haru-chi. If ya don't, I'm pretty sure that vein on your forehead will totally pop," Chiyo said. Taking in a deep breath, Haruna let it out. "I'm already trying to damn hard as it, even when I don't want to do this. What more does she want from me?" Haruna grumbled. "I gotta admit, I'm gettin' pretty tired of Akitsuki too," Chiyo said quietly. "But she's supposed to be the director, so it's not like we can ignore her." "Can't you just lecture her again?" Haruna asked. "Nope," Chiyo said instantly. "Really, what she's been saying isn't wrong. She just sucks at actually saying it." "You realize that doesn't make things any better don't you?" Haruna pointed out.
After finishing a short break, the class went back to practicing. This was their full-day rehearsal, so they didn't have time to relax for long. It had also taken until the day before for the set and all of the costumes to be done, so time was of the essence. By tomorrow, the stage would be filled with all sorts of things and performances, so this was their only chance to do a complete run-through with all of their stuff.
"We're starting at the beginning of Act 2!" Akitsuki announced. With much less pep than the participants had started with, they got into their positions. Once they were set, Akitsuki signaled for them to start… and that was when Haruna had had enough.
The scene started fine. Everyone was saying the correct lines and hitting their cues. Thanks to that break earlier, it seemed like even Haruna had settled down a bit. As they neared the end of the scene though, that was when things started to go wrong. Thanks to how tired everybody was, a couple of people screwed up their lines. If that wasn't bad enough, a spotlight also ended up misplaced and mistimed. Falling into the litany of mistakes as well was Haruna, who naturally was targeted by Akitsuki.
"How did you mess up that part of all things? It's one of the easiest lines you have!" Akitsuki yelled. "Why're you yelling at me when I'm not the only one who screwed up?" Haruna shot back. "You're one of the stars! You have to be perfect!" Akitsuki screamed. "That's it…" Haruna muttered. "I'VE HAD IT!" And with that declaration, Haruna stormed out of the gymnasium.
*****
"Be perfect, don't make mistakes, get it right. What does she think I am, a damn robot?" Haruna muttered angrily. She had ended up sitting outside on a set of steps at the gym entryway. Following the path ahead of her would take her straight back into the main school building. "...If it's going to be like that all day, maybe I should just quit and go to class," Haruna thought, but she quickly gave up on the idea. "No, I can't do that. It's not like everyone is yelling at me, it's just Akitsuki-san. Besides, if I quit now, I know I'd hate myself for it forever."
Of course, that did little to fix her current dilemma. Her problems with Akitsuki were already bad enough, but it wasn't like she was the only one feeling high-strung. Arguments kept breaking out all over the place thanks to the tension being so high. So, between the great director's constant yelling and the gym feeling more like a powder keg about to explode, Haruna had to get out of there. "But it's not like I can stay gone…" she thought.
Practice had to resume, and it obviously couldn't without one of the main stars. "Haaah… I really wish I could just keep sitting here sulking though…" Haruna thought. Despite her knowing she needed to go back, she continued to sit on the stairs. Being nearly mid-March in Hokkaido, the air outside was still fairly cold, but the worst of winter had passed as spring was beginning to approach.
"It's almost spring, huh…" Haruna thought idly. Looking back, she realized just how much had happened since the start of her second year. "It feels like time has both flown by and gone by really slowly,"
At the beginning of the year, she had loved Akio and hated Kanako. She had never given any thought to girls dating other girls. She could still snowboard and run as much as she wanted. And now, nearly a full year later, so much had changed. Haruna was in love with Kanako, another girl. She wasn't sure if she hated Akio, but her feelings toward him were definitely not positive. She had lost her club, but little by little, she was learning to be okay with that.
If someone had told Haruna that in one year, all of this and more would happen, she would've both laughed in their face and told them they were an idiot. Imagining her old self making up with Kanako was already hard enough to picture, but falling in love with her? That would've seemed beyond the realm of possibility. And yet, somehow, it had happened. Haruna had faced her past, and through that, she had been able to look at Kanako in a light she never had before.
During last year's summer festival, as Haruna had watched the fireworks together with Kanako, she had realized she had fallen for the girl. At the time, it had been a realization that had shaken her to her core. What was she supposed to do with feelings like that? How was she supposed to process them? Back then, not a lot of it had made sense. But, once Haruna had gotten her feelings sorted out, she had charged ahead, determined to get Kanako to look at her instead of Akio.
Unfortunately, the universe wasn't kind. Akio made himself into a bonafide rival, and it had felt like no matter what Haruna tried, she could never take the lead from him. Then, upon hearing that Kanako would go out with Akio, Haruna hadn't been able to hold back her feelings any longer. She had screamed her confession to Kanako in the classroom, letting her raw emotions take over.
An awkwardness formed, but slowly, the two girls managed to find a precarious balance. But even with that balance found, Haruna wasn't able to take any comfort in it. Instead, due to her fear of hearing Kanako's answer, she began to see things that weren't there. She started to believe a distance was forming between them, and she convinced herself Kanako would reject her. On Christmas Day, when the time for the girl's answer finally arrived, Haruna had put a stop to it, saying that she was too afraid to hear Kanako's response, then ran away.
And now, Haruna didn't know what to think. Based on Kanako's aggressiveness since the start of the new year and what happened on Valentine's Day, Haruna was starting to think that maybe the possibility of Kanako feeling the same way wasn't as low as she had thought. But, with that potential newfound hope came another wave of emotion to confront.
If Kanako really was in love with her, then wouldn't that make Haruna a terrible person? She had thought there was distance between them when it had just been her. She had been afraid to hear Kanako's answer. She had avoided Kanako as much as possible. Then there was the worst of it, Christmas Day.
"If… if she really was going to say yes, then… I'd be an absolutely awful person for cutting her off like that," Haruna thought. "After everything I've done to her recently, and everything I did to her in the past… do I really deserve to be with her?"
Regret flooded Haruna. In an attempt to begin to make up for her actions, she had started to pick up Kanako again in the mornings, but that had been short-lived thanks to play practice. Other than that, she had hardly made an effort at all. Part of that was because of how busy she had become, but Haruna couldn't shake the feeling that it was also because her own regret kept her from reaching out.
Did she really have any right to accept Kanako's feelings? Her recent actions told her no, and her past strongly backed that belief. And yet… and yet… for as much as Haruna wanted to deny herself, she knew there was no way she could ever turn away from the feelings in her heart. She loved Kanako. She was in love with Kanako. Those feelings, the love that she had found, was stronger than anything she had ever felt before. It drove her. It made her crazy. Most of all, it threatened to overwhelm her.
No matter how much regret she may have, Haruna knew it would never measure up to her feelings for Kanako. That love could never be surpassed, of that Haruna was certain. But, for as strong as it was, that didn't mean it was impossible to slow it down. The regret that Haruna had gained felt like a ball and chain trying to keep her in place. For as much as she reached out, a weight kept her from going further.
And thus, she was stuck. She wanted to go after Kanako, but her past fear, her past actions, and her current regret all were trying to keep her locked in place. She wanted to deny them, to say none of that mattered and to shake it all off… but she couldn't. To a degree, she allowed those weights to keep her in one place, because a part of her believed it was what she deserved.
Falling in love with a girl she used to insult, berate, and attack almost daily? It was almost laughable. The universe was cruel, and most certainly had a sick sense of humor. If Haruna deigned to fall for a girl she once called her enemy, then the universe saw fit to make that love unattainable. It would do everything in its power to keep Haruna from ever being with Kanako.
Or, maybe that was a ridiculous notion. It wasn't as if the universe was sentient, and even if it was, would it really care about one random girl's love life? Most likely not. More likely, it was just another projection. Haruna was looking for anything other than herself to blame for her current situation, but no matter where she looked, the only thing she found was herself.
"Universes and psychology… What about am I even thinking about anymore?" Haruna wondered. She stared up at the sky, which showed her nothing but grey clouds. "I guess it's fitting for the mood I'm in…" she mumbled to herself.
Suddenly, the door opened behind her, and Haruna immediately heard a sound. "B-Brrrr!" a girl squealed. "I-It's so c-cold out here…" "Huh? Hinami-chan?" Haruna said, surprised to see the girl that claimed to be her "Number One Fan." With her uniform blowing slightly in the wind, along with her black, bob-cut hair, she looked at Haruna. "H-Hi Endo-san. I-I was told to come find you," she explained. "Did Chiyo send you?" Haruna asked. "Y-Yes! H-How did you k-know that?" Hinami asked. "I just know her," Haruna said, not giving much of an explanation. Really, the truth was that Chiyo had been trying to put out fires all day. She was the only one managing to keep a level head, so when people started arguing, she would dash over to try to get them to calm down. Considering she was busy with that, it made sense to Haruna that Chiyo would send Hinami, someone familiar with her.
As for Hinami's role in the play, she was a stagehand. At first, someone had asked her to be an actor, but she had given a resounding no, insisting it would be a terrible idea to put her on stage. So instead, they made her help with the set and occasionally costumes because she could sew.
"So what? They're all freaking out about where their star went?" Haruna said sarcastically. "W-Well, no, actually…" Hinami said. "A-A lot of them are actually happy, b-because you being gone gives everyone a l-longer break…" "Figures," Haruna muttered. She didn't really care that they weren't all that worried, but it did irk her a bit to know that they just viewed her absence as an excuse to slack off.
"E-Endo-san, u-um…" Hinami sputtered. "I-Is something wrong? Y-You seem… worried a-about something." "Is it that obvious?" Haruna asked, turning away. "I-It could just be that I pay a lot of a-attention to you, b-because I'm your biggest f-fan," Hinami said. When Haruna remained silent, Hinami decided to take a seat next to her.
"I-I'm your fan," she said, breaking the silence. "B-But, I'm also your f-friend, so when something is bothering you, I-I want to help, i-if I can…" For a moment, Haruna turned to look at Hinami before returning to staring straight ahead. Finally, after several more moments of silence, she spoke.
"...Hey, Hinami-chan," she began. "Have you ever done something, and then something good happened in your life, but because of that thing you did, you felt like you shouldn't have that good thing?" "U-Um…" Hinami let out, her confusion evident. "Sorry, I know that didn't really make sense," Haruna said. "Maybe a better way of putting it is to ask if you ever felt like your past screwed up your future."
Hinami was quiet while she thought. "...Y-You know, my father said something to me once back in middle school. Back then, I-I was really worried about high school because in middle school, I-I only had one friend and was r-really shy. I was afraid I'd end up all a-alone in high school. I-I was beginning to feel like I had messed something up, to end up with only o-one friend and such a weak personality. I-I thought about it a lot, and finally, I went to my father about it. H-He told me that in his life, he's made a lot of mistakes. M-More than he could count was how he described it. But, he also said that if s-someone ever gave him the chance to do them over, h-he'd make the same mistakes again." "Isn't that a waste? He has the chance to fix things he messed up before," Haruna said, but Hinami just shook her head slowly, giving a soft smile. "I-I said the same thing to him. But you know what he told me?"
"The past shapes who you are in the present, mistakes and all. So learn from it. Accept it. But, don't ever regret it or let it define you."
"That's… quite the statement," Haruna said. "Y-Yeah, my father is like that sometimes. B-But, I think it's good advice," Hinami said. "Yeah…" Haruna said quietly. If nothing else, that advice certainly made her think. There was a certain amount of truth to it. Without her past experiences, Haruna doubted she'd be the same person. But, had she learned anything from it or accepted it? Considering her regret, the answer to that question was definitely a no.
Haruna kept dwelling on the past, but perhaps the better thing to look at was who she was now. Was she the girl that was Kanako's childhood friend? Was she the girl that pushed Kanako around? Or was she the girl that was head-over-heels in love with Kanako?
When pairing those questions with the advice of Hinami's father, Haruna felt stupid for even wondering. Obviously, the answer was all three, just mixed together. That was something she had to accept. If she could, she was sure her worries would finally be laid to rest. Her past, her actions, who she had been and who she was now all needed to be accepted.
The past was the past, and no amount of sulking or regretting would change that. With her head feeling a little clearer now, that was something Haruna felt she understood. However, there still remained a difference between understanding and doing. Accepting her past would be difficult. Laying her regret to rest was equal to trying to cut the chain on the ball and chain weighing her down with a pair of scissors. Regardless of the difficulty though, at least Haruna finally felt like she had a way out of her pool of doubt, regret and uncertainty.
"Thanks Hinami-chan," Haruna said with a small smile. "O-Oh, sure! H-Happy to help!" Hinami said excitedly. Standing up, she brushed off the backside of her skirt. "L-Let's go back before we both c-catch colds." "Right," Haruna said, standing up as well. As they neared the door, Hinami stopped. "O-One more thing," she said. "T-This might be really bold of me t-to say, but if this was about K-Kana-chan… I-I just want you to know t-that she's not the kind of person to h-hold someone's past against them. A-At least, I don't think so…" "Yeah… I know," Haruna said, giving a warmer smile than before. Then the two girls headed back inside to resume practice.
*****
"I hope I helped…" Hinami thought as she stood off to the side. Currently, the actors and actresses were in the middle of a scene on stage. For this part in particular, Hinami had nothing to do, so all she could do was watching from the side. While she did, she wondered about Haruna. "Endo-san really seemed worried. Lately, Kana-chan has been pretty worried too…"
In response, Hinami was worried about both of them. There was Kanako, who Hinami had been growing closer with since the school trip. Kanako kept wondering how she was going to get Haruna to hear her feelings, and it was obvious with the more time that passed, she was getting more stressed. As her friend, Hinami wanted to help, but aside from telling Haruna how Kanako felt (which Hinami herself would never do anyways), she wasn't sure what she could really do.
Then there was Haruna. Despite being in the same class, Hinami had only become friends with Haruna during the school trip, but because of her admiration of the girl, it was harder for Hinami to start a conversation with her, so they hadn't gotten as close as she would've liked since then. Sometimes Chiyo would bring her into their conversations, but more often than not, Hinami didn't get to talk to Haruna. Luckily though, it was clear they both regarded each other as friends, even if they didn't talk all the time.
Because Hinami was Haruna's friend too, she wanted to help, but she could tell that it was mostly an issue that Haruna would have to work out herself. Hinami had managed to offer up some advice she had gotten at one time, but it was hard to say just how much it had actually helped Haruna. "She seemed like she was in a better mood when we came back, so maybe…" Hinami thought.
For her, this was all new. Never in her life had she ever had this many relationships to worry about. Hinami wasn't really a big fan of the worrying aspect, but it was nice to have a lot of friends. She had somehow managed to make a couple when she first got to Iwanai High, but ever since she had gotten pulled into Chiyo's group on the school trip, she had found her circle of friends expanding, which made her happy.
Now, she was hoping that her new friends would find happiness too. Being someone who knew how both Haruna and Kanako felt about the other, she admittedly felt like she was in an awkward position. But, because she was in that position, she also got to see both sides. That alone was enough to reassure her that with enough time, they would both surely figure it out.
*****
"They're here, they're here!" a girl exclaimed in excitement. Sitting in the classroom were several large boxes. "Ugh…" Michi groaned. There was only one thing that could be in those boxes. "Open them!" another girl cried. Hurriedly, most of the class flocked over to the corner of the room. "Oh wow, look at 'em!" a girl said happily.
As the people surrounding the boxes began to disperse, the items they had received were revealed. For the boys, they were butler uniforms. For the girls, it was- "Maid uniforms…" Michi said with audible disgust and annoyance. She had no desire to grab one, but before she knew it, one was being thrust into her arms. "Lucky they had one in your size," the girl said. "Do you really need to make short jokes right now?" Michi said with a glare. "Sorry Fukuhara-san! You're just so tiny and cute!" the girl said. "What the hell?! No one's saying this crap to Kana-chan! We're practically the same height!" Michi yelled. "I guess you two just give off different vibes," the girl said with a shrug before dashing over to someone else.
A couple feet away from her, Michi saw Kanako looking at her before she saw her snicker. "You-!" Michi began to shout. "We're the same height and you know it…" she glowered. Walking closer, Kanako couldn't help but snort. "Tiny and cute…" she said, trembling with laughter. It was rare to see Kanako teasing, but she knew how much Michi hated having her height pointed out to her, and it was especially funny to her that while it actually was true they were very nearly the same height, no one had said a word about Kanako's height.
"Whatever!" Michi huffed. "It's not like I'm going to wear this thing anyways. You shouldn't either Kana-chan." "Huh? Why?" Kanako asked, confused. "Because we have to work both our class's booth and the cooking club's. We can't be running around in these things!" Michi explained fervently. "They seem like they'll be easy to move in though," Kanako said as she stared at the girls who had already put their uniforms on. "That's not the point…" Michi sighed.
"I know," Kanako said with a smirk. "You just don't want Chiyo to see you wearing a maid outfit." "Ghh!" Michi let out. "You know there's no way she'll let you get away," Kanako said, piling on to Michi's woes. "Aghh! Curse that stupid, flashy idiot!" Michi yelled. "I don't really wanna wear this thing, but I honestly wouldn't mind it so much if I knew she wouldn't show up! And then I went and promised her I'd walk with her during the festival too…"
"Huh?" Kanako let out, genuinely surprised. "What?" Michi asked with an eyebrow raised. "N-Nothing," Kanako said. "Good for you Mi-chan." "What's good about having to spend time with that nutcase?" Michi said, sounding defeated. However, to Kanako, that news held significance. "So Chiyo managed to invite Mi-chan to walk with her…" she thought. "Mi-chan says two girls dating is impossible, and Chiyo says that she'll never tell Mi-chan how she feels… For two people who keep denying the possibility of them becoming a couple, they seem to be heading in that exact direction a lot…"
It did make Kanako happy that two of her friends were making progress (even if neither of them admitted it or knew it), but she felt a little sad too. Her own love life had barely moved at all since Valentine's Day. That was mostly due to how busy everyone was because of the cultural festival, but Kanako couldn't help but wonder if there was more she could've done during the past few weeks. "Then again, I guess it doesn't really matter," she thought. Really, Kanako had the feeling that even if she had put in more effort, nothing much would've changed.
Haruna coming to pick her up that one morning had certainly been a surprise, and Kanako had felt like it was a sign of better things to come, but she had also gotten the feeling that there was something fragile in Haruna's actions. It was like if Kanako pushed too hard, too fast, that small bit of progress would shatter right before her eyes. So instead, she had left things just as they had been before the cultural festival preparations, feeling it was better to leave it untouched rather than potentially ruin it.
Although, that didn't mean Kanako was just sitting around doing nothing. Just as she had been trying to come up with her own plan, Chiyo had approached her. It was a crazy plan, and one Kanako wasn't sure would go over very well, but she ended up agreeing to it anyways when she couldn't come up with anything herself. Admittedly, she worried that this Chiyo plan might fail like the Christmas one, but she did her best to trust in it.
Tomorrow, the curtain would rise on the cultural festival. For some, it would be a great success. For others, it would bring tragedy. For the next two days, the campus of Iwanai Municipal High School would be filled with possibilities. As Kanako continued to watch the boys and girls in her class fuss over their uniforms, she had a singular thought. "May this be the best cultural festival yet."
End of Chapter Nine.