Emma cried and sobbed all morning, without her husband being there, holding her and making her feel comfortable about being a wife. He was out doing what a fuck always does. Emma was in bed, she felt rage and anger. In her own room, full of art and healing. She drew all her emotions out and wrote them out but it wasn't enough. It was like not being able to say those things out loud cause she didn't have the guts to say them. She was trying so hard...not to send him a text message stating how much he had hurt her. The feeling of betrayal, the feeling of anger, the feeling of verbal abuse was something she had taken for some while. That charm that he had put on, it made her angry and it made her feel more hateful. That made her feel more rageful.
Cray came into the house. Emma had a drinking bottle in her hand as he came through the door. He sighed and looked at the ground. All of his stuff was on the ground. Cray looked at her but all she had was an insane look in her eyes that would drive any man away but not cray. Cray wanted to act like he wasn't scared, like he could handle everything in one bucket. The truth is when he came in he was going to apologize, like he was sorry and all.
How are you? Asked Cray
I found your baby pictures, with your mom and dad! And you look so happy... You look like you were close to your dad. Emma said looking at him
I had a bad day- Cray said
Emma interrupted
I don't give a damn about your day! You come in, you don't even ask me about my day, you don't even hold me unless you want sex, you don't talk to with respect but I don't complain about anything. Emma said.
I wish I could be as cruel and cold as you. Say fucked up shit and act like it's alright and then. Leave. Maybe that is what I should be... Take what I can get, right? So, starting today. You can cook your own fucked up meals, or if you have eaten... Good for you.
Are you drunk? What is this? Your acting like a crazy woman? Why are you acting like this? Oh, what I said took a toll, or what I do have anything to do with you? Why does it bother you? Cray asked.
Emma cocked her head in surprise.
"What does it matter to me". I'm your wife, and I got feelings, something you don't have.
Yeah, yeah, you seem like a bright kid! Cray said. Laughing at how she sounded laughing at every little thing about her, making her feel small. Then shutting down on her as he walks passes her. Going into the room.
Sleep with one eye open! Emma said.
Cray smiles, laughing, shaking his head. Not taking what she said seriously.
Emma wanted to be pushed over the edge. So, she started to ask questions that she knew she wasn't going to like the answer to but she did anyway. Emma toughened up and asked a simple question that all women that are concerned is " where were you"
Don't ask questions you don't want to know, Emma. Cray said. Laying on the bed.
Where were you? Asked Emma
Go get me some water, bitch! Said cray.
Emma sighs, walking into the kitchen. Grabbing him some water, spitting in his water. She had to pee, so she lifted up her dress, and pissed in the cup just a little bit, along with a little egg clot of blood. Cray was too drunk to know the difference. She placed two big bottles of pills in his drink.
Then she slowly walks into the room with a calm smile on her face. He took the drink and drunk all of it. Then coughed.
I was out with a couple of friends, and some ladies that had big boobs, thighs, and ass. And I fucked both of them. Like damn, they were good. Honey, don't worry about nothing... In time you will catch my love. I'm beginning to love you.
"Catch my love ", beginning to love you". Emma said to herself.
Later on that night, Emma watched Cray sleep deeply. He snored and scored. Emma finally got the gasoline box, pouring all over the floor, inside his bed and right next to his body. She lit the match, placing it down gently on the ground. Watching the flames go everywhere. Right next to his body. Smiling wishing death upon him but it wasn't enough for her.
Those were all the times, she felt powerless, abandoned, neglected, rejected, and humiliated. And just for everything else that he put her through. She finally wanted to hurt back.