I opened my speaker. Maximize the volume. Wala naman sigurong mag rereklamo sa lakas, ako lang naman nakatira sa sarili kong bahay. Kakatapos ko lang maligo, umupo na ako sa chair sa vanity mirror ko, mag aayos na para sa trabaho ko. I am a lawyer now, well, actually I own a small law firm. Well, not that really small but I have one Partner, three Associates and five Junior Associates. Some of the people wondering how the hell I become a freaking lawyer? Not just a lawyer, a good one, rather. Nangangain nga daw ako ng mga old timers, and they even called me the "heartless pañera". I don't give a sh.t, I don't care if someone is older than me and we are rivals in Court, well, I let them know how I work. Rebuttals? Those are my dinner! Manifestations? Those are my breakfast! and I eat Motions for my lunch! Yes, I took seriously of my profession. It is the only thing I have in life, especially that word before my name: Atty. Bella Maria Ascott, A.K.A Atty. BMA or the heartless pañera.
I opened the drawer and took a cotton. I get the toner to put some in the cotton, then swab it to my face. I took the sunblock and squeeze it. When I am about to get my primer, I stopped. As my favorite song plays...
(Hard For Me by: Michele Morrone)
You keep telling me that I am free to go
But I am addicted to you
It's a lie
It's a lie
It's a lie
I remembered the things that happened that day. She fetch me up from school. I asked where are we going? She just smiled for an answer. She has the most beautiful smile. Most beautiful eyes. Most beautiful face. She is a perfect person. No wonder people were crazy about her. She brought me to the mall and bought me dresses, shoes and bags. I am a fckng spoiled!
When I'm not here, you're alone
Can you walked by your own
Don't you lie
Don't you lie
Don't you lie
She asked if I am hungry, so, I nodded. Then, we went to my favorite restaurant. Italian! We got in instantly, and I asked why is father not around? She again answered a smile. To my persistent, she called him and maybe for less than half hour he came. He is so handsome as ever. His masculinity. His perfect structured jawline. Those eyes, as if burning you. Those perfect facial hairs. And I can see, I can see that he is lucky and happy to have her.
And I think you should know
That I won't let you go
It was like a million times
I am singing a lullaby
And I think you should know
That I won't let it go
I thought that I wasn't enough
But I don't wanna say goodbye
And I think you should know
It was hard to say
I asked if we three can go somewhere before going home. To my surprised, she insisted it too on him. It was the first time I saw her like that. They know how I love art, so, we go to a museum near us and see the gallery. After an hour or two, we went to the cinema. I remember, they are fighting of who's gonna pick the movie that we'll going to watch. At the end, they both lose and I had to choose. The movie ended and they were both bored yet happy cos it was a fair decision. After movie, we even went to see a football match. That's our favorite sport btw. As we finished watching the match, we went home. On our way home, while seeing them both happy, I am glad because I am loved, I am lucky and blessed to have them both. Wishing that it can also happen to me.
Every minute that we spent together
Doesn't matter for you
It's a lie
It's a lie
You're a liar
Every time you wanna walk the door
I don't blame you
I don't blame you
I am getting ready for bedtime, when I heard noises. Shouting. Cursing. Pati na nababasag na mga gamit. I went out to see who are fighting? My happiness of the earlier moments got drained. I saw things scattered in the hallway. I saw her carrying bags. I saw him raging mad. I stayed upstairs but I can see them clearly. Them fighting. Them hurting. Them hating each other. What happened to them? I started to cry and even shouting for them to stop, but they are both deaf. Deaf because of hatred and selfishness. So, I just closed my eyes yet still crying. "Once you get out of that fckng door! Means to say you are choosing him over me and our daughter!" I got confused with the words of my father. Choosing him? Him? My mother has another man? I looked back at them, she looked up at me. She is crying and her eyes are as if telling me. I. AM. SORRY. Then, slowly, she went out. And my father lose it. He started to break everything again. And I never been happy after.
And I think you should know
That I won't let you go
It was like a million times
I am singing a lullaby
And I think you should know
That I won't let you go
I thought that it was enough
But I don't wanna say goodbye
And I think you should know
And I think you should know
Hard for me
Hard for me
It's hard for me
Hard for me
Hard for me
It's hard for me
Hard for me
Hard for me
It's hard for me
I look back to the mirror. Sh.t! I am still crying! Geez, it's been what? 15 years since that happened and I am still crying? Geez, Bella. Come on you are the strongest person in the world! Don't let it suck you! And so, I went back to my thing and tried to forgot those unfortunate memories. As my favorite saying, I keep moving forward.
"Lorenzo, how the fck that happened?" I asked with my Partner, not life partner, business partner. I don't do those love thingy. I stand up, tumalikod sa kanya at humarap sa bintana. I am assessing the weight of this important case.
"Look, Bella, none of us like that to happen. I mean, the Associate... " Lorenzo trying to defend and justify his answer.
" The Associate. No hard feelings, Lorenzo, but I told you that case should be handled between just the two of us, yet, an Associate get it?"
" Okay, I get your point, but I am going to ask you, do you still have a free schedule?" he asked. Fck Lorenzo! Ganyan siya kapag alam niyang galit na ako!
" Still, you should have let one of us go! You know how flexible I am. I can be a fckng race car driver in the street if I want to!" I said as I sat down. And he laugh. Tang.. may nakakatawa ba sa mga sinabi ko?
I was about to throw my pen when he raised his hands as a sign of surrender.
"Alam ko naman na hindi mo ako babatuhin, pero naninigurado lang dahil umuusok na ilong mo!" and he continue to laugh. I just rolled my eyes.
" Okay, sige na, I was wrong. Kaya lang kahit na kaya mong talunin si Micahel Schumacher sa EDSA or kahit gaano ka pa ka flexible, sabihin ko sayo hindi pa rin tayo mag dedesisyon. Ang korte pa rin. Don't worry, I will step in to this okay? Tapos na yung Slander case na hawak ko, kaya may free time na ako." He said. Of course, I am relieved pero di ko pinapahalata sa kaniya. Ayoko nga, di ko personality yung mag chill, pero may tiwala ako sa kanya. Sa four years ko sa Political Science and four years on Law School siya lang nakatiis sa ugali ko.
"Nakagawa na ng Entry of Appearance ang secretary ko at pirmado ko na. Kaya kalma lang okay? Yung napakaganda at maamo mong mukha nagiging dragon kapag lumalaki butas ng ilong mo sa galit eh! " At tumawa pa rin siya. Gago eh. Sarap batuhin, bwisit. Tinitignan ko lang siya ng walang emosyon. At mukhang napansin ng loko.
"Sorry na." he said. Nagkibit balikat lang ako.
"Bella, isa na lang. Huwag mo na pagalitan yung Associate okay? Baka mag resign yun ikaw din mabawasan nanaman tayo." Oo nababawasan kami, reason? Pinapagalitan ko. Well, not really galit, lecture ba. For them to get something.
"Look, first hindi ako dragon. Second, it is my way to teach them! I give them a lecture to get something from me, from us." I said.
" Sige na nga pero paalala ko lang sayo nakakatakot po kayo magturo Ms. Minchin. " he said at tumawa nanaman. This time di na ako nakapag pigil, binato ko na siya at ayun sapul ang noo niya. My turn to laugh.
"Aray! Siraulo ka talaga." he said as he laugh too. "By the way, itutuloy mo na ba?" he asked. Alam ko na itong tanong niya. Lagi niya iniinsist sakin na ituloy ko na pero ayaw ko.
"Ang alin?" I answered him while checking something on my MacBook.
"Come on dear, you know what I mean." he said. Tumingin ako sa kanya and saw him smiling sheepishly.
"I don't know, Enzo. I mean I cannot just go there and leave the firm here." I answered. Here we go again he's insisting me to go in Italy again.
"Ouch. You hurt my ego, Belle." he said habang hawak pa sa dibdib. I rolled my eyes, psh. Dramatic player. I said to my mind.
"Look PB, it's not that I don't...." -me
"Hey don't call me that!" him and look at me as if I shot him twice in the head.
PB. It is my endearment to my dear PlayBoy friend.
"What? I've been calling you that since first year in PolSci. Nasasaktan ka pa sa katotohanan na PlayBoy ka?" I said laughing.
" Ikaw talagang babae ka kung hindi lang talaga kita *inaudible words* naku sinasabi ko sayo." he said pero may binulong na mga salita. Kahit hindi ko naman narinig yun alam ko naman yun. He is into me, hindi niya nga lang sure kung love iyon. Motto niya kasi Live life to the fullest. Kaya to the fullest din ang pang bababae niya. Sabi niya titigil lang siya kapag sigurado na siyang yun na yung babaeng pang forever niya. Sagot ko? Forever my ass. Yuck.
I am open to Enzo as he is open to me. May mga bagay kaming ginagawa na pang mag kaibigan at mga bagay na pang. Well alam niyo na, booty call. Yes we are not just friends and business partners. We are also fucking buddies. Ayos lang sakin, I will live alone in this world until I aged kaya, ayos lang naman kahit na ganito. I don't believe in love at alam niya yun. Kaya talagang okay sa akin ang set up na ganito. He fck me and I fck him. No commitment. Isa pa masarap si Enzo hahahaha! Fck my mind! Hahahahaha!
"Tse, I know what you said." I told him as I get my things and prepare to go to lunch.
" I know. Wait you going to have lunch now?" he asked.
"Yes PB."
"Good cos I want you for my dessert. Let's go." he said as he pulled me out of my office.
"We will have an important lunch meeting, so, you know what to do Guia." he said to my secretary when we got out of my office. She looked at me and I just nodded. She smiled. Means to say alam na niya gagawin niya.
Fast forward. I got home and ready for a steamy shower. Today I am so fed up at work and the session with Enzo. Drain na drain ako. Tapos hindi pa ako tantanan ng tita ko. She is the one kasi na kinukulit akong pumunta sa Italy. She is also a lawyer and his husband. May malaki silang las firm doon. Sabi niya try ko doon dagdag knowledge daw. Ang kaso ayaw ko nga mag stay doon. Dito may satiling business ako and I am on top of my game now. How can I stop? I have already told that to her but she keeps on saying na, "Iba naman diyan at iba dito. Isa pa lalo kang gagaling kapag nag try ka. Hindi ko naman sinabing you'll stay here forever. I said try mo lang. For your gain naman." Naka ilang emails and messages siya sa akin tungkol doon. Hay bahala na. Ayoko muna isipin yan. Lalo lang akong napapagod.
I was going to the shower room when I thought I saw something.
I looked at the mirror.
Eyeing something.
And when I realized on what I was looking. I shouted!
Damn that Playboy!
He put some hickeys on the side of my right breast! Fck it! 😏