That night, everyone was celebrating the places they would go. We were all getting our medals and things we would wear when we crossed the stage on graduation day. In front of all my classmates that were heading to Harvard and University of William and Mary, all my thing said was that I was headed to community college. I could feel my face burning from the embarrassment. While the night was full of memories for me, the main one I remembered was what my father said in the car on the way back. "You could have done so much more during your time there. You know that right?" Back then I didn't truly understand what he meant, only that I screwed up and blew another opportunity for myself.

It was a few days later that the realization was starting to hit me how far I had fallen. I was sitting in the kitchen with my mom, talking about how the others looked during graduation when she said, "It would have been so nice had you graduated with one of those golden ropes around your neck." Well dang, Mom. I don't think I can do that since I was a decimal mark away from being below a 2.0 GPA; thanks for bringing up another thing I could have done better though, real nice. Looking back, though, I can't blame her for not being very proud considering where I had been when I first started. I had dreams of being a world traveling super translator and was getting A after A in my classes. She was probably scratching her head every time she looked at me, wondering where she went wrong.

Finally, I reached about a week after graduation and the numb feeling dissipated to pure panic. Oh no. I just wasted all of high school with no clear plan of what I want to do in life. What was I thinking? What am I going to do with my life? How am I going to get into college? What do I do now? My tears were running down my face and my head was getting a migraine from the thought. My heart was racing with each memory of my failings, of every time I ended up disappointing myself. I brought this on myself. I could have done so much better with my life and now I can no longer goof off.

My head perked up. I needed to grow up. I'm no longer a kid and I can't just spend my nights watching cartoons on the couch. There is too much to do and too much at stake. I need to grow up and get myself together or I will regret it later. At that point I dried my face with my blanket. I stood up from the couch and took tentative steps back to my room so I didn't wake up my family. This was my life now so I had to live with it.