How, do I close my mind off from the world?
All of this pain I can no longer take, the voices of hate is beginning to take a toll on me. I honestly don't know what to do no more, I've faught for so many long years and the days just couldn't go fast enough. I'm worrying about the future, about the present moments and the past just haunts me, even though I no longer am looking back.
The world is a dark cruel place as you go through it all on your own, you have to be so strong to be able to find your partner for life the more you wait or just stop thinking about him the more your heart hurts. Everyone is hurting more so then others, at least with a soulmate they could share the pain together. For me, I can't seem to handle my pain at all. So what use do I have of thinking about a soul mate, or even living through tomorrow.?
Yet another day begins, the rushing side of evil crushes through my brain. What if I just ended it today, what if no one could care about me and just forgot I existed. No longer could I hear their harsh voices of hatred ring through my ear, like a church bell that constantly reminds you your truly alone and no one would ever understand you.
Life is like a beach, the water constantly clashes against the surface as if telling the land it wasn't ment to be. Yet the land keeps florishing, yet pieces of it dies. Would I be such peace that dies, or would I to flourish?
Sometimes I wounder, what was the use of a rock if it were to be left to just sit there on the ground and be stepped on all the time. A rock has a life to does it not, it may not be like a tree but it's still apart of nature just like we are.
We humans are cruel, we give nothing back to the investment we just destroy it.
No one cares, they only care about themselves.
I'm like them to aren't I? Only wanting something I could never have, and complaing about it silently in my mind.
No one cared about the poor stray cat that lost its limbs, they would stare at with such malice and disgust. No one would care for the abandoned dog, unless it made themselves look good in taking care of it.
Thoughs, are the dark parts of my brain I've noticed.
What are the positive light parts in my brain?
There is still hope for tomorrow, you'll wake up to repeat you days watching anime that makes you smile. You'll go for a walk on your own to apreachte the un- noticed, and you will return home with a smile on your face that may eventually desapear. And thus you will continue to write your stories, to continue writing your feelings down in this memo.
You may ask yourself what is the use of it all, but just know these are only baby steps you will become stronger. You made it through the todays, and you will make it through the tomorrows. Even though it's harsh, you push yourself because you have a reason. A reason to appreciate, that you were given a life a life that a very few couldn't live.
I should be greatful, even though my brain is fuzzy and I feel slightly dizzy. I should feel greatful I have Skies my cat to cuddle, a roof over my head, and food in my stomach. I may be slightly poor, but I will work my way up on my own.
I will live on my own, I will raise money on my own, and I will eventually find my mystery man.
You don't need anyone, nor a man in your life. Wrong, humans need love, to be cared, and apreachted it's a nesisity to live on.
You don't need toxic people in your life. But, what do you do if they are the ones you love like your family for example?
If I pushed out all of this pain, I would be truly lonley. So I indure, just for the small bits of happyness in my life.
I can't be ungreatful, I will not be hateful. I shall move on with my life, with every small step I can take until I can no longer take no more.
When is the end?
Is there ever a end?
Life continues even without you, once you die would you be at peace?
What if there is no such thing as an alienate universe, or such things as the land of ghosts?
What if god that we pray to all along, is actually just a god we force ourselves to believe because we are afraid of death, and we need something to believe in to keep us going through all of our pain and suffering.
Just tell me alright, what would you do if you were losing faith in the universe, in yourself, and in god?
For me all I want to do, is just watch anime, and forget my problems ever existed. But that's just running away, even if I faught back that'll just make the situation worse.
So much thoughts, I just wish I didn't care!