[Zain's Point-of-View]
Zain held the door open for Phoenix as they entered the restaurant. The hostess greeted them at the door.
"Right this way," she said, as she guided them to a booth in the back. It was ironic that the booth they were heading towards was the one they had always sat at. It was almost like fate was going full circle.
He pulled her chair out for her and tucked it in as she sat down. Then he went to take the seat across from her. A waitress walked over and was about to hand them two menus when Phoenix stopped her.
"Two Spicy Tonkatsu Ramen, please," she said. Zain didn't refute her and the waitress then asked them, what they wanted to drink. They both asked for an iced water. The waitress walked away and left them to themselves.
"You still remember this place?" Phoenix asked him. He nodded and smiled ruefully.
"How could I forget?" he asked rhetorically. She gave him a small smile. "You took me here that day," he said. She smiled more fully then.
"You never did tell me why you seemed so angry and upset that day," she said in a soft voice. He took a breath.
All of a sudden he felt nervous. The only woman who ever made him nervous was the one sitting across from him. She was the only one that ever had any true power over him.
"Do you remember how I was close to graduating then?" he asked her. She nodded as the waitress brought back their water. She reached for the cup and took a sip of her water.
"My family was getting on my case about going into business," he said. She made a face. "Is that why you ended up going into business instead of the Culinary Arts?" she asked him. He nodded.
It wasn't a big deal that she remembered but the fact that it did, warmed some part of him. He had really enjoyed cooking as a child. It had been a passion of his. Putting different foods and flavors together and creating something amazing. But his family had been against him making a career out of it.
The only person that had ever been supportive of his dream of becoming a Professional Chef was Phoenix. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that her family was in the food business, but it had always felt like she got him.
They had spent afternoons together cooking together and it had been simple. He didn't have to be Zain Li, second in line to inherit Li Corp. She didn't have to be Phoenix, the dutiful daughter that was groomed to marry a wealthy man.
He was just a guy and she was just a girl. Two people that had been brought together by simple pleasures. She was the only person that he was truly himself around. The world saw him as this nonchalant and carefree heir.
As he got older the press dubbed him a playboy and linked any female whose direction he looked at more than once. Jinhai had never cared to live up to the social aspect of business and only did as much as required. It was Zain that upheld the social aspect.
When Jinhai would show up to social events without a date and Zain would, the press would focus on him.
"I went into business because it was what was expected of me," he said. "I always thought you gave up on it," she replied. He shook his head.
"I still cook and learned things along the way," he said. "But not to the extent that I would have liked," he said. After he had gone off to college, he had stopped cooking with Phoenix.
They would hang out every once in a while, but they stopped doing the thing that had bonded them together the most.
Zain remembered while he was away at college, she had grown. The girl that he had always thought was cute ended up growing into a beautiful woman.
Her hair was longer now and she curled the ends, giving her a refined look. She dyed it a light brown color that he actually preferred to her natural jet black hair.
It had given her a very feminine appeal that he did not fail to notice. She had started to wear clothing that accentuated her curves and had left his mouth dry.
The waitress came back with their food and placed it in front of them. Phoenix picked up her chopsticks and waited until he held his.
"Dig in," she said. "Dig in," he replied. They both took a big mouthful of the spicy ramen. He quickly looked at her as soon as he had a mouthful. It was improper etiquette to watch someone while they ate. But both of them always ignored this rule when they had spicy ramen with each other.
They wanted to see which of them choked up on the spiciness first. Zain's ability to tolerate spiciness had greatly increased over the years. To his surprise, she didn't look at him. She instead was eating smaller bites, but she didn't stop. It was like the ramen wasn't spicy at all.
Throughout the meal he reached for his glass of water on several occasions. She however kept on eating until she finished everything then tipped her bowl back to drink the soup.
"How are you not reacting to the spiciness?" he asked her. Sweat was gathered on his forehead that he wiped away with a napkin. She looked up him. "The ramen was never that spicy to me," she replied honestly.
It took a lot of effort on his part not to react too outrageously. "What?" he asked. She laughed.
"I actually have a very high tolerance for spiciness," she explained. "But you always reacted like you were struggling with it," he said.
She smiled softly, "I didn't want you to feel bad. You seemed so down that day, that I didn't want to risk hurting your ego," she replied. He frowned at her answer.
His ego was a little bruised, not that he would admit it to her. He had imagined this scene for years. He had forced himself to endure many spicy meals just so that he could eat them with her. Now he found out that she had been placating him all along.
"My ego isn't hurt," he said. She chuckled. "Your voice always gets deeper when you're lying. It's like you're forcing yourself to sound serious so no one suspects it," she pointed out.
Damn, she was onto him. "Okay, fine. Maybe a little," he said. She sobered up before she replied.
"But your tolerance has improved," she gave an encouraging smile. "Thanks. I had hoped to impress you with my new tolerance for it. Considering how much I know you enjoy eating spicy foods," he said.
Her smile slipped at his words, and he could see her putting up her guard again. 'Shit, no no no,' he thought.
"Have you been here in the past five years?" he asked her. She shook her head. "Not since the last time..." she trailed off. She avoided making eye contact with him.
Well now he understood why he never saw her here. She had avoided the place completely.
"Did you avoid coming here so you wouldn't run into me?" he asked. 'Crap, did I have to be so direct?' he asked himself. This was not how he wanted to approach the subject. He had prepared this speech in his head, and it looked like his mouth wanted to rewrite the script.
She wiped her mouth before setting it down. She looked him in the eye before she replied.
"Can you blame me?" she asked. Her voice wasn't hostile but calm. But he heard the subtle hint of pain in her voice.
Zain swallowed before he answered. "No," he said quietly.
"Phoenix," he began. A waitress interrupted them to get their plates. "Can I get you anything else?" she asked. He gestured over to Phoenix.
"Would you like anything else?" he asked her. "No, thank you," she said. Without turning to the waitress he said, "Nothing else. Can I get the check?" he asked.
"Are you sure? We have a great matcha pudding," she said. He didn't miss a beat as he said, "No, we're good," he said. The waitress stood there for a moment longer but Zain still didn't look over.
He did however notice that Phoenix glared at the waitress. The waitress moved away and Phoenix looked at him.
He chose not to comment as they waited for the check to arrive. When it did they made their way to the register and he paid for their meal.
They walked slowly back to the car and he held the door for her again. He got into the car but didn't start it. They sat in silence for a moment before Phoenix broke it.
"Why aren't you starting the car?" she asked. "Because there are things I need to tell you and it keeps getting delayed," he answered. She made a silent "oh" with her lips but didn't say anything.
She didn't look at him but stared out the window in front of them. Zain was gathering himself. What was it that Jinhai had said? Apologize to her. He decided to listen to his brother.
"I'm sorry, Phoenix," he said to her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She finally turned to him and opened her eyes.
She displayed no emotions on her face. She was completely composed.
"You've said that already," she said. "And you said I'm not forgiven," he said.
"No, you're not," she said. She had always been direct with him. Now he wondered if it was a blessing or a curse. She was always strong willed but she was incredibly kind. When she was with her family she quiet and reserved. But when she was with anyone else, she was outgoing and expressive.
"I shouldn't have pushed you away that night," he said. "I seem to recall you pushing me away the morning after," she said without missing a beat. He flinched at her straightforwardness.
"I shouldn't have pushed you away at all," he corrected. He ignored her little jab at him.
"But you did," she said. "I wasn't ready for something serious," he said. She didn't say anything in response. Instead she pressed her lips together.
"We were drunk that night and we," he stopped. Her eyes managed to maintain an icy gleam in them.
"I didn't want it to happen," he said. The intensity in her eyes managed to intensify. "That way," he clarified. Phoenix stared at him, not interrupting him.
"It wasn't how I expected our first time," his voice was quiet. But the car was so quiet that there he knew she heard him.
"At the time, all I could think was that I made a mistake and that you would hate me," Zain admitted.
"So I said the things I did," he said. He held his breath. Her hands were tightened into fists against her knees.
"Do you even remember that night?" she asked when she finally spoke. That wasn't what he expected. Then again he didn't know what to expect.
He remembered that they had been drinking that night. They had been in the states on business. Her family wanted to expand into the states. They had stayed at the same hotel.
When they had gone back to the hotel they had stumbled. They ended up kissing and the next thing he knew, they were naked in bed. He recalled being intimate her, several times that night. But most of the details were blurry.
"I recall having sex," he answered. Now she flinched at the blatant way he said it. "That's all you remember?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.
"Did I do something?" he asked. She scoffed and looked away from him. "What?" he asked.
"So let me get this right. We had sex. You didn't want me to hate you. So you told me it was a mistake. And that nothing could happen, because you saw me as a friend - like a little sister - just so that I wouldn't hate you?" she said. When she put it like that it sounded incredibly stupid.
"I don't see you as just a friend or a little sister," he said. "Take me home, Zain," she said crossing her arms.
"No, I'm not done," he said. "You are. You don't remember that night," she said.
"I remember the important stuff," he challenged. "No you don't," she retorted.
"So sex wasn't an important detail?" he asked. "I didn't say that," she said.
"You just said that I don't remember the important stuff," he said. "You don't," she said.
"Then enlighten me. Help me understand what it is that I apparently don't remember," he said.
"No," she said. 'Damn it!' he yelled in his mind. They weren't supposed to be fighting right now. He didn't understand why she was reacting like this.
"That night was important, for many reasons. If you can't remember it, then it wasn't important to you," she said.
"Of course it was important to me. But I was drunk!" he raised his voice. "I can't help that I can't remember everything."
"So was I! I was drunk too!" she shouted back. "But I remember everything." Zain bit back his next words.
"You were the one that wanted to take our relationship there. Then as soon as it was over you cast me aside," she said angrily.
"But that's what I'm trying to apologize for. I wasn't trying to cast you aside. But I don't think either of us were ready to be serious," he said.
"Whether or not you tried or not, that's what ended up happening," she bit out.
"Phoenix," he used a reasonable tone. "I was a virgin," she hissed, she glared at him. Zain was taken aback. He actually didn't know that.
"A fact you either don't care about or don't remember," she said. "I didn't know," he said sounding contrite.
"Ugh," she said. "It was my first time, and it had meant something to me. The entire night, you made it seem like it meant something to you too. Then the very next morning, you brushed it off," she boomed. Her voice was loud in the small vicinity of the car.
"So no, you don't get to apologize for it now and expect me to forgive you," she said. Zain was stunned by her outburst and didn't say anything.
"One more thing," she said. "I didn't hate you. And if you had been more sober maybe you would have remembered this, I told you I loved you." With those last words she opened the car door and left. She slammed the door shut behind her. She ran to hail a taxi and got in.
He didn't chase her. He knew the last thing she wanted was for him to follow her. So he watched her go. The car that had followed them, followed the taxi. They would let him know that she was safe.
He knew now, that she would never forgive him. He had really screwed things up. 'I didn't hate you. I loved you.' Her last words rang in the silence and he closed his eyes. He felt his heart shatter and he knew he had no one to blame for it but himself.