"Ugh, where the hell am I?" That's the first thought that came to my mind as I found myself in complete pitch-black darkness. My first instinct was to search around for my glasses, but as I did so a second thought instantly sprang into my mind.
"This is....stone!" Given that my last memory was of me drifting off to dreamland atop my memory foam mattress, you can probably understand my surprise.
"Ok, ok, come on Wynn, you're smart, you can figure this out. You don't have any enemies in your life, especially not the kind that'd shove you into some deep dark hole in the ground. First, let's figure out just how much space I have to work with" Cautiously I extend my hand out, feeling along the rough ground until my hand hits something soft, as I plunge my hand deeper I recognise the texture and the distinctive rustling sound that could only come from Hay.
"Is this a stable? No, even if this was the dead of night, surely I'd be able to hear horses, even if it's just their breathing, they're not exactly quiet animals. But if I'm not in a stable, surrounded by horses, there's only one other answer, and it's not one I like, how the hell could it have even happened....wait.....something about this is familiar.....but it couldn't be.....I mean yeah I kind of hated my boring old life and I'd been getting really into Japanese Isekai manga lately, but it's gotta be impossible right? I didn't get run over by a truck, there was no heavenly goddess or mysterious voice before I woke up either, so what the hell! What kind of shitty joke is this!" Just as that final thought plays out in my mind, I hear it, the sound of footsteps echoing on a stone floor.
I strain my ears, trying to get a feel for the distance between myself and whoever's walking about outside of my prison. The footfall continues, it takes me a second to be sure, but yeah, they're getting louder, somebody is coming this way!
Quicker than I thought possible I rise to my feet, and then the realization hits me...
"I'm completely bare ass naked!" Of course, I shouldn't be shocked by this, It's how I've slept for a while now, I just can't drift off to sleep if I've got something stuffy like boxers or god forbid briefs holding me back. Almost instinctively my hands go straight to covering my most valuable assets, but then I realize that if I've got any chance of escaping this dank hellhole I've found myself in, I'm gonna need to kick the ass of whoever comes through that door.
I mean what do I care if they see my meat and two veg, somebody had to of dragged me in here, so chances are they've already seen everything I've got to offer, and who knows, maybe them walking in on me with it all hanging out could be just the distraction I need to land a solid hit on them.
As I take a break from my incredibly well thought out battle plan, I realize that the footsteps have stopped, not only that but suddenly, there's actual light pouring into my room from behind me. As I turn, I realize that I'd woken up facing away from the door, and as I get a good luck at the boundaries of my cell, It hits me that I've not got it too bad. Despite the straw mattress and cold floor, my cell could be worse, I have about a 6ft radius around me that I can move around in. Which at the very least gives me some manoeuvrability when it comes to defending myself.
Before I can examine my surroundings any further, there's the unmistakable sound of keys being slotted into a lock, and within a second the door is flung open, allowing blazing hot light to assail my poor eyeballs. Momentarily blinded I take a step back and throw my hands up to shield my eyes, forgetting about my escape attempt in the process. Before I have time to react to what's just happened, something cold and hard is thrown at my feet, and before my eyes have time to readjust to the light, the door is slammed back into place and I'm left alone in the darkness once more.
Kneeling to pick up the object that was so rudely tossed at me, my first thought as I run it through my hand is that it's gotta be some kind of stone, judging by the texture, and hardness, but as I reach the other side and hit the barest hint of something soft and fluffy, I know exactly what this is, motherfucking stale bread. The staple diet of shitty fantasy prisons everywhere.
Rather than let myself get dismayed that all I have for food for the foreseeable future is one stale piece of bread, I set about extrapolating what my encounter means in regards to my current situation.
1. Whoever has me locked away in here clearly wants to keep me alive, even if it's by the bare minimum standards.
2. Wherever I am must have a population of humans or at the very least humanoids, who have at the very least a medieval-style civilization, people have been making bread for a long time it's true, but the fact they're using a door with a lock must mean they have blacksmiths and carpenters, and chefs to make the bread as well.
3. I'm not considered a threat, if I was, they'd probably have me chained to the wall right or at least have some kind of ball and chain thing going on. Luckily for me, I'm a 5'7 otaku with a beer belly who in all likely hood just showed up naked on the side of a road somewhere. There's no way I'd seem like a credible threat, but that's where they've fucked up because if there's one thing I've got going for me it's my brain. Now I'm not some super genius or master tactician, but I've always prided myself on my street smarts and my intuition and right now that's all I've got going for me.
Now to your ordinary person that might not seem like much, but to a guy like me, these three facts are all I'm gonna need to get myself out of here.