We sat around the form of a circle in Sherlock's room. Jane sat next to me, Our dog Emily cuddled by me. Sherlock sat, with his finger tips together and his elbows resting on the side arms of his chair, between officer Heinz and the former boss. The silence broken by me
"Tell me what the fuck is going on, so we can settle this and I can continue a nice life with my wife!" demanded I "Damn you!" I added
"These two" said Sherlock "Thinks my existence is impossible"
"Not just them"
"We need your help" said Officer Heinz "To figure out who this man really is"
"I keep telling you" said Sherlock, frustrated "I'm Sherlock Holmes"
"Oh yeah?" said I "Where's Watson?"
"That is why I need you and quite possibly your blind wife. Watson has been kidnapped by none-other than my rival Professor James Moriarty!"
"Is this guy for real?" whispered my wife. "I think he needs a doctor"
"I absolutely have no what the fuck is going on, but I will figure it out" I whispered back.
"Now show me, my dear boy, your deduction skills"
"I deduce that the two men sitting beside you are stupid"
"Damn, he's still got it!" shrieked the former boss. "Tell more about me!"
"You've gained weight"
He fanboy'd
I could tell by Sherlock's face that he was dissapointed.
"This is the man you claim to have been the best?" asked he
"Well, in my hometown of Idio, everyone was dumb. But I can deduce fantastically if I was serious as fuck"
"Very well, show me once more, but be serious"
"You deduced I have a blind wife because of my ring, the perfume that I emitted was of a female's because her scent clings to me everytime we hug, which is every day. The ring and the scent proved I had a wife. As for knowing she was blind, the shoulders of the uniform I wore when we met had darkened colors on the shoulders that looked like none-other than the claws made by fingers which means she held my shoulders tightly as I guided her whenever we walked"
"It is somehow absurdly simple. Here's a book. Deduce this one"
I examined the book he passed on to me with one hand, while holding the dog with the other. "It was opened only recently and the last page looked at was page 160" I opened it to the said page "There is no damn bookmark. I can also tell it was you, Fraudulent Holmes, who read this because of the traces of the smell of cocaine. Let me guess, a 7℅ solution?"
"How do you know what cocaine smells like?" asked my wife.
"I used to walk through a street of cocaine users"
"I've seen enough!" announced Sherlock "The stage is set, the curtain rises. You must help me find Watson and stop Moriarty"
"You're the world's greatest detective. You can find your companion by looking at the tiniest bit of molecule or whatever-the-fuck" I stood up "I'm taking Jane home. Also, I suggest you get a psychiatrist. I will not talk to a man who is convinced his lies are the truth"
I took Jane to the nearest food place. Our dog Emily tied outside on a leash. I would turn to see if she was still there and not escaping or getting stolen. My wife had finished her food and I slowly ate my brown cheese.
"Shit" I whispered
"What?" asked my wife
"Another stupid decision, or rather a confusing one. Should I help the man or not? I feel bad that he doesn't know who he really is and he think he's a fictional character, but I've had my damn adventure and boy was it traumatizing"
"Whatever you decide, i'll be there for you. How about you flip a coin?"
"Not a bad idea" I took out with my right-hand a brown-ish-colored 10 kroner coin "Heads- I help him"
I watched it spin mid-air as it flew up and descended from the flick of my thumb, caught it with the same hand and smacked it on top of my left hand.
"It landed on heads" announced I, knowing Jane could not see it "Well, here we go"
"Smart move" said the voice of an old-man sitting behind me and reading a newspaper. He placed it down to reveal the face of a man with grey beard and a red cap.
"How long have you been listening?"
"Long enough, I still don't understand how people think i'm supposed to be a fictional character"
"Well, I don't understand how you don't know they made movies and tv shows based on Sherlock books" said Jane
"You mean Watson's reminiscences?"
"Set two Centuries ago?"
"He is quite the story-teller"
"Just tell us if you've got any stupid clues, cheek boy!" demanded Jane.
"You are quite the nicknamer. No offense, but according to the look on your husband's face he is the insulted one" smirked Sherlock
"Do as she says!" I demanded. He pulled out from his pocket a small paper cut in a rectangular shape.
"If you look closely" said Sherlock "There is a small mark indicating a pen was pushed too forcibly on the first stroke of a letter, however, it got lighter in a flick and faded away. Which means there is a note written in invisible ink"
"And you need UV light for its reveal!"
"Sadly, I don't have the money for a UV pen light, or UV lamp. What are you doing?"
I started scrolling and tapping on my phone
"Ordering a UV lamp online. Jane, how do you order?"
"Did you forget that I'm blind?" asked my wife
"Of course not. Why would I?"
"You should see a button with the words 'Order' written on it. Tap that then type in your address. All you have to do is read"
Sherlock watched and his face gave the impression that he was entertained watching us. I got to a screen that told me to sign up. "What do I need to sign up for? You didn't tell me about this"
"Just sign up for an account then you'll be taken to the type-in-address screen"
"Got it" I did as she said.
"You are not old enough to be a boomer"
"What's a boomer?" My phone's screen changed and the website took me to where Jane told me it would. "Oh finally! Wait, what's our address?"
"Are you shitting me?"
"No, i'm serious, what's our address? I mean, I know where our house is, but I don't know the streets"
"Take it to Sherlock's hotel room. It's his case"
Sherlock reached out his hand to grab my phone before I could ask him because he was that rude. Then, gave it back to me after typing and confirming.
"You could've just asked me" he laughed and stood up "You two know where to find me and I shall await your presence tomorrow. Goodnight" he smiled and, because of his facial structure, looked like an otter. I watched him pet the dog on his way out.