"I know everyone has a thing or two they don't wanna talk about. Is this why you don't make friends?" Jane asked looking serious
"I said I don't wanna talk about it" I said
"Okay, okay" She went gentle "Do you consider me a friend now? Nevermind the stupid bet we had yesterday, it's okay if you still don't"
"Well" I said slowly "I was ready to consider you my friend whether or not I lost, and I did"
"Well, that's good to know" Her eyes shifted away from me and to the window behind "Who's that?"
I turned around to see a little silhouetto of a man hoding small square package. He waved across the empty street. Jane and I went outside but when I asked who he was, he dropped the package and walked away.
"It could be a bomb in there" said Jane
"No" I said "Cupcake wrote about improving my deductive skills which means he doesn't wanna kill me yet"
" 'Yet' " quoted my friend. We opened the box across the street and found a paper with only the words "Real fun" printed on it. I looked around to see if the man behind the silhouette was still around, there was no sign.
The next morning Jane woke me up in her couch still in her towel, I pressumed she just took a bath, and showed me a text that read someone had been murdered on Mercury St.
"Shit's getting real interesting" she said "Take a bath upstairs and get dressed." She threw male clothes over to me. "While you were sleeping I went out to buy clothes for you. The usual suit with a fancy neck tie"
She wore an orange scarf and a hoody and drove me to the crime scene
"Who's car is it this time?" I asked
"Are you telling me" she said "That you don't recognize your own car?"
"I haven't used my car since I got the job, but I know what my car looks like and this is not it"
"Right, because I re-sprayed it and changed the License Plate"
"You did what?" I cried.
When we got to the crime scene, inside a house, there were officers surrounding it, blood all over the place and the body was cut in half with its internal organs, also cut, visible between the two halves. The lifeless body of a man with his face on the floor and his back facing upwards.
"Aw shit" I said in disgust, trying to puke "First an amputated leg and now this fucking thing! Why was I born? WHY!!??" I yelled in agony.
"Shut up and examine the body" said an officer.
"It smells worse than the breath of our last client!" said Jane. I stood between the two halves of the lifeless man.
"He is dead" said I.
"Amazing!" said one of the officers.
Jane chuckled as if she knew how I did it. "You're just pointing out the obvious" said she. I continued to examine the body and asked for a pair of small scissors for what was behind his ear appeared stitched. I successfully pulled out the small folded paper and let my friend hold on to it until I finish examining the body. The man wore no ring and his left shoe was missing along with his left sock. But his right shoe was there with his right sock.
"Jane, " I called "See if you can find anything unusual upstairs and give me the paper"
"Sure thing" she proceeded to do as told.
I unfolded the paper to see the number 3 printed on it. Jane went down and handed me a paper with the number 2 printed on it.
"Is it him?" She asked "Is it Cupcake?"
"Quite possibly" I answered.
"So, what have you perceived about this dead man?"
"Well, he was cut in half with an axe. You can tell the killer enjoyed it too much and if the blood is all over the place then, there is no doubt, he was killed right here. Any identifications on this penile plant?"
"Sir" said one of the police officers "Please watch your language, and no, there have been no identifications because none of us were allowed to touch the body except you"
"I'm just being honest. He looks like a penile plant"
"Let's go grab a cup of coffee, you said it helps you think" said Jane
"Sure. Wait a minute" I said before turning the body to see his face. The number 1 was carved on his forehead. "The paper I found had the number 3 printed, the paper you found had the number 2 printed, and now 1, we're counting down, but to what?" After a few seconds I realized that a bomb had been planted which replaced the brain.
"RUN!" I yelled before running and grabbing the hand of my friend who ran with me, the bomb blew up with great timing.
"Let go of my hand, i'm not your damsel in distress! People will talk!" Jane said before I let go. The bomb was connected to more bombs hidden around the house. We made it out, but only three officers got out with one of them injured.
"My leg!" The officer cried. The house disintegrated to nothing but a pile of rubble with destroyed furniture.
"Somebody call 661!"
"We ARE 661!" said another
"Call an Ambulance, damn it!"
I asked my friend if she was okay and if not a single piece of debris wounded her.
"I'm okay" She answered. "I wonder how that disintegrated guy's Funeral is gonna go"
Her words hit me.
"That's it!"
"What's it?"
"The note we got last night with the words 'Real fun' printed on!"
"Yeah?"
"You see, my dear friend, 'Real fun' anagrams to 'Funeral'. The printed note was our next destination and the next step to finding Cupcake. I theorize that there is some bitchhead waiting for us right now. Come come, not a moment to lose! Where is my car?"
Jane pointed at my now smashed car caused by the debris of the house.
"Oh dear car lord" I cursed "My car!" I yelled in agony "It's all over the place. The wheels are gone and the roof is now a floor!"
"Don't worry, we can fix it with duct tape!"
"No no, i'll just buy a new one. In the mean time, let's grab coffee and hail a taxi"
This was my third case and I already had an enemy. An enemy who had been watching me since the death of my little sister two years ago and I never even realized. I counted Cupcake as my personal case to avoid getting anyone in danger. Although, my new friend Jane was already involved without my decision. When he sent that letter intended for me I figured it was purposely delivered to her house.
We arrived at the church thirty minutes later, but there was no Funeral happening.
"I do not understand" said I "Did we arrive too soon? Too late? That's just shit"
"The note" said Jane "Didn't say a Funeral was happening, just where a Funeral happens every year. Let's look around"
I nodded. I found a note on the back of the church that said "Wait until night time" but this time it was written traditionally. To confirm that it truly was for me, I flipped it and the back had my name written on it right next to the name of my friend. We waited, and waited.
It was already 7:40pm when Jane broke the silence.
"Did anyone" She said "In your past, have any grudge against you?"
"I am not sure" I answered "After my sister died, I looked for new hobbies. Other people would get drunk or turn to drugs, but I knew I could make it without doing those fucking things"
"And your parents?"
"Never met them. My sister and I were raised in an orphanage and nobody wanted to adopt us. So, we ran away when I was seventeen and she was fifteen"
"How old are you now?"
"Twenty-six years old. You?"
"Twenty-three"
The sound of footsteps got louder. We turned around to see the silhouette man from last night.
"Are you Cupcake?" I asked
"No" he answered. His face still stood in the darkest part of the shadows. But his voice sounded young and his zipped sweater slightly visible.
"Cupcake told me to bring you this, I never opened it" He handed me over a letter, it was written traditionally. I compared the handwriting and it was a math, there was no doubt that this was indeed the handwriting of Cupcake. It said:
"Well done, defective detective. Although, I don't think you did anything but it's a start! Perhaps I should let you solve a few more cases before popping up again. You will hear from me within a week -Cupcake"
"Have you ever seen him?" asked my friend.
"No" the boy answered, this time his voice cracked like he was holding his tears, then I heard a wet sniff.
"Can you walk closer to the light?" I asked. The boy shook his head.
"I gotta go" said he. A red light activated from neck level when he took one step back illuminating a small part of a metal collar.
"Oh shit!" I cried. Jane covered her mouth in shock.
"Don't worry" said the boy "It won't explode. There's no point holding back now that the light is on" his voice went heavy and the illuminating red light reflected his dropping tears.
"How old are you?" I asked
"Nineteen"
"What's your name?"
"Eric Stanley"
"Where do you live, Eric?" I asked only to receive no answer from the boy. "Eric?"
His body fell down to the light infront of us and his neck bleeded from inside the collar. Jane and I screamed in shock. With my hands shaking, I lifted his head to see his face. He was young indeed, and had a face that the average teenage girl could fall for.