It was unknown how long the two of them sat there, wrapped in a wool blanket together like a steam bun.
One was in tears, trying to hide his sobs by pursing his lips. It took great effort to keep his cries at bay. His lips still trembled despite his attempt, allowing a few hiccups to escape.
Neo looked away.
It would be even more humiliating for Aurelion if he stared.
Fat tears dripped from sapphire eyes and stained whatever they could as they slid down from the boy's porcelain skin.
It made Aurelion look younger, the way his face crumpled into a flush that was almost feverish and delirious. The constant knot on his brow was gone, in favor of the shaky grimace and red-rimmed eyes.
'"Why did you hate me so much?"'
How is Neo going to answer that?
Did he even know the answer, himself?
If he dug deep enough into his own psyche, allowing his mind to be flooded with the unwanted memories and their adjoining emotions, could he find the answer, then?
One should note that Neo is not ignorant of the way Aurelion began to grow protective. It was a protectiveness that the boy had shown to everyone in the family--for no one loved and protected so fiercely than Aurelion.
Neo had chosen to overlook this behavior, for the sake of peace and Aurelion's own dignity. But it seems many--including Aurelion, himself--have forgotten something about after he reawoke in this world again.
They have grown lax and ignorant of the fact that Neo was an older brother again.
--That he was once the most possessive little shit that anyone could ever have the misfortune of meeting.
If Aurelion's protection was like that of a wolf guarding his territory, then Neo's possessiveness was like a dragon who hoarded his treasures like his life.
Aurelion was a part of that hoard now, along with many others. And as the dragon, Neo would sacrifice anything for his treasures.
So at that moment, while Aurelion stifles his sobs and tears, Neo knew that it was time they talked.
That it has come a time that he clears the tension between them.
There is no cake to be distracted, no Rainier to assist him, and no tea time.
It was about time that finally gets to have this conversation.
"Aurelion..."
--And if it meant that those memories he repressed would have to come out, he would allow Aurelion access to them freely. Allow the boy to go through them bit by bit. Take that long walk down memory lane; two lifetimes worth.
It was time that Neo paid his dues.
Because...
"Come here,"
He loves his little brother so much.
--Even when he couldn't.
The blanket is placed over their heads like it was a tent, Neo pulling it tight around them as he guided his little brother under.
He draws him into a hug, feels the other freeze at this touch. But Aurelion doesn't struggle to get out from his arms.
He just... stays there.
The older brother cups the younger's head, stroking it gently as if he were soothing a child.
Despite his old soul, he still remembers the one kind gesture that his Mummy would often do back in the brothel.
It was an act of comfort when he cried, knowing she was getting sicker and sicker.
And he will comfort Aurelion the same way that Mummy taught him because there is no Mummy anymore. He's the responsible adult.
The title means everything to him at this moment, because he is able to do the one thing that it seems many of them--even him, once upon a time--have failed to do.
Communicate.
"Will you believe me if I tell you the truth?"
The words are uttered softly, close to his brother's ears, and whispered gently as if coaxing a child.
Aurelion was never a vulnerable child.
He didn't look like a vulnerable child.
He was always, in a way, the mature one.
The saner one.
The one who didn't go around killing people and screwing up lives for no reason.
He was the epitome of a perfect heir. The perfect Odum. The child of Vespera and Gareth.
Even back then, in his first lifetime, the boy had been strong. He was treated with the utmost respect, not only due to his position but for his sense of duty and responsibility.
Those small shoulders were burdened with the legacy of the family the moment he was born, carrying it around until he got used to the weight.
Everyone had expectations for that child who grew to be as cold as the rest of the family.
The nature of an Odum, to be glacial in the face of everything but determined in the heart.
It was the creed of the family, descending from the very first Odum; passed down from parent to child.
But...
Aurelion's eyes, wide and blue sapphire like the vast glistening ocean with the moon's glow, peered at him.
And the boy nods, not daring to say a word in fear that his tear-filled hiccups might affect his speech.
Neo finds himself tightening his embrace just by a bit, smiling wanly.
"That's good... I'm glad."
He draws away slightly, just so he can get a good look at his brother's face.
As does this, he thinks back on everything. There are so many things he wants to tell Aurelion.
"Where do I begin..."
And the memories come through the gates.
He beckons them from his mind, allowing that part of him that was once Nazareth to crawl out from the depths.
Aurelion, small as he looks all curled up in his arms, tenses.
Neo fights the urge to smile, fond and sympathetic.
Still a child, indeed.
--Fifteen or not at the time--maybe he had been sixteen?--Aurelion was still a child when he killed him--
It is hard to be reacquainted with that chaotic energy he's locked away, especially after a good three months.
Neo watches as Aurelion slowly eases the tension off his back. He rubs a few circles to help.
"Are you going to tell me, now?"
His little brother's voice comes out slightly petulant, purposefully demanding, and impatient to mask tears.
"Ah, yes. Let me see..."
Neo doesn't mind the attitude at all.
Instead, he begins to speak.
"Long ago, a young and naive lord was brought to the Red Light District by a couple of friends for their... coming of age experience."
All stories start somewhere.
For him, it was his father meeting his mother.
For Aurelion, it was father meeting Vespera.
"They go to a renowned brothel called the Lotus Garden. A place full of men and women, offering not just the flesh of their bodies, but their talents. Poetry, dance, music, and song. Anything you can think of, the Garden will have."
A look of confusion passes Aurelion's face, and Neo had to make sure that his younger brother was keeping up with him.
Now, on to the part regarding their father's virginity.
"It is within the Lotus Garden that the lord met one of the best whores and had her service for the night. She was known as one of the most talented and beautiful women there, and he, being a very powerful lord despite his naivety regarding the fairer sex, were the sole reasons for my existence."
Realization dawned on Aurelion's face. Neo isn't surprised that he wasn't all that clear on the story of his parents. This was long before Gareth met Vespera.
The only thing that everyone knew as fact was that Nazareth was the son of a well-known whore.
Because despite being a worker in the Lotus Garden, despite rarely selling sex, his Mummy was still a whore in a brothel.
A talented whore, yes.
But a whore.
Neo purposely left out the details regarding the messier parts of the establishment. Aurelion is old enough to understand what a brothel was for.
The Garden did sell talents and only served noble clients, which might have made life easier for the workers, but it didn't mean all was well.
Despite the refinery and luxury that the workers were given, none was for free.
Only the most beautiful and talented were sold to the Garden, offered the most decadent clothes and tutors, and loved by many of the noble class. See it as a reward for being born poor, yet stunning.
In return for these luxuries, the men and women there are forever indebted, their lives chained forever within its four golden walls, never to leave.
Because not one copper was given to them for their work.
Mummy sold her art. Music and song. She was a nightingale in the Garden and was, fortunately, one of the few workers who only occasionally sold her flesh.
Even despite being pregnant with a child--and then having said child--she was still well-liked.
The only problem was... well.
She might have belonged to the Garden, but Nazareth was not.
And since she didn't wish to sell him to the establishment, Nazareth received no benefit from the Garden and was only able to survive with whatever meager things that she could get her hands on.
"But could she have made something out of her own clothes? Or personal items? Wasn't she given gifts and favors?"
Aurelion had to interrupt for a moment because he couldn't understand how his brother's mother could be swimming in brocade, yet her own child was living like a slum child.
At this question, Neo smiled, his eyes suddenly becoming far away as he dredges up the beginning of the first seven years of his life.
"Everything that my mother owned belonged to the Garden. The gifts from her clients are received by the owner. Meals are only served to my mother and no one else. Despite having them in her personal room, they were loaned to her indefinitely until the day she dies."
Neo explained this patiently, thinking back to those days where he helped in the kitchen away from prying eyes as his mother works, sleeping in her closet when he could fit, and only able to be held by her in the dead of night beneath her bed.
The silk of her bed covers was only for her, alone.
She could not even offer it as a piece of warmth on those cold winter nights, so they slept under the bed together, cuddle close.
It could have been called a miserable beginning, but Nazareth would differ.
His mother tried her best. Her best was good enough.
"In the Garden, nothing belongs to you."
Not even their bodies.
"When the lord left, more experienced now than he had before, the woman who served him found that she was with child--"
But Mummy eventually had one thing she could call her own.
"You." The face Aurelion was making was quite laughable.
Neo grinned. "Yes. That was how I came into existence."
Him.
What a miracle that she hid her pregnancy for so long, dressing in heavier layers to conceal herself.
She was educated on the use of common herbs--which would be considered emergency first aid in the Modern World--and found ways to dampen the morning sickness and nausea.
And when she was seven months along, the owner of the Garden had only two options. Lose their best whore to a dangerous abortion attempt, or lose their best whore to the streets of the Red Light District.
Mummy had played a dangerous game, and somehow, in some someway--
She won.
Aurelion wanted to mentally applaud his brother's mother.
Her sheer audacity to challenge her owners was magnificent--strong.
She might not have fought in wars or slaughtered an army or torture an enemy spy, but her victory had won her his brother's existence. And for that, Aurelion mentally thanks her.
"--And then, eventually, an illness ran rampant throughout the lower parts of the Empire and killed off a multitude of common people and those within the Red Light District."
Neo felt himself forcing out a smile, his own eyes shining wetly as gazed at his brother.
Aurelion knew where this was going.
"Aurelion, I will be honest with you. Between living with my mother in a brothel with no actual human rights and being a part of this family, I would have chosen the first option."
This stung the younger.
Suddenly, all Aurelion wanted was to deny this.
"Wait--but you--"
"But that's not how life works."
Sapphire meets Vermillion.
His older brother's eyes shine in a way that he can't decipher.
Why do you look like that?
"And if Father hadn't heard about the rumors of a seven-year-old black-haired whoreson in the Red Light District, I would have likely sold myself into the Garden to get my Mummy a burial ceremony."
Gareth had come to the Garden that day and picked him up.
He had paid for his mother and whisked him away to an inn.
Aurelion stared at his brother in horror, sputtering.
"You--how could you--that's stupid!"
He settled on an insult.
Which made Neo chuckle. "I'd think myself more reckless when I was a seven than I am now. You learn tricks to survive when you grow up in the Garden."
The backhanded words hidden in silk. The way a person's eyes might travel. Their posture, their accent, their gait.
Nazareth was still of Odum blood. He was clever and sharp and simply adapted to the Garden as he grew.
He was never a boy.
Children sold to the Garden are trained to become workers.
He was just a ghost that drifted, dirty, filthy, a child of the beloved Alouysia with unknown origins.
Living a life with no true structure but the environment of the Garden, he didn't start life as a child.
He started life as a spider.
Small, overlooked, crawling around and spinning webs to feed and survive.
Just an imaginary thing that no saw unless he allowed them to.
"Father got the ceremony ready for my mother's burial and brought me to nearest Magic Tower so we could trace my bloodline. He gave me two options if it turns out we weren't related. Either I will be adopted into the family as an aide for you, or he sends me to school."
His father was generous.
Really generous.
"I thought he was one of...those people."
Aurelion's head whipped around so fast, he nearly knocked his forehead against his brother's skull.
"What?!"
"Shh," Neo almost burst out laughing at his reaction, "Quiet, please. Yes, I had thought that Father wanted to keep me. Thankfully, the results came back and showed that we were related, so that particular conversation never took place. I'm getting off track, now. Where was I? Ah, yes, so the burial was a success..."
He had taken dandelion puffs and threw them around the hill his father bought for his mummy.
His father was watching from the carriage...
"And Father took us back to the manor."
Seven he may have been upon entering the manor, but by no means was he inexperienced in human cruelty.
Gareth and Vespera knew this--and perhaps they had hoped he would be able to teach Aurelion compassion for the common people.
And in a way, Nazareth did do that.
"Actually," It was time for him to admit something else, "I didn't want to come back, at first."
The bewildered glare being directed at him told him a lot about what Aurelion was thinking.
He could only smile sheepishly.
"But Father had sat me down after the bloodline test and was able to persuade me to meet all of you."
It was unfortunate that neither Vespera nor Gareth had been too worried about the curse at the time when they first brought him back.
No one had thought it would be such a big deal because Nazareth was a seven-year-old child.
It was due to the mistakes of various people and several circumstances, caution thrown to the wind in the face of innocent children--fate being an utter bitch--that resulted in Aurelion's trauma and Nazareth's downfall.
Perhaps in his first life, he might not have known how to carry these duties, but he's old now. Far older than his brother could ever believe.
He was the adult.
That other boy in his past who poisoned his younger brother is gone, asleep until he is needed another day. To go against someone who dares to take his hoard away.
It won't ever happen again. That terrible version of himself.
But it doesn't mean that what had happened didn't happen.
It all still did.
In another lifetime, in another memory.
As the older brother--bastard or not--it was supposed to be Nazareth's responsibility to look after Aurelion.
"I found out I had two little siblings who were very excited to meet me."
Aurelion blushed bright red, remembering the day that the demon version of his brother stepped into the manor.
Horrible as the memory was, he cannot deny that he and Guinivere tried a little too hard to impress their new big brother.
Neo wishes he could have traveled back a little further. On the day he came to the manor.
Maybe then, Aurelion would have grown up happier, with an older brother who actually took care of him.
Unable to answer Aurelion's question, Neo made sure he met his gaze with one that could convey regret and care.
He leaned in to press his forehead against Aurelion's and felt the other one flinch at the contact.
Aurelion did not pull away from his touch.
"When my mother died, Aurelion, I was prepared to join her in death. As soon as I could, once I got the chance to bury her. But Father changed my mind, you see. He convinced me to come home. He promised a family, where I could be given anything I wanted. To possess. And..."
Gareth had told him to come home, awkwardly and in a way that had Neo smiling at the memory. His father has no experience speaking to children that are not raised the Odume-way.
Compare to the ultimate glacier in the house, Nazareth had been a dying candlelight fire at the time.
For a child who had nothing but the clothes on his back, a book, and the memories of his mother, the worst thing someone can do is to tell them that they could have anything.
Especially when the said child grew up in the Lotus Garden.
He could not even call his mother his own. She belonged to the Lotus Garden, not him, her own child. The only thing that had satiated his desire to want was the fact that at the very least, he belonged to her.
And for him, even at such a young age, he was happy that at least one of them got to keep something precious.
So the moment he was told by Gareth that he was able to possess whatever he wanted, it unleashed a part of himself that hated.
What was once a boy who was satisfied with his lot in life, rose a greedy monster that took and lived without thought for anything else. He was unstable, without any goals or objectives.
Grieving and repressing and hating.
All for the sake of living a scummy life with no true morals or conscience. There was no compass, and so, Nazareth had thought--why not?
He could live a life full of anger and loathing, act recklessly without a care, and finally--his ultimate end goal--die.
Material things, titles, vicious acts of violence and murder. He wanted it all.
There was blood on his hands.
He gave two shits about it.
"But if you were so miserable... why did you agree to come?"
Aurelion was overwhelmed by what his brother had just admitted. He didn't think he would ever know why Nazareth is the way he is--even now, he doesn't really understand--yet, he was able to form a conclusion.
Which led to his question.
Why did his brother come home, regardless of his hatred?
Neo pursed his lips, thinking back to that forming chaotic energy in his seven-year-old self. The core was always dampened by his Mummy's love, but she had called him exceptional--believing him to do great things in life once he was old enough to leave her.
But she left him first, and without her, the only stable constant in his short life, the rush of his spirit surged uncontrollably with only the feelings he felt in that moment when she died.
"I agreed to come home because Father told me you and Guinivere needed a big brother to guide them."
And in a twisted way, he did somehow manage to guide Aurelion and Guinivere.
By terrorizing them.
Haunting them.
Threatening them.
"I think he believed I just needed a purpose after my mother died. Back then, all I cared about was my mother. My existence was the source of her happiness, the only thing she can call her own, so I tried to live up to that until her final moments."
It all came back to wanting.
It always did.
Aurelion had listened to his brother's story carefully, enraptured and awed and uncomfortable.
And he wants to believe what is being told to him, for the first time.
He hopes that none of it is a lie.
Now, the only thing he can confirm with his brother is--
"The reason you hate me," He meets his brother's gaze, "Is it because I didn't learn anything from you?" He needed to know. "Were you disappointed that all I knew was how to barely escape from your attacks?"
His voice grows weaker as he withdraws slightly from those arms still wrapped around him. "Had it come to the point that you didn't think I was fit for heirship?"
Something seemingly breaks in his brother's eyes, as if the distant memory had hit him right in the face.
"I..."
Aurelion bites his lip. He doesn't know if he wants to hear the answer.
Neo abruptly pulls his brother in again, feeling the sense of desperation crawling up his throat.
No, of course not. He wanted to say. Aurelion had it all wrong.
Nothing about his brother was unsatisfactory.
"I hated you so much,"
He presses his brother's head against his chest, his face in his hair.
He's alive.
Aurelion hadn't killed him.
They have all the time in the world to tell the truth.
He decides it's now.
"--because I was a bastard who chose to take my anger out on you for no reason. You were younger than me, smaller than me, and the easiest target. I was a monster who thought my family was considered my possession, something I could either love or hate as much as I wanted. I took my upbringing with my mother and distorted it to suit my own selfish desires. I was destructive and had no goals in mind, desiring only for the world to feel as shitty as I did, as bitter as I was, and to watch everything burn down with me."
He allowed himself a caustic smile.
Held against his brother's chest, Aurelion feels the strong heartbeat belonging to Nazareth. It pulses erratically, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, like a turbulent rhythm with no known song.
"Aurelion, you did nothing to warrant my hatred.." Neo spoke as softly as he could.
"You were perfect just the way you were. A lively child with a purpose. And I wanted to ruin that because I thought it was my right as your older brother. My only desire had been to break you."
Like toys.
He thought them to be toys, hating them, loving them, causing trouble for them left and right.
Like a vicious fae unleashed upon the house of Odum who was running out of life.
One last wicked deed before his death.
He was a dead man walking through life with no directions.
"Brother..."
Aurelion pulled away from him.
Neo felt a part of himself feeling disappointed, but knew he was deserving of the action.
At this revelation, will Aurelion even think of him as a family?
Aurelion took a good look at his brother's face.
No tears. Just... wet eyes.
"Brother..."
He spoke again.
A broken smile that didn't reach his brother's Vermillion eyes formed.
It was ugly, and Aurelion had the urge to wipe it off.
This new version of his brother was more troublesome than the way he was a few months back.
Smiling when he doesn't really want to smile, hiding his feelings behind cakes and teas.
And only occasionally is his brother honest, now.
This time doesn't count.
The scummy trouble-maker was always candid with his thoughts and feelings. He didn't care to keep his plots to himself, challenging him straight on.
But now...
It is very difficult to read his brother after that... dream...
He wasn't angry at the revelation.
Aurelion had suspected it.
There was so much going on inside his brother that could easily be deciphered. Aurelion just hadn't known how deep those feelings went.
There was an abyss inside his brother's mind.
The younger brother sighed when he realized that his older brother was beginning to get that distant look in his eyes.
He reached out his arms...
And wrapped them around his big brother.
"What changed?"
Neo felt himself being pulled in Aurelion's embrace. The boy's arms were stiff and awkward, clearly stating that he doesn't do this often, and with a not-so-thorough contemplation on his next moved, he returns the hug.
He takes a peek towards a window at the end of the hall, just where the night sky could be seen.
They still have many hours until morning.
"I have a long story to tell. Will you believe me if it's the truth?"
A pause.
And then--
"En."
Certainly, it is a long story. Four decades worth.
Starting from the day he dies.
Aurelion will not know about the events that led to that point, nor about the sword that killed him, but starting from the moment he closed his eyes on that cliff. It is a story worth telling.
"So when I was around seventeen, on the day before graduation..."
Neo thinks back to the day he made his ties and revealed his secret. Right after Julius confessed his selfish wish.
The boy had wanted to live.
And Nazareth had cackled like a madman.
"That's funny," his laugh--hoarse and mad, almost deranged and frighteningly broken and off at the same time, echoed through the room. "I wish I had died."
Which earned him a pause of silence.
They had all watched him smile that horrifying grin with too many teeth, which made him elaborate further. Back then, he was more prone to monologuing and performing violent theatrics.
"In the womb, I mean. My existence is a curse on the Odum House. Did you know that? A mindless beast whose only purpose is to destroy whatever it desired. I should have never been born, but a fish slipped through the net and mummy dearest--that whore--wanted. Oh, she wanted, alright. A child of her own. Something that was hers and solely hers."
The crude joke made the other three cringe, but they continued to listen, staring wide-eyed at their no-doubt insane companion.
Nazareth had taken a swig of the ceremonial wine, downing it like a shot of Cyrillic alcohol.
"And what's worse? That fucking curse is the reason I will never be normal. No one can do anything about it because they think I'm a fucking ticking time bomb with no magic lines to cut. Why else do you think that family still keeps me around despite what I do? What did I do? To their beloved heir? Huh? I threaten the livelihood of that fucking house every day I breath, yet here I am. Alive. Why? Because lovely father and stepmother deigned me an unknown anomaly. They fear what will come if I were to die. And even as the embodiment of doom, I'm still a fucking cock up who will never compare to their precious son."
He sneered, scoffing at the last part.
"That's why I live. They would take a chance with my existence over another possibility because I'm easier to handle. And despite it, they know that I am and will always be the root cause of all their misfortunes."
Perhaps he had thought himself a curse.
Maybe he was a curse placed upon the Odum house.
But he had still died.
Aurelion had saved everyone from his wretched brother.
"--medical school. You know, so I could help others--"
As he told a wild tale of happiness, death, redemption, and hard work, Neo placed his old memories away back inside those boxes in his head.
Nazareth, he may be, but he is also Neo.
Like two sides of the same coin.
He doesn't need to feel bitter, anymore.
He belongs to Aurelion--his family--and they are his.
It's a two-way street if you want to be happy.
And he is.
He really is.
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Volume I: Spring--END
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