Chapter Twenty-Two:
Noah:
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
It wasn't normal to ache this badly.
I was so hard that it was painful. I could barely think straight anymore.
Her asking all those questions didn't help, but they made it a little easier to focus.
Her head in my neck still worried me.
What if she looked?
My hand was already gripping before I could think about it.
She was right here.
My mate.
I could touch her.
I could smell her.
I wanted to taste her.
I groaned at the thought.
"Noah," she whispered into my neck.
I shivered.
"How would you imagine it?" I asked, "If our roles were reversed?"
"If I was a Devil?" she asked, "Or I walked in on you about to masturbate?"
I tried to keep my hand still, but slowly I brought my hand up.
"If you walked in on me."
"Hmm," she hummed, "Are you naked?"
My hand came back down.
"Would you prefer it if I was?" I asked.
"No," she said, "I'd like to see you with your shirt pulled up to show off your stomach and tight boxer shorts pushed down."
"Well," I said, "One out of two."
"Why only one out of two?" she asked playfully.
"I'm not wearing a shirt," I stated.
I could feel it every time her body shook. It felt good.
It felt good to have that kind of effect on her.
"I can feel that," she stated.
Her nails raked across my chest.
I moaned long, feeling her nails go from my sternum all the way to my shoulders.
I wanted her hands to venture lower. I wanted her to feel me there too.
Her face nestled more into my neck.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"Yes," she said.
Her hot breath against my neck made me feel a little dizzy.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
I wasn't, but I would be soon.
My hand hasn't stopped since I started.
"Does it feel different with me here?" she asked.
"It does," I admitted.
My grip was tighter than usual. I needed to keep my head here.
"A good different?"
I nodded, trying not to let any sounds out.
I felt her hand make its way up my shoulder, to my neck, then to my hair.
There wasn't even time to process what she was doing. Her nails gently raked my scalp.
Fuck.
I moaned louder than I ever wanted to.
If it felt this good just being next to her, I could only imagine how it felt being with her.
I could feel it, slowly building in my gut.
I gasped when I felt her lips on my neck.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Helping," she breathed against my neck.
Fuck, she isn't wrong, though.
She let out a sound, and my vision blurred.
"Shay," I gasped.
I was starting to panic.
I felt a change coming on.
My eyes were already different. My tongue was split too.
My teeth are already starting to elongate.
I just prayed that my nails didn't grow, not while I was like this.
My entire body froze, and not even a second later, I heard his voice.
"Noah," Baird said, "I know it is unnecessary to ask, but what on earth do you think you are doing?"
"Shit," Shay whispered into my neck.
"Out of respect for Shay," Baird stated, "I am using audio-only, but I am about to switch to video."
"She's covered," I said.
"Your numbers say otherwise," Baird said.
I could hear the disapproval in his tone.
"Well, the numbers aren't lying," I stated, "I'm flying solo here."
I heard the click of the camera turning on.
"You know better," he said, "You are changing."
Even though Baird was here, I couldn't handle the pain.
My hand slowly started to stroke again.
"Noah," Baird said, "I told you to behave yourself."
"You also told me to sleep," I stated, "But something got in the way of that."
"I can see that," he sighed.
"Just a few more minutes," I said, "Then I'll be done."
"Yes, well," Baird cleared his throat, "If that had worked before, I would not have had to call Shay here in the first place."
I wasn't sure how I knew it, but I knew I would be able to sleep just fine once this was taken care of.
"We're following your rules," I stated, "Please, just give me a minute."
"Is my presence, perhaps, bothering you?" Baird asked.
I could hear the small smile on his face.
"Just a bit," I said.
"I see Shay is keeping her eyes down," Baird sighed, "I am still very not okay with this."
"I can't help how my body reacts," I stated.
The more we talked, the more I felt my teeth coming out.
"Noah," Baird whispered, "Finish it, then sleep."
I nodded.
"This will not happen a second time," Baird said sternly.
Shit.
The camera clicked off.
My body couldn't handle it anymore. I stroked faster.
I couldn't see straight. I was afraid that even though Baird said that I would be too tired to change and hurt Shay, that I still might.
I ached to bury myself deep inside of her. I didn't even think about how or where, just warm inside her.
Home.
I groaned.
Her presence at my back now only made me worry.
I couldn't think. I needed to move a little away from her.
I forced myself forward, and my eyes kept failing to adjust.
"Noah," Shay said.
Stay back.
I couldn't get the words out.
My jaw clenched so tight. I had to keep my teeth away from her.
The bed moved, and I just remember seeing my legs blur.
Shay:
Noah startled me when he moved away from me.
A small part of me thought he would turn over and come right for me, but he didn't.
He sat at the end of the bed, and he leaned over.
"Noah?" I asked.
I watched his shoulders rise and fall with his breathing.
I moved forward a little to touch his back.
I couldn't quite make out what he said, if it was anything at all. Maybe a noise.
He turned slowly until he was partially off the bed and facing me.
I was paralyzed as his eyes locked with mine.
It seemed different than before.
"N-Noah," I gasped.
His eyes looked brighter lilac, and darker gray.
"Mate."
It came out as a growl.
I shivered.
I held my hand up in hopes of keeping him back.
He said so himself that this was a dangerous situation to be in.
He said explicitly not to be in front of him.
What was he going to do?
His hand hit the mattress, and then the other one did.
Oh shit.
His eyes were glued to mine as he slowly crawled closer to me.
"No," I breathed, "Noah."
"Mine," he said it just barely so I could hear it.
His jaw tensed, and it looked like he was trying to keep his mouth shut tight.
There must be something wrong with me.
Despite the fear, I knew that Noah would never hurt me on purpose.
"Yours," I leaned forward to press my lips to his.
He growled.
His lips didn't move. His jaw only clenched again.
He kept moving until I was flat on my back and he was over me.
This should not be happening.
I felt myself trembling the closer he got to me, and it only got worse.
Once he was covering me, he pressed his weight down on me.
His hands moved my legs up and apart so that he could fit between them.
This shouldn't be as exciting and as terrifying as it is.
I could feel his desire pressed against me.
"Noah," I whimpered.
For as much as I wanted to be with him, I didn't want him to hurt me.
I prayed silently as his head came closer.
He buried his head in my neck.
"Noah," I could hear the trembling in my voice.
His hand came up to touch my neck. His thumb caressed my cheek and jaw lightly.
"I won't hurt you," Noah whispered.
The heat from his words only made the trembling in my limbs increase.
The look in his eyes a minute ago said otherwise. He looked like a predator.
My brain needed to leave the dirty thoughts behind.
I was not in any position to be enjoying this.
"You said it wasn't safe," I whispered, "To be in front of you."
His gentle hand pressed a little harder against my jaw.
"It's not," he sounded strained, "I want you."
I don't know if it was a reflex or some part of me just really felt like doing something stupid. My back arched, and I felt him shake as I made contact with the part of his body I'm trying my best to avoid thinking about.
A small gasp escaped his lips.
He pressed his face closer to my neck so that I could feel his lips and his nose against my skin.
"Please," he whimpered, "Touch me."
Touch him? Touch him where?
I stared up at the white ceiling while I tried to process his words.
"What?" I asked.
His thumb went up my cheek a little rougher than before.
"Touch me," he gasped.
I wasn't sure if it was on purpose or not, but he ground his hips against me as he said that.
How exactly was I supposed to touch him right now? This position isn't exactly ideal.
"How," I asked.
His hand left my neck. I felt him push down on the mattress next to my head to pick himself up.
His face was over mine, but only for a second.
My eyes shut, not sure what to expect. Was he going to kiss me again?
I felt his cheek against mine.
This felt strange, but I liked it.
He is warm. He is like no guy I've ever been with before.
Not even counting the fact that he is a Devil.
The hand not near my head grabbed my hand.
Once I figured out where he was trying to guide me, I freaked out a little.
He was too strong for me to pull my hand away.
"Noah," I gasped, "What are you doing?"
He didn't say anything. He only gasped once my hand made contact with his engorged organ.
It was scorching.
He guided my hand to tighten around him before slowly stroking.
My body trembled.
His hand left mine to hold himself up.
He groaned again before I felt him thrust into my hand.
My insides tightened painfully. My body was aware of his actions, and the ache only got worse.
His breath was hot against the side of my face.
A growl erupted from him as he moved himself a little faster into my palm.
"Noah," I breathed
He moaned long against my cheek.
It didn't take much longer before he stilled on top of me.
Did he finish?
I didn't have the chance to ask.
"Harder," he growled.
"H-Harder?" I stuttered.
He nodded quickly, and I tightened my grip around him.
He gasped just before resuming his thrusting.
My body could only tremble in response.
Each time his hips moved forward, I felt it between my legs.
Not just because of how hard he pressed against me.
A small whimper escaped my lips.
He stopped again.
I turned my head just slightly so that I could look at him.
He gently rubbed the side of my face with his nose.
I didn't think it was possible to ache this badly.
I wanted him.
Right now, I needed him.
More than anything, I wanted to tell him that.
I knew better than to say those words out loud.
"Why did you stop?" I asked.
What was wrong with my voice?
He took in a shaky breath.
I don't know how I kept forgetting how hard he is trying to stay in control.
He is a lot stronger than I am.
"Noah?"
He pushed himself up a bit, and he looked down at where our bodies touched.
I tried to follow his gaze, but his hand was quick to catch my face.
It felt like hours since I last locked eyes with him.
It slipped my mind that he didn't want me to see it.
His hand was firm, gripping my chin.
His changed eyes stared back at me, searching my face for an answer to a question I had yet to be asked.
I felt his grip loosen, and his forehead rested on mine.
I wanted to ask him if he was alright.
His hands gripping my hips made me lose my focus.
I felt feverish.
My other hand felt useless as I tried to figure out what to do with it.
As if on instinct, my free hand went to the back of Noah's neck.
His eyes shut slowly, and he furrowed his brows.
"Noah," I whispered.
His expression changed as if he was experiencing pain.
My mouth opened to ask him if he was alright, but the words evaporated when I felt his hands on my bare skin.
He slipped his hands up my shirt just a little before going down into the sweat pants and under my shorts to grip my hips tightly.
I let out a moan when his fingertips pressed hard into my skin.
He moved my hips forward before I felt him start to move again.
I gasped, feeling how roughly he thrust into my hand, not only giving himself pleasure but because of how hard he moved against me, I felt it between my legs.
The friction alone could get me off.
It felt like he knew that I needed this too.
It didn't take much longer before I felt a familiar sensation building in my gut.
I moaned, feeling his fingers bite into my sensitive skin.
I wasn't expecting an orgasm to hit me that hard or that quickly.
My body shook, and I felt him shudder above me.
A calm washed over me until he forced his shirt over my head.
Noah:
I felt warm.
Too warm, maybe.
I felt satisfied, and at the same time, I felt like I needed something more.
More of what?
It was hard to open my eyes, but the second I registered the beating of another person's heart, my eyes shot open.
I felt her before I saw her.
Shay laid underneath me, missing the clothes I had her put on. My clothes.
My jaw ached a bit when I thought about talking.
Fortunately, she was asleep.
What happened?
My head throbbed when I tried to remember.
It was like a blur.
I recall moving away from her, but I couldn't see straight.
Now here we are.
What did I do?
Did I hurt her?
I concentrated on her scent. I don't smell any blood.
Several other scents hit me.
One I would certainly recognize because it was mine.
Well, it was from me, at least.
The other one, I couldn't quite put my finger on.
I had to get off of her before I reacted again.
Her scent wrapped around me, and for a little while, I knew that I would be alright.
Whatever happened helped me regain some self-control.
I glanced down at my body, and shame filled me.
I was quick to get off the bed and pull some pants on.
Why was I naked?
Why was she wearing what she came here in?
I had her put my clothes on because I couldn't look at her without nearly losing my shit.
My gaze lingered on her as she continued to sleep.
I felt a tightening in my chest the longer I stared at her.
I wanted to curl up next to her and wrap my arms around her.
I wanted to bury my face in her neck.
My body was moving despite my head telling me to stop.
I didn't stop until she was firmly in my arms.
A small satisfied sigh left me once I found a comfortable position with her.
I wanted to wake up like this every day.
Minus the naked panic.
She let out a small sound causing my body to shudder.
"Hmm," she hummed, "Noah?"
I leaned back a little to gently place my hand on her cheek.
"Yes," I breathed.
Her eyes opened tiredly.
My thumb gently caressed her face while she tried to keep them open.
"How did you sleep?" she asked.
Her eyes gave up and shut again.
I hadn't even had the chance to think about that, but I felt phenomenal.
"Better than I have in a very long time," I admitted.
She grinned despite the tiredness.
"I'm glad," she said.
I wanted to ask her what happened, but I was afraid.
"Are you," I hesitated, "Are you alright?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked.
Her eyes opened in time to see the worry on my face.
She made a face.
"Are you alright?"
My mouth opened, but the words didn't come out.
She moved back a little to look over me and then herself.
What was she looking for?
"Shay?"
Her eyes locked with mine.
My body trembled.
I didn't remember much of anything, but I faintly remember her shivering under me.
Then a flash.
I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or not, but her head rolled back, and her mouth hung open as if she was experiencing an orgasm.
Did she?
Was my mind playing tricks on me?
I felt shame that I couldn't remember for sure. If that did happen, I wanted it seared into my memory.
I want to remember the first time she shudders in pleasure because of me.
I want to remember every detail of her, every sound.
Like, how much her back arches and if her toes curl while she rides the waves of her orgasm.
I groaned at the thought.
Shay sat up and just continued to stare at me.
Why wasn't she saying anything?
"What is it?" she asked slowly, "What's wrong?"
Fucking hell.
Was I usually this transparent?
I didn't want to lie to her, but I was afraid of how she'll feel about it.
I'd be hurt if she didn't remember this.
I don't even know where to start.
I know that I blacked out.
The worry was clear in her eyes.
"I don't…" The sound of the speaker cut me off.
"Good afternoon," Baird greeted, "I hope you both slept well."
Her eyes didn��t leave mine.
"Yes," I said.
I couldn't look her in the eye.
My body moved to a sitting position beside her.
I was angry at myself.
"How about you, Shay?" Baird asked.
Her head rested on my shoulder, "I don't have any complaints."
My eyes shut at her words.
"I have to ask you this, Noah," Baird stated, "How much did you change once I left?"
I already know that he had the numbers.
"My teeth," I stated.
There was a short silence.
"Is that all?" Baird asked.
I shook my head slowly.
"My eyes lost focus," I admitted.
"Did you black out again?" Baird asked.
I trembled the second the words left his mouth.
Again.
I forgot what happened the last time.
My body leaned forward, and my hands covered my face.
"I see," Baird said.
I could hear it in his voice. He was disappointed.
"You blacked out?" Shay asked.
Her hand went over my back soothingly.
It wasn't fair for me to find comfort in her.
I was greedy because I didn't once move away or try to stop her.
"Shay," Baird asked, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she said firmly, "Why do both of you keep asking me that?"
"We're both worried that I could have hurt you," I said, "Because I really could have."
"I know that," she said, "But if I were hurt, I would let you know."
"Would you?" Baird asked, "I hope that both of you remembered that I do, in fact, have access to both of your vitals."
I knew that. I lived with that every single fucking day.
I glanced over at Shay, and she looked worried.
Why was she making that face?
I guess if I wasn't used to Baird giving my life zero privacy. I just might make a similar face.
"Shay," Baird said, "Would you like to tell me what happened?"
"Baird," I growled.
"I would ask you, Noah," he stated simply, "But it has already been established that you blacked out."
She looked like she was thinking about what to say, but a seriousness took over her expression.
"Noah got off and went to sleep," she said, "What more do you need to know?"
"Shay," Baird said patiently, "Is that all?"
"It's all that is relevant," she stated.
He sighed.
"The two of you are giving me gray hair."
I couldn't help but laugh at that.
"Noah," Shay nudged me as a warning.
"Shay, I hate to say it as crudely as I am about to," Baird stated, "But when Noah blacks out, he does not remember the things he has done."
I felt her gaze heavy on me.
"Both of you experienced the little death," he stated, "I am only trying to figure out if there was intercourse or not."
My head snapped to the side to look at her.
It wasn't just in my head.
She really did, didn't she?
Her face burned crimson.
This need to protect her overwhelmed me. Baird had no right to make her make that kind of face.
She looked a little hurt and embarrassed.
The growl that left me rattled in my chest.
"Noah, do you have any idea what you could have done?" Baird scolded.
I knew, but I can't control myself around her.
Everything in me screamed to claim her, but also to protect her.
Does that mean I need to protect her from me?
My chest tightened at the thought.
"I think I have bits and pieces," I admitted, "But there was no sex. Baird, I swear."
"Your need to claim your mate is strong, Noah, I can see that." He said, "But this is a matter of safety for her. Believe it or not, but this is about protecting you too."
"You already know I don't give a fuck about myself," I said despite how awful it sounded.
Shay slapped my back quickly.
I was more shocked than hurt.
"But we do," she hissed, "You asshole."
It bothered me more so that it hurt her than her actual words.
"You have to take care of yourself before you worry about others," she said.
It felt strange to hear those words leave her mouth.
I knew she didn't put herself first.
I didn't want to fight her.
"Okay," I whispered so that only she could hear me, "But when it comes to you, I will always put you before myself."
It was more than an instinct that much I knew.
It felt right, and it felt good.
"You really don't remember what happened earlier?" she asked.
Guilt sat heavily in my gut as I shook my head.
A small frown formed on her face.
My hands went to her face, and my thumbs gently lifted the sides of her lips.
I didn't want to see her upset.
"Shay," Baird said, "I think that it is time for you to go."
"Just a little bit longer," I pleaded.
Her eyes shut, and her eyebrows furrowed.
"Shay," I whispered.
She took in a shaky breath.
No, no, no, please don't cry.
Her hands came up to cover mine.
She sniffled, and I could see the trembling of her lips.
I didn't hesitate to press my mouth lightly to hers, and then I placed soft kisses across her face.
"You have until I get to your room," Baird stated, "Fifteen minutes. No more, no less."
I nodded quickly, still trying to comfort Shay.
"Thank you," I said.
She tried to calm down, but it only resulted in her taking in short breaths that only made it worse.
"Forgive me," I pleaded, "I wish more than anything that I could remember everything, but I can't."
She shook her head slowly in my hands, "I get that you can't help that."
I leaned in to rest my forehead on hers.
"It's what you said," she sniffled, "I don't deserve to be first."
I wanted to growl at her for saying such a thing.
My head just shook as I heard her words over and over again in my head.
"That choice is mine," I said firmly, "Just like you are mine."
She trembled at my words.
I didn't want to sound like one of those guys that claim a woman like property. She wasn't mine like that.
She nodded, "Yours."
I still didn't get how she felt the ways she did so quickly.
Humans were always slower to the connection.
"And you are mine," she said.
I nodded, brushing my nose slightly against hers.
"Mine," she said again.
"Only yours," I confirmed.
She closed the small distance between us to connect her lips to mine again.
It was a short, sweet kiss, but I felt all of the emotion behind it.
My heart felt full.
"I wish I didn't have to go," she whimpered.
My grip on her face tightened.
"I wish we could have done it differently earlier," she admitted.
I kissed her gently again.
"Does it always hurt you that badly?" she asked.
I moved back a little to look at her.
"Does what hurt?" I asked, a little unsure of what she meant.
Her eyes darted down quickly, and I knew what she was referring to.
"Oh," I said a little awkwardly, "What do you mean?"
"I talked to Jody a bit about it," she glanced to the side, "She said that Delaney said it hurts more if it was because of your mate."
She was asking about how badly my dick hurts because of her?
I hummed, slightly pleased.
"Oh baby," I growled, "The pain is nothing compared to the pleasure you gave me."
She trembled.
"It was painful for me, too," she breathed, "It felt like you knew."
It was possible that I could, but I don't remember that part.
"I'm glad I wasn't the only one," I said, "Was it the friction?"
Her eyes met mine, and the blush across her face warmed my hands.
I groaned.
Baird would be here any minute.
The things I wanted to do to my mate.
"Next time," she leaned in to press her lips to my cheek, but she didn't kiss me, "I want you to touch me."
If it weren't for my teeth, I'd do much more than just touch her.
Her hot breath and her words made me react.
I turned my head, and I gripped her chin.
"Noah," she gasped.
I took in a deep breath before I exhaled against her cheek.
It was stupid of me to do it, but I didn't care.
My tongue was already split, but it didn't stop me from licking from her jaw to just under her eye.
She let out a small moan.
The need to claim her again ran through me.
"Home," I murmured.
"What?" Shay asked.
I froze.
Did I really just say that out loud?
The light knock on the door pulled my attention away from Shay.
"It is time, Shay," Baird said.
She moved around me to get off the bed.
It felt like time slowed down as I watched her gather her things.
I didn't want her to go.
I didn't want to make things harder for her either, by begging her to stay.
It wasn't like she could even if we both wanted her to anyway.
She was completely dressed, and her shoes were on.
I watched her glance at the door really fast before she opened my top drawer.
What is she doing?
"Shay?" I asked.
She pulled out one of my long sleeve white thermals.
"Can I take this?" she asked.
I didn't hesitate to nod.
She pulled the white tank top she wore off before tossing it to me.
I held on to that fabric like it was a lifeline.
She put my shirt on over her head before pulling her purse over her shoulder.
My gaze lingered on her as she opened the door but froze.
Baird stood there looking in.
She moved back to take my face into her hands and kissed me hard.
She pulled back just a little before kissing me a second time.
"Until next time then," she breathed.
I nodded quickly, watching her leave.
My limbs told me to run after her and not let her go.
I couldn't do that.
When I couldn't hear them anymore, I laid back.
I really said it out loud, didn't I?
My eyes shut tightly.
It was too soon for that.
It was too soon to consider her as my home.
I couldn't help it.
I felt wretched the second she wasn't near me.
How was I supposed to know the next time I would get to see her, let alone touch her?
I hate it.
I hated how I reacted, knowing she was gone.
Silent sobs followed the stinging of my eyes.