Chereads / Sacrifice: Memoirs of A Martyr / Chapter 5 - Chapter 4: Perjury - Who We Want To Be

Chapter 5 - Chapter 4: Perjury - Who We Want To Be

[~ For best reading experience, please use your headphones to LISTEN to the music recommended to this chapter called "The Way (Instrumental) by Zack Hemsey" from YouTube and put it on REPLAY in the background until you finished. ~]

<< See foot notes/glossary chapter at the end of every 10 chapters. If you seen this symbol (**) at the end of every word, it means it will further explain the meaning of the word. As more chapters are completed and the story advanced, the more information will be added.>>

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Per•ju•ry | \ ˈpər-jə-rē , ˈpərj-rē \ [noun]

Definition of perjury—

1: the voluntary violation of an oath or vow either by swearing to what is untrue or by omission to do what has been promised under oath : false swearing

"No single thing is perfect by itself; That is why we are born to attract other things...To make up for what we lack."

— Uchiha Itachi (from anime: Naruto)

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[~•SACRIFICE: MEMOIRS OF A MARTY•~]

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It was suddenly raining that day...

As if the heavens are crying for the tragic outcome that will soon befall them.

She was glad though... Finally, something natural to purify the blood-soaked forest ground of the Serenes Forest**. Corpses of Laguz littered the once sunlit peaceful pasture. It was a grotesque picture straight from her nightmares.

She wore a long greyish-black cloak with wide hood to blend with the dead trees. She left her precious necklace to Rafiel.

'…a remembrance..' She said to him.

Her petite body shuddered under the onslaught of icy raindrops.

'The sound of pouring rain is so sad...' she thought to herself.

Her exotic hair covered the upper half of her porcelain face, hiding her eyes.

'Rafiel should understand..'

As she lifted her face, her eyes came in view with raindrops hanging from her long thick lashes. They blinked slowly and the drops broke and rolled. She sighed, pulling at her bangs.

The shade of her exotic hair became darker, sticking together as rain soaked the locks. She lifted a pale hand —trembling and small— to brush the hair off her eyes. In closer inspection, her skin was covered in goosebumps.

She's nervous.

And pitiful.

Against the fierce winds, her body swayed and shuddered. They lashed at her angrily, like whips, hitting her with shaking intensity. Blinking rapidly, she tried to stare up to the grieving sky.

Such a lonely day to leave…

Uncalled, tears gathered in the corner of her eyes. Sensing them, the pitiful girl held her breath as if holding her breath would help her stop the tears. But the tears came, anyway. And as they flowed, they mingled with rain. She remained looking up, trying to find a sliver of hope up there but she saw nothing. Nothing but the rain.

Falling and falling and falling...

'forever? maybe, like the air? Maybe..'

and falling and falling—

She looked down and wiped her eyes. Her body gave a violent shiver and she realized… It was a cruel day, cruel weather, cruel, cruel world— not even stopping from spinning, uncaring for individual intentions. It never stopped to slow down, to care… to stop spinning round and round, and round.

The world would not stop for her.

But she stood on her ground, refusing to look back and return to the warm comfort of her family.

She bit her lower lip.

'I won't back out…'

Determinedly, she bit back a sob, clenching her trembling fists. Yet again… tears appeared, rolled down and lingered at her chin. Another bead followed. Another… and another, until they became unstoppable.

"Stop." She whispered, wiping her face.

'I'll be stronger for myself… I will survive.'

With that resolve, she put the hood over her head and walked. One step after another and she will be out of her beloved home.. One more, and she's free… two more and she's… out of that life. Out of the safety of her family.

She paused to contemplate.

'No. C'mon... Walk. Don't hesitate.'

She made one more step.

I can—, And—

"Alexdandria."

She stopped in mid-step.

"Where are you going?"

Her breath caught and froze.

'Why now?'

Her grip on her resolve tightened.

'Rafiel...'

But suddenly, he asked.

"Are you running away from me?"

The grip trembled. And almost crumble…

'Don't fret!' she tries to convince herself. To have that strength.. Yet..

She swallowed painfully, looked over her shoulder with her chin lifted defiantly.

"No." She tried to sound casual. She even tried to smile which failed. Her jaw was trembling.

"Then, where are you going?"

She shrugged. Oh, how hard it was to pretend. She cannot trust her throat to work and say coherent things. She feared that something might come out and injure her brittle pride. But she endured and toughened her resolve.

"Somewhere…" she lied.

"Did HE told you to go?"

She wavered again, her mouth drying, she swallowed first.

"N-No."

"Alexandria."

The way he say her name confused her. A feeling of painful sadness consumed her. Wet lashes lowered over green-gold eyes. She spoke softly,

"I have to go."

Something went wrong. Because she faltered for the third time, but this time it's like a sharp wave rushing.. Because he touched her.

Splash!

Her composure shook and eventually fall to pieces.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she shrieked and staggered back clumsily. Her defenses were shattered and her tears were exposed to him.

She scorned herself mentally, 'Great.. You're so weak Alexandria'.

She observed him, noting that his calm stoic expression did not even shift, move… or whatnot. So cruel. This person had the cruel ability to make her feel guilty without even trying.. she did loved him but...

'Samael..'

"Alexandria…" He repeated.

She lifted a hand, palm facing him as he stepped forward.

"Stop. Please." She whispered.

Rafiel stopped, looking at her grimly. His white wings slowly flapping. His long loose waves of hair gently moving with the wind.

"Where are you going?"

When she did not reply, the platinum blonde haired man exhaled sharply, lime colored eyes narrowed.

"It's late. And cold. Let's go back."

Pause.

"We need to protect mother...and then go to the battlefield.. We need you."

She bit her lip and turned around towards the exit of the forest. She chose to say quiet.

Behind her Rafiel scowled. "Alexandria—"

"I'm leaving."

A painful expression appeared on his handsome face.

"What are you talking about?... C'mon we need you. Stop playing around."

She shrugged. Outside, she was fast becoming composed. However, inside… she was melting. Like a candle. Pain can really change people. She was dying a little bit inside. This grief is so overhelming... She remember that her mother says, herons, her kind, are the most fragile.. that even though they are naturally immortal and remain unwearied with time..they're the most sensitive to pain and negativity. Be it physical, mental or emotional. They can still be slain.

She doesn't know back then why since she's a young fledgling.. but now, she's beginning to understand why her family is so protective of her from the outside world.

However, she promised herself—

'I'll keep smiling'

—Not for Rafiel, or her family, or HIM but for her own self.

"I'm not playing around." She responded to him

A soft musical chant is about to form in her lips but,

"Alexandria— no, wait."

Her eyes flinched when he suddenly put one hand over her mouth. The feeling of his warm skin startled her. Unknowingly, she recoiled at the contact, visibly wincing.

"Rafiel," she forced out, "go back."

"I have to tell you something."

She shook her head; wet shoulder length wavy bangs covered her one eye.

"No. I have to go…please."

He then grip her hands tightly. "Alexandria, listen to me, this is important."

Her resolve… what happened to her resolve? Squaring her shoulders, she looked at him straight in the eye and hardened her face.

"I don't care! Let me go!" she tugged at her hand but Rafiel did not let go.

"Alexandria, if you really want to leave. I won't stop you."

"Then, why are you here?" She made a big mistake. She looked at his face. His expression was hard, and grave. A squeezing pain numbed her heart, twisted her gut and again, a feeling of intense loneliness and grief filled her being. It was…painful.

She tried to ignored it.

Rafiel frowned, then sighed defeated.

"Please listen to me. I have to tell you something."

"Brother…"

A flicker of anger flashed in his eyes. He hated that word. "Don't call me that!"

"Leave me alone!" she demanded, pulling her hand.

"Let… GO!"

"Not until you hear me out!"

"You are so selfish! Can't you tell that I don't want to listen?!" She snap back wildly.

She managed to free her hand and hurriedly turned to face the forest exit. Rafiel grabbed her again this time by the shoulder and forced her to face him.

"Damn it! This is important!" he yelled, shocking her.

She backed away slowly. Rafiel never yelled at her even when she's at her best of troubling him.

"I told you… I don't care."

He sighed again, almost frustrated. "Please… Listen to me!"

Her eyes cringed and almost automatically, tears gathered shamelessly. She lowered her lids slowly and a minute of soulful silence passed between the two.

"…goodbye." Her voice came soft, so soft… that she doubted if Rafiel heard her.

But he did, because his grip on her shoulder tightened, his fingers digging onto the flesh of her shoulder,

"Why don't you ever listen to me!? FOR ONCE!?"

"Rafiel…"

Tears cascaded. With every second ticking by, the tears fell harder and faster, just like a downpour of waterfalls.

"Alexandria! For fuck's sake—"

She lifted her face and smiled tearfully.

"I can't stay."

Her vision was blurred by tears that she cannot see his face anymore. And maybe, she chose to be blinded just for a moment.

"I can't stay… not anymore."

"Alexandria...why.."

"I'm sorry."

'Besides, I'm the one HE wants..' she thought.

She blinked and her vision cleared.

Handsome face, a pale beauty. Magnificent white wings, sea-foam eyes, platinum blonde wet hair.

An unforgettable face… a face that she will never forget.

"Thank you."

Poof.

Sparkling, red spider lily flowers gently fluttered the air in replace of her.

A foreshadowing of many sufferings and tribulations to come.

Silence.

And then, Rafiel's voice.

"Alexandria!"

Unbeknownst to Alexandria, if she had waited a little while longer, listen to him a little more, and stayed to believe more...

She would have gotten informed about the bitter betrayal of HIM.

That's Rafiel's oh so important message that he's trying oh so hard to say.

But little foolish Alexandria..

So naive..

Her heart wouldn't have gotten stolen.

How tragic...

...It was raining that day, and that day, indeed, the heavens are crying.

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Chapter FOUR:

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Who We Want To Be

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(15 years ago)

Before the Great Purge

In the Holy Kingdom of Aurora,

Serenes Forest

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Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Footsteps stops.

It was then that young Samael, second prince of the Asterian Empire, made his appearance in the vicinity of a familiar meadow he usually go to.

The only place he could be at peace. And to see that angel.

Alexandria.

The young pretty boy with jet black hair leaned against the tree, arms crossing, looking older than his actual age of ten years as his paler than usual appearance and slightly strained features became more obvious as he saw the person he's waiting for draw closer.

He's here with his father, The Emperor, and some of the Great Elders, to discuss some treaties with the Aurora Kingdom. And for those who were aware of his duties and burdens that had been placed on his young shoulders, it wasn't hard to see that the boy was struggling under the immense pressure that he had been expected to carry. The Royal House of Erebus accepted only perfection from their prodigious second son, and not many outsiders saw beyond the genius and implacable facade of the young prodigy. He was practically worshiped by the civilian villagers back home from Asteria, his undeniable talents recognized and acknowledged by his fellow lords and soldiers, and it was no wonder that he always felt as if he was being examined for his worth, silently suffocating under the weight of the cold eyes that rested upon him, the men and women of his family who dictated every detail of his life.

Today in this summit between the two kingdoms, it was no different.

"…in light of your astounding performance in the advance alchemy exams, the master shaman of the dark tower has expressed an interest in recruiting you into the program…"

"…this is an excellent opportunity for you to ingratiate yourself within the Kingdom of Aurora's Holy Knights…"

"…you will be one of the youngest recruits to be initiated within Chaos Project**, the small percentage that has been handpicked by the Commander himself..."

"…this is a mark of honor for the royal family, you must understand the significance…"

"…we have provided the Commander with a positive reply and as always, the Emperor have been persuaded to give his consent as well. You will join the Chaos Project effectively from tomorrow onward, and will be housed in a separate, undisclosed facility as a trainee for the next six months…"

"…your objectives are clear; you are not to dishonor the Erebus royalty in any way. You are to become an official member of the Shadow Ops** as quickly as possible, just as you are to rise among the ranks swiftly thereafter. You will become nothing but the best of the best, the Emperor's right hand in every way…"

"…you will bring glory and honor back to the Beorcs…"

"Is that clear, Samael?"

What else could he do other than to wordlessly agree? There wasn't a choice in this matter, not for him. Never for him. It didn't matter that he hated confrontations, that it was a pipe dream of his to be left in peace, what he thought didn't matter at all. The very moment he was born into this cursed royal family as a second prince, his life was forevermore sealed in a regrettable and twisted fate.

Asterian Emperors and Kings are bestowed upon a name meaning 'Immortal', 'Eternity' or 'Everlasting'; to rebel against the fragility of the Beorc's life-cycle: Mortality. A testament to the world that a 'God King' can exist. Names with those underlining meanings are the only names given to the official 'first heir to the throne.' But since he's born after the first prince, Aeternitas, and was born from a lowly neglected concubine; he's an illegitimate child and therefore cannot and will not succeed the throne.

However what the Great Elders, The Council, and even the Emperor, himself, didn't expect is for him to have the darkest black hair they have ever seen in their lifetime or to the history of the Asterian Empire. It's a traditional rule from the beginning. The darker the hair is the powerful alchemy a person has. So he became the shadow. They said he was destined to be their pride, the deadly ornamental weapon to be proudly displayed to the rest of the world..

That they're doing this out of 'love'...

Such conniving words...

What is LOVE?

The bitterness that roiled within him made him feel almost sick, and not for the first time, Samael almost wished that he had been born to a normal family.

One in which his mother didn't have to steal into his room in the middle of the night when she thought him fast asleep in his bed, just to tell him in such heart aching and tender tones how proud she was of him, things that she would never dare—or be allowed—to say to him anywhere else. One in which she didn't have to constantly fight against the Great Elders who stood against her in their unanimous intention to wean her son from his only family, perpetually torn between her duties as mere concubine, and her strong maternal instincts as a mother.

A life in which he could just be himself, and still be loved unconditionally by his family.

Again, what is love?

But young as he was, he was also realistically aware that such hopeless wishes were impossible. However, the trappings of youth were hard to shed, and so were the innocuous dreams and hopes that he had clung stubbornly to, no matter how hard the Great elders had tried to rid him of them.

After all, he was ONLY ten years old.

And he did not know now, not yet, but his subsequent entry into the Chaos Project would completely kill off what little of his innocence that was left.

"Samael?"

The soft, childlike, melodic and girlish voice told him that she was finally here. Slowly, he turned his head slightly to the left and saw the little girl girl with long four-toned ombre colored hair of pearl white, silver, platinum blonde and pastel pink, began to sit quietly on one side of the tree just meters away from him. A pure, joyous smile wreathed her heart-shaped face as she greeted him with the warmest of welcomes, her deep gold-neon green eyes that was large on her small face soft with heartfelt happiness as she did nothing to hide her delight at his unexpected presence.

"Samael?" Alexandria question again.

Her sweet, tentative voice interrupted gently, asking for his attention. He turned to her at last, and met her solemn golden verdant gaze with his own. The little angel had been reading a book before he had arrived on their usual spot. But now that book lay forgotten on her lap as she focused her entire attention on him instead. Her large almond eyes studied him for a brief moment with surprising intensity, a small frown starting to crease her forehead the longer she stared at him.

"You are sad," she observed at last, the genuine concern in her young voice apparent. She sidled nearer to his side, and pressed against him with familiarity as she tipped her head back slightly to look at him better.

"Why are you sad again, Samael?"

Her simple, childlike question came out in an anxious, earnest tone, her worry on his behalf obvious by the way she had instinctively moved nearer to him in order to establish physical contact, to offer some semblance of comfort.

He flinched inwardly at her query, even as his pale face smoothed out completely to become blank and unreadable. His instinctual response was to deny her observation; he was certain that he had schooled his expression even prior to entering the meadow, how could she still read his emotions…?

"Your eyes…" she paused, frowning again as she struggled to put to words to what she was seeing.

"…they look like they want to cry."

Her bewildered, quiet reply made him freeze. He was watching her in a slightly sharper manner now, studying her just as she had him earlier. She didn't seem to notice though, and raised up a small hand from her lap and reached out slowly towards him, stretching her little fingers out almost as if she was trying to touch his face, an expression of mesmerized inquisitiveness and childish concern displayed prominently on her delicate, elfin features as she held his stare with her own large, innocent ones. At last, her tiny fingertips brushed against the side of his cheekbone then, soft and fleeting like a butterfly's wings, and surprisingly enough, he did not move out of her range when he could have very easily avoided her touch should he desire it to be so.

Instead, the young prodigy stilled completely and allowed the little one to awkwardly pat his cheek as she tried to offer him some measure of comfort, instinctively seeking to lessen the unspoken torment in the dark gaze of the raven-haired youth.

He never took his eyes off her.

The little angel did not seem to mind the attention, though. She smiled at him, a small, hopeful smile that felt like the gentlest rays of the sunshine on his cold, numbed soul, before she lowered her hand and started to bring it back to rest on her lap.

Her eyes widened curiously with surprise when his hand reached out suddenly and snatched hold of her before she could even pull away completely. Despite his quick reaction, the older boy was painstakingly careful with his handling of the young girl; his longer fingers wrapped themselves protectively against her smaller, babyish ones, not too tight, but not too loose either. He held on to her with a firm grip that belied his quiet desperation for any form of human contact at the moment, and the little girl did not resist. She tilted her head curiously like a little kitten and observed the way his hand intertwined with hers, and to her credit, there was not a hint of fear to be found in those guileless gold-green eyes of hers.

The Second Prince, Samael, wanted to look away from the little angel who was slowly but surely soothing his despairing, turbulent emotions with her sweet, open presence, mortified that he was being so weak, wanted to look away, to pretend that he wasn't clinging on to this little girl like a lifeline, but he couldn't. His hold on her tightened imperceptibly, and she looked at him again.

It took everything he had not to flinch visibly from her gaze in shame, even as his insides quivered and roiled anxiously in a way that made him feel almost sick.

But the look she gave him held no recrimination whatsoever, nor was there any disgust or disappointment in those clear neon-green emerald depths. She wasn't judging him for his actions. With the strength of what a young girl can do, she squeezed his hand back to the best of her abilities.

She gave him a tiny, shy smile.

"Don't be sad anymore, Samael, my friend." she told him in a serious, yet sweetly childish tone.

"Or I will be sad too, okay?"

He really didn't know what he was doing anymore when it came to this young girl that he just met couple of months ago, and he couldn't seem to make himself let go of her hand either.

Not yet.

She was looking at him with those expectant eyes filled with such gentle trust, though, and just like that, whatever it was that had been coiling so tightly within him started to loosen slowly, allowing him to breathe properly again.

He still did not trust himself to speak, and merely jerked his head down once in agreement. She seemed to understand what he was trying to tell her, and her large emerald eyes started to shine with an inner light.

In that very instant, the bond that had began to form between them from the first time they've met became even stronger, slowly but surely entwining together this pale-faced, perpetually stressed second prince of the great Asterian Empire and the little ombre haired girl child whom he had somehow known innately, but still don't know about.

She was somehow special to him.

And it was at that same moment that the raven-haired boy finally decided to stop questioning just what it was about Alexandria that drew him to her like magnet.

The quiet youth closed his eyes briefly, and felt more of his anxiety melt away. His helpless frustration and unhappiness at his strict household was slowly fading away in the face of Alexandria's innocent company, and for once, he decided to ignore the sheer repercussions of what he had just done—

Letting this little girl into his life.

It could be a blessing or a curse.

Again, he couldn't help but think that there's something about her, he did not know what, perhaps it was what she represented, that soothed his troubled mind. Perhaps that was the reason why he had kept returning to look upon her, initially attracted to her against his will, and truth to be told, he was so weary—and desperate—that he no longer cared to deny the calming effect she had on him.

There would be hell to pay if it ever got out that he had a weakness in the form of a small young girl, but by now, it mattered little to the raven-haired youth.

The people around him already saw him as a bit strange and unsettling, what harm would a little more discrimination do? At least, this time around, he would have something he wanted, and he would do whatever it took to keep her.

It was a fair trade, the way he saw it. She clearly needed attention, and he needed her.

If he was to be drafted into Chaos Project and became a Shadow Ops against his will, then let his weakness for this little girl be the only thing he asked for in exchange.

The distant chatter of voices coming from the other side of the forest alerted him to the fact that it's time for him to depart. He then hesitate if he should release Alexandria's hand.

But he doesn't need to.

Because the little angel beside him did not want to let go.

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(Present)

Asterian Empire,

Inside Obsidian Palace,

The Emperor's Bed Chamber

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Clang!

A glass cup was thrown into the wall. Red stain of wine can be seen through the dark room. Shattered pieces of chairs, tables and mirrors are sprawled all over; while many crumples of paper filled with images of a woman with jeweled golden-green eyes are in the ground and on the whole entirety of the walls around the bed chamber.

Some of them are ripped, pinned by knives or stained with blood.

There, on a regal couch, Samael was laying down, half naked. His left hand is settled through his hair, his right leg propped up while the other is laid straight. His muscled body is covered with sweat, his face filled with tormented and painful expression.

With his right hand, he clawed over his heart with violent force, producing blood. His eyes shut tightly, while he panted the name of the owner's heart he had stolen and made it his own.

"Alexandria.."

It's been almost one week and a half since the incident of the grand banquet. And ever since then, that wench plague his mind to the point he couldn't function. He forced himself not to see her but his blasted body keeps betraying him. It took all of his will power not to burst into her golden cage on his nephew's room and violate her.

So he had no choice but to lock himself in his room. And proclaim that he's working.

He need to make sure the Great Elders don't see him in this weak state and he needs to recover fast..

"Fucking hell.." he hissed under his breath.

His fives senses are overloading, filled with her. Her eyes, her lips, her voice, her scent...

..EVERYTHING...

Damn..

He chuckled as he half open his crimson eyes,

"That witch probably cursed me during that Galdr..."

A playful smirk appeared on his devilishly handsome face and then in a hoarse bedroom voice,

"..I don't mind though.."

He took a deep breath and exhale softly. Then he removed his bloodied clasping hand over his heart and slowly started to go southward...

An image of Alexandria on her knees, naked, open mouthed, holding his length with tongue out under him suddenly crossed his mind.

His breath hitched, and he began to pant again.

"ah.. ah.."

Another image bombarded him, this time it's Alexandria with hands tied above her head. She was spread eagle, her ample breast showing and her precious pink flower leaking with juices.

Samael can't help but groan sexily as he noticed himself turned on. The heat and the need is rising...

With his bloodied right hand, he cupped his engorged length and started to caress it, testing the amount of precise force and the right speed it needs to elicit maximum pleasure.

Once he found it, he grunted, and began to slowly get the rhythm. Using his left hand, he clenched over his heart again; all the while pumping his right hand up and down repeatedly on his throbbing cock.

"Alexandria.."

He struggled to keep himself composed, that this downgrading play is beneath him.. but..

He can't help himself. He remembered the first time Alexandria gave him head. He taught her how to do it.. She was embarrassed at first.. still she used her tongue efficiently.

It's as if she became a sex goddess.

He remembered how her cute tongue licked up and down his thick girth.. swirling around so softly around the tip and then sucking it hard—

He stifle a moan, his thumb brushing over the tip of his cock, the blood in his hand acting as lubricant. Surrendering to the waves of ecstasy that doomed him; he put more pressure on his hand and went into a more faster and longer strokes, his palm going all the way up to the crown and then going all the way back down to the base touching his gonads.

He imagine that tight pretty pussy, how wet it was, and how it clamp into his hard cock like a vacuum. And the sounds of it being jack-hammered violently by his huge length..

Fuck..Oh how he loved it..

Squelch!

Squelch!

Squelch!

ahh faster!

He bit his lip and throw his head back. Intense pleasure rocking his body.

Up and down.

Up and down his hand go.

"Alexandria.." he growled out, his left hand digging into his chest towards his heart more fiercely, while pumping himself even more faster, more wilder. Pain and pleasure mixing together to form unfiltered euphoria.

And when he slightly squeeze the tip of his rock hard cock while jerking it up and down with precision, he felt himself peaked.

He loudly grunted,

"Nnngghhh!"

And then a liquid hot sensation of pure sexual rapture burst out of him. Momentarily blinding him.

His cum came in loads, flooding his hand.

After that he stayed on his position for couple of mins to calm himself down.

He opened his eyes displaying smoldering dark crimson red filled with overwhelming lust.

"It's not enough. I need more..."

He considered if he should control his urges or not..

People want him to be an angel.

HE wanted to be an angel.

Just like that woman..

But his whole existence corrupts people, makes them do bad things.. bad bad things.. and plus, he had already fallen so low, going deeper into hell shouldn't be a problem.

He brought his slender, long hands into his mouth then gave a lick and slowly sucked his two digit fingers that's covered with cum.

"It's time to visit you, little angel..."

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"Sometimes it is the people no one can imagine anything of who do the things no one can imagine."

― Alan Turing

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[~•SACRIFICE: MEMOIRS OF A MARTY•~]

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Fin.