The sharp pain in his back was incredibly painful, but mercifully quick. The goose opened his pinkish red eyes to see the stars glowing around him. Did he die and go to waterfowl Heaven? "Honk?" The way the stars were arranged didn't seem even remotely similar to the ones he recalled from Japan.
"GREAT MOTHER ABOVE!!! HOW AM I STUCK WITH A F#CKING GOOSE?" There was a strange silouette of a human stomping around in the corner of his eye. He turned to face her and waddled cautiously forward. Big mistake, becuase he got a facefull of screaming shark-like teeth. "IS THIS SOME SORT OF SICK PRANK!?" The wind of her breath was intense like a hurricane,
but at least it smelled of sweet strawberry. The rest of the strange human could have been...sweeter? She was tall, even more so than a regular human. He could now understand what
ducks meant about neck-aches from looking up so much. It was a wonder that her scary, horned face wasn't in the clouds. He was so scared that he didn't realize he made the same kind of mistake that got him killed by the adolcent human.
"Aw sweet Holy Daughters! That smells aweful!" The weird human gagged as she frantically waved her hand infront of her nose. "You can't go making a near-sacred land mark your
outhouse you filthy, degenerate animal!" The goose felt his cheeks turn crimson and he tucked his head under his wing in shame...Wait she wasn't speaking Japanese...nor did it sound like the babbling of a foreigner... Something was off here. He was sure he wasn't in Heaven, no way a creature this scary would be there...but where was he? Infact it was scary how perfectly fluent her words were to him, it took him the first year of his life to understand what the heck the humans were saying. Even before he died, he would just barely get the idea if they didn't speak a bit slowly. "Goodness, is this some kind of devine punishment? Have I angered the Creator and her children! First my best friend doesn't want nothing to do with me, then Falla just takes over my quest, and now...YOU!"
"HAWNK?" The goose gestured his wing towards himself.
"Yeah! You! I was waiting for the best theif in the universe, and you show up and ruin it all! Tell me did you somehow chase him...or her.. off and go through a portal instead? The goose shook his head.
"Yeah likely- Wait you can understand me?" He nodded, and she leaned back with a stuplified expression. "Only magical animals can do this sort of thing...geese aren't magical!" Magic? Like in stupid human's stories? Was this weirdo half-Godzilla and half-preschooler? Ofcourse animals could learn the basics of human speech, many just chose not to unless their humans forced them to for basic tricks. The goose was a bit of the humans would call an "otaku", but his facination wasn't fiction! His passion was humans. That's it, he was a human otaku! Wait didn't he hear something once about otakus getting sent to other worlds? He didn't recall being able to comprehend concepts quite this deep. He has clearly been enlightened.
"HONK!"
Didn't seem like the scary looking lady shared his sentiment. Her hands covered her face as she sank to the ground with a THUD! "Ugh, this is a joke! A reall bloody aweful joooke! I must've had a rotten strawberry..." The goose didn't appreciate the idea that his existance was a joke. "There is no way this goose is the super-special thief class hero who's going to change our world!" Well, well, lucky for the goose she threw tantrums in exposition. Most helpful.
Meanwhile, a world away...
The Ex-NEET was clearing out the things in his room to move in with his newly made wife. As he packed away the clutter, he notcied the goose skull on his shelf. For some reason he felt the need to touch it... "HONK!" That noise that just echoed in his head...No...he was okay! It was probably just jitteres after eloping on a whim without telling his parents ahead of time. He shrugged it off and called out to his wife to help him with a box. He was unaware of the skull mysteriously glowing, before it flickered away.
Back in the other world...
The goose felt like, for a moment, somebody was in his head. Luckily that feeling passed quickly. "Honk?" Well he had no time to think about that. While the strange lady was having a mental breakdown, he felt a strange draw towards her leather bag. He had to be careful here, last time he treid something like this he ended up a cooked goose...well more so fertilizer but he didn't know that. He looked up and down at the human-ish person, trying to best assess the situation. He gently lifted a webbed foot, and could hear a small echo.
No point in trying to be stealthy. What else could be done? He could just grab and go, but then the lady would know where to he was going and go into hot pursuit. Perhaps he could just wait to see what Happens between them, but he felt like he had something to prove to her. There seemed to be a hallway behind her, maybe he could steal something else and... He mentally laid
out blue prints for a plan and nodded to himself. Looking around the room he saw a flat object laying on the ground in the center of the room.
"Honk!"
He was ready, and prepared for his plan. He took a deep breath and...
"HAAAAWNK!" "HAAAAWNK!" "HISS...HISS!" "HAAAAAAAAWNK!"
He spread his wings and leaned his head forward while hissing. He let his spikey toungue stick out of his orange, toothed beak while having the most vacant expression in his tiny eyes. The girl crawled her back towards the wall, more so uncomfortable than scared. "What the- Are ya' mad about something goose?" This gave the goose a chance to make a direct assault on her shoelaces. "Hey, hey! Leave me alone you crazy bird!" The feathers flew as he made sure to do a number on those laces. While she was still frozen from confusion, he made a mad dash for the card, picked it up in his beak, and ran towards the entrance.
Poor Bulka had no idea what was going in that insane bird's head. "No sir! You can't have that!" Even though the chip was now, sadly, empty, it was still the last gift her Dad gave her. "That's my birthday present ya' flat-footed jerk!" Not thinking her loose laces were a big deal, she got up to try and catch him as he flew over her head. The end result was the she tripped
over herself, and made a belly-flop to the ground.
The echo of the thud reached the goose as he made careful note of what hallways he passed through. Not wanting her to permanently loose her weird, flat rock-thing, he allowed
a trail of loose feathers to fall for her to find. Not wanting to wait too long for her to catch up by dragging this out, he figured he had a good enough head start. He dropped the stone thing
and made a mad dash for where he first began. The tall girl was already on his feather trail as he zoomed by her. Luckily he could here her before she could see him, and hiding
behind a pillar was enough cover for her to come running past... Well lumbering past. She wasn't much for running if her panting was any indication. If only he was like a wild-bred goose and could fly longer distances. Making his way back to the bag, he could feel the pull that cuased this elaborate scheme. He flipped the bag open, and pulled out the object beckoning him. It looked like a kitchen knife, and the truama of what brought him to this world still hung fresh over him. "DAMN IT ALL!" The familiar, grouchy female voice set off the alarms and his theiving insticts came back to him in a fight or flight response. He picked up the knife and got out of dodge the fastest his feet could waddle.
"Syncronizing," a strange, electronic man's voice spoke within his mind. "Theif aptitude confirmed! Loading mana link..." The poor bird's insides rattled and he felt a weird energy
flow through his body. Almost like he was gaining a second pair of veins, or maybe he was just becoming aware of this strange new energy. "Source of water and life mana confirmed!"
The dagger began to glow, and he was almost blinded by the light. He stayed determined though, and found his way out a window. With a mighty leap he soared into the air, only
to end up falling becuase he could only fly short distances. Stupid wild geese had all the luck. Frantically flapping his winds, both he and the dagger made a plumet to the crystal clear waters bellow.
"SPLASH!"
Well, luckily, he was a goose. He managed to regain his senses long enough to grab the dagger and get to the surface. Once he could feel the air around his face, he saw that he was now surrounded by the lovely sight of luch greenery not to different from home. Before he could really apreciate a well earned moment of tranquility, a girlish scream sent several birds flying from the trees and toads flopping into the pond. "Help me somebody! The rock wasn't a rock, I repeat the rock wasn't a rock!" The goose's first response was to fly away, like any other goose would.
Only...The sight of that girl by the train tracks...He knew it wasn't his fualt but he never wanted to see a greusome end like that again.
With all his streangth, the goose made a mad dash towards the danger, whatever it was. What could it be, all he had to go on was "not a rock." Maybe it was just a really mean koi fish splashing her? Perhaps some toddler throwing bread in her face...or the most unspeakable horror of all. A very ticked off pomerainian. Just the thought of that one encounter the the fluffy dog breed left more scars than his actual death. Those dark eyes were like portals to the underworld, and that unholy amount of wild red fur. Sickening, absolutely sickening.
Whatever the danger was, what were his chances in a goose body? He'd be a chew toy for said domestic canine before he could blink. If only he was mighty warrior like that human
who killed him..if only...
There was a miraculous flash, and suddenly the ground he was running on seemed more distant from his face. The way the dagger felt in his mouth was also strange...wait no just his mouth was strange, not the dagger. Also there was a very uncomfortable breeze between his drumsticks, as if he had been plucked...WAIT THAT FOOT HE JUST PUT DOWN WASN'T WEBBED! He dug his, now quite soft and fleshy, heels into the dirt and almost fell foreward. He looked down to see a plucked human body. There were lots of questions he had, but the main one was why his tail was on the wrong side of his prosterior? Also these wings, or "arms" as they were called, he didn't realize how weird it felt to have extra appendages at the end of them, however...
He bent down, and picked up the dagger. He put the chubby finger, aka the thumb, up and down. Then down and up. Next it was side to side, and before he knew it he wasted a good minute fidgeting. However, at that point, is was the most exciting minute of his life. "Honk?" The sound of his human voice was really weird sounding, it definitely had the Japanese accent and almost sounded like...
The moments before his death played back in his mind. Duck poop, he probably looked like the stupid human who killed him too.
Meanwhile in Japan, the ex-NEET was walking in the park with his wife and their dog. Then, for some reason, he muttered, "I am stupid..."
His wife, who was licking an icecream cone, stopped between licks and looked at him with concern. "You okay dude? Hope my dad's weird Weeboo antics at the hotspring isn't
causing you more greif...If so I'll knock out that asshole's teeth and make him swallow it like pills." He gulped nervously and shook his head. She shrugged and went back to her icecream.
"Yandere..." He muttered under his breath.
"Um excuse me, what?" The pomerainian at the end of the leash yapped oblivously, and the husband quickly prattled on to save the situation.
Meanwhile, the heroic goose was now wiggling his toes when... "MERCY! PLEASE! I haven't even seen what a squirrel looks like yet!" Gripping the dagger, he felt bad he forgot about
his main mission. With newly aquired, waddle-free legs he sprinted towards the girls voice. He practically flug himself through the thorns in his way, only to regret it when his knees felt spikes tear into his exposed flesh. No matter, he was about where the cries came from and had the perfect body to stomp on pomerainians with.
"Oh please, like a level one beserker is going to stop me! I heard everything you told that ugly monster! Now come quietly, I am sure the daughter of one of the wealthiest man in the trader's guild will fetch a fair price! Teehee!" The goose leaned out from behind a tree, he could see the girl cornered by many...rocks? Oh, and one other small human. A small human in a purple kimono with a ruddy fox-tail and ears. He'd never seen a fox before, but the mix of dog and cat-like traits matched the creatures portrayed in human art.
The girl attched to the fox parts was slim, dainty, with pale skin and black hair that made it to her waist. In her hand was one of those fancy fans he often saw at festivals. While the girls in those festivals looked pretty, there was something sinister about this one. The whites of her amber eyes were yellow, and there were dark circles around each eye. The cornered girl was much more approuchable looking, with her goofy ears and elegantly braided hair. Poor thing was shaking at the knees. He couldn't see why, she wasn't much shorter than the fox girl, and the rocks were weirdly human-shaped but still just rocks. He wasn't going to let that stop him though, who was he to doubt a fair maiden's distress? He didn't have the certainty that the small human wasn't about to kill this girl at any second, so taking the time to wait it out seemed like a bad stratagy
without knowing the context. Then again he did take his sweet time wiggling his fingers, he blushed as he realized what a selfish mistake that was.
He figured his best bet was to keep the villian from doing anything rash, while he observed the situation for a better plan. He recalled something from a movie and looked at his dagger. With his new found stealth abilities, he eased his way over to the tree trunk, right on the otherside of where the girls were. He reddied his blade and he counted to three as softly as possible.
"Honk..."
"Honk...Honk..."
"Honk...Honk...HAAAAAAAAAWNK!"
As he uttered his last honk, he made a mad dash for the scared girl with the big ears. He took his right arm and wrapped it around Lady Big Ears' torso. Then he pressed the blade
against her neck and stared at the fox girl with a cold, unforgiving gaze. The vulpine lady was taken aback. "Who...who are you?" With a smug grin, he responed...
"HAAAAAAWNK!"