"It is the worst thing that can happen to a warrior." Aria said
"But I would have made sure Helen would be safe." Jacob muttered. Aria fumed upon hearing this. Did this idiot think that it was so easy!! "You would have killed Helen with your own two hands! That was the only thing you would have made sure of!!" she snapped. Aria knew she was being inconsiderate, but she didn't care. Jacob needed to understand that letting rage take over was not a contingent plan. Not something to hide up your sleeve when things got tough.
"Jacob. . ." Aria sighed. She continued, her voice considerably softer, "You don't really seem to understand what losing yourself to rage means." Jacob opened his mouth to argue but Aria cut in, "I know you are going to say that you saw Helen lose control. But she didn't. Not really. She regained herself upon hearing your voice. But real rage. . . . . " Aria shivered, remembering her own two incidences of losing herself.
"When you truly lose yourself to rage Jacob," Aria said, "That is exactly what happens. You lose yourself. It's like you have no control over your body, like someone else is controlling you. And all you can do is watch as the other person destroys anyone who comes in their way right now, even though they might be your loved ones. And the worst part is . . . . the worst part is . . . . . you are not thinking clearly enough to want to stop them." she finished as her voice cracked.
Aria thought back to her own two experiences of losing control. She could not express how happy she was that the first time she had been too little to truly lose herself, and the next time there hadn't been any of her loved ones around.
The silence that ensued following Aria's speech stretched into more than five minutes.
"And you are wrong, you know." Aria spoke, just when Jacob was beginning to wonder if the two of them were ever going to speak again. "Huh?" was the only response he could muster.
"You are wrong about every eye looking at you like you are pathetic or disgusting. I for one can vouch that at least one pair of eyes were not looking at you that way." she said.
Jacob looked up, wanting to ask some more questions about rage, but kind of glad for a change of topic. "Well of course. After the conditions you've seen me in growing up, I don't think I'll ever be able to top them." he said, suppressing a smile.
Aria chuckled, "True. You did not have a pretty puberty. But you know I'm not talking about myself. My eyes were very conveniently unconscious the whole week." Jacob rolled his eyes at this lame attempt at humor, but he knew Aria was correct. He had only been lying to himself saying that Helen thought him pathetic and disgusting. Jacob doubted she could even have a negative thought about him.
"And Jacob?" Aria softly said. Jacob focused his eyes onto hers. So impossibly black. He had often wondered how could any person have such deep blue eyes. Aria's eyes didn't even seem blue when they caught the sunlight. They were, very simply black.