Sorry for the typos and grammatical errors. Enjoy reading!
••••••
Prologue
As I dance gracefully, thousands of praises I heard from the audience. But how I wish that praises of them can heal my wounds. On my feet, on my body and in my heart.
Applause were boom into my ear after I finished my performance. Confetti explode from above. They're eyes were full of amusement and admiration while looking at me. I smiled as I bowed to them.
Why are they so amuse about my dance? Maybe because they think my dance was really a heartily? But for me it was dull and effortless.
I went hurriedly to the back stage where my Aunt Ruth was waiting. She glare at me before smiling widely. Pretending that I did a good job.
"That was a wonderful performance!" she exclaimed happily while secretly gripping my left arm violently.
I smiled weakly. "Thanks Auntie." I between my gasped, enduring the pain cause by her nails that slowly digging into my skin.
I can feel how mad she is right now. She's not satisfied about my performance again. Well, what's new? She always have this kind of reaction all the time. Disappointed.
She let go of my arm when the other ballerinas entered the backstage. I greeted them as they greeted me. Wanted for more talks but I excuse myself.
When I entered my assigned dressing room. I immediately saw my P.A Glaiza. Cleaning and picking some of my clothes. She's my best friend too. And she's three years older than me.
"You're dress is there." she glance at me before pointing the hanged dress on the small bathroom door.
I nodded and thank her. I get the hanged dress before entering to the bathroom to change.
Glaiza smiled when she saw me out from the bathroom wearing the vintage style sleeveless dress. My hair was still up in a bun.
"You are really beautiful, Cassandra."
I shook my head. Not believing of what she said. Glaiza was my childhood friend. Her mother is loyal servant in our household. And then she hire Glaiza to become my P.A. Since Glaiza knew me since I was seven. Glaiza took the offer without a second thought. Because she needs a job that time for the expenses of her siblings studies.
I sat down in front of the mirror. Staring at my reflection. And ask myself again.
Am I lucky?
Everyday I ask myself the same question. And until now I still can't find the right answer.
I sighed before starting to remove my making. While I was busy cleaning my face, my Aunt Ruth entered the room.
Her eyes were bloodshot directly at my eyes.
"You're really a disappoinment!" she said controlling herself not to shout.
I looked down. "I'm sorry. I'll try my best next time." I please.
"Don't try it! Do it!" I jumped a little when her voice thundered.
"Y-Yes." I said and continued to remove the make-up until I was done.
"You always say "yes"! What still didn't! Such a worthless!" she held her on her forehead and looked at me sharply.
"Auntie." Glaiza called her to calm but she just receive a deadly glare. Her gaze went on me and gave me a force smile.
We ate in a fancy restau before going home. While we're in the car I keep myself busy looking at the view from the window to avoid my Auntie Ruth's rants.
When we arrived at our mansion. I immediately went to my room to take some rest. I took a bath first before lying on my bed. I was really exhausted, I woke up early this morning for my performance. The sun was still not rising when we left the mansion.
I want to sleep and rest. But I know, any moment Auntie will knock and force me to practice all day.
And as expected she knocked. I didn't even warm my bed! Tss.
I looked at the time. It's already twelve-noon. I will definitely practice under the heat of the sun again! It will burn my skin!
I stood up to open the door for her.
"Prepare. You're going to practice now." she said strictly.
I slowly nodded as I closed the door when she left.
I let out a heaved sigh.
I wore my leggings and long sleeve and wear my ballet shoes before I stormed out in my room.
I caught Auntie outside holding a whip standing in the small pavilion, not far from my practice area. I felt scared and nervous again.
I'm still not used to his whip even though I almost beat it every day and I know how much it hurts to hit my back.
Torture Practice. That's what I called it.
"Position." she command. I swallowed hard before going to the middle.
I stand under the heat of the sun. But I didn't mind.
It didn't take long for me to stare at the thick thong of the whip.
I need to focus. Focus Cass.
I positioned myself. I tip toed as I raised my hand.
As the music play, I started to dance.
I listened to the music that gives life to my dance and close my eyes to avoid the sunshine.
It wasn't until I reached the chorus of the song that I burst into tears as I felt the pain behind me.
"Wrong!" Auntie shouted angrily.
I forcely close my eyes to endure the pain. My breathe hitched. And started from the top again.
The practice ended and I received more than five lashes from Auntie that I had trained with.
I hardly went upstairs because of my fresh wounds. When I get into my room I went to the bathroom to take a bath.
After bathing and getting dressed I went straight to my bedroom balcony.
I smiled.
Night time is approaching. The sky is already orange. How I love sunset.
I suddenly felt my back ache. I slowly sat down on the chair and leaned against the table to avoid touching behind the chair.
I saw the kids playing in the distance. I wish I was one of them. Playing and doing the things they wanted. I sighed.
Since my father died and my mother left me, I never experienced being free. I never experienced befriending with the other kids in my school because they always call me weird. Maybe because I was so silent and not sociable.
Except for Glaiza, she's my playmate when I was seven until we grew up together and we became best friends.
Her mom is our helper so she's always with her mom. Auntie was fine with it as long as I'm in the mansion playing with her.
I wiped the grain of tears that ran away from my eyes.
I want to experience being free just once.
I don't know why Auntie didn't want me to go outside by myself. I always have a bunch of bodyguards.
I can only get out of the house when there is competition and if someone offers me to perform ballet dance. Or about school stuffs.
Suddenly there was a knock but I didn't even bother to open the door.
Because I know it's Glaiza.
He is the one who treats my back wounds every time I finish my training.
I looked at her when she got the medicine kit.
Pity. That was the look on her face. But I don't want people pity on me.
I want them to give me courage instead of pity.
I don't need their pity.
"How many lashes?" she asked.
"Fifteen." I answered.
She just nodded before going behind me. She removed the button on the back of my blouse.
She's the one who made this blouse. So that it will not hard for me to remove my dress.
She's starting to clean my wounds. Sometimes I get dizzy because of alcohol.
"It looks like you got a lot today. That's fifteen points." she jokes. I rolled my eyes.
"I did a lot wrong." I said while playing the bandage.
"You know what. You can tell your Auntie to stop doing ballet." she suggest.
I immediately shook my head. " I can't."
When she done treating my wounds. She sat in the chair in front on me.
"Why?" she asked.
I didn't answer. Because I didn't know what to say or to answer her question. Or because I'm just scared.
"I d-don't know. I-just can't." it just came out from my mouth.
She slapped the table so I was shocked.
"Cassandra! I know you love painting! We grew up together and I know what you like and you don't like! If you can't, at least convince Auntie Ruth to let you paint." I was speechless.
Because she's right. I prefer to paint because by painting I express how I feel.
"Why are you forcing yourself to do something you don't like, Cass!" she said angrily and threw herself down back on the chair.
"That's what Auntie wants." I said softly.
"Auntie wants you? What about you want? Cass, it's your life! You have the right to decide what you want! Cass, you're not a puppet for other people to control." I know she is just concerned.
She used to tell me things and I make her angry for the same reason. One time, she convinced Auntie to stop me from dancing but she refused.
"But it's true. I'm a puppet....I'm a puppet ballerina." I whispered sadly.