It was dark when I awoke. And I heard nothing in that dark. Not a single thing or person. I could not open my eyes, I could not feel a thing, and yet it did not totally feel like I wasn't there. I knew I was somewhere, I sensed it through some 6th sense in the back of my head.
I do not feel any sense of time, I do not even feel like I am myself. Memories seem to fall out of my head but I still know my name. So the black looks onto me. So it sees into my vision. My father flashes into my head and yet I don't recognize him. Why do I not recognize him? Why does his face seem to evade me?
It hits me there. The rhythm of it all, the thump, thump, thump of not my heart but my soul. I feel like I am in a river of light, I am surrounded by all sides of it. What is happening to me? Every memory a new experience, birth, my youth, my revolutions, all of it I see. My body now shifts, in me exists a balance between two things.
A great carp of millions of resplendent colors is in me. It thrashes and beats against me. The carp stares ahead at me. Each one of my memories that passed me by now create a pool of luminescent water beneath it.
It splashes in the water once and I feel myself shake. I feel my mind grow. Each thought obtains a new clarity. The memories within my head feel as though someone has repainted them. The corps scales fall off revealing red flesh beneath it. It buries in the water as this happens and I cannot see it. What emerges from the water is a man.
Long sinewy arms, the arms of a farmer, his brow stares off into the distance, his hair is long and unkempt but strong and beautiful. He has the skin of a native from the jungles of the Maya. In his right hand, a hammer covered in scratch marks and burns. In his left hand, a half-moon sickle.
I know this man. Not in name but in stature, in idea. He is the ideal.
I am no longer on a river of light, for now, I can see. What surrounds me is an endless desert, with dunes taller then the tallest buildings, I spot a tornado along the horizon that seems to grow faster as I stare at it.
Something stirred within me. I feel it's tendrils pulsate inside my bones. You never think of pulsating flesh. Until it stirs within you. A great Monster lurks within my mind. Full of dark red flesh it eats away at me. But yet as it approaches my inner things, the man repels it. A pale light that emanates from the man repels the Monster.
Time passed. I watch as it does and the two forces within me they watch too. Makes me wanna laugh seeing the docile spiritual forces within me. I am now just a soul. Drifting along in the endless dark of probable death, I didn't expect it to be fun.
I wonder how much time has gone by on Earth. What has happened to the revolution? What has happened to it all?
I would wonder if they remembered me but I know they will.
So now I drift along. Is that what I will be in the end, a drifter with no destination. No.
Only one word is in my mind. Somewhere to be, I want to be alive. I want to be breathing. I want to live again. I don't care about what I must do or what I must see. I want to be alive. As I thought, man inside of me started to drum his hammer and sickle together, The Monster started to let loose a shriek.
And I started to hum, a grand sound came out of me. Like that of a door opening and my soul, I started to shift. A light emanates from me, the endless piercing blue light of a lighthouse and from the lighthouse of my soul comes out light to pierce the darkness.
"I heard you." A voice, from beside me? No. From around me? No. A voice from above, it sounds so far away yet echoes off into the distance.
"Who is that?" My soul echoes the sound. In the darkness, my voice comes out and lingers.
"You humans never seem to expect it. Almost like it's a surprise even though you've been worshipping me since well, since forever." The voice had a long drawl to it, every word he said was picked for me.
"God, I didn't think you would exist," I said. Why had this man just come now? Why did he dare show his face to me? After millions died, billions died on Earth, families destroyed, the people of his land extracted from, raped every day of their lives? He came to talk to me?
"I come to give you, rebirth. Someone has taken you from me. I am not all-powerful. I have seen everything you have seen Che, and I know." God said. I still couldn't see him though. He remained hidden from me, he seemed so far away.
"If you know then-," I said but before I could finish, my mouth just stopped working. I tried, and tried and yet nothing left my mouth.
"I did not help because I couldn't, I am not a Christian god or a Jewish god, or a Muslim god, or a Hindu god. You simply interpreted me through them. Literature is a powerful creation and Earth humans were the best at it." What was he?
"I am everything you humans hold dear. I am the thoughts in your head. I am also not good. Every death and murder and rape I am you." As God said this my body morphed and twisted. My joints elongated, a solid outer layer of what appeared to be an egg appeared around me.
"Che, I will now give you a second chance. Someone stole you from me. And so you Che, will be mine down there." As his words resounded motes of light started to arise from beneath me. Each mote of light touched another mote of light and combined to form some sort of symbol. The symbols around me swarm and pulsate with light.
I knew I must stay silent for what was there to say. I was going to live again in some way.
"Here in this world Che I have no power. It is not a world of petty gods like me, Che. I don't care about your complaints or thoughts. Now is the time to create for me, bend this world Che, make it fall and crumble, I don't care. Go." The last words fell out of God's mouth with an audible pop. The symbols swarming around me shown with a red light and then burst. Something was forcing me up. Forcing me to go forwards to embrace it.
Accelerating with so much force, I see stars and planets and so many thing. Oh my. My mind is peeling away. The man inside of me stares out onto the world. The monster shudders with a final cry.
From the heavens, I fall. I'm up so high and I see the ground. An endless expanse of desert lays below me. And I hit the ground.
I am alive.