My head throbbed. I opened my eyes to the ceiling of Issiac's living room. I was laying on the floor on top of a couple of blankets. Ash was still snoring. I laughed. My body ached, and my stomach rolled. We had drank a lot last night to the future, to going down different paths. That's at least what my body was telling me what happened. I don't actually remember the whole thing.
I looked around for my phone in the dimly lit living room. The curtains were blocking out the light from the sun, but you could still navigate the living room. The yellow of my phone case caught my eye from under Ash's pillow. I carefully pulled it free. The screen illuminated my face. The clock read, "12:53."
"Fuck," I whispered under my breath. Three missed calls from my mom. I was going to get my ass chewed when I got home. I stood up, and stumbled to the bathroom while I scrolled through my pictures from the night before. Ash, Issiac, Alice, and myself... we all looked so happy holding up our cups, our eyes glassed over from the alcohol. I rubbed my eyes, and quietly snuck into the bathroom.
I'm not so sure why, but I've always found bathrooms oddly comforting. They were quite, and I was alone. Bathrooms felt like the only place I was being watched or observed, or where someone would barge in.
I sighed, and sat on the toilet. With a heavy hand, I began to listen to the voicemails from my mother.
"Grace, where are you? You didn't come home last night. I'm worried. I called Ash's parents, and they said Ash was spending the night with us. We need to talk."
I deleted the message.
"Grace, it's been hours. Where are you? Call me back."
Delete.
The last voicemail was just silence. Thirty seconds of silence that was so loud I could feel my mother's disappointment through the phone. I sat, starring at my phone, contemplating if it was really worth going home to face her, or just disappearing forever. I chuckled to myself.
A soft knock came at the door.
"Hey, I'm sorry, but... I need to throw up." Alice whispered at the door.
"One sec," I answered, quickly finishing up.
I slide past Alice at the door, and began to collect my things from the house. I wanted to look as not hungover as possible by the time I got home. I quickly wrote a note to Ash about what had happened, and scurried out the door.
The sun was glaringly bright. I almost winced when I stepped outside. I hadn't brought any sunglasses. I zipped up my hoodie, and pulled the hood over my head. That helped at least a little. I carried my long board in my arms. I didn't feel like boarding. I felt like a husk, a shell of a person.
The walk home went by to quickly. I stood in front of my house. The white paint was chipping around the door frame. The concrete in the driveway was cracked. My mom's car was running, but she was still in the house. I dragged my feet to the front door. Should I knock? I live here.
I reached up to knock, but before I could touch the door, my mother pulls the door open.
She looks furious.
Anxiety swells in my throat. I'm crying before she says anything.
"Grace Miller, where the hell have you been?"
I couldn't answer. I just looked up at my mom with eyes full of tears. I smelled like booze. My situation didn't look good.
"I was with my friends." I sobbed.
"I don't care how old you are, if you live under my room, you will obey my rules," my mother scolded me. I crossed my arms over my body.
"I was just with my friends," I snapped back.
"You reek of booze," my mother responded. "Go to your room."
I don't know what came over me, I turned around, and walked away.
"No," I growled. I adjusted the bag on my shoulder.
I didn't know where I was going, or what my plan was, but I knew it wasn't being at that house. "Fine," my mother screamed. I heard the front door slam behind me. I tried not to wince at the sound, but my body jumped. Tears ran down my face at a constant stream now. I pulled out my phone.
"I need somewhere to go," I texted Ash. I could hardly see the screen my eyes where blurry.
I began to walk back to the bridge. I wasn't sure where I was going or what my plans were, just that I didn't know what was next.
When I got to the bridge I sat on the ground. The cold concrete was rough against my skin. I'd stopped crying. I was just breathing. I was nothing. I'd never stood up to my mother before. I put my head in my hands. It was going to be okay. I'll go back in the morning, and make everything better. I just needed time tonight. I looked at my phone. The battery was dead. Could tonight get any worse?
I resisted the urge to throw it.
My legs were tired, but I picked myself up from the ground. I was just going to walk to Ash's house. I didn't want to sleep outside. I left my long board at the bridge. I didn't want to carry it. With a groan, I pulled myself from the ground, and began the journey to Ash's house.
Before I could make it the door, Ash greeted me at the sidewalk. "I'm sorry I didn't answer," Ash apologized. Ash held her elbow. "I'm in a lot of trouble. Your mom called. Is everything alright? You look like shit."
I almost giggled. "I kind of, ran away, but like- in an adult way," I finally laughed. Ash rolled her eyes. "In an adult way?" she giggled. "I'll call Alice, and ask if you can stay with her. She's also on the ran away in an adult way train."
I kicked one of the rocks on the sidewalk. "Can't I stay with you?"
Ash pursed her lips. "No, we'll all have to move in with Issiac if I ask my mom if you can stay. I'll see if my dad can at least give you a ride."
"Just let Alice know I'm on the way," I answered.
Back to walking. My legs ached. I just wanted to take a shower.
I could hardly remember the walk to Issiac's. My mind was so blurred with the train wreck of thoughts from the day that I could hardly process what was going on around me. It was dark now, that was good. I made it to Issiac's. The windows were open. I could see the lights on in the kitchen. I knocked on the door. Issiac answered. "You cool with sleeping on the coach?" He asked.
I nodded, and slumped past him. "Can I take a shower?" I asked. He nodded.
I passed Alice in the kitchen. She was on the phone. When she saw me she raised her eyebrows like she was worried, and then turned away, back to talking on the phone.
I made it to the bathroom, and closed the door behind me. I slid to the floor, and sat in the dark. I'm out of control. School felt like decades away. How was I going to survive the summer? How am I going to survive at all?
I crawled to the shower, and turned the knob. The sound of the water was almost loud enough to calm my mind. I pulled my hoodie off. I loved to wear it despite the summer heat. My eight-toe death kick t-shirt was soaked in sweat. I peeled it off, and then shimmed out of my pants. As quietly as I could I shifted into the shower. I took a deep breath, inhaling the steam from the water. The heat hitting my back felt amazing. Although it was dark, I could see the outline of my body through the streetlight outside the window. Everyone said I was beautiful, but I wasn't skinny. I didn't have long hair, or bright eyes. I was normal. My mom used to say I'd be lucky if anyone ever loved me. I was to hard to love. I was to bossy, to mean, to outspoken to be anyone's wife, no that she'd ever asked me if that's what I wanted.
After a minutes of the hot water hitting my back, I washed my body. I tried to pick the soap that didn't look like anyone would be upset if I used. I turned off the water, and stepped out the shower.
When I emerged from the bathroom it looked like Alice and Issiac had already went to bed. The kitchen light was still on though. Their was a pizza box with a note on the top. "If case you're hungry. -Alice." I smiled, and pulled a piece from the box. Just regular cheese, my favorite.
The coach was already made up for me to sleep there. A pillow, a sheet tucked into the cushions, and an old comforter folded at the foot. I laid in bed. People aren't suppose to sleep when bad things happen in their lives, but I was asleep by the time my head hit the pillow.