What a draining day it had been! Irene thanked her stars for the power that had returned.
She crawled in her bed and pulled the duvet all over herself. For several long minutes, she stayed under it, just rejoicing the warmth that she desperately needed.
The last thing she wanted at that moment to reflect on her past but she was so tightly embraced by the shadows of those demons, that it was bound to suffocate her every now and then.
Her heart… her unacceptably foolish heart still failed to hate the one who had put her through that demonic phase again.
Though every soft emotion she adored Ayden with had died, the love in her heart hadn't.
Does love ever die though? She did not know but probably, she was going to find that out on the journey she had embarked on.
She unlocked her phone, still being inside her duvet.
Her thumb sliding on the phone screen clicked on Whatsapp. She went to the search option and typed 'love' and a long series of messages appeared in front of her. The messages that made her heart relieve all those moments again.
The sweet little time she had with Ayden!
Though it was not a lie that they had figured out having developed several compatibility issues during that time, the very undeniable truth also was that they loved being with each other. It was probably why they stayed together even after they touched a point of the palpable toxicity, neither was ready to back out.
They continued, regardless of the shimmering truth that they were hurting each other to the point where the frustration was limitless.
Just when she was busy trying to get her mind out of the nostalgic memories of her ended relationship, a message popped up on her screen, blocking the view of her old chat with Ayden that she had been reading.
It was Ilyan.
Hey. ||
Hello. Reached safely? ||
She quickly typed a reply and waited for his confirmation that he was in his home, safe and sound.
I did. ||
Nice. ||
She peeked out of the duvet and switched on the table lamp. She had turned off lights when she stepped into the room.
For a change, she had needed darkness but that was it. It was a fleeting desire that was over. She brought back light and pushed the duvet until her chest.
You okay? ||
Another message caused her phone to beep.
Of course. Why wouldn't I be? ||
Even if she deeply appreciated his concern, that was supposed to stay unvoiced. He already knew so much about her that the question honestly did not even surprise her but at least, she had to act as it did. She had to act as if it was the lamest and illogical question.
She had to because... Ilyan couldn't know more than what he already did.
No, it's just that you are still awake so I thought...I am sorry. ||
Now, she felt bad. With his apology entering the conversation, she actually felt bad because he was justified in asking what he was asking.
She let out a sigh as she thought for a response.
It's okay. I can't sleep early. ||
'Gosh.' She was being such a liar.
She did like an early morning routine that was, sleeping by 11 and waking up by 6 but she was out of habit ever since she stepped in the relationship with Ayden because she would keep staying up until late talking to Ayden.
Did she regret it? She was not sure. Probably not.
Ayden had helped her by doing that. Going late to sleep meant reducing the time of the ghastly nightmares that made her skin crawl.
Less or more was insignificant to Irene. It barely made any difference. Productive sleep and Irene didn't get along at all. Nightmares had trapped her for so long that she had become almost used to waking up daily feeling a heaviness in her chest.
Lost in her thoughts, she missed his message that arrived a minute ago. Once she was back to her phone screen, she spotted it.
Hmm. Well, I hope you sleep for enough hours at least. ||
I do. ||
Lies. Lies. How many lies? She thought to herself as she found herself subconsciously waiting for his reply.
In the party ||
Her muscles tensed right at the moment she received that message. The mention of it got every bit of her worked up and her fingers harshly typed a response.
Stop it. I don't want your sympathy. ||
I am sorry, it got accidentally sent while I was still typing. I was just saying that your bracelet is with me. That night, I had followed you to the terrace to return it to you but… somehow I forgot and it stayed with me. ||
Irene endeavored not to let the guilt take over her but it ended up overwhelming her. Her impertinent way of speaking to him sucked, she hid her face in the duvet at the realization. Did she just accuse him of something that he had done neither that night nor this night?
'What the fuck is wrong with you?' She reprimanded herself for being so quick to judge but later when she thought about it, it was not about him. It had got nothing to do with him. It was all about her. She was taking out her frustration on him.
I am sorry. ||
Apology sent. Would he accept it? With trepidation, she waited. Several minutes passed, but he did not reply.
'It's okay. You shouldn't expect him to reply either. Ever since you met him, all that he has done is being nice and all that you have done is being rude. There is a limit to how much one can let go of and he is not even your friend, to begin with. Why should he even be putting up with your moody accusations?' After she was done with a round of self-blaming, she put aside her phone and slipped down in the bed.
Her first attempt at sleeping brutally failed when she continued tossing on the bed for a long while. As the night grew darker, her uneasiness grew severe.
Just as she grabbed her pillow and slammed it on her face, she heard the notification of a message and she found herself swiftly reaching out for her phone.
It's alright. You don't have to apologize. Sorry for the late reply. Just got stuck with something. :) ||
And with that, a sudden sense of calmness embraced Irene but at the same time left her intrigued about him.
Thought you would be mad at me. ||
For what? ||
Was this dude for real? Burying her face in her pillow, she lay intrigued at Ilyan's reactions and responses from the very beginning of their interactions. She ended their chat by replying with 'nothing'. Neither did she send a word after it nor did he but she… couldn't stop thinking about him.