After that first night on the store, I have to admit that it wasn't as bad as I initially thought. I mean, Cho Ah was quite funny and didn't really know how to handle my teasing, making it even better. But anyway, now back to reality, my reality at least.
With that being said, it was early morning already. As I already said, I had the night shift at the Store. Even though Cho Ah and me kind of took turns so that both of us could sleep a little bit, it seems I have to get accustomed to not sleep too much from now on.
While deep in thoughts, I was already in front of the dorms, so I got off the bicycle that was my natural way of moving by now. But as I got off, I found a curious situation in front of me.
A woman was just in front of the entrance of the building, as if waiting for someone. Curiously, I approached her. It was a short middle aged lady wearing glasses. There was nothing much to say about the woman, I wouldn't have noticed if not for her being where she was. While wondering what was she doing, I walked in front of her and respectfully asked.
— Excuse me, may I help you? — the woman was visibly surprised, I guessed she was surprised by my appearance, seeing how she checked me out. To clarify, I was wearing all of my setup including my mask. But still, she recomposed herself quite quickly.
— Sorry to bother you Young Man — she said at the same time she walked away from the entrance. As I saw her face, that I couldn't see before, I couldn't help but find her familiar. That made me ask once again.
— I'm sorry, but have we met before ma'am? My name is Park Jangsu — I introduced myself while bowing at the woman. I was pretty sure I knew the woman from somewhere.
Realization appeared on her face as she, wide eyed, said.
— You're THE Jangsu, Jiyong-ah keeps talking about? I'm her mother — she happily said while approaching to then deeply hug me — you're really tall, aren't you? Jiyong-ah keeps talking a lot about you.
Looking at her smile, and the way she was treating me, I didn't really know how to handle, so there I was awkwardly smiling at her while she looked at me. Trying to cover my embarrassment, I asked.
— Do you want me to call Jiyong-hyung here? I'm pretty sure he would love to meet you — I said at the same time I took some bags from her hands as she looked tired of carrying them. Now, I was carrying a lot of bags with both of my hands, as I brought some expired food from the store.
— Don't bother him, I just brought some food for all of you, I'm sure you've been really busy so you must not have been eating well lately, am I wrong? — she said with a knowing smile, but I could detect a tinge of sadness in her voice.
— Mrs. Kwon, are you sure you won't come in? You look tired, why don't you come in for a little bit?
I really tried to convince her to come inside, but she was really persistent, making me give up. Finally, I said goodbye while she looked at me with her kind smile, and came into the dorms. Everyone was still sleeping, even Jiyong-hyung, so I put all of the bags on the kitchen table and made sure that Mrs. Kwon wasn't waiting outside anymore.
Not seeing her anywhere, I felt a little bit relieved and started to organize the things I brought. It wasn't a lot, just a few pre-made lunch boxes that expired today, some snacks and some vegetables and rice that Mrs. Kwon brought.
She even brought some handmade kimchi, making me feel really grateful to her. While doing that, I saw Jiyong-hyung getting out of the bathroom, finally awake.
— Yo! Good sleep? — I immediately asked, but he simply ignored me, not saying much. It was a rhetorical question after all — so grumpy this early in the morning? Anyway, your mom was here.
That finally got some reaction out of Hyung, as he turned to me, waiting for an answer.
— She brought some food, I already took care of it, she didn't want to come inside, but still, you should call her or something, to say thanks at least — he was wide eyed for a couple of seconds, but instantly nodded.
That way, silence came once again as I started preparing some rice to eat with kimchi, to save the rest of the food for later, and hyung simply sat on the table, deep in thoughts.
— I expect bad news today — hyung finally said.
— What sort of bad news? — I inquired.
— Don't know, just a hunch of mine. But you know about those hunches — true, his hunches were usually right.
— Let's just try to stay positive, things couldn't get that much harder, and also, please call the Hyungs, breakfast is almost ready.
That way, all of us sat down on the table to get breakfast. With how things were lately, all of us eating at the same time was a miracle in itself. As we ate, we heard the door opening. It was Byung Hee-noona, really a surprise to see her this early. I stood up and helped her with some bags she had.
— What's all this, Noona? — it piqued my interest why she was here, but even more so the content of the bags.
— Just a lot of papers I have to check — she tiredly said — but more important, I have some news. Where is that man?
She was referring to Bak Sang Kyung, the dance trainer that also acted as some kind of staff that "took care" of us in the dorms.
— No idea, didn't see him yesterday, I don't even know if he's there — it was Tempo-hyung who replied, making noona sigh.
— That shameless man... — I tried to pacify her a little bit, so I asked.
— What are the news, something interesting? — I said while peeking at Jiyong-hyung who was also looking at me.
— Well, I don't know how you'll take it — all of us got tense immediately, while she continued — couple of news, actually. You'll get judged earlier that predicted.
She stopped talking there to see our reactions. All of us were visibly shaken after she said that, after all, we thought we still had some time to prepare. After a little bit, she continued once again.
— The other thing is… the higher ups decided to add a couple of members to the line-up.
"Shit…" was the only thing that went through my mind.
I immediately peeked at Jiyong-hyung from the corner of my eyes, as expected.
I've never seen Hyung this angry, even Youngbae-hyung and Tempo-hyung started to get nervous after looking at him. Yep, he definitely didn't like the news.
— Anyway, I don't have much time, and neither have you, I'll get going — Noona broke the silence that came after the news, while quickly abandoning the warzone that will come. Just as she closed the door after leaving, it began.
— WHY?! — Jiyong-hyung was throwing a tantrum, that's the best way of calling it, while Youngbae-hyung and Tempo-hyung was trying to calm him.
— Jiyong, please, you'll spill the food — I calmly said while sipping some water from my cup with closed eyes. With that being said, I basically became the target of the demon.
— AREN'T YOU MAD?! — he was really mad right now. Not that I don't understand, all of us have been training for a lot of time, hoping to debut. But now, they decide to add some members because they just want to. But still, it's good that we're talking now about this.
— I'm not happy, but still, calm down. — I replied, still calm. It worked a little bit, as he stopped screaming.
— But why would they want to add members? — he asked. But he instantly regretted, as all of the hyungs instantly stared down at the floor, even Jiyong-hyung.
Everyone in the room knew perfectly the reason. But still, nobody wanted to talk about the elephant in the room. That's why I wanted to make it apparent, by saying.
— Because of me… — a painful laugh appeared on my face.
All of the Hyungs were speechless, so I continued.
— All of us know, let's not lie — just as I finished saying that, Jiyong-hyung started talking once again.
— BULLSHIT! You're the best of us at dancing, and you're really good at singing. You're even decent enough at rapping, you're basically covering two positions in the group perfectly.
— Exactly — I said, flashing a bitter smile — what would happen if the one that's covering two positions had to leave?
Silence, once again. But then, Tempo-hyung modestly asked.
— That's ridiculous, why would you have to leave? Right? — he asked, but even he knew he was just trying to convince himself.
Deciding it was not enough, I said...
— Unfortunately, I may leave, even after debuting — everyone got silent once again.
It was the truth. I was the only one that had a big shadow looming over him, a shadow called Park Do Joon. A shadow that have generated so much problems for me. To put it clearly, it was Park Do Joon's fault that I have to wear a mask.
And just deciding to wear a mask created more problems. My debut was basically up to our audience. If they like me, even wearing a mask, I'll debut. Otherwise, that's the end. And there's more, even if I debut, the shadow will still be there, waiting for me to make a mistake. After all, if Park Do Joon finds out about me, he'll just have to say a few words to completely ruin my image, and my career.
As much as I understand that, the hyungs also know. That's why I told them everything about me, so they could understand.
A big hit landed on the table. It was Jiyong-hyung whose fist crashed against the table out of anger.
— I CAN'T ACCEPT THIS! — he screamed at me, while quickly leaving towards the door, only stopping for half a second to hear my words.
— It doesn't matter if you accept it or not… — I said, before deeply sighing.
Jiyong-hyung crashed the door after leaving me, making me shake my head, while I continued to sip water from my cup. Afterwards, I simply sighed and told the other hyungs.
— Let's get ready, I still have to go to school. Oh yeah, I brought some lunch boxes, they expire today, so make sure you eat them — nobody answered.
With that said, I got into one of the bathrooms in the apartment while thinking.
"What a mess…."