My name is Carl Torn, I don't look anything like your average 16-year-old boy, I'm 6'1", I tend to wear a nice black dress shirt with a maroon vest, paired with black suit pants and Maroon shoes, topped off with a nice pair of tinted Gun Range Glasses. Although I don't exactly like the look I tend to wear gloves since Shay makes a lot of messes I have to clean up, I can't complain too much, I used to be the one making the messes, and boy was I dirty.
"Do all of these need to be weirdly sexual Shay?"
"Yes, now keep reading, you fucking knife-sexual"
My Best Friend who I think is the coolest and hottest man alive-
"Dude, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one here."
"Smart doesn't mean good at writing, wait what are you doing?! don't change my fucking script!"
My Friend whose simultaneously the smartest and dumbest man on earth got captured by some soldiers who honestly didn't look too tough, so now it's my job to rescue this retard before he makes some kind of world-ending nuke for whatever shady organization captured him. It's been a while since I was the one making the mess, this is gonna be fun.
Carl walks through a forest, phone in hand displaying his location relative to a red dot, "Find Your Asshole" displayed at the top of the screen, a Military Van drives-by, Carl doesn't bother hiding, if he was found it might actually help him find Shay, the Van passes, it had not noticed Carl, but at least Carl knew he was on the right track. examining the area where the van drove Carl finds there is a hidden road, a paved road covered in impressive fake dirt, hard to the touch but melds into the terrain perfectly, now knowing the path of this Para-Military Organization that took Shay Carl concocted a plan, taking a bowie knife from around his ankle and cutting his clothes, cutting his skin just enough to draw blood, making it appear as if he was attacked by some kind of animal, he faked a limp and started walking down the path.
Hours pass, Carl looks back as headlights illuminate the area around him, sure enough, there was another Military Van passing by, he gives a little smirk before falling to the ground, faking passing out. the van comes to a screeching stop, two soldiers climbing out from the driver's and passenger's seat, approaching Carl with their rifles in their hands, one of the soldiers flips Carl onto his back with his barrel, they both wince a bit at his wounds.
"Looks like some rich kid got separated from his camp and got attacked by a Bear, should we bring him in? if he's high-status Quark might want to ransom him, hell he was walking might have fought the thing off, could be Crew material?"
"We bring him in, treat his wounds, and let him decide what's gonna happen, you know Quark has a strict no kidnapping policy, and we wouldn't be much of a 'secret paramilitary' if we ransomed a rich kid"
"Fine, help me get him in the bac-"
as the soldier goes to pick Carl up a knife is stabbed straight through his forehead, Carl tightens his grip on the handle, violently jumping from his position on the ground using his other hand and legs, lifting himself with the knife for a split second as the soldier collapses, giving him enough height to grab the other soldier by the neck with his legs, Carl uses his own weight and the weight of the falling soldier to slam the second soldier into the ground, only serving to disorient the other soldiers.
Carl stands tall, looking down on the still breathing soldier, as they attempt to stand Carl kicks them over, pouncing on top of them and putting a knife to their throat, the soldier finally seems to realize what is happening as he locks eyes with Carl.
"Now I'm gonna give you a choice here, die by a knife right here right now, or get me into your base of operations and I won't harm you"
Carl said to the soldier, he planned to kill him regardless of his answer, but he didn't have a driver's license so he'd prefer someone who knows how to drive get him to wherever Shay was, the soldier remains composed, answering bluntly.
"Your a really bad liar kid, no one willing to kill on a dime like that would ever spare someone, so I'll tell you what, you get one question then you end me painlessly."
Carl was taken aback, not many people are ballsy enough to negotiate with a knife to their throat, but the soldier was entirely correct, the question would be enough, not as much danger as having the soldier drive him around.
"Fine, Deal"
"Wonderful, go ahead now, I'll even be nice and give you another question if you ask something I don't know the answer to"
Carl thought for a moment, he'd have to make this count, this could decide whether or not he'd be able to rescue Shay, he decided to exploit the rule set by the soldier, asking a question he surely wouldn't know the answer to.
"Where are they keeping Shay Dexter Kull?"
"Don't know who that is"
"Than tell me, what would be the best way to infiltrate this Base of yours?"
"Now that's a good one, Don't infiltrate, you have no idea who your messing with, turn and leave before you make an enemy of Project Anatomy. We are an unstoppable force of Military Power, our specialized crews are each equivalent to a small army, with the largest only having 32 members, you have no chance of winning, especially with knives. if you attack the base you'll be pissing off all the craziest, strongest soldiers in the world, and they're the kind of people to kill you for as little as a joking insult."
Meanwhile, Shay sits at a table, his hands and legs restrained on his chair, the room is small with grey walls, a mirror to Shay's left, classic interrogation room. Forearm sits to the right corner of Shay, and the well-groomed old man in a suit Commander Quark sits opposed to Shay, he reads from a stack of paper that Shay figures is a field report. Shay interjects during the long silence as Quark reads.
"I get you old folks have to find a way to keep it up nowadays but you really couldn't find anyone else to participate in your weird BDSM play? I think I could hook you up with a Gimp"
Forearm violently stands, preparing to berate Shay, although Quark raises his arm as a sign for Forearm to stop, they sit back down and Quark puts his papers down, addressing Shay.
"Shay Dexter Kull, I'm sure the wait for your Interview was quite agonizing, but I'm excited to say you passed with flying colors, it's quite the feat to not only survive an attack from Forearm, but to actually strike back with nothing but a shirt? you are clearly more than qualified for the Skeleton Crew, fitting with that nickname of Skull you've acquired."
Shay is annoyed, his provocation was ignored and now this twat was acting like he already owned him.
"I keep telling you guys, I'm not Skull, and I never said I'd join you, I was just calling to tell you to suck my lack of dick, I'm not into old men. but hey maybe I'll change my mind if you untie me."
Shay offered, knowing full well it wouldn't be that easy to get out of these restraints, but insulting people was fun, and there wasn't anything else to do. Catching Shay off guard Quark chuckles, his serious demeanor melting away for mere seconds, before his vindictive stare returns to Shay, he speaks with lingering joy in his raspy voice.
"Quite the 'personality' you have, it's been a while since someone's had the balls to speak to me like that, your gonna get along great with Hand, just try not to get murdered by Shin."
Shay was uncomfortable, quite the feat from Quark, Shay was used to being the one making others uncomfortable as a way of mentally dominating others, but Quark was completely unphased by everything he said and his reactions were unpredictable. Shay figured his best chances of getting out of here was to go along, for now.
"*Sigh*, fiiiiiine, I guess if you're so insistent on me joining this 'Crew' I'll give it a shot. so get me out of this chair, I promise I'll only kill both of you."
Quark stands, straightening his papers out before making his way to the door, ignoring Shay, Forearm does the same, following Quark out of the room, Shay, confused, tries to ask.
"What are you doing? are you leaving me here?"
Forearm stops just before closing the door, offering a simple explanation before slamming the door shut.
"You seem to think your the best thing this world ever produced, so get out yourself."
Shay panicked, yelling out to his captors, being met with nothing but the echo of his voice, this was unfortunate, but at least he could think out loud now that he's alone.
"For a group of people who really seem to want me working for them, they sure do try to kill me a lot. I did think it was suspicious they had me tied down with belts, they must have better restraints than this."
Shay dislocates his thumbs with ease, slipping his hands out of the restraints and untying his legs, stretching as he stands, his joints popping and relieving some of Shay's stress.
"That was easy, but now for the hard part."
Shay walks over to the door, jiggling the knob, finding it is locked.
"knew it, this door is way too thick to kick down, there doesn't appear to be any vents, at least not any big enough for me to fit in, which leaves this obvious two-way mirror"
Shay walks to the corner of the room, retrieving the chair Forearm sat on, striking the mirror with all his might, the chair breaks and Shay recoils from the backlash, the mirror now shattered reveals a concrete wall behind it, Shay kicks the remainder of the chair across the room in a fit of anger.
"Is this even an actual challenge?! are they just trying to kill me?! urgh, calm down Shay, you got this, your the smartest man on earth, there is only-"
Shay kicks the table over to check if anything is under it.
"1 exit, wait, this room doesn't have any sort of surveillance, at least not any I can see, if this room is impossible to get out of, no one would ever know someone is in here, and all those soldiers they sent after me were just their footmen... God Damnit, they want me to prove I can accept help."
Shay walks over to the door and punches the door as hard as he can multiple times, sure enough, a soldier opens the door after a minute, looking annoyed then puzzled at Shay's presence.
"What the hell is a kid doing here?"
The soldier questions, clearly expecting one of the other idiot soldiers, Shay just brushes past him, heading down the hallway and taking in his surroundings, the soldier attempts to grab Shay's arm to stop him only to notice Shay stole the pistol from their holster, just in time for Shay to shoot him in the foot and promptly finish the job with a shot to the forehead.
Shay roots through his pockets instinctually, searching for his phone to call Carl, a habit he has formed after failing to handle a few 'Mishaps', after realizing he's an idiot he continues down the hallway, the hallway is quite impressive, completely black with lights on the floor and ceiling every 4 inches, Shay stomps on one of the lights to check how durable they are, to his surprise the light does not even flicker.
"Hmm, well I can see where the recruiting budget went."
Shay thought out loud, chuckling to his own stupid joke.
"well, you're not completely wrong partner, the 'budget' is reserved for folks like me."
A Texan voice interrupted Shay's short moment of calm, instantly boiling his blood, he snapped to see who the voice belonged to, seeing a... Cowboy? the man had a cigar in his mouth, sandy brown cowboy hat adorning his head, denim jeans, and a jacket. he tips his hat to Shay, ignoring Shay's obvious anger he continues.
"Mind explaining the fresh corpse, and the gun, fella, now I love kids, but I can't in my right mind allow them to go around killing people who are technically my co-workers."
"Listen you hillbilly-fuck, I've had it with your organization's bullshit, you've tried to kill me countless times, offered me a job to just try to kill me more, than you finally kind of get me on board and you try to kill me again. and you, your just the special icing on the hate cake, freshly squeezed, now I'm mainly angry at that Quark bastard, keeps making me do dirty things just to stay alive, so you point me in the right direction and I won't take my time with you. Sound good?"
"hehe, sure kid, just try and off me like you did to that other gu-"
Shay, giving no hesitation fires a shot straight for this Cowboy's head, seemingly expecting this the Cowboy ducks, moving towards Shay and grabbing the still recoiling slide of the pistol, pulling it clean off, disabling the only weapon Shay wields. Shay was shocked, more so than he had ever been before, that was the best course of action he could imagine, and the coordination showed skills similar to his own, this guy was no joke. A smile crept across Shay's face, finally, a truly even fight.
Meanwhile, Carl jumps from tree to tree as he approaches what appears to be a warehouse, in the middle of a forest, there was definitely something up, he carried in his left hand the severed hand of the soldier, just in cause he ran into biometrics, Carl scouted from the trees, eliminating a total of five guards, each only taking a single knife, he descends from the trees, entering the warehouse.
Sure enough, this looked like any ordinary warehouse, at least any weapons warehouse, it didn't take long for him to notice sounds coming from below, and they were getting closer, Carl climbed the crates to avoid detection from whoever would soon appear, two soldiers climbed out from what Carl had originally thought was just metal reinforcements for the floor, Carl quickly dispatches the soldiers, two knives to the back of their heads.
Carl descended down the now revealed secret hatch, arriving in a hallway similar to the one Shay escaped into, he was in, now he just needed to find Shay.
"That soldier had his head up his own ass, this is easy."
"Hargh"
A low, guttural grunt sounds seemingly in response to Carl as he thinks out loud, a habit he picked up from Shay and finds quite annoying, Carl looks towards the sound, only to see nothing, he is confused until he feels something large ram into his back, sending him ragdolling into the wall. he quickly jumps to his feet to be met with a massive, heavily armored soldier, they wear armor that looks thick enough to take a tank round along with a metal helmet hiding every bit of their face, a large horn protruding from the forehead of the helmet, the name Ribcage is written across their chest seemingly in crayon, they crack their knuckles, showing they are unarmed, Carl had been flung by a single punch.
Carl, barely phased by this mountain of a threat in front of him, reaches into the pockets of his vest, ripping them open, revealing the pockets to actually be velcro Knife holsters, holding around 20 throwing knives each, he takes eight knives in his hands, holding them between his fingers.
"You must be the dog they make guard the porch, your bite's good, but dogs who bite have to be put down."
Carl tried to banter like Shay, but he wasn't great at one-liners.