Do you ever wake in the middle of the night, with your heart pounding? It's as if the panic hasn't quite faded from the nightmare that you can no longer remember. The adrenaline still pumps through your veins, you can't calm down, and your eyes strain as you stare at the looming shadow in the corner of the room. Have you felt that fear?
I've always battled anxiety, but some nights it's worse than others. That night, there was no nightmare, the adrenaline still pumped through my veins because the threat was still present, and the shadow wasn't a shadow.
When I woke, my heart was racing. A rough hand covered my mouth, and my eyes hadn't adjusted yet. I desperately tried to clear my vision but sleep still fogged my panicked mind. His calloused skin was warm against my lips. I couldn't breathe, the fear was so blinding. What was happening? The bed shifted as his body covered mine. The mattress sank with the extra weight. His knees were on either side of my body within seconds.
Those precious few seconds. They may have been my only chance to defend myself against this man, and now they were gone. Sleep was quickly leaving my body. My mind began to clear as adrenaline filled my veins. I clawed at the hand over my mouth. I could feel his skin beneath my nails. Taking a deep breath through my nose, I tried to scream. It was muffled. Not loud enough to wake my parents and certainly not loud enough to alert our neighbors that something was wrong.
I kicked, bucked, and scratched, but my efforts seemed almost useless. This man was much larger than me. He hardly seemed affected by my attempts to maim or escape him. Tears pricked at my eyes. Was he going to hurt me? Please don't hurt me. My body jolted as he pinned one of my wrists.
My panic went into overdrive as he leaned into me. His breath caressed my neck as his nose skimmed my throat. A barely audible growl vibrated against my skin as his lips pressed a gentle kiss.
His lips found my ear and he whispered, "You don't have to be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you." His voice was deep, and rumbling, as if he too had just woken. I trembled, a new type of fear and heat claiming my mind and body. I tried to scream for my parents. Their room was just across the hall. They were so close, and yet, they may as well be half way around world in that moment. "They aren't coming to help you. I took care of them first. They won't be interrupting us."
Suddenly, my bravado was gone. I couldn't hold back the tears as sobs wracked my body. What had he done to my parents? His knee pinned my already captured wrist. What was he going to do to me? His hand left my mouth for just a moment, but this time I was ready. I let off a piercing scream. It shattered the night for just a moment, and I prayed that someone would hear me. He quickly cut off my cry for help as he pinned my other wrist. His knees pressed so heavily against my forearms, I was sure they would bruise. My hands were going numb. His fingers laced through my chestnut curls, closing in a tight fist. He anchored me to the bed my hair.
If you don't get him off of you, you'll never see your parents again, my mind screamed. I struggled to breathe through my nose. He wasn't going to give me another chance to scream. I had avoided his eyes this whole time, but now stared into them, silently pleading. Don't do this, I begged with my gaze. Please. His eyes were a piercing blue with rivers of gray running through them. They were sympathetic eyes, but they gave me no mercy.
His weight shifted for a moment and then a damp cloth was pressed over my mouth and nose. At first, I thought that maybe he was trying to suffocate me, but I could breathe through the rag. I gasped, desperately needing the air, but recoiled at the sweet, yet chemical odor. By the time I realized what he was doing, it was too late. How long had it been? A minute? Two? How long did it take for chloroform to knock someone out?
Yet another wave of panic washed over me. Why would he want to knock me out? I continued to struggle against his weight though my limbs grew heavy and my mind more sluggish. My thoughts were becoming unclear. His grip on me lessened, but my attempts to buck him off had grown weaker. Hot tears were brushed away as he stroked his thumbs against my cheeks and his low, rumbling voice spoke soothing words that no longer made any sense. The world slowed and my vision began to go dark. His piercing blue eyes were the last thing I saw.