Hate It's a funny word is it not. According to the Webster dictionary, HATE means
"a: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury
b: extreme dislike or disgust: antipathy, loathing ·had a great hate of hard work."
I hate myself. I hate how my hair frizzes up how no matter what I try. How my eyes are a dull brown. I hate how plain and fat I am. I hate how much of a coward I am. I hate how dirty I am.
How I will never be clean. I hate how he touches me. How he unbuckles his belts and I know .. I know what will happen. But no matter what I do he still finds a way to get inside me. Leaving me divided, broken, and dirty.
No matter how many times. I go underneath the shower. No matter how hot the water.
Even if it is making my skin red. I will never be clean. Even after scrubbing my mouth and body.
So after going through my morning ritual of cleansing myself. I got ready for hell.
Everything was fine even AP calculus though I felt dizzy here and there. I could still walk. There have been worse beatings, I can endure for Em. She needs to be okay. I need her to be okay.
I needed to be Okay for her. So everything time my ribs felt like a scorching fire. I will bite my rosy lips and keep scribbling why Macbeth was mentally stable while he killed King Duncan.
I love Lit is the only class I actually try.
Since I feel like I am in another world. I will rather be inside the books than here. The character's worlds are better than mine. They might not have a happy ending but they have choices.
I just love listening to others read and reading out loud.
"You look pretty when you smile you should do it more often."
"huh?"
I moved my head up to Owen Wyatt. Owen Wyatt is speaking to me. Why? Why is he speaking to me?
I put my head down trying to hide from his unwavering stare.
"I said you looked pretty when you smile."I looked at him while he grinned he spoke so loud that everybody turns their attention to us. He smiled even brighter.
He sat directly behind me. I just move more forward and ignored all the tugs at my hair As I watched the arms of the clock tick until the bell rang.
Before he could speak to me, I ran to the door and into the hallway. The lights flickered as I went by room 345, 344, and 343. Then finally I reached the art room. I loved this old room. It is the only room that has not been altered.
I like to keep things the same. Change always leads to misery.
I got out a sketch notebook and some pencils. I started drawing. This is a free period but after what happened at the gym last time. Can't risk going there and Owen getting close to me.
So instead I decided to spend my time here. As well I'm not that bad of drawer. I decided to draw Em. When she was looking out the window. How defeated she looked. I curved my pencil in her bitter eyes. I darkened as we get closer to her thick eyelashes. The wrinkled of stress and sorrow at the edge of her eyes were more highlighted than in real life. But I wanted to show her pain. I don't know why but I felt like if I drew it, it's like telling someone.
I moved on to her hair next. I drew hair strands that were stuck to her skin with dry blood and knots.
"Dammm you can draw "
"HUH "I almost swerved off the chair. He, Owen was talking to me.
He smirked, and unlike me, his smile reached his bright green eyes.
"Is that the only thing you know how to say ."
"HUH? "
He laughed not haha that's funny but a full burst of flipping happiness.
His laugh roared across the room. He went near me and patted my head.
"You are funny, love "
I flushed and tried to close my notebook, but he took it.
"Give me that that's mine " I screamed at him, but my words went in one ear and out the other.
"Like I was saying this is really good. The school is having an art exhibit this year you should sign up ."
While he spoke, I jumped up and down and try to get my notebook. But he acted like I was not doing that and kept talking.
"Seriously this is great work, but who is she ?"
I looked at him thoughtfully did he want to make fun of me or was he just trying to make a conversation with me.
"It's my sister "I mumbled hoping he heard me and at the same time I hoped he didn't.
"She is pretty like you. "
I stayed in shock he seemed so serious when he said that and he called me pretty like em. I have always been less and ugly.
"Come on!"He grabbed my shoulder and led me to the door.
"Its lunch time and you are sitting with me "Before I could complain he dragged me through the hallway and Worse to his table.
EVERYBODY, I MEAN EVERYBODY stared at me. I pulled the hood more down to my face. I shuffled under the stars. That said an infected rodent like me should not stand near the perfect prince charming.
He held me even closer and coughed "Dale, Mason, Matias, and Olivia. Meet Yasmine she is eating with us today."
The lunchroom went back to normal expect all the noise you could hear was my name. That was bouncing across everybody's mouths.
While Owen forced me on the seat, they all introduce themselves.
"Hey I am Matias" he smiled and then went back to making out with Olivia. The girl I hate. Matias had chestnut hair and one of those wave hairstyle things every boy now has. He had dark, sharp brown eyebrows, and light blue eyes.
Then I turned and faced another guy he pulled my hand and attention from Matias. He then introduced himself.
"You already know who I am. I am the Dale. The only Dale" I did not know he was Dale but decided not to say anything.
Dale had tight brown curls covered with a beanie that said panic at the disco. I smirked I love them. But I can't lie I also love BTS, but I also like Rihanna. Well, what can I say I love music, any kind.
Which reminded me of my iPod a great solution right now. I went into my pocket to get my earbuds and the iPod.I just love how Music is a great way to ignore others.
But before I could divulge all my attention on my music. The last guy on the table who I guess is Mason said my name to Owen. I stared at him. What does he want? If he wants to say something he can say it to my face. Mason never said hi during lunch. But that's fine I didn't want him to anyways.
While Dale, Mason, and Owen talked Matias and Olivia made out. I listen to music. Every time Owen would look at me. I would act like I heard them and smiled. Might even nod here and there. But all I could focus on was ending this nightmare and going to the next block. I just stayed seated there and stared at them smiling and laughing.
"Yas do you want food"I must have fallen asleep because I didn't notice it was time to get food. This could be my chance to escape.
"No, I am good."But my traitor of a stomach gave me out. It roared like a lion.
"I think you are come on. "
I shuffled my feet and tried to come up with an excuse.
" I forgot my money, " I said to not arouse suspicion. Because in reality, I didn't forget my money I had none I used it all on the mortgage of the house.
My waitress job only covers half, and the adoptive agency just gives 450. That leaves with 100 dollars that before the month ends, I must find a way to pay.
Plus Blaine would not be happy to know someone as fat a disgusting as I ate. So the 10 dollars I have on me are food groceries or necessities that have to last.
"Hey, are you coming or not. I hate when space out like that. You look like you are 50 years older than you are. Stop stressing I'll pay for your food."
"Okay, okay "I smile, but it looked more like a grimace. Owen shook his head and grabbed my hand. There were serving Hummus/Cheese/Ham Sandwich; Chips with salsa; Sliced Veggies; Homemade Tzatziki Sauce for dipping. I never had any of these.
I can't help but say I was pretty excited to eat anything other than those T.V Dinners. But then again I do not want Owen to buy my food. But what can I do?
"What do you want ?"Owen asked while looking at the wide variety of food.
"I never really had a choice and don't know which one is better. What do you suggest ?"
Shit, really Yasmin somehow you had to raise suspicion.
"I will suggest the hummus sandwich ."He looked mad for a second or is that my imagination.
I ignored my spinning head and took a bite of it.
There was an explosion of flavor in my mouth. Every bite brought joy to me. After a few bites though, I was full like a pig ready to be roasted. I sighed in happiness.
Owen looked pissed for some random reason.
"Eat more. "He pointed to the sandwich.
"I am full, I will save it for later.
"Ok" He replied with a short nod.
After that, we did not say anything. Surprisingly, the rest of the day was pretty typical until I started walking home.
"YASMIN " that voice only belongs to one person. I turned around and faced her.
Her raspy attempts to make words make her sound like the snake she is. There she was Olivia in the flesh in front of my house. We used to be best friends. But one day she found out what happened to me every night. She then started acting differently around me. Then she even went to the extent of using this information to blackmail me into everything.
She got closer.
Her rich chocolate skin shone under the scorching sun. It did not feel like it snowed last week. She put her hand on my face. Her soft scented hands caressed my cheek. Then she lifted her hand and like a slow-moving picture she brought it down.
I was used to the sting. So I only hissed as she laughed and cackled like a witch.
"Back off! Don't get close to Owen he is mine."Her laughed echo through the deadly silence.
I wanted to say something, but I knew it would only make it worse. So I touch my cheek were small red drops were coming out due to her ring. The cool cut of metal against skin. Left a mark but not as much the betrayal.
I knew she was terrible but it was never to the extent of hitting me. She kept surpassing my expectations.
I looked at my broken in converse. The colors are fading like my hope for love and happiness. I did not look up. Until the heavy smell of Victoria secret left. I then walked up to my house. Leaving all the pain behind and forced a smile in the midst of my tears.
Em like every day was waiting for me I grabbed a packet of Noodles and water.
I stared at her eat it and grimaced.
But at the end of the day, we had nothing else. So Em swallowed and chewed. She moved closer to me. This led to both of us huddling closer and generating our own heat. I hate this crazy weather.
We both fell into a serene calmness. It was so peaceful and tranquil that soon my eyes heavy with sadness closed. Hopefully, they don't open again.