Over the time, I had come around to face my worst fears and judgements. Out of all that one of them was the tendency to lie to myself about my sentiments. Falsely claimed to be more rational than emotional, I used to make decisions based on how logical a choice might seem.
That was until I crossed my path with Draco Malfoy. Uncontrollably, inevitably and irresistibly.
Then, before I realized it, I had fallen for him. Instead of a gradually process, it was more like a sudden awakening. It was as if the seeds were buried long ago and with a miraculous and mysterious trigger, it sprouted out of control.
And from the very moment the flower of that plant bloomed, I finally shed off my denial and stayed in reality, where without a doubt, that I loved him, more than I knew how much I was capable of loving someone.
So, when that man stared right into my eyes with the look I couldn't comprehend and sounded nearly accusatory, I was naturally distraught.
"Yes," I answered without flinching, "Of course."
Something in his grey eyes lit up before it dimmed again. Confused and anxious, I asked:
"Don't you trust me?"
Instead of answering directly, he squinted: "Sometimes I wonder if you are still caught up in the Weasley scheme."
"I'm not sure I understood," I frowned, "I assure you that I have nothing to do with him anymore."
"I disagree," He said in a surprisingly harsh tone, "It's never that simple."
"There's no need to overcomplicate things," I began getting a little annoyed, not knowing where he was getting at, "If you are implying about my relations with my friends who also happen to be Ron's friends, then you don't need to worry. Lavender was just trying to talk to me about it. She thinks I should stay away. And I guess that's the wisest thing to do at this point."
Malfoy was quiet at first, then that quietness ceased, and he rose his eyebrow with half-amusement, half-anger.
"Did Brown say that to you?" He said coldly, "Under Weasley's instruction, I presume. No, I am sure. That woman is crazy over him for who knows why. She'll do anything he tells her to."
"Does it really matter if he told her to say so?" I sat down next to him and shrugged, "What if he's right? What if the best course of action is to leave all of them alone and go on my merry way?"
"Granger," He said broodingly. I hadn't heard him calling me by my last name for such a long time that I felt a shiver down my spine, I knew he must be serious, "You know I'd never tell you what to do because I believe you have the brains and the ability to think like a sane person. But what is this? Are you still trying to protect Weasley even this day?"
"What? Nonsense," I raised my voice but quickly kept it down after scanning around in worry of our conversation was being listened to, "Why the hell would I try to protect him?"
"Don't you see it?" He grabbed my shoulders. For a second I thought he was angry, but then he sighed and let me go, "I'm not sure if it's intentional or habitual, but you are blinded. Tell me, don't you like those people? Those who I can care less about, but somehow you managed to call them friends."
"Only Harry and Ginny, I'd say," I let out a bitter laugh, "I think you overestimated my ability to make friends, Malfoy. I guess in many others' eyes, I'm nothing but a nerd. A misfit of my own sort, but not the cool ones."
"You are one of best I've ever known," He smiled as he run his fingers through my hair, "Although I must say that many of those who I've come to know aren't the greatest ones. Hence, I can confidently say that we are in the same boat, but there's nothing wrong about keep it to ourselves."
I chuckled: "Sometimes I forget you have a sense of humor."
"Then you should remember from now on," He winkled before switching back to seriousness, "You shouldn't be the one who sacrifice all just to fulfill Weasley's fragile ego. We both know how incredibly cruel and belittling he is to you since the beginning of the school year, because he simply cannot accept the fact that you moved on and fell through his grasp, whether it be with me or anyone else."
"What can I do then?" I crossed my arms, "I don't want to argue anymore. All I want is for everyone to be content, not even happy, content is enough."
"This is a horrible thing coming from me, but perhaps you should consider confronting him."
He took a deep breath and swallowed. Then he tilted his head, signalling me to look outside the window. The ground was covered in fresh snow, the sun was bright with the light reflecting off the nearly pristine, white surface. Following the sets of footprints, I saw Ron, Lavender, Ginny and Harry in a distance, throwing snowballs at each other while attempting to build a snowman. A strange feeling rose in my stomach and I felt hurt, though I was in no place to claim the sense of betrayal I was feeling.
Wasn't it obvious I was replaced by Lavender?
That was me a long while ago, that could've been me still and that should've been me if it was up to others.
But I didn't want to be there. Despite everything and my tumbling emotions, I didn't want to be there. I was exactly where I desired to be. Here, with Draco Malfoy, the boy I used to hate for years and years on end.
I looked back inside and met eyes with Malfoy, he seemed concerned and unsure what to say.
"Malfoy, I want you to remember," I smiled gently and moved closer to him, "I love you. And I can't imagine a life without you. Be it the game of fate, but I know for a fact that you are the only one for me."
"Likewise," He smiled and said softly as he pulled me into his arms.