Would that work? Could it even work? And besides that what gives me the idea that messing around with my soul would do me any good? That screams like a bad idea. There is probably a reason why a soul is like it is. Even when I don´t know why or what it looks like. There are a thousand reasons why I should not do it. But what if I could? Could I get rid of my course by expelling the part of my soul inflicted with it? What does the curse even do? Aer only told me that I´m cursed and then left while saying we would talk soon, but ever since that time I never saw her again. What if I am actually not cursed? Aer could be only messing with me! But then again why would a being like her be interested in messing with a small kid? I sighed and went for my daily danc... training.
While I danced I once again felt the wind around me and I guided the wind in the pattern of my dance. Absorbing a bit and releasing again in a sharp thrust of wind that hauled across the empty space in front of me bending the grassy plain wherever it went. The wind is primarily movement, so my soul should be similar right? But when I am moving and dancing all I can do is feel the wind around me. Even if I absorbed a bit of the wind I could not hold it for long as the wind always wanted to move on. Strangely I couldn´t feel my own wind, my soul kept being locked away from me.
Time for a different way to feel my soul. I sat down and concentrated on my breathing. If the wind was the soul and I couldn´t feel the soul while moving maybe the wind is interfering with my senses. So to feel my own wind I had to shut out the alien wind from Aer. Basically, I was meditating. Slow and calm breaths while concentrating on the wind inside of me when all of my breath left my lungs.
The next few days I was meditating after my dancing exercise and slowly ever so slowly I could think to feel something stale and almost unmoving inside of me. I shuddered in disgust when I realized that this was my soul. It was muddy and rotting. Stale and unmoving compared to Aer´s wind, which was a pure reflection of movement and freedom. My wind was almost the opposite. Foul, slow, and unchanging. I remembered when I was meditating about the seven deadly sins in my old world. The one sin I identified myself with was Sloth. I was... am a lazy person. Sure I did a few martial arts because that was time I could spend with my mother. As soon as she had that accident I dropped martial arts. I remembered being aware of quite a few misgivings, but instead of trying to solve them all I did was close my eyes. To escape reality I spent a lot of time reading novels or comics. Whenever I was contemplating I almost instinctively changed my mind instead to fantasy and games. I noticed rifts in my family and did nothing. I noticed rifts in society and turned away, because what could I even do? Nothing. I had already given up before I even tried. Before I even tried to try. I was raised in a Christian household and even though my parents did not do much in that regard I myself wanted to be a good Christian. But that was hard. Christianity means to be a stone that stands firm in his beliefs and shows it through his actions to the world. Compromise? Not a thing in Christianity. Follow the path Jesus has laid out to help where you can help and don´t shy away from risk to help people. I sighed at my discovery that even I m y own thoughts ´I couldn´t help but be vague. That was probably why my soul now felt so disgusting to me. It stood contrary to everything I had believed in. I knew I wasn´t a good Christian, but I thought I was a good person and yet that seemed to be the result.
I tried to manipulate my soul and noticed that it felt almost like very soft clay. Formable, materialistic. The exact opposite of Aer´s wind. I played around a bit and suddenly an Idea came into my mind.
How can I capture Aer´s wind? All I need is a prison that the wind or the soul cannot escape except when I let it. Since my soul is the opposite of Aer`s doesn´t it mean I can use it to capture it? Could I actually form a Dantian out of my own soul?
I chuckled in self-deprecation. I really read too many cultivation novels, didn´t I? That could never work.
I kept silent for a bit flabbergasted at my almost heretic thought. And then I formed a hollow ball from a part of my soul. It was slow going as that thing that was my soul seemed too muddy to be formed in the right way, but after a few days of training in forming my soul I finally had a hollow ball. I grinned as I thought about all the cultivation tales would I be throwing stuff like energy swords around soon? Very unlikely, since every cultivation story is about purity and my soul did not feel pure at all. More like I needed the impurity since I felt like with that I could capture the wind inside the muddy ball I formed.
The hour of truth was finally here. During my exercise, I led the wind inside the muddy ball. The wind was still moving inside, but instead of getting outside the wind was moving along the corner of my ball. Seeing as I was successful I led more and more wind into the ball and then I stopped dancing. The wind slipped from my control and dispersed, but inside the muddy ball the storm was still raging, uncontrolled. I meditated to see what would happen and soon I discovered a small problem. Normally a hefty storm would be a tornado, but here inside the ball, the wind did not behave like that at all. The walls redirected the wind in random directions and often enough the wind clashed with one another. Every time that happened I could feel a small sting in my chest as if someone had stabbed me with a small knife. I frowned and looked closer at the storm. Whenever the storm clashed energy escaped outside through the wall of mud. Since the energy had nowhere to go instead it went into my body. Hastily I stood up and danced until there was no more wind in my ball of mud. Exhausted I touched the spots where I felt the pain and instantly grimaced as pain surged through my body once more.
Just great! Probably internal bleeding since I couldn´t see any blood outside. I sighed and let out a small yelp as even this hurt me. I made my way towards Elder Irvin's hut every step feeling as if a thousand needles were twisting inside my chest.
I should hurry.