Or I think that is his expression... I really can´t see it clearly from down here... could you not step so close to me, please? Because I will get an aching neck and you know personal space?
"Uhm... can I help you with something?"
I tried really tried to sound confident, but it was but for naught. You try and be confident when a human boulder stands close before you! He stared at me for some time while I was squirming under his gaze.
"Why do you ask those strange questions?"
His voice already starting to sound like thunder in the distance. What is with this world and its strange biology? We are only five for god's sake!
"It sounds to me like you don´t trust in our strength!"
I noticed how he clenched his fist, if my mother wasn´t who she is it would be very likely for me to get a good beating I presume.
"Ohno! Idobelieveinyourstrength!"
Never have I spoke words that hastily. I hope he did understand them? Should I repeat?
"I don´t like your tone."
He squinted his eyes as his voice rumbled.
Did I sound sarcastic? Why do only my bad habits follow me to the next world? I am no longer in a society where I can risk some lip... here I definitely would get something blue on my face...
"I really do trust in your strength and I mean that most sincerely!"
I hastily spat out and tried to sound sincere. Wasn´t easy, cause of my habits and my father's inability to pick up the finer details of a conversation...
"Then why are you asking that many questions? We will slaughter them like we always did!"
I looked at him and couldn´t find any doubt about his statement. Only pure conviction. I sighed.
"That is because pure strength isn´t always the solution"
Jup, he is getting angry or confused?
"Take our last fight for example. Normally I would not stand a chance against you, but just with some tricks I managed to win against you."
I looked him in his staring eyes and withstood my desire to look away. I really am cowardly, aren´t I? It´s always so easy to intimidate me. In my last life, it was so bad, that when someone yelled angrily and loud enough the world would start to tremble and turn. I really hated that... I would start trembling and get the desire to solve it with my fists. Never did that though, thank God for that!
"That will never happen again!"
His eyes keep trying to drill holes through mine, while his voice shakes my bones... but I am not me from my previous life! I can stand my ground or at least run fast enough to get away from him should he attack. And so I smiled at him.
"We will see."
He just grunted and walked away. I look down at my hands. Bad habits are really hard to overcome... They trembled slightly... or not so slightly. I clenched my fist and tried to calm down my shaking arms.
"I really am pathetic."
My mumbling faded unheard. Even though I have gotten so much stronger than in my past life I am still a coward at heart. There was something I always told myself in such situations:
Martial arts aren´t really about fighting, but about the courage to take one step forward where others would step back.
For some reason that one sentence always gave me courage... and it fits mostly. In fights, if I only ever take a step back I would only defend and eventually lose. And in social situations, it remains the same. Not that I would actually be able to do that. Luckily for me, I never found out. I never was in a serious fight and in social situations... well... I only ever let the storms wash over me and ignore it. But I told myself, that if I could save someone I would do it. For that reason, my favorite person in the new testament wasn´t Jesus. He is great of course, but nobody I could actually relate to. My favorite person was Petrus, the crumbling rock. He is someone who wanted to risk his life for his best friend but failed because of his cowardice. He failed when it counted the most, and this failure would drive him in the right direction so much, that even the popes are said to be his successors. For he who is the least among you all is the one who is great. To become one of the greatest persons being alive he had to fall and experience being the least among everyone. I always hoped, that his example would help me to avoid failure when it counts and even if I fail I hoped I wouldn´t despair, but get up and try again. But I never found out. Theory is great and all, but if it isn´t backed up by actions it is only wind. And that is what I was or am... only wind.
God, that got depressing! Here in this life, there are more than enough fights and conflicts to show, that I am not a coward! I can save those I want to save! Even if they don´t listen or do not want my help! I am strong! At least stronger than before and I know more than everyone else here... okay that doesn´t amount to much, but still...
For now, let´s go to Elder Healings' place. He is the oldest and I hope the wisest among us here. He must have some sort of insight into those small people. Someone has to right? Know thy enemy and know yourself and you will win every battle! That is a great sentence, but understanding it is really difficult and if I am honest... not my favorite sentence. But it really motivates!
My feet carried me to Elder Healings´ hut. On the way there I had to avoid the people because they seldom look down... or because they are looking down? On me, that is... everybody is really huge!
Elder Healing here I come!
Wait... what was his name again?