Yesterday, it was yesterday, just one day away from the day I had planned to start the journey that I heard a voice in my head.
"You seem to be in a bit of a pinch?"
I convinced myself that I was hearing voices inside my head and decided to take a nap to refresh myself.
"Oi! Are you seriously going to ignore me?"
Then I convinced myself that I am starting to have split personality problem and decided the best thing to do would be to – go to sleep – yeah, that didn't change.
"Hah!"
My supposed second personality sighed and as soon as I got on the bed, I fell to the ground as the bed disappeared.
"What the hell!"
I said to myself, pretty sure there wasn't anyone around who could actually hear me.
"Yeah, that's what I am saying. What the hell! You are just going to ignore me? And do what instead listening to me, sleep?"
Even though he sounded like a real person, I convinced myself that it is nothing more than my badassery at work (that doesn't even make sense now that I think about it).
"Well, if you are gonna be that grumpy about it, fine!" I said, thinking I might as well engage in a little chatter with that second personality of mine, "Who are you?"
"I'm God."
"Yeah, that sounds like something a second personality of me would say."
"…" no answer came back. And I didn't really bother to ask why as I got up from the floor and started dusting myself off.
"I can't believe it!" Then that personality said, "After thousands of years of being God, a human like you is treating me like a joke. Just what has the world come to!?"
"What do you mean 'a human like me'?" I ask, feeling disrespected by that second me. Though, looking back on it, if it really were a second me, I would have been disrespected a lot more.
"Anyway,"
"Don't ignore my question-"
"ANYWAY," it felt like my head would burst apart when that voice yelled, "I know the situation you are into. And I think I can help."
"That's a pretty generic way to say it, almost makes you look trustable." The reason for that being that most characters who say that generic line, in way or another, actually try to help. "But I heard your voice for the first time, like, what, a minute ago? Why should I trust you?"
"Because I'm God."
"Or you are just trying to rip off Light Yagami." I continued without bothering with the fact that I was wasting time, "Or maybe you are trying to rip off Dues ex machina."
"…" He, however, was not very willing to let me waste his time for the sake memes and references.
"Cat got your tongue?" So, he said in a single breath,
"Meet me at midnight, alone, at the place Roswaisa had died on in the previous timelines. If you don't show up or show up with someone else, you lose my offer of help." And with that, he cut the connection (whatever the connection was) and no matter how much I tried to talk to him, no response came back.
*****
By midnight, I reached that place, the place that I once saw Roswaisa lying in a pool of blood at, and saw an old man standing by the river, gazing at the sky.
I went to the old man and asked, "Are you the one who called me here?"
He looked at me confused, "No! I don't know what you are talking about."
I just gave an "I see" and started heading towards a bench but he said,
"Aren't you that high-school brat who girls keep chasing all the time?"
Well, yes. I don't know anyone else with my level of 'running-from-girls-power'. I simply nodded to give him as an answer.
"I see." The old man said and casually rubbed his hands on his wooden stick once, and then,
THUK!
"Hey! What the hell, old man!?"
THUK! THUK! THUK!
"What's wrong with you, geezer! Did you lose a bolt or something!?"
THUK! THUK! THUK! THUK! THUK!
*****
After ten minutes passed, and I was on the ground, having been beaten-down, I mean, unjustly violated … no, wait, that sounds worse. Whatever!
After that geezer beat me for a whole ten minutes, he went away, leaving me with temporary burns all over my body.
"So, how was it?"
A familiar voice came and asked that. No one was around. Just like before, the voice was speaking directly to my brain.
"How was what!?"
"Getting beaten down by that old man?"
"Oh, it was fun! You should totally try it, whoever you are!" When someone asks me a question like that, obviously I was gonna be sarcastic.
"Well, I respectfully decline the offer." He seemed to be enjoying himself. "Do you know why he beat you?"
"No!"
"It's because of the reason you often get beaten."
Well, there's just one reason that I often get beaten for. "You can't be serious!" But thinking back to what he asked just before he started beating me, it would make sense.
"He beat you because of a girl you stole." He chuckled as he continued "And no, the old man wasn't in love with that girl that fell for you, it was his grandson who had the misfortune of breaking up with his girlfriend."
"Well, at least that makes sense." Not that's it's my fault, but at least it makes sense.
"So anyway, do you know why so many girls fall for you?" He asked me.
"Because I am a badass?" I tried to mess around, but he wasn't willing to go off-topic.
"Because your father, Kaylith, passed on to you a blessing he used to have – a blessing of charm."
"…"
"He did that thinking it would help you become a better member of society as you'll be able to charm those around you. You turned out to be an anti-social idiot though, so that only brings you beatings by jealous guys and confessions from literally all types of girls."
"…" I was at a loss for words at that groundbreaking revelation.
"Something wrong?" He just asked me plainly.
"Are you trying to say that I am not handsome enough to have all the girls chasing after me?"
With no hesitation and no time spent thinking, the answer came. "Well, you aren't."
WWWWHHHHHYYYYYY!!!!?
"In any case," he continued, "the reason I let you get beat up by that old man was because I wanted to show how abilities are only useful to those who want to use it the right way. Those who don't want the ability will have it wasted on them anyway."
"Yeah, that's a good point." I said with a deadpan expression, "So, where is this going anyway?"
"It's going into the fact that, while I can give you an ability to help you, I can't give you just any ability." He said, "In order for you to survive, you need to have an ability that suits you."
Fair point!
"Keep in mind though that I can give you only one ability."
"Why is that?"
"Messing with the affairs of you mortals is not something I am supposed to do. The reason I am doing it now is because Dues ex machina is being a little too unfair, enough unfair for me to tip the scales a little towards equilibrium."
Hearing how he could give me an ability, about tipping the scales towards equilibrium and calling us 'mortals', it began to dawn on me.
"… Hey, you really are God, aren't you?"
"Did you actually not believe me till now?"
"I did not." I said it as it was.
"Hah!" And he sighed.
I immediately got up to my feet and said, "Show yourself to me!"
*****