"This is bullshit."
My chest felt heavy from anger, frustration, betrayal. All these time I was telling myself Alex was doing this to keep me safe and now he's wrapped around another person. How on earth should I process that? My mind's rejecting the very idea of that I should trust Alex but I'm afraid I may crumble down if he looked at me, more so if he smiled at me.
And who is that guy?
"I have met him briefly, his name's Patrick." Josh told me at lunch. He was seated with me and Anna at our usual lunch table while a few feet from us, Alex, Zach, Mike and that Patrick were eating and laughing and obviously having fun.
I stabbed a piece of chicken from my plate unconsciously.
"If you're so jealous why don't you do anything about it?" Anna said.
"I'm not jealous." I murmured, trying to convince myself more than Anna. "Just curious."
"Right." She raised a brow at me in response.
"Patrick is here for a project, he studies in Australia, he's Dean Recto's son." Josh explained. "That's the limit of my Intel. Sorry."
I glanced at the other table discreetly. Patrick, a kid with brown hazel eyes that glittered, speaks with a weird accent and really, really clingy, and was laughing with Alex, acting familiar, too familiar. What's their relationship then, if Patrick was here only for a project? Why does he have to follow Alex around?
"I'm gonna go home and study." I finally said and stood up.
"Yeah, study for your remedial exams." Anna waved at me. "Good luck."
Seeing Alex today confirmed what I already knew. I was not ok with this. I had skipped speech class today, the only class we had together; I didn't go the mango tree, a spot I frequent; I spent my free time at a corner booth in the library. But when I finally saw him today like it was nothing to him. He glanced at me like I was just another student while I secretly wished he would come to me and tell me he missed me.
But who was I to complain? If I would act this way I should have argued with him when we, -- no, when he talked about "going back to normal". I should have told him off, but rather, I nodded and accepted it without understanding.
Deep in thought, I found myself in front of the convenience store at the end of the street, right across McDs. I was never a fan of it, I'd rather cook or buy from the convenience store.
No, I was lying. I was a cheapskate.
"Oh hi, " I looked up as I entered and saw a familiar face at the checkout counter.
"Hi, you work here too?"
Linc nodded, his dark brown eyes sparkled. "I'll be out in five minutes, wanna hangout?"
"Sure." I paid for a can of soda and a pack of Marlboro. "I'll wait outside. "
I lit up a stick and watched as the white smoke dissolved in the dark starless sky. I have an hour before the dorm closes at 10 pm and I needed the distraction before I once again face my four bedroom walls. I agreed to join Linc mainly because of that, also, it's nice to meet new people right? After all he…
"Thank you for waiting."