Where to start? I know, they always say that you should start at the beginning, but I can't find it. Everything seems connected, and that makes beginnings and endings lost in time. Probably it's me. I'm having some trouble with what's really going on. Most of the time I'm sure, and then something happens to make me wonder. Here's a silly example; I know I paid the phone and cable bills, but I got a letter this morning saying they were cutting them off. I'll have to look into that.
I understand the thing with Marilyn much better now. Dr. Lowe says that I got carried away because of what she meant to me as a boy. I can see that. She was more than a sister to me and I remember all the little things she did for me. She hardly ever called me Richard. It was usually Baby Boy, Ike, or Ikes, mostly because I loved ice cream. Anytime I asked her for it, she would give it to me. So I would only have to say, 'Ikee' which was my kid language name for it, and she would get it for me. That was my Marilyn, my Mal. But that was long ago and it might as well have been in the storied galaxy that's far away, because my world has changed. Up to that point, everything in my universe had been because of Mal.
The short story about my father is that he left us when I was two and Mal was almost ten, I think. I got different stories along the way, but it seems that he left to be with someone who used to work for him. We didn't talk about him in the house, and I'd only seen the few pictures of him that Mal and I had hidden from my mother. Mom had torn every other one up in the rage that followed his exit from our lives. I could see that he was handsome as he stood by my mother. She was all dressed up and made up. She looked beautiful. To me, Mal is a dirty blonde version of the busty dark haired woman in the photograph. Mal got the body too.
I guess I was angry with my mother when she was away so much for those years. I was such a momma's boy. I wanted to be with her all the time. When I complained to Marilyn, she always reminded me how hard mom worked and that she loved us. I knew that she worked two jobs to keep our family afloat, but as a kid I was beyond understanding why my mother wasn't there for me. My consolation was that I had Mal, who was more than a mother to me.
I never knew a time when she wasn't there, in my room, with her arm around me or walking with me to school, or listening to me when my little life was in turmoil. Dr. Lowe said that I needed Mal to get through a very difficult time. He was right about that. No matter how many kids I hung out with, I never had a better friend than Mal. So it isn't unexpected that I loved her. I don't even think it's unexpected that I had a crush on her. But as I got older, it became more. I was pretty confused. Dr. Lowe said it was okay to have feelings about Mal.
I did go out a lot in high school and it was really because of Marilyn that I got so many dates. She had taught me what it is that women like and don't like, physically and emotionally. I learned how to act, how to talk, and how to listen. It was all matter of fact with her. She always said that people make too big a commotion about sex, "Just do it and have fun," she said. I remember when she first developed, and I told her how great she looked. She said, "They're just tits." But they weren't.
Not satisfied with the girls I was seeing, at nineteen, I went out with a woman that was twenty five. I liked that better, and I learned even more. It didn't work out though because after a few months she said, "I have fun with you Richard, but you're just too strange. I wasn't sure why, but I couldn't argue with her. I never fell in love with any of those women and I never felt the excitement I felt when I thought about Marilyn.
Besides ice cream, my sister and I shared a love of the blues. We got it from listening to all of mom's records. I probably learned to play blues guitar to impress her and mom. When they listened to me, they acted as if Clapton was playing, but I was only good enough to fool people who don't know the difference between good and great.
When I started getting hung up on Mal, I often thought of the Al Jackson song called, "Drowning on Dry Land." It tells the story of a dog that was crossing a railroad track when a train came by and cut off part of his tail. He stopped to look back, and then lost his head over that tail. I wondered if that was what I was doing, or if there was more to my feelings than a 'Piece of tail.'
I decided that it had to be deeper than that because I'd had other women, but they weren't enough. I didn't have to fake the blues, I had them. One song says that the blues are nothing but having your lover on your mind. And Mal was always on my mind. When I thought about her legs in a skirt, my imagination took over where my eyes had to stop. I could almost feel the tender skin of her thighs that would lead to her bare pussy. She would be wet and I would taste her and lick her, and ...oh fuck. That's how I got myself whacked out. One night at a bar, I actually ordered one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.
It seemed hopeless, that is, until I got this strange thought in the middle of the night, 'Maybe it wasn't hopeless.' It was more a revelation than a thought. I laughed at myself. Of course I loved Marilyn. It was her all along, and things like that happen in families. I'd read enough stories about guys getting hung up on their sisters and their mothers. I was sure it really happened to other people. So why couldn't it happen to me? Dr. Lowe said that it's okay to make up fantasies, so I imagined how it would happen. I wanted it to be right so I was very sweet to her and told her how beautiful she was.
That's when it happened. I told Marilyn what I was feeling. When I finished she said, "Wow, I guess I sort of felt that something was going on with you, but I didn't think it was me. I'm not sure what to think about all this."
I said, "Do you think I'm terrible for feeling this way?"
She said, "Of course not baby; I guess I'm kind of flattered that you want me."
I said, "Do I turn you off Marilyn?"
She said, "No Richie...it kind of makes me excited. That's probably not the best reaction I could have in this situation."
I said, "I can't imagine anything better." I moved slowly to kiss her, waiting to see her reaction. She closed her eyes as I approached and parted her lips...sweet soft lips that allowed mine to caress hers. She threaded her fingers through the hair and held the back of my head as our tongues met and gently played, as if they were well acquainted friends.
She stopped the kiss and said, "Wow..." She caught he breath and said, "Richie, give me some time to think about this...then maybe we can talk...okay baby?"
I wanted her so badly, right then, right there, but all I could say was, "Sure." I waited for the talk, but it never came. As each day passed I could see her looking at me differently. I wasn't sure what it all meant, but she smiled at me differently. The waiting and uncertainty got to me, so one night I went to her and said, "I need you Marilyn. You said, we would talk about it."
And she said, "Yes sweetheart, I know. I've been thinking about it so much, and I know I must be crazy, but I keep coming up with the same answer. I want you too Richie. Come to my bed love." I went with her and she took off her clothes while smiling into my eyes. I watched as each part of her that I'd never seen was bared. It was almost too much to take in at one. My eyes went from her breasts to her pussy to her ass, trying to see, appreciate, and remember at the same time. She laughed as I stared and she said, "Well, now you."
I kept looking at her smooth creamy skin that was punctuated by a rosy tint at her nipples and vagina and quickly took off my clothes. She said, "That's good baby...and that's even better," as she reached for my hardened cock. It jumped in her hand as if it were reaching for the ceiling. She pointed to her pussy and said, "Touch me here." We kissed as we stood and held each other.
And then, after kissing her for a long time, we both couldn't wait any longer. She was on the bed spreading her legs and I didn't want to think too much about who was waiting for me to make love to her. Within seconds I was inside her pussy. I couldn't imagine a better place to be. I buried my shaft inside her as far as I could go and then stopped to hear her sweet sigh, and feel the sensations of relief and pleasure being inside her sex.
I held her hips and moved the way lovers have done for eons, sliding in and out of her to increase our excitement. From the sounds she made, she was enjoying it as much as I was. I was taking her and she was glad. She said, "Yes, Richie, that's so good...so good inside me...don't stop baby boy, don't stop." Again and again I heard the words of lovers that only serve to say what can't be put into words. Nobody wants to stop. Nobody wants to ever stop.
I pressed into her wet hole pausing at the end of the stroke to feel her hips gyrate and move me inside her as her excitement built, and so did mine. I said, "I love you Marilyn," and I bent to kiss her while continuing to push in and out of her.
She said, "Yes, love me Richie, be my love, yes...yes." I didn't think I should come inside her so I pulled out. I went down on her and took her clit between my lips and sucked on it. The effect of my tongue on her swollen nub was immediate. Before I really got started, she gave a long high pitched sigh and came. She must have come again because as she slowed down, I kept sucking and then she cried out, "OH, OH, OHHHhhhhh...."When she was done she said, "Oh love...that was good...oh sweetheart." When she caught her breath, she said, "Now you."
She started fisting my dick and bent over to suck on the knob. She stopped long enough to smile at me and say, "Mmm...I like the way you taste." Then she laughed and said, "I think I'm tasting me too."
Meanwhile she was stroking the full length of my shaft and I stiffened when I realized I was about to come. I said, "MARILYN..." and the first stream flew."
She looked astounded, watching, with her mouth open as I came. She had never seen me come before and she said, "OH, MY, GOD." It sounded like three sentences. I have to say I was sort of shocked myself the first time I saw myself come. I was alone in the shower and had been building up to it all day. I shot all the way to the wall. I got a little concerned when the white streams didn't seem to stop. For a long time I thought that was how everyone came.
When I got older and saw women's reactions, I knew it wasn't ordinary. Actually, for a while I used it, telling the girls that I slept with that it had never happened to me before, and that it must have been because they turned me on so much, and they were so hot. They liked that.
I told Dr. Lowe what happened with me and Marilyn and he said that it couldn't have because my sister got married when I was fourteen and moved with her husband to England. He says I think my fantasies are real. How can you tell the difference? I didn't explain it to him. I didn't tell him that her sweet smell is still in my bed.
We made love lots of times after that. I liked the way she came to me in the middle of the night. I was so sleepy and she was so warm when she came under the cover and put her body against mine. Her nipples were hard and she liked it when I sucked on them. I could touch all of her in the dark while we kissed. I put my fingers inside her and she held me in her fist while I did it.
When we were young, Mal always liked to play games and we would always make believe that we were different people. I still like games now, but I didn't tell Dr. Lowe this because Marilyn said I shouldn't. She said he wouldn't understand our 'Family Game.' That's when she wants me to call her 'Mom.' That's when we do our special things.
I remember the first time we played and Marilyn said that she was going to make me feel so good that I would hardly be able to stand it. She was right. As soon as I said, "I love you mom," she started breathing hard.
She said, "Yes baby boy, momma loves you too, and I'm going to show you how much." She made me lie back on the bed and took off my pants. And then my cock was in her mouth. It was slow. She wrapped her lips around the spongy head and then moved up the shaft. It was maddeningly slow. It was maddeningly good.
I was hard, but everything about the way she was doing me was soft. Soft, wet, warm, mouth...soft lips gently gliding, almost kissing her way up and down my cock...soft tongue gently licking and lapping. I had the urge to piston my rod in and out of her mouth, but when I started to, she held my hips still to get me to stop. I let her do what she wanted. She took a lot of me into her mouth and deliberately drew back along each inch. When she reached the knob, she sucked hard three or four times before retuning her lips to the journey along my shaft. She knew how to kill me softly.
When she stopped, it was to open her mouth wide and take me into her throat. It was a new experience for me and what she was doing seemed impossible. Even that, she was able to do slowly. I was surprised at the feeling as my cock went down her throat. I watched as I disappeared into her mouth. When she had almost all of me, she closed her lips tight and pulled back, drawing her wet mouth along my full length. I watched as the rod emerged, slowly. My cock looked longer than it ever had when she finally reached the head and sucked on it.
She never sped up, even when I started to come. She never jerked me. She just kept sucking, relentlessly. I grabbed her shoulder and all I could say was "MOM..." as my orgasm hit. The intensity took me by surprise and I flexed my hips back and some of my cum splashed on her mouth and chin. She took me back and continued sucking. It was fierce and powerful. I kept releasing into Marilyn's mouth calling out to her, "OH MOM, OH Mom, oh mom..." I was aware of what was happening to me and out of control at the same time.
I could hear Marilyn saying, "I'm here, mom's here..." between her sucking. I had the urgency to speed it up but she held my hips again and made the orgasm continue at an excruciating pace. I poured my juice into her mouth and she lovingly accepted it. It was as much a loving experience as sexual one. I was filled with pleasure, because as I came in Marilyn's mouth, I knew that she loved me.
Lately I've been thinking that maybe I shouldn't go to Dr Lowe any more. He say's that if I don't tell him what's going on, he can't help me. But when I tell him, he say's it didn't happen. I did tell him that last night, Marilyn and I made love all night long. I gave him all the details so he would know I wasn't making it up. I told him how excited I was because she said I could do whatever I wanted to make us feel good, and that I could come inside her whenever we played the Family Game.
First I made her dress up like that picture. She wore the black dress and made up her eyes with mascara that makes her look so sexy. I knew what she had on under the dress so I could hardly wait to get it off her. She had put on the special panties and bra that I like. It's the black one with pattern of flowers in the nylon. I like that it's sheer enough to show her nipples and her pussy. Even the black stockings matched with those see-through flowers in a band around her creamy thighs.
When we kissed, Marilyn said, "Do you love your momma baby boy?"
I said, "I love you more than anything mom."
After her dress came off she said, "Do you want your momma baby boy?"
I said, "Yes, I do mom." I took off my jeans and she could see how hard I was for her.
She said, "Yes, come show me how much you love me." She took off her panties and opened her legs to receive me. My cock was almost bowed with excitement as I brought it to the entrance of her pussy. The first entry was sweet the way it always was and we both sighed with the first long strokes that penetrated in and out of her wet channel.
I felt that I knew how she felt, but it still excited me to hear her say, "You're so good for me Richie, so good inside me." With my cock inside her, I felt as if we completed a puzzle. We fit. None of the details mattered, because I filled her and she held me so perfectly that I could feel each inch as it penetrated her. I guess that most people would call my having sex with Marilyn an abnormal act. At that moment, being inside her pussy was the most natural thing I could imagine, and the purest pleasure I'd ever experienced. We're all waiting for that special person, and mine was in bed with me.
As we moved together I could feel my orgasm building. She told me I didn't have to wear a condom because she wanted to feel me coming inside her. She said she wanted me to fill her with my seed. It made me even harder as I penetrated into her pussy. She arched up high and said, "I'm coming baby, mommy's coming, OHHhhhhh..." I stroked as hard and fast as I could and when I started to shoot into her she said, "Yes baby, I can feel you, yes, yes..." She was very quiet for a long time and held me tight. She was crying a little when she said, "You make me so happy baby."
In the morning, when I woke up she was smiling at me. She said, "You did so good last night baby, I can still feel you inside my pussy. She stroked me until I got hard. She kissed the head of my cock and said, "That's beautiful." She wrapped her fingers around the shaft and said, "God, you are thick." She kissed the head again before she straddled me. Her tits were warm in my hands. At first she moved up and down on my shaft and then she stopped, only using her hips to move me in and out of her. She smiled down on me and said, "I am so in love with you. Do you love me too Richie?'
I said, "Of course I love you, I've always loved you." She smiled and began raising and lowering herself on me. I said, "That feels so good."
She started moving faster and said, "Call me mom honey; tell mommy how she makes you feel."
I pushed up into her to meet her descent and she moaned as I said, "Nobody ever made me feel like you do mom...I love this, nothing is better than being inside you mom." I took her tits in my hands and fondled them and then massaged them through my fingers as I got more excited.
I pulled on her nipples and shoved myself as far up her as I could go and she said, "Ooohhh yes...fuck yes...that's good, that's my good boy...yes, yes, yes..." We continued until I felt she was about to come and then I turned her and stayed inside her, holding her, not letting her move. She said, "OH, do it honey."
I came out of her and turned her over. I knew she liked it doggy style because I went inside her the deepest that way. She raised her ass widening her stance by opening her knees. She was soaked as I entered her pussy. And she kept saying, "Do it baby boy, do it, do it to mommy." I drove into her pussy and she responded happily with a voice that smiled, "Yes, yes, yes..." she said, "This is what we do for each other, isn't it baby, isn't it?"
I said, "Yes Marilyn, yes love..." Harder and deeper with each stroke we both approached the brink. I crossed before her, and with the first cord of semen I called, "MARILYN..."
She said, "Yes baby momma's here, come, come inside me, AAAhhhh...yes baby, come with me, Ohhh yes, Ohhh yes, ohhhhh..." Her voice had a whimper in it as we finished and my slippery coated shaft continued stroking her until we both collapsed on the bed.
She said, "Am I enough for you baby, do you need anybody else?"
I said, "No Marilyn, only you. You're the one I want; I've left everyone else behind...and talking about behind, you've got a great one. She laughed as I took one of the round globes in my hand and squeezed it hard enough to make her squeal and laugh even more."She stopped laughing as I kissed her and massaged her ass and then put a finger on her pucker and began to tease it. I said, "You're mine now mom, aren't you? You belong to me."
When she answered with, "Yes Richie, you can do anything you want to me," I took that to have a very specific meaning. I knew I was right when I turned her and she raised her ass in the air and she said, "Yes, yes, yes." I put my cock into her pussy to wet it. I pulled out and put the shiny swollen knob on her small hole and pushed. I heard her make a low and guttural moan of pleasure.
And when I penetrated deep into the grasping tight channel, I knew what sex was about for me. It was about love. I was filled with it as much as she was filled with me. And the first thing that she said as I completed my entry into her was, "I love you Richie."
And with each stroke that stretched and took her, all she kept repeating was, "I love you." And I loved her in a way went beyond the sex, the words, and the act of lovers who had only a need for each other to be completed. She said, "I'm yours sweetheart. This is what I always wanted, to belong to someone like this. You're filling me so good baby, yes, yes, do it to me like that, like that." I penetrated her tight hole over and over as she squeezed the length of my cock with a firm massage. I knew she was the one I always wanted.
I said, "You're my Marilyn and I'm always going to love you like this."
She said, "Yes baby, I've always been your Marilyn, and now that we have each other like this, I'm glad, and I'm so proud of my boy." And before I'm enveloped in her body and all the sensations it brings, I wonder if I should tell Dr. Lowe that my mother's name is also Marilyn."