I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of glass shattering. I rubbed my eyes and debated rolling over and going back to sleep. My sense of concern got the better of me and I decided I should at least go see what had broken. It probably hadn't been an intruder clumsily knocking things over, but it was silly to take the chance on ignoring the possibility.
It was just Mom and me living in the small apartment; a mother and her eighteen year old son. It was a living arrangement that left me with more responsibilities than I really wanted, but I didn't mind too much. Mom was the only close family I had, and vice versa. We had to look after each other.
I rolled out of bed with a heavy sigh and stumbled out into the hallway. It was a short walk to the kitchen where I guessed the offending sound had originated. Sure enough, Mom was on her knees on the floor cleaning up the remains of a glass.
Mom didn't hear me approach, or if she did she ignored me. She had her back to me so she couldn't see me. She was wearing a nightie, and given her position it was riding up dangerously high on her legs. I decided I should let her know I was there before I got a flash of something embarrassing.
"You okay, Mom?" I asked.
She jumped a little and turned her head so she could see me.
"Oh! Sorry, honey," she said, briefly startled by my appearance. "I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to bed."
"Let me help you get that cleaned up."
"No, it's fine. I've got it. I wouldn't want you to cut yourself because I was clumsy."
"Mom, you're kneeling in broken glass. I'm not the one who needs to worry about cutting myself."
"Your concern is noted, but I'm the mother here. Me worrying about your safety beats you worrying about mine. That's just how it works."
"Fine. But I'm not going to bed until you finish. I'm not going to have you cutting yourself and bleeding to death in the middle of the kitchen because I left you alone."
Mom laughed softly. She got the last of the glass fragments swept up and dumped them into the garbage, then leaned against the counter.
"I don't know when you started getting so protective," she said. "There was a time when you would have assumed that Mommy could handle a little incident like this all by herself."
"Yeah, well... that was back when I was too young to do any good anyway. Plus, I've since learned that even moms can do stupid shit sometimes."
"Language," Mom chided gently.
The faint smile on her face betrayed any attempt at a serious rebuke. It was far from the worst thing she'd heard me say.
"Sorry," I said. "Are you going back to bed?"
"I don't know. I thought I might stay out here and throw a few more dishes on the floor."
"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Mom. Leave that to the teenagers."
Mom walked over to me and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.
"Good night," she said. "I promise I'll try not to wake you up again until morning."
"Deal," I said.
I followed her back down the hallway to our bedrooms, which were right next to each other. We entered our respective rooms and went to bed. I left my door open. I sometimes wondered if Mom assumed I was masturbating when I closed it. I never dared to ask her.
I found myself staring up at my ceiling for the next little while. I was tired, but somehow unable to drift back off. It was one of those times where I had no idea what my body wanted from me.
There was a slight creak from the floor in the hallway. Mom stepped into sight, just barely passing the threshold before stopping.
"Are you still awake?" she called softly.
"Yeah," I said. "I'm awake."
"Sorry. I know I said I wouldn't bother you again."
"You said you wouldn't wake me up again. You're still good."
A brief smile flashed across her face. She padded closer and sat down on the edge of my bed. I scooted over to make more room.
"Your father was always good at remembering details too," she said wistfully. "You remind me of him so much sometimes."
"In a good way I assume?"
"Mm-hm. I think you managed to get all of his best qualities."
Mom reached out and ruffled my hair affectionately. I kind of liked the way it felt when she did that.
"I got half my genes from you, you know," I said. "That probably helped."
"Now you're just humouring me."
"Maybe. Doesn't mean I'm wrong. If you think I have a lot of good qualities, that has at least as much to do with you as Dad. Probably more."
Mom went silent for a moment. It was hard to read her face without the light on, but she seemed to be off in her own world. Maybe she was reminiscing about Dad. I caught her doing that sometimes.
"I still miss him, you know," she said softly.
"Me too," I said.
"I know, sweetie. It hasn't been easy on you either. It's just... I miss sleeping with him. And I mean actually sleeping, just before your mind goes somewhere else with that."
"Mom, children do their very best to pretend like their parents never, ever have sex. I can assure you."
"Yes, well... anyway, the point was he always used to be able to help me fall asleep when I was having trouble. I don't know what it was, but all he had to do was hold me. It was better than any pill or breathing technique I ever tried."
There was a trace of sadness and longing in Mom's voice. I wasn't sure whether to comment on it or not. Prodding her to talk more might help, or it might hurt. I wasn't really sure which.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I'm fine."
She wiped her hand quickly across her cheek. I wasn't sure if she'd started crying, or if it was something else.
I sat up and hugged Mom. She seemed a little tense at first, but she soon relaxed into the hug. Her breasts pressed against my chest as we held each other for a moment. I felt kind of embarrassed for noticing them, but I'd gotten used to pretending I didn't.
"I should get back to bed," she said eventually.
"Okay, Mom. Good night."
"Good night, sweetie. Sleep well."
****
I was in a bad mood when I got home the next day. I didn't really have a good reason for feeling that way, which only made it worse somehow.
The root of most of my troubles lately was a girl. I liked her, but she already had a boyfriend. The smart thing would have been to move on, but that turned out to be more difficult than expected. About a week ago she and her boyfriend had broken up. The event had given me a dangerous amount of hope that maybe I had a chance with her after all. I decided I couldn't just go ask her out immediately and should give it some time. Today I'd learned that they were back together. That small piece of news was enough to put a negative spin on the rest of my day.
I sat on the couch in what was ostensibly the living room of our apartment to watch TV and try to forget about my troubles. I hoped I could get into a happier mood by the time Mom got home. I didn't really want to explain to her why I was cranky, nor did I want her to worry about me.
My mood hadn't noticeably improved by the time I heard Mom come in. I put on a neutral expression and pretended to be engrossed in a show I hadn't really been paying attention to.
"Hi, sweetie," Mom greeted me.
She walked over gave me a kiss on the cheek before sitting down beside me.
"Hey," I said without looking at her.
"How was your day?"
"Fine. How was yours?"
"Pretty good, actually. One of the girls at work is getting married, so there's a lot of stuff going on with that. I swear, every lunch she's so busy planning that she doesn't even eat."
I tuned out as Mom kept talking. I felt kind of bad for not paying attention, but at the same time I knew she wouldn't expect me to care that much about most of it anyway. She was very aware that 'girl things,' such as wedding planning, were not something I was interested in. Sometimes she liked to tell me about them anyway, and I didn't mind being someone for her to talk at.
"So what did you do today?" she finally asked me.
"Um, just... you know. Stuff."
"Ah. Must have been a good time."
"Yeah. I s'pose."
I knew I should have given slightly longer answers if I didn't want Mom to pry. It was possible that somewhere deep inside me, I secretly wanted to tell her about my girl troubles, such as they were. Overall, I maintained that I was happier keeping them to myself.
"I can tell something's bugging you," Mom said softly. "You don't have to tell me what it is if you don't want to, but you can."
"I... it's nothing," I said. "Just wasn't a great day is all. I feel kind of silly for letting it get to me."
"We all have days like that, honey. You don't have feel bad about it."
"I know, but... I guess I'm just cranky."
"Well, you're allowed to be. I'm still here for you anytime you need me."
I nodded and forced a weak smile. We sat there for several minutes without saying anything. I expected Mom to either try and engage me again or leave, but she did neither. It was somehow both reassuring and infuriating to have her sitting there beside me while I was trying to wallow in self-pity.
"There's a girl," I said.
I wasn't sure why I felt the need to say anything. I'd been doing a good job of shutting up until then.
"A girl you like?" Mom asked.
"Yeah. A girl I like. Only she's already with someone."
"Oh, sweetie..."
"It's fine. Whatever. She's not even that great."
"But you can't help what you feel."
She sounded more like she was stating a fact than hazarding a guess. Either way, she was right.
"I should just move on, right? That's what I keep thinking. There's lots of girls out there and there's no particular reason to obsess over this one. I just... I can't help it."
I waited for Mom to offer advice of some sort, or maybe a sincere but unhelpful declaration of belief in my many virtues. I was resigned to getting something along those lines. I wasn't dreading the inevitable so much as I just wanted to get it over with and move on.
Mom surprised me by scootching closer to me on the couch and putting her arm around me. I didn't really have it in me to resist at that point. She hugged me in my awkward, half-turned position until I gave in further and turned toward her, allowing her to pull me deeper into her embrace.
I leaned my head against her shoulder and allowed myself to be held like a child. It was slightly pathetic to be comforted by my mother this way, but somehow it actually helped. The longer she held me, the more my feelings of bitterness and resentment seemed to fade away. I gradually relaxed enough to stop worrying about how embarrassing the situation was.
Mom started gently rocking me while making barely audible shushing noises. At some point my childhood instincts took over and let me enjoy the moment without over-analyzing it. I didn't care that I was being treated as younger than I was, or that I could feel Mom's breasts pressed against my chest, or even that a few tears had leaked from my eyes. I felt safe and loved.
"I'll have to disown you if you ever tell anyone about this," I said quietly.
"Don't worry," Mom said. "Mothers may enjoy embarrassing their children, but we also understand the value of discretion. Besides, there's nothing for you to be embarrassed about."
"If you say so."
"Really. I mean it. It's kind of my responsibility to look after you, you know. You needed someone to make you feel better, and that's all I did."
"I guess. Promise you won't ever mention this again?"
"Promise."
We sat together for a while until I started getting hungry. Mom made us supper, then I went off to my room for a while. I had to admit my mood had improved substantially thanks to my mother, even if her methods were questionable.
****
I was getting ready to go to bed that night when I heard the TV. I walked down to the living room in my t-shirt and boxers to make sure it hadn't accidentally been left on. Mom was curled up on the couch in her nightie watching a movie.
"Is the TV too loud?" she asked.
"No, it's fine," I said. "I just thought it might have gotten left on accidentally."
"Okay. Are you going to bed?"
"I was going to. How much is left in your movie?"
"Um... probably about half an hour, give or take."
I nodded and glanced back toward my room. Going to bed would have been the responsible thing to do. On the other hand, it was only half an hour. I walked over and sat beside Mom to watch the rest of the movie with her.
After a few minutes Mom leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder. I didn't mind her doing that, except that it meant I could see down the front of her nightie. I tried to ignore how much visible cleavage she was displaying, but I didn't have much success. Drawing her attention to the problem would have only made it more uncomfortable for both of us.
I had to remind myself that I only looked because there were breasts in my line of sight. It had nothing whatsoever to do with who they belonged to. As long as I did my best to keep my eyes averted, it was unfair to blame myself too harshly for the occasional peek. I couldn't fight my instincts.
Toward the end of the movie I realized that Mom had fallen asleep on me. She wasn't snoring, but her eyes were closed and her mouth hung partway open. I was amused to discover that she'd drooled a little bit on my shirt.
Somehow I managed to slip away from her without waking her up. I stopped the movie while the credits were rolling and turned off the TV. Then I turned back to my unconscious mother. I could wake her up so she could go to bed, but I felt kind of bad about the idea. It wasn't really that far. There was a chance I could get her there without disturbing her rest.
I carefully picked Mom up in my arms without waking her. She was kind of awkward to carry, but I was able to manage okay. As I walked slowly down the hallway to her room, I felt her arms snake around my neck so she could help hold herself.
"Sorry, I tried not to wake you," I said.
"That's okay," she said. "I shouldn't have fallen asleep. It's been a long time since I've been carried to bed. It's kind of nice."
I tried not to think about the implications of some other man carrying my mother to bed. I was sure it hadn't been her intent to bring up that sort of topic.
We made it to her bed and I set her down. She hung onto me for a second before letting go. She was lying partly on top of her blanket, and I wasn't sure whether I should help her get her bedding straightened out or just leave her to it.
"Well, good night," I said.
Mom smiled. "Good night, sweetie. Try not to worry about that girl too much. You'll find a better one some day."
"I'm going to regret ever saying anything. I can sense it."
"Sorry, honey. I wasn't going to bring it up again. I just want you to be happy. That's all. I want you to find someone who will love you as much as I do."
"I think you're tired and you need to go back to sleep."
"M'not gonna argue with that."
Mom lay her head back on her pillow with her eyes closed. I knew she wasn't actually asleep, but it looked like she might not bother with getting herself under her covers properly. I sighed and reached over her to tug her blanket out from underneath her.
It took some work, but I managed to get Mom's blanket and sheet unstuck. The extent of her help was to roll toward me slightly so that less of her body was in the way. I finally got her under her covers and ready for sleep. It was the first time I'd ever had to tuck her in. I smiled a little at the role reversal.
"Good night," I said for the second time.
"Aren't you going to read me a story?" Mom asked sleepily, just before bursting into a fit of quiet giggling.
"Ha ha. Very funny."
I turned around and left the room. I slipped into my bed and got settled with much less effort than Mom had required. I closed my eyes and lay still for a while, hoping for unconsciousness to claim me. It didn't work. Instead, I was forced to admit that I was kind of horny and probably needed to masturbate if I wanted to get to sleep any time in the near future.
My door was open and I had to climb out of bed for long enough to close it. I didn't expect Mom to be wandering around any time soon, but there was no point in taking the risk. I lay back down with a box of tissues handy and started jerking off.
At first my fantasies shifted indiscriminately between a few different scenes; having sex with a girl from one of my classes, two naked girls making out, and a more convoluted scenario involving one of my teachers from school. My teacher fantasy soon took over as the dominant one in my head, which worked for me. I had a mild crush on her, and she was one of my favourites to jerk off to.
In my mind, I soon got my teacher into bed. However, it was a little weird to discover that I imagined her in a nightie much like Mom's. I tried to ignore the inadvertent similarity and press on. Unfortunately, it soon became apparent to me that it wasn't just the nightie that I had copied. My teacher's cleavage and legs were also far too reminiscent of my mother's for my liking.
I let go of my cock and sighed in disgust. Just because Mom was the most recent female I'd seen in some form of undress didn't mean she had to take over my fantasies. There was no excuse for thinking about her like that. I must have been in worse shape than I thought. Maybe I needed to give up on the girl I'd been pining for and get myself a date with someone else by any means necessary. Apparently I was getting desperate enough that even a girl I had no interest in was better than nothing.
I rolled over and tried for the second time to get to sleep. It was an even more futile attempt than the last. I was even hornier now, as well as suffering from some disturbing internal conflict. I needed to somehow calm my mind, and I had very few viable options for doing so.
Mom and I had a laptop that we shared. I hated looking at porn on it because I was always terrified that she'd find out. She knew just enough about computers to make it risky. I felt that in this case it might be worth taking the chance. As long as I was thorough about covering my tracks afterward, there should be no trace of my browsing for her to find later.
Hopefully.
I rolled out of bed and crept out to the hallway. I felt an unpleasant mixture of guilt, nervousness, and horniness. My sex drive seemed to have a way of overriding my other emotions, regardless of what they were. One of these days it was going to get me in some serious trouble.
Searching for the laptop in the dark turned out to be more difficult than I expected. There were only so many places it could be, and I checked around the couch first since that was the most likely area for it to have been used last. I couldn't see very well and I was slowed down even further by trying not to make any noise, but even then it was still taking a long time.
After a while I began to wonder if Mom might have taken the laptop into her room at some point. I tended to make more of a point of keeping it out of my room than she did, if only to try and avoid suspicions that I was looking up porn on it. She probably didn't have the same guilty conscience to deal with that I did.
Mom's door was still partly open, just as I'd left it earlier. She probably hadn't moved much since then, and with any luck would be fast asleep. I felt even more nervous than before as I snuck into her room as quietly as I could. If I got caught taking the laptop at that time of night, she'd have to arrive at the correct conclusion. I couldn't see any other plausible explanation for what I was up to.
Her breathing seemed deep and regular, and she didn't move as I entered. I took those as good signs. With any luck I could get in and out without her even knowing I was there. All I had to do was locate the laptop, despite not being entirely certain it was even in her room to begin with.I started looking from as far away as possible, and only slowly sidling closer to Mom's bed. If it was anywhere, it would probably be obvious and on top of something. I didn't remember seeing it on her bed or nightstand when I'd brought her in earlier, and I wasn't sure where else that left.
Mom shifted slightly in her bed. I froze in place as though that would somehow help me if she had awakened. Fortunately, she seemed to still be asleep. Her covers had been pushed down almost to her waist at some point. Even in the dark I could make out the curve of her breasts. I was growing to hate the bizarre fixation I had with them lately.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally spotted the laptop. It was on the floor beside the bed, which was why I hadn't seen it at first. I had to sneak even closer to Mom to get to it, but I was almost home free and was feeling relieved that it was almost over.
Mom's mattress creaked, and once again I froze in place. This time I somehow knew that I wasn't going to be as lucky.
"Sorry to wake you," I whispered, hoping she couldn't see what I'd picked up off of the floor as I stood up.
"Mmggh. What time is it?" Mom mumbled sleepily.
"Late. Middle of the night. Just had to get something."
Mom frowned and peered closer at the laptop that I was desperately trying to hold behind my body in a nonchalant manner. Her expression abruptly changed as she realized what I had in my hand.
"Oh," she said. "Guess I shouldn't have had it in here, huh?"
"That's okay," I said. "I just, uh... wanted to check something."
It was so hard to tell what she was thinking when I couldn't see her face all that well. Her voice wasn't giving me very many clues either.
"You should really have your own computer," Mom said. "I keep thinking about it, but... I don't know. It just doesn't seem to happen."
"Well, they are expensive. It's not like I really need my own."
"But it'd be easier," Mom said softly. "Wouldn't it?"
"What?"
"Sweetie... I've tried very hard not to ever talk about this sort of thing, but I hate that you think you have to sneak around so much. I can't help feeling like I'm holding back your development somehow. You can have the laptop anytime you want it. I promise I won't check what sites you've been on or anything."
I blushed fiercely, but at least it wasn't as obvious in the darkened room as it would have under normal lighting.
"I... it's not... I just wanted..."
"Please don't be upset. That's not what I want."
"Well I don't know what else to be."
I felt alone and trapped, even though I was neither of those things. I wanted to throw the laptop down and get out of the room as fast as possible, but I couldn't seem to make myself move.
"Come here, honey," Mom said, holding out her hand to me.
I took her hand and let her guide me to sit on the edge of the bed. She sat up straighter and pushed her hair back.
"I don't look at that stuff much," I said defensively, despite not having been directly accused.
"I know. That's what worries me sometimes. You don't bring girls home very often, and you don't look at... 'things'... on the internet much either, unless you're just very good at hiding it. I'm worried it's my fault."
"It's not... I don't... I'm not sure what conversation we're having."
Mom smiled sadly and clasped my hand between both of hers. She had to think about her next words for a moment. I realized that she was just as lost as I was.
"Boys masturbate," Mom said. "You don't want to hear me say it, but we both know it. I don't want you to feel like you can't."
"Mom-"
"Shush. If you're going to tell me you don't, I'll save you some time and tell you right now that you're full of shit."
"Language," I said absently, feeling a brief spark of amusement in my otherwise nervous and uncertain mind.
Mom smiled faintly at being rebuked for her choice of wording. Somehow the tension between us dropped slightly, though not by enough for me to be comfortable.
"Look," she said, "all I'm saying is you should do what you want to do. I'm not here to make sure you stay innocent and pure. All I want is for you to grow up healthy and capable of functioning in the real world."
"Some people think mastur- some people think it's not healthy," I said. "Or that it's not right. Or something."
"Is that what you think?"
"I... no."
"Do you think that's the sort of thing that I secretly think?"
"Probably not."
"Good. So take the laptop and we won't talk about this anymore. Unless you want to, but I very much doubt that's going to happen."
"Um, okay. Thanks, I think."
"You're welcome. Good night, sweetie."
"Night, Mom."
****
I felt like I was waking up from a very realistic dream the next morning. The talk I'd had with Mom the night before felt like it had all been in my head. She didn't act any differently around me, nor did she so much as hint at the conversation we'd had. I expected something to have changed between us, but it seemed like that wasn't the case. It was all a little too surreal for me to deal with so early in the day.
"Any plans for the day?" Mom asked me as she sipped on her coffee.
"Um, no, not really," I said. "Just kind of the usual."
She nodded and took a bite of toast. I grabbed a package of store-bought muffins and my own cup of coffee and sat down at the breakfast table with her. I took one of the muffins out and started eating. I didn't really taste anything as I ate, but I knew if I didn't eat that Mom would only worry.
"I might be home a little bit late tonight," Mom said. "I'll call you if it's anything more than an hour."
I nodded and took another bite of my muffin. I couldn't quite manage to look her in the eyes. I kind of wanted to avoid further conversation, but something had been bugging me.
"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"How come you haven't had a boyfriend or anything since Dad's been gone?"
Mom frowned and held her mug in front of her mouth. I knew it wasn't the sort of question I should be asking, but hopefully she wouldn't mind too much.
"Where is this coming from?" she asked.
"Last night," I said. "You said something about how I don't bring girls home and, well, you don't bring guys home either. Is it 'cause of me?"
"Oh, sweetie..." she said, reaching over to take my hand. "It's not you. I mean, not the way you're probably thinking. I just don't feel the need to have another man around when I have you."
"That sounds like the sort of thing a mother has to say."
"Maybe it is. That doesn't mean it's not the truth."
"Well... okay. I guess."
Mom smiled and kissed my cheek as she stood up.
"I need to go get ready for work. We can talk more this evening if you want to."
"That's all I wanted to know. I'll see you tonight."
I let the subject drop as Mom left, but I didn't stop thinking about it. I knew there was more to the story than she would ever let on. She couldn't possibly have substituted any and all romantic aspirations for the love of her child. Even if I took priority, there must have been other needs and desires buried deep within her. It pained me to think that I might be holding back her happiness in some way.
All Mom ever seemed to worry about was my well-being. Someone needed to worry about hers.
****
I got a call from Mom that afternoon to tell me she'd be home around six-thirty. Since I knew I had the apartment to myself for a while, I was kind of tempted to find some porn on the laptop and jerk off. Last night had just been too weird for me to enjoy it properly, but some of the residual awkwardness had faded a little.
Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to shake the idea that Mom would somehow know if I decided to take care of myself in that way. Even if she didn't mind, it was disconcerting to think that she knew more about my masturbation habits than I'd assumed. It made me wonder what the obvious clues were. Obviously some of things I'd always worried about must have been justified. I was more paranoid than ever about closing my bedroom door, or taking a long shower, or even just of using the laptop.
It was silly to think about things that way. Mom wanted me to deal with my needs, and she clearly knew what that entailed. It wasn't like things could get any more awkward, short of her actually walking in on me or something. My best option was probably to keep masturbating as usual and try to get used to the idea that it wasn't as much of a secret as I liked to pretend it was. It was possible that I could get used to the situation.
In the end, I didn't jerk off. Instead I redirected my thoughts by making supper. Mom did most of the cooking, but I was competent enough to manage some basic meals on my own. Anything that didn't require carefully following a recipie was generally within my ability.
Mom got home a few minutes before supper was ready. She smiled when she saw me standing by the stove.
"Aw, thanks, sweetie," she said, walking up behind me and kissing me on the cheek. "I was wondering what I was going to do about supper, but I guess I don't have to."
"Yeah, well... you had to work late and all," I said, flushing slightly. "Thought I could take care of this."
I didn't mention that it was also a convenient distraction for me.
"This is how you get the girls, you know," she said, hugging me from behind. "Cooking for them after they've had a long day... it's so nice to come home to."
"Um... I'll keep that in mind."
"Sorry, I'm embarrassing you again, aren't I?"
"A little."
She ruffled my hair affectionately.
"You know it's only 'cause I love you, right?"
"So I've been led to believe."
Mom hugged me again, then went off to the bathroom. I sighed and shook my head. I needed to sort some things out, that was clear to me. Beyond that I was at a loss.
****
Mom and I watched a movie that evening. Or, more accurately, she watched it and I stared blankly at the TV while I got lost in my own little world. I was in such a weird place in regard to my relationship with my mother. I loved her and I wanted to spend time with her, but I also felt a certain amount of unease around her. I wanted things to go back to normal, but I didn't know how to make that happen.
My lack of proper sleep the night before gradually caught up to me as I sat there on the couch. I was tired, though not quite tired enough to give up and go to bed. I shifted around to get more comfortable a few times. Without really being aware of it, I ended up getting closer to Mom in the process. I was leaning on her slightly, but most of my weight was against the back of the couch.
"Do you want to stop for now and finish the rest of the movie tomorrow?" Mom asked softly. "You look tired."
"I'm fine," I said. "I'm kind of tired, but I'm not quite ready for bed."
Mom nodded and let the subject drop. She moved her arm around behind me so she could reach my head. She started gently stroking my hair while we sat together. The contact evoked a faint pang of nostalgia. We used to sit together like that a lot when I was younger; I'd cuddle up to Mom and she'd toy with my hair affectionately. Things like that had gotten rarer as I grew up and began wanting my space.
Despite my recent feelings of uncertainty regarding my mother, I was remarkably content with our current seating arrangement. It was as though the awkwardness of the past few days had never happened. Maybe all I'd needed was a physical reminder that nothing had actually changed between us and that it was all in my head.
I snuggled even closer to Mom and let her put her arm around me. Being held by her made me feel safe. My arbitrary worries and fears couldn't compete with my ingrained reactions to the one person in the world who loved me unconditionally.
I was lulled toward sleep as I sat nestled in my mother's partial embrace. My eyelids drooped, and my neck grew tired of holding my head up. I nodded forward slightly, and my face shifted from resting on Mom's shoulder to her upper chest. I felt the softness of her breast against my chin.
"You can go to bed," Mom whispered. "I won't mind."
"Maybe I should," I mumbled. "But I don't want to."
She smiled. "Just like when you were younger. You never wanted to go to bed. You'd just cuddle up to me because you knew I had too much of a soft spot for you. It's always been hard to say no to you."
Mom kissed the top of my head. I felt the need to reciprocate, so I lifted my head long enough to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. When I resumed my resting position, my head slipped even lower. I was making far too much contact with her breast, but I didn't want to go back to sitting normally.
"You always just want me to be happy," I said. "Always. I want to make you happy too, but I never know how."
"You make me happy just being you," she said.
"That's another one of your 'mother' responses."
"That's what I am. I can't help it."
"You're more than that. You need other things too."
"Well... maybe. They're not as important though."
I looked up directly into my mother's eyes. She flushed slightly at the intensity of my gaze. It was strange how I suddenly felt as though I understood her better than ever before, despite my not-fully-lucid state. Or perhaps it was precisely because of that state of incomplete consciousness that my mind went to the places it did.
I moved my hand to Mom's breast, the one I hadn't been using as a pillow. She maintained eye contact, though her lips parted slightly as she sucked in a quick breath.
"It shouldn't all be about me," I said. "I know it is, but it shouldn't be."
"That's just the way things are," she said.
"They don't have to be that way."
"Honey, you're tired. I don't want you to do anything you regret later."
Mom's hand moved to cover mine, but she didn't try to pull me away from her chest. Maybe she was forcing us both to acknowledge what I was doing.
"I won't regret anything."
"Yes you will. I know you. A little indirect conversation about porn is enough to make you feel awkward around me."
"Well... I know better now."
I squeezed her breast gently, forcing a faint gasp from her lips, and I noticed she wasn't wearing a bra. My mind was disturbingly clear and focused. I knew what I was doing, even if she didn't believe it.
"Please stop, sweetie. You're going to feel so bad about this tomorrow."
"You're making this about me again. Why is it never about you?"
Mom finally pulled my hand away from her chest. She took me in her arms and cradled me in a very motherly way. She didn't know what to do with me, and I suddenly felt bad for putting her in that sort of position. I relaxed into her embrace and sank down so that I was lying across the couch with my upper body in her lap. I didn't want Mom to feel bad, I wanted her to be happy, just like what she wanted for me.
"What am I going to do with you?" she whispered.
I shrugged and didn't answer. I didn't even know what the answer was.
I nuzzled Mom's breasts through her shirt as she held me to her. I was done trying to pretend they didn't exist. My instincts as her son and my sexual reactions were both telling me the same thing. The voice of morality in my head sounded small and distant in comparison.
"Are you really telling me there's nothing more you want from your life?" I asked. "You're perfectly happy with everything?"
"This... this isn't the right way to help me," she said.
I opened my mouth and sucked gently on the part of her shirt that I guessed covered one of her nipples. Mostly I just tasted shirt, but it was more of a symbolic gesture than anything.
Mom didn't want to admit it, but she needed this. She loved me too much, she always had. I was the only guy in her life and that made things complicated. It was a lot of pressure on me to be everything for her, but she'd spent so long being everything for me that I had to try.
"You're so much like you're father," she said in a small voice. "In so many ways. I... I don't know what to do."
"Yes you do."
Mom shook her head, but the gesture soon turned into a sigh of resignation. She wanted to fight her desires and continue to argue with me, but I was winning. She pulled her shirt up over her breasts, baring them to me, then lifted my head into a nursing position. I closed my eyes and latched on to her nipple with nothing between us this time.
The change was immediate and overwhelming. Mom's breasts were so warm and soft, and direct physical contact with them awakened desires from deep within me. My body knew what to do without any input from my brain. My cock began to come to life in my pants.
"I tried so hard to be a good mother," Mom said. "I wanted to take care of you."
"You did a good job," I said, my voice muffled slightly. "Maybe you did too good of a job. I think somehow I never saw other girls as being up to your level."
"What about the one you had a crush on? You could still-"
"I never had a chance. I'm not sure I ever really wanted to succeed."
"Oh, sweetie..."
I switched breasts, wrapping my lips around Mom's other nipple and sucking on it in turn. My body didn't seem to be aware that there was no milk to be had. Mom started stroking my hair again. She might have been conflicted, but in her eyes I saw only her love for me. It was the one emotion that ruled her life more than any other. She couldn't help what she felt.
"It's getting late," she said.
"So?"
"Let's go to bed."
"Mom, that's not-"
"Shhh, just come with me."
I sat up, freeing Mom from being trapped under me. We both stood, and I waited to see what she was going to do. I half-expected her to run straight to her room and lock the door behind her. She didn't. She took my hand and led me down the hall, passing my room altogether. She guided me next to her bed, then stopped me.
Wordlessly, she pulled her shirt off. It had been pulled up high enough that it hadn't been doing any good anyway. She made no attempt to cover her breasts, displaying them casually to me as if it was an everyday thing. They looked so good on her, filling out her chest perfectly. I couldn't help staring more than I meant to. I had a full erection, and I wasn't sure when exactly that had happened. It didn't seem like it would be going anywhere anytime soon.
Mom stripped down to her panties and climbed into bed. I belatedly followed her lead and pulled my shirt off. I was more hesitant about taking off my pants, but I knew I'd just feel stupid if I backed out at that point. It wasn't like she couldn't already see that I was hard.
Once I was down to my boxers I climbed into the other side of Mom's bed. I shifted closer to her and once again felt her arms encircle me.
"Roll over, sweetie," she whispered.
"Okay."
I turned so that my back was to her and her naked breasts pressed against my bare skin. She hugged me to her and gently kissed my shoulder. I was too horny to stay still for long, but I didn't know how to communicate the problem. Mom's hand brushed against my cock, making me jump at the sudden, unexpected contact. Her fingers maneuvered delicately around the tent in my boxers. I didn't know exactly what she was up to, but her intent was clear.
"I shouldn't be doing this," she said.
"It's okay, Mom."
"It really isn't." Her hand slipped into my boxers and grasped my hard shaft. I felt her breath on my neck as she moved her lips closer to my ear. "I shouldn't have let this happen."
"I'm old enough to make decisions for myself."
"Not this kind of decision. This isn't one I should ever let you make. I'm supposed to be more responsible than this."
She pulled my cock out of my boxers and stroked it slowly. She had taken me in a light grip, so physically it wasn't doing much for me. Mentally, however, she was causing a whirlwind of confusing and conflicting thoughts inside me.
Mom was right, we really shouldn't have been doing this. I recognized that fact intellectually, but emotionally I felt something very different. She'd always had the ability to make me feel good. There had never been anything sexual about it in the past, but I'd changed that. I didn't regret my choice. We both needed this, but had been unable to admit it even to ourselves.
Mom's grip tightened on my cock. Her mostly-naked body pressed against mine, and she buried her face between my neck and shoulder. Her breath was hot on my skin. I groaned involuntarily at the sudden increase in contact and stimulation.
"Oh god," I breathed.
I felt so good. Mom obviously knew what she was doing. She seemed able to read the way my body reacted and adjust her hand's movements accordingly. Along with the feeling of her bare skin against mine, it made the experience far better than jerking myself off.
Suddenly she stopped. She pulled her hand away and rolled onto her back. I waited a couple seconds, then turned to face her. I wasn't sure what had happened.
"I can't do this," Mom said.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"You mean aside from the obvious?"
Mom tried to smile, but the expression was humourless and it vanished as quickly as it appeared. All at once the regret and guilt that I should have been feeling the whole time flooded over me.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I never should have started anything. I shouldn't have... I don't know. I don't even know what I was thinking. It was so stupid."
"No, honey. Don't say that." Mom reached out and stroked my hair. "It's not your fault. We wouldn't have ended up here if I didn't want to."
"Well... maybe. But-"
"Listen. You were right. There is something between us that we didn't want to think about, or talk about. Maybe this was inevitable, the way things have been going. Who knows. Maybe I should have dated more. Maybe you should have." She shrugged. "I've always loved you a little too much for my own good, and now it's caught up with us."
"I love you too. I thought... I thought this might be good. I don't know why."
Mom rolled back toward me, snuggling against me and resting her head against my shoulder. Her leg bumped into my erection as she did, but neither of us tried to move away from the contact.
"I'm just not ready for it," she said quietly. "I can't deny that I want it, but... it's too much for me. It's so sudden."
"I guess it was. I didn't know what else to do. Maybe I should have-"
"Shhh," Mom said, putting her finger over my lips. "Don't worry about that now. There's no way to know what the right thing to do was."
I decided not to press my argument any further. It wasn't like it would do any good. What had happened, had happened. There was no way to change it. Honestly, things hadn't gone nearly as badly as they could have. I should have been grateful for that, at least.
Mom let out a deep breath and settled in closer to me. Her naked skin slid against mine where we touched. It was a good reminder of just how right I had been. We were cuddling together practically naked, and we were enjoying it. We'd both needed someone to be close to in a way that hadn't been available to us before.
Unfortunately, I was enjoying the situation a little too much.
"Mom?" I said.
"Yes, sweetie?"
"I need to, uh, take care of something."
"You can just say you need to masturbate. I think we're past pretending, aren't we?"
"Yeah, you're right. It's just kind of weird for me. A few days ago I was still hoping you didn't know what masturbation was."
Mom chuckled and lifted her head to let me slide out from under her. I stuffed my cock back in my boxers and left the room.
This time when I jerked off, I didn't feel bad for thinking about Mom. After having her hand stroking my shaft, not to mention her big, soft breasts pressing against me, she was the only woman on my mind. The brief view I'd gotten of her naked except for her panties was practically etched in my brain.
I stroked myself to thoughts and memories of my mother until I came. There was a chance I'd be able to sleep after I burned through a quick orgasm. Once my cock softened and I straightened myself out, I headed back to Mom's room. I slipped back into bed behind her and wrapped my arms around her body. I kissed her on the cheek, then settled in.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, sweetie."
****
I awakened the next morning to find that Mom had slipped away from me while I slept. She was standing a couple feet away, wearing only her panties from the night before. I got a brief view of her nearly-naked body from behind before she pulled on a robe and tied it around her waist. The quick flash of her bare form accented by the morning light was more incentive to start my day than any alarm clock.
"You're so beautiful," I said softly.
Mom turned around, a slight upward curve on her lips.
"I'd say you're just flattering me," she said, "but after last night, I think you probably mean that."
"I do mean it. It's taken me way too long to realize just how beautiful you are."
Her smile widened involuntarily and she had to look away for a moment. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. I scooted a little closer to her.
"You're supposed to be saying things like that to girls your own age," she said.
"I know. I'd rather say them to you."
Mom shook her head and sighed for dramatic effect.
"What am I going to do with you?" she asked.
I put my hand on her thigh. I didn't move it at first, I just let it sit on her smooth, bare skin.
"I don't really know," I said.
"But I'm sure you have ideas." She took me by the wrist and gently removed my hand from her leg. "I need to get moving or I'll be late. Do you want the shower before I hop in?"
"No, that's okay. You go ahead."
Mom nodded, then leaned down to kiss my forehead. Her robe fell away from her chest in the process, giving me a peek at her generous cleavage. I reached up to gently fondle on of her breasts through her robe.
"You need to cut that out or neither of us is going to get anything done today," she said.
She stood up without pulling her robe back in place. I watched her as she left the room and walked down to the bathroom. Her choice of attire didn't do much to cover her legs and I focused on them until she was out of sight.
I rolled onto my back and reached into my boxers. I once again had an erection brought on by my mother. It felt so much better not to fight the feelings I had for her. I started jerking off in her bed without a trace of guilt to plague my conscience.
I could hear the sounds of water running from the bathroom. My mind filled with images of what Mom would look like naked with water streaming down her body. It was tempting to go see if she'd let me join her, but I wasn't feeling quite that brave. I didn't want to push too fast. That wouldn't be good for either of us.
Eventually I realized that I was going to need to do something about my impending orgasm. I didn't want to make a mess of Mom's bed. I also didn't feel like going back to my room to finish the job. I looked around for a box of tissues I could use.
My eye landed on Mom's dresser. I knew the top drawer held her underwear. It was a way pervier option than I had been looking for, but a pair of her panties would be functional in my situation. I was sure she wouldn't mind.
I reached over without leaving the bed and fumbled around with the dresser until I had the drawer opened and had managed to grasp a pair of Mom's panties. They were blue, and made of some kind of silky, slippery material. I stared at them for a moment in indecision, then shrugged. Compared to Mom jerking me off the night before, my current thoughts and actions were hardly worth worrying about.
I wrapped the panties around my cock and resumed jerking off. It was a such a different feeling from either my hand or Mom's. It was also kind of exciting to think about what I was doing. I was lying nearly naked in Mom's bed, masturbating with her underwear. It felt so wrong, so dirty, but without any of the guilt such feelings usually came bundled with.
When my orgasm inevitably hit, I moved Mom's panties to the tip of my cock and let my cum spurt into them. Thanks to my thoughts of Mom as well as her underwear, it was one of my more intense orgasms. I was glad I had thought ahead to reduce the mess I made. I couldn't imagine what she'd think if she returned to find her bed covered in my cum.
I sat up and tossed the used panties into Mom's laundry basket. I needed to pee, but the shower was still occupied from the sound of things. Instead I went to the kitchen to turn on the coffee-maker.
Eventually Mom turned the shower turned off. I waited patiently for her to open the door since I was pretty sure she would be done with the bathroom soon. She didn't tend to linger in there the way a lot of girls supposedly did.
Several minutes later I was beginning to reassess my position. Mom was clearly not in the shower any more, but she hadn't yet exited the bathroom. I had no idea what she was up to. Unless...
I stopped and thought for a moment. The first thing I'd done that morning had been to jerk off. What were the chances Mom was up to the same sort of thing? It was possible, I decided. She hadn't even masturbated the night before like I had. I actually felt a small thrill run through me at the idea that she might be in the bathroom pleasuring herself while thinking about me.
After considering the image briefly, I shook my head and dismissed it. It seemed more likely that she would have masturbated in the shower if she was going to do it at all. I'd heard stories about women and shower heads.
Finally the door opened and Mom stepped out. She had put her robe back on, and her hair was damp. There were no obvious signs of her having just done anything at all sexual, but then I wasn't even sure what sort of signs there could be.
"Sorry, were you waiting?" she asked.
"Kind of," I said. "I thought you were almost done, but then you took long than usual."
An enigmatic smile appeared on her face.
"I decided it was a good day to shave. There's not usually much point."
"Oh, yeah. You mean, like, your legs or whatever."
"Among other places."
Mom brushed past me before I could engage her any further. I stared after her for a moment, unsure whether she'd just suggested what I thought she had. I shook my head and took my turn in the bathroom, then got dressed. Breakfast turned out to be a bit of a rushed affair since Mom had to get to work. She made sure to stop and give me a kiss on the forehead on her way out.
"Have a good day, sweetie," she said. "I'll see you tonight."
"Bye, Mom."
She headed out, leaving me to what little remained of my breakfast. I finished it quickly and got ready for the rest of my day. I couldn't help feeling like I'd have a hard time concentrating on much of anything at school.
****
I was in my room that evening when Mom got home. I heard her come in and go past my doorway toward her room. I stepped into the hallway and decided to follow her. She hadn't bothered to close her door behind her, despite being in the process of unbuttoning her blouse. I leaned against her door frame and watched.
"I had a feeling this might attract your attention," Mom said in an amused voice.
Her back was to me on an angle, and she briefly looked over her shoulder at me. I met her gaze, not embarrassed in the slightest at having been so predictable.
"I meant what I told you this morning," I said.
"About how you think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, or some flattering nonsense like that?"
"Not my exact wording, but yes, essentially."
Mom shed her shirt, leaving her upper body covered only by her bra. I moved behind her and noticed her tense slightly at my approach. She tried to feign indifference to my presence, but she couldn't control her involuntary actions.
I grasped her bra strap with my fingers, toying with it for a few seconds to see if she'd object. She didn't say anything, so I unhooked it and let it fall. She didn't try to stop its descent.
"You have quite the fixation with my chest, don't you?" Mom said in what was probably meant to be a teasing sort of way. It fell a little short of the mark due to a slight quaver in her voice.
"Is that a bad thing?"
I reached around to her stomach, then slowly raised my hands until I encountered her breasts from beneath. I lifted them gently, feeling their weight and warmth in my palms.
"Some people would argue that is. Probably most people, really."
"What about you?"
Mom sighed. "You already know what you do to me," she said quietly.
"I s'pose I do."
She let me play with her breasts for a few minutes without saying or doing anything. I didn't try to hide that I was getting hard, but she didn't acknowledge me poking her in the butt.
"Honey, you're going to have to let me finish getting changed so I can go start supper."
"You don't need to get changed for that, do you?"
"I'd rather not cook in my work clothes."
"So don't wear them."
Mom took my hands and pulled them away from her breasts. She turned and gave me a playful shove toward the door.
"You're bad," she said.
"Seriously," I said. "Why put more clothes on if they're just gonna come off again?"
Mom stared at me for a moment, then glanced down to the tent in my pants. She sighed theatrically.
"What am I going to do with you?"
"Well, I-"
"Out." Mom said firmly. "I'll be there in a minute."
I was unable to hold back a faint smirk.
"Okay."
I left the room and headed to the kitchen. I entertained myself with the fantasy of her coming out fully naked instead of changing into another outfit. It probably wouldn't happen, but it was fun to think about.
When Mom finally came out, she immediately captured my undivided attention. She wasn't naked, but she was so close to it that I didn't care. She was wearing only a pair of panties and nothing else. She blushed furiously as she approached.
"I guess I just have to admit to myself that I like this kind of attention from you," she said in a quiet voice. "I want it too much for my own good."
"That works out well for both of us then," I said.
I advanced on her as she came closer. Her breasts swayed slightly as she walked and made for tempting targets of my barely contained lust. She fended me off once I got within arm's reach.
"I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. I'm going to make supper. If you want to stay then you're going to help."
It was an easy decision. Even though it was torturous not being allowed to touch Mom, there was no way I was going anywhere when she was very nearly naked and making no attempt to cover up. My erection was begging for attention, but it was just going to have to wait. Despite how relaxed things were between Mom and me, I wasn't ready to pull my cock out and start masturbating in front of her.
Mom went to the counter and opened one of the drawers. She pulled out an apron and started putting it on.
"Hey, that's cheating," I said.
"Honey, I'm not going to do this without something on. I've done enough cooking to know that even if you don't think you're going to spill something hot on yourself, it can happen."
"I... fine."
Mom tied the apron in place and got to work. I soon decided I didn't mind the change in attire. I still got to see a lot of side-boob, and it was somehow more interesting having her body partially hidden. Besides, it did nothing to block my view of her butt, so I could still stare at that all I wanted. Her panties weren't exactly skimpy, but they left a lot of skin uncovered.
"Here, peel these," Mom instructed me.
She handed me a few potatoes and a pot. I grabbed a peeler out of the utensil drawer and got set up. She put a package of frozen sausages in the microwave to defrost, then got some carrots out and began peeling those while I did the potatoes.
I couldn't stop sneaking peeks at Mom while I was supposed to be helping. I had been horny before I even started, and it was only getting worse. Mom swayed slightly and hummed to herself as she peeled carrots and cut them up. Her body was alluring enough to me without her drawing extra attention to it. She finished with the carrots before I'd managed to do a single potato.
Mom looked over at my progress and smiled. She rolled her eyes when I met her gaze, but she didn't say anything. She knew exactly why I was distracted.
"I'm getting there," I said defensively.
"I know, sweetie." Mom ruffled my hair affectionately. "It's not fair to expect you to concentrate, is it?"
"Not really, no."
Mom helped me finish up my task, then put the potatoes and carrots on to cook. I was much happier staring at her ass while she took care of things then trying to divide my attention. Once the food was on the stove heating up, she turned back to me.
"That looks kind of uncomfortable," she said
She looked meaningfully at the obvious tent in my pants. It had been demanding my attention for so long that it had become less urgent to me, but the mere idea of Mom potentially doing something about it immediately put it back on top of my priority list.
"It is kinda," I said. "It should probably get taken care of."
"Mm-hm." Mom bit her lip and hesitated. She preceded in a softer voice. "Honey, I hate to be like this, but there's a chance I'm going to change my mind again. I don't want to start something and leave you hanging like I did last night."
"I'm willing to take the risk."
A barely discernable smirk flashed across Mom's face.
"Why doesn't that surprise me?"
She took another small step closer, then knelt down in an impressively graceful motion. My cock felt like it got even harder in response to her sudden proximity, though that could have been my imagination.
From my new top-down vantage point, I could see directly down the front of Mom's apron. Her cleavage was so tantalizing, and only the promise of something more interesting in my near future kept me from trying to get a quick feel in. The anticipation was killing me.
Mom reached for my belt in a slow, deliberate movement. She looked up at me as she undid my belt and pants. Somehow she looked younger and more innocent from that angle, and it was driving me wild. She pulled my pants down and I stepped out of them. My erection was even more prominent with only my boxers covering it, and it was pointing directly at her. She seemed nervous, but determined as she hooked her fingers in the waistband of my underwear and tugged them down my legs.
Mom sucked in a sharp breath as my cock sprang free. It was fully hard and mere inches away from her face. There was a definite glint of lust in her eyes. I felt her warm breath caress my sensitive skin, sending a shiver of excitement up my spine. She leaned forward and hesitated for a second before sticking her tongue out and licking a drop of precum off of the tip of my erection.
"Oh god, Mom," I breathed.
"Was that okay?" she asked.
"Is that a serious question?"
"I guess not."
She smiled and licked me again. Her wet, nimble tongue traveled across the underside of my shaft several times before she moved in for more. Her lips parted and engulfed the head of my cock. Somehow she maintained eye contact as she took me in her mouth. It may well have been the sexiest thing I'd ever watched.
I groaned as Mom put her hands on my hips and bobbed her head forward. My cock slid across her lips and tongue as she took me deeper inside her. I had to take a half-step backward to support myself on the counter. She was quick to follow me, and my cock never left her mouth.
"So good," I whispered.
"You like that?" she asked, briefly trading her mouth for her hand.
"It feels amazing."Mom grinned and stroked me a few more times before resuming her blowjob. She worked on my shaft, gradually taking more and more until her lips were wrapped around the base of my cock. I could feel myself pressing against the back of her throat as she held me there for a moment, looking up at me before pulling back.
She bobbed her head back and forth, making the length of my erection appear and disappear between her lips. Her tongue swirled around my cock, bathing it in her saliva. It was an incredible combination. The way she managed to maintain eye contact occasionally only added to the effect.
"You're gonna make me cum," I moaned.
Mom winked at me and kept right on going without breaking her rhythm. I couldn't hold on any longer, nor did I want to. I clenched the side of the counter hard enough that my fingers ached, trying to hold myself still while her head bobbed up and down my shaft. Every motion brought me closer and closer until I'd had all I could take.
My first shot of cum caught her slightly off-guard, even though she knew it was coming. Her eyes widened for a second, but quickly went back to normal. I could have sworn she was smiling despite her mouth being full. The second shot was more expected and didn't faze her. She swallowed my semen as fast as I gave it to her, not breaking lip contact with my cock for even a second. I groaned and had to close my eyes as my cum was emptied into my mother's mouth.
She finally pulled away once it was clear I was done. My cock was already beginning to soften as she stood up. She seemed a little less sure of herself than she had when she was sucking me off.
"I should check on supper," she said.
Mom started to move away from me, but I caught her wrist and pulled her back to me. She looked at me questioningly. Before she could speak, I kissed her.
"Mmph."
She stiffened for a second before relaxing into my embrace. I knew she hadn't expected the gesture, but she didn't protest once she got over the initial shock. Any kisses we'd given each other before had been the chaste, familial sort. This one was different.
I tasted a faint trace of my cum on her lips, but ignored it. I needed to show her how I felt. If she was feeling any uncertainty at all, I wanted to quell it before she regretted what she'd just done.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too," she said. "You don't have to worry, I don't feel bad about any of it. At least, not very much."
"It was that obvious, was it?"
"Sweetie, I can read you far better than you seem to think I can."
She ruffled my hair, then turned back to the stove. This time I just watched. Even though I'd just cum, I still enjoyed watching her panty-clad ass as she moved around.
****
After supper, Mom and I cuddled up together on the couch. She hadn't gone to get dressed in the meantime, so all she had on was her panties. I was wearing my boxers and a shirt. We sat together, oblivious to the world around us. I toyed with her breasts, stroking and sucking on them as much as I wanted. She had my cock out and was playing with it experimentally. We were slowly driving each other crazy.
"I never thought things would be like this," Mom said softly.
"I know," I said. "It's so surreal when I think about it. But when I just let it happen... it feels right somehow."
Mom smiled and kissed me. The initial short kiss was followed by another, longer one. Once our lips met, we found it difficult to separate. Her breasts pressed against me and I wrapped my arms around her back, holding her tightly. Her skin was so warm where it touched mine.
Eventually I slid one of my hands down her body, over her stomach and past her waist. I was curious to see what she'd do once I reached her panties. She stiffened slightly as my fingers slid over the silky material between her thighs, but then relaxed. She even spread her legs to make things easier for me.
I located the cleft between Mom's pussy lips and rubbed my finger up and down. She sighed contentedly as I masturbated her through her panties. I bent down and took one of her nipples into my mouth, sucking gently on it. She tangled her fingers in my hair and let her hand rest on my head; she was not trying to hold me or guide me, just to accept what I gave her.
I soon grew bolder and slipped my hand under the waistband of her panties. Her skin was even smoother to my touch. She gasped as I explored her bare pussy with my fingertips. I felt the wetness of her slit and knew that she was ready for more.
"You did shave," I whispered. "I was wondering if that was what you meant."
Mom nodded. "I think it looks better that way. Usually there's not much point, but... I wanted to look nice for you."
I kissed her firmly, then pulled back to look into her eyes. It was kind of scary how much I loved her.
"You always look good."
"Thanks, but you'd say that even if I didn't. You like to humour me."
I shook my head. "You know I mean it."
She glanced down at my full erection. "Yeah, I s'pose I do."
I grinned, then moved off of the couch. I knelt down in front of Mom while she watched me curiously. I reached for the sides of her panties, then tugged gently on them. After a second of hesitation, she lifted her butt a little and let me slide her last piece of clothing down her legs.
It was my turn to gasp when her pussy came into view. I already knew it was hairless and baby-smooth, but I hadn't anticipated the visual impact of actually seeing it. My cock twitched at the sight of her beautiful pussy lips and the slight valley between them.
Mom blushed as I stared, but she seemed to enjoy the attention. She kept her legs spread for me, and the smell of her arousal was hard to miss. She squirmed a little as I examined her, but I was pretty sure it was due to anticipation rather than discomfort.
I grabbed her hips and pulled her butt closer to the edge of the couch. I leaned forward, breathing in the scent of her excitement. Without looking up for permission, I stuck my tongue out and darted it across her pussy. She moaned appreciatively so I did it again, this time traveling the entire length of her slit. I decided I liked the way she tasted.
"Oh, sweetie..."
I lapped at Mom's pussy with more eagerness than skill. I wanted to make her feel as good as I had when she'd given me a blowjob. Judging by her moans, her fingers in my hair, and the way her thighs squeezed my head intermittently, I was on the right track.
Her moaning increased in frequency and volume as I figured out what she liked. Short licks across the top of her slit seemed to get the best reactions from her. Trying to probe deeper inside her pussy also seemed to excite her, but not quite to the same extent. Once I found the right licks, I focused on keeping them strong and steady.
Mom's hips went up and down in small motions as she got increasingly turned on. She made little whimpering noises when my tongue brushed against her clit. I could tell she was getting close, and I desperately wanted to get her there.
All of a sudden her hand pressed my face firmly against her pussy and a small wave of juices flooded over my tongue. She moaned in a very different way from before. Her whole body shook with pleasure as she came. Since I was held in place, I just kept licking until she released me. She convulsed and cut off my breathing a couple times as she squeezed me too tightly between her legs, but it didn't stop me. I wanted to make her feel as good as possible before her orgasm was over.
Mom eventually relaxed and let her hand fall away from my head. I straightened and gazed up at her. She smiled at me, her face a picture of contentment after having been eaten out by her son. I smiled back, proud of myself for my performance.
"Thank you, sweetie," she said. "That was... it was so good. Better than I imagined."
I felt myself blush. "You're welcome."
I found that I didn't know what to say. I felt awkward and uncertain, but not in the way I expected. It wasn't that I regretted anything Mom and I had done, I just wasn't sure how to proceed. I was horny enough that one of us was going to have to deal with it, but I didn't know if she was up to that or not. I didn't want to push too hard and have it backfire on me. Luckily, she solved my problem before I had to.
"Stand up," she said softly.
I climbed to my feet. Mom reached out and pulled my boxers down. My hard, needy cock pointed at her as begging for attention. She looked up at me.
"It wants some attention too," I said, pointing out the obvious and hoping it would spur her to action.
Her lips twitched in amusement. "Honey... I think you should take me to bed."
Competing emotions flashed through me as I tried to figure out what she meant. Either she wanted to go to bed alone, or she wanted me to stay with her. The two possibilities would have very different consequences for me.
"You mean, like-"
"I mean come with me. To bed." She stood up and stroked my cheek . "I think we both know it's going to happen sooner or later."
I couldn't repress my grin. I took Mom's hand and gently pulled her along behind me. She followed me without hesitation to her room. I stopped beside her bed and turned toward her.
Before I could speak, her hands went to the bottom of my shirt. She lifted it up and I raised my arms so she could pull it over my head. Removing the last of my clothing left us both naked. She dropped my shirt to the floor and ran a hand over my chest. I looked down between her legs, contemplating my next move.
"Are we going to need, you know, protection?" I asked as the thought occurred to me.
Mom shook her head. "I'm not sure which question you're asking, but no. Either way, it's not necessary."
"Are you sure?"
Mom forced a smile and sat down on the edge of the bed. I sat next to her. She took a moment to think about her next words.
"I guess I never actually told you this, but... I can't have kids. Not since you were born."
"Oh. That actually kind of explains some things."
"Mm-hm. Like why you don't have siblings? Or why I've always loved you a little too much?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Basically. I don't think you would have loved me any less if you had other children, but... maybe I'm a little bit selfish 'cause I like not having to share you."
She gave me a real smile this time and leaned forward to kiss me. I put my hand on her shoulder and pushed her gently backward, moving with her so that we didn't have to break the kiss. She ended up on her back with me above her. Her legs were still over the side of the mattress.
"Hang on," she said. "Let me scoot up a little."
I waited while she shifted to lie diagonally across the bed. Once she was settled I moved to kneel between her legs and bent down to suck on one of her nipples while I caressed her other breast with my hand. I gasped and jerked my head away from her chest when I felt her fingers wrap around my cock.
Mom didn't say anything, instead communicating with her eyes. I could see her need in them, and her lust. She wanted me inside her.
"I love you," I said.
She smiled and kissed me as she guided my cock to her pussy. The tip of my erection pressed up against her wet slit, temporarily halted. I pushed gently but firmly until her body accepted me and allowed me to slide inside.
The head of my shaft was embraced by Mom's pussy. Her muscles squeezed softly, massaging the small part of my length that had penetrated her. I took a deep breath and thrust into her a little more. She cooed softly as I pressed deeper into her.
"Feels so good," she whispered.
She gave a low moan as I finally buried myself as deep as I could go. Every inch of my shaft was enveloped inside her. Her pussy sheathed my cock like they were made for each other. I stayed still for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling.
"What's wrong, honey?"
I shook my head. "Nothing." I looked at her, and a slow smile spread over my face. "Absolutely nothing."
I pulled my cock partway out, then thrust back in. I did it again, and again, while slowly increasing the length and speed of my strokes. Mom's hands ran over my shoulders and back, and she purred happily as I moved inside her. She alternated between looking into my eyes, and gazing down at where our bodies joined.
I buried my face in her neck as I kept thrusting. My chest pressed against her breasts, their pillowy softness adding to the sensations I was experiencing. She wrapped her arms around me and held me as I fucked her.
"That's it," she breathed. "Keep going."
Mom's hips lifted slightly to meet my down strokes. I thrust harder, pounding my cock into her. She whimpered in pleasure and kept meeting my thrusts. She wiggled and squirmed underneath me, trying to line herself up just right.
Her pussy clamped down on my shaft when it was fully inside her, gripping it tightly as I pulled back. I groaned at the added friction and was forced to slow my movements slightly. A steady rhythm of long, hard strokes turned out to work better than shorter, faster ones. It allowed Mom to get more in synch with me too.
Our bodies moved together, instinctively working to increase our pleasure. Mom's put her hands on my head and guided me away from her neck so she could kiss me. Her lips met mine for only a second or two at a time in between breaths. She was hungry, but restrained enough not to suffocate me.
I was going to cum; it was inevitable the way I was going. I thrust even harder into Mom's pussy despite my protesting muscles. The last of my control was slipping away. More and more, my thoughts were dominated by the need to achieve my release. I was using my mother's body to get off, and judging by her reactions my body was doing much the same thing for her.
My breathing grew increasingly ragged and uneven. Mom was no longer kissing me, instead opting to nuzzle at my neck. Her fingers dug into my back. Her need was as intense as mine, and she was dependent on me to fulfill that need.
Suddenly Mom's fingers turned sharp as I got the nails instead of the pads. She clawed my skin involuntarily and moaned into my shoulder as she came. Her body tensed and her pussy clamped down on me even tighter than before. I had already been close, and the abrupt increase in stimulation finished me off.
My hips jerked arrhythmically and my cock spasmed as my orgasm exploded from within me. My cum flooded into her pussy in short, powerful bursts. I was aware of nothing except for my own pleasure. Even the pain of Mom's fingernails digging into me translated as a positive feeling in my brain.
I wanted my orgasm to last forever, to trap me in a cycle of illicit pleasure. For a few seconds it seemed possible. Then I crashed, coming down from my high more quickly than I thought possible. I was still buried inside Mom, still supporting my weight on my arms, but I felt drained; happy, but tired. I looked down at her and the contented smile she gave me. I smiled back, then let myself gently collapse.
I shifted my weight as I lay down so that most of it landed on the mattress instead of Mom. I couldn't bear to be too far from her, and part of my arm, my leg, and part of my chest all remained on top of her. I nestled my head against her shoulder and closed my eyes. She stroked my hair soothingly.
"That was amazing, sweetie," she whispered.
I nodded, or at least tried to. "Mm-hm."
"All wore out, huh?"
I tried to nod again, but my head wasn't in a good position for it.
"Yeah," I said.
"Me too." She smoothed down my hair on one side. "Good thing we're in bed already." She giggled softly.
I didn't say anything. I was drifting away from consciousness, feeling as sated, tired, and loved as I ever had.
"I love you," she said.
"V'you too," I mumbled.
I fell asleep in my mother's embrace.