"Hello?" I asked, answering on the first ring.
"Hey Jen, it's me," James said, as if anyone else would be calling.
"Hey you," I said quietly. It'd been about thirty minutes since he'd left. I'd done some more crying in that time, but my eyes were dry now.
"How are you doing?" he asked hesitantly.
"I'm okay."
"Are you sure? Does it still hurt?"
"Nope. All better," I lied. The pain was getting better though.
"That's good," he said cautiously.
"Yea," I agreed. "How was the drive?"
"A little weird. My mom was out of it, but dad wanted to talk. I had a hard time focusing."
"Cause of what happened?" I asked, knowing the answer. "With us I mean."
"Yea," he said.
"Think he could tell something was up?"
"He's still pretty wasted. I doubt he'll even remember the ride home."
"That's good," I said.
"Yea," James agreed.
Well this was awkward.
"So....." I said, breaking the silence.
We both laughed uncomfortably, then James turned somber.
"I really feel I owe you an apology," James said.
"We went over this. You already apologized."
"It's not good enough Jen. Not after what I did."
"I already told you. You don't have anything to apologize for," I said.
"I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. We were just playing a game, and then next thing you know..."
"I could have stopped you," I said. "I'm a lot stronger than you."
"Well obviously," he laughed. "You couldn't move though."
"It's just a game. It's not like I literally couldn't move."
"Why didn't you stop me then?" he asked.
Why didn't I? That was the first thought that came to me when he'd pulled off my clothes. Why aren't you stopping him? When he stuck his finger in me, I thought the same thing. He wasn't the first guy who'd tried to do that, but he was the only one I'd let get away with it. When his pants came down, I knew what was coming. I panicked, but I didn't stop him. Why?
I'd spent the time since he'd left alternating between punishing myself for what happened and trying to figure out why I'd let it. I'd never given up during the game before, no matter how much he'd tickled me. I was strong, and I prided myself on that strength. I thought I could handle anything he threw at me. I wouldn't back down, no matter what. That was such a small part of it though. If I was being honest with myself, there was really only one reason I didn't stop him.
"Because I didn't want to," I said.
"What do you mean?"
"I think..." This was hard to say. It was hard enough admitting it to myself. "I think I wanted it to happen. Not like that, not so... I dunno. But I guess..." How could I put this? "I was really getting into the game," I said.
"How so?" he asked.
"Just really getting into it," I said.
"Alright, but what do you mean?" he said, really trying to drag it out of me.
"I was turned on, alright!?"
"I thought you seemed pretty... wet..." he said, his nervousness with such language still evident, even after he'd fucked me.
"I was. I always..." Dammit. I'd said more than I meant to.
"Always?"
"I always get wet when we play the game," I said.
"Really?" he asked, sounding genuinely surprised.
"Yea. I don't know why. I just always get turned on when we play."
"Oh god, right? There's just something about it," he said.
"Well I always knew you were turned on," I laughed.
"What? How?"
"Oh come on... you were always pressing your dick into me."
"No I wasn't!" James said, his voice rising an octave.
"Yea, you were. You got a boner every time we played."
"I didn't think you noticed," James said sheepishly. The embarrassment in his voice made me feel a little better.
"It was kind of hard not to with your tickling and crawling all over me," I said.
"It didn't gross you out?" he asked.
"No, it wasn't gross," I said honestly. It was weird being able to finally say these things out loud. "I always looked forward to it."
"My boner?"
"The game." I rolled my eyes, hoping my annoyance came through in my tone.
"Alright, but if you wanted tonight to happen, why did you cry so much?" he asked.
"Lots of reasons. Mostly because it hurt, a lot, but also... I mean, the way it happened," I said, the tears welling in my eyes again. "I'm such a slut."
"You are not a slut," James said forcefully.
"Yes, I am," I said, fighting my best to keep from crying.
"You are not."
"You know that I am. I mean, come on. You're my cousin! We're not even dating!"
"How many guys have you had sex with?" James asked.
"Stop."
"How many?"
"Stop it."
"You've only ever had sex one time, with one guy," James said. "You can't be a slut."
"We didn't even kiss first!" I said, breaking into sobs.
"That was my fault," James said. "You had nothing to do with that."
"I had nothing to do with that? I could have said no! I could have asked you to go slower, to be more gentle. I could have said you were hurting me. I could have done anything, but I just laid there and let you do it." I said, it all coming out of me. "I was waiting for the perfect moment with the perfect guy, and then I got horny and I just let you do whatever you wanted. Like a slut."
James was silent for a moment, then quietly asked me a question.
"You want to know why I did it?"
"Because you were horny and you're a guy and I was dumb and said you could do whatever you wanted to me," I said, the answer completely obvious to me.
"It wasn't that. I was horny, sure, but I had sex with you because you're my absolute favorite person. Ever. I can't stop thinking about you. Whenever I'm with you, everything is just better. When I'm with you all the problems I have with school or work or girls just disappear. It's just you and me and it's great. Really great. For the little while we're together, I don't... I don't hate myself. I'm just happy, like really happy, and it's intoxicating. When I'm away from you it all goes to shit again, but I keep going through the day because I think of you, and what might happen the next time I get to see you. I wasn't planning on going all the way with you tonight, not even when the last round started. Once I'd started touching you though, like really touching you, the chance... the chance to get to be more than friends, more than cousins... it was everything.
"And then it happened, and it was wonderful, and I knew, I KNEW I'd fucked it all up. Everything. I'd moved too fast, too rough, and I took something from you that you didn't want to give, and I felt small. So small. Seeing you crying like that, I felt like every bad thing anyone ever said about me, every bad thing I'd thought about myself, it was all true. All of it. I was a shit person and I'd done a shitty thing and I'd ruined the one good thing in my life.
"And then you kissed me, and you told me it was alright, and you asked me to call you when I got home. I hurt you, and you tried to make me feel better about it. I don't think I've ever felt more relieved and more unworthy of kindness than I did right then, and still do now. So no, I don't think you're a slut. I think you're amazing, and I don't think you have anything to feel bad about."
I sat there in silence for a moment, my tears gone, processing what he'd just told me.
"James?" I asked softly.
"Yea?"
"I love you," I said.
"I love you too."
We stayed up talking as long as we could, and I fell asleep to the sound of his voice.
I spent the next few days processing what had happened, as well as my newfound feelings for James. On the one hand, I was filled with joy. I'd had boyfriends before, but they could never make me feel half of what I was feeling for James. I'd spend the day reading and rereading the sweet texts he'd send me, trying to find the perfect reply to each one. I'd find myself just wondering what he was doing throughout the day, and just picturing the next time I could be with him.
Unfortunately those weren't the only feelings I was wrestling with. I loved James and I wanted to be with him, but a part of me agreed with him that, to a certain extent, he'd taken advantage of me that night. When it had first happened I'd felt like I'd done something wrong, but that wasn't right. I'd had sex with a man I loved. There wasn't anything wrong with that, and it certainly didn't make me a slut.
There was something wrong with the way he'd treated me though. He hadn't been concerned with my pleasure or making sure I wanted what was happening. In that moment he only cared about himself. That worried me. James was funny, smart and caring. At times he astonished me with his kindness. I loved him for that. He could also be a complete, selfish jackass. Both sides of him came out that night, and I couldn't afford to ignore either. Talking with him afterward had helped reassure me, but if we were going to be together, that was the last night I'd allow myself to be used.
I couldn't stay away from him though.
"Hop in!" James said. It was Wednesday. It'd been four nights since we'd last played the game. Four nights since he'd been inside me.
He reached across the passenger seat and pushed the door open. I entered the car and fastened my seatbelt.
"Hey you," I said, kissing him on the cheek.
"Get out okay?" he asked.
"No problem." My parents had gone to bed at 10:30, but I'd waited until 11:00 to sneak out, just to be safe. James had been waiting nearby, then drove up with his lights off when I'd texted him the go-ahead. Eighteen or not, as long as I lived under my parent's roof I had to live by their rules, and that meant no going out late on school nights.
"Where to?" he asked.
"Safeway? Not a lot of options," I live in Dallas, Oregon, where the only things open past eleven are Safeway and bars. James lived in Salem. Lots of stuff open late there, but his place was a half-hour away. I couldn't be out all night.
"You need milk or something? Eggs?" James asked.
"Oh shut up," I laughed, pushing him.
"I've got an idea," he said, shifting from park to drive. "Unless you really need groceries." I didn't. We pulled into the city park a few minutes later, and James found a secluded place to park.
"City Park? Not a bad idea," I said. "You bring a frisbee?"
"I had something else in mind," he said, his lips meeting mine. I closed my eyes and returned his kiss passionately. I'd thought of nothing else but James since that fateful night. It felt like such a relief, his skin on mine again.
James smelled of cologne and tasted of spearmint. His stubble was short enough to be sexy, but long enough that it didn't hurt. I loved it. I let my tongue explore his mouth, circling his with my own. We'd kissed several times on Saturday night, but there hadn't been any real romance to it. He'd just taken what he wanted. Tonight we were both equally in control, and that made all the difference.
I bit his lower lip playfully, sensually, then opened my mouth again to him. He pulled my face into his with his hands, and I placed a hand on his leg. We continued this way until he migrated his kisses from my lip to my neck, causing my arms to break out in goosebumps. As he kissed and gently bit I felt tingles throughout my body, starting with my neck and spreading to my pussy. I heard myself moan as my hand squeezed his thigh involuntarily.
James took this as an invitation to begin unbuttoning my jeans, but that was a step further than I was willing to go tonight. I clasped my hand over his to make it clear, but he kept trying to get my pants open.
"No," I said, pulling his arm away from me. "Not tonight."
"Are you not liking this?" he asked, confused.
"Of course I am," I said, the arousal evident in my flushed skin. "I don't want to have sex in a parking lot though."
"It's a really nice parking lot," James quipped.
"It's a parking lot. It's not happening."
"What do you expect? We don't really have a lot of options here," James said, sounding frustrated.
"We both have bedrooms. With beds," I said firmly.
"You know what I mean. I can't exactly invite you over to my place. My parents would die if they saw us together."
"I know, and I get that we have to be sneaky. Last time wasn't romantic at all though," I said, trying my best to make him understand.
"Yea, but I brought you out here to show you I can do better."
"This is your idea of better?" I asked, shocked. "Fucking me in your Ford Fiesta? You said I'm not a slut. Don't treat me like one."
I crossed my arms and stared out the passenger-side window. If we slept together here it would probably be a step up from when I'd lost my virginity, but only because the bar was set so low the first time. I was just as horny as he was, but the next time I had sex would have to be more romantic if I was going to feel okay with it. In the meantime I needed to know that James was okay with me saying no when I wasn't comfortable. If he wasn't, there was no way this could work.
We sat there not speaking to each other for several minutes. Finally, James broke the silence.
"I don't think you're a slut," he said. "I think you're wonderful. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."
"Thank you," I said, softening slightly.
"I didn't realize you'd feel this way. I just thought we could find someplace to be alone together, away from our parents and everyone. I don't make enough money to get a hotel room."
"I know, and I'm glad we're here," I said, holding his hands in mine. "I wanted to see you tonight too. You know that. I was having fun. It's just that I always pictured my first time would be special, and I didn't get that."
"That's my fault," James said.
"It's our fault. We both participated. I want my next time to be romantic though. Sensual."
"I want that too," he said, looking me in the eyes. "I can give you that. I will."
"I believe you," I said.
We held hands and made small talk for a bit, but the mood was dead. James drove me back to my place and parked around the corner. We kissed goodnight, then I snuck back inside and crept down to the basement.
When I got downstairs I found my bedroom light on and the door cracked open. Neither of those things were true when I'd left. I opened the door the rest of the way to find my mom sitting on the bed, staring at her phone. She looked up when I opened the door.
"Look who's home. Come take a seat," she said, patting the mattress beside her.
Fuck.
"Hi mommy," I said, head lowered, heart racing. I took a seat.
"Hey Jenny. Want to tell me where you've been?" she asked.
"Not really," I said, staring at my feet.
"Was that James's car I saw you drive off in?"
"You saw that?" I asked.
"Yep," she said. "Heard the front door. Looked out the window and saw you two drive off."
"Does dad know?" I asked in a panic, meeting her eyes.
"Your father's sleeping. I haven't said anything." Thank God.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snuck out," I said.
"No, you shouldn't have. I'm just so surprised. This isn't like you."
A wave of guilt washed over me. I wasn't a goody two-shoes or anything, but I was always honest and open with my parents. Well, my mom anyway. Dad could be... difficult. I never kept anything from my mom though, and I certainly didn't sneak out at weird hours of the night.
If James was just any guy, I would have gone to her right away and told her what was happening between us. My mom always stressed that I could talk to her about anything, even sex. When I turned 16 I was finally allowed to start going on dates. My mom arranged for me to get an IUD, even though I thought it was silly. She said that even if I didn't feel ready to have sex yet, the time would come when I'd want to, and it was best to be prepared.
She'd just asked that I not tell dad.
After I'd lost my virginity I thought back to that talk, and I was so grateful she'd had me go on birth control. James hadn't even used a condom. I wanted to thank her and tell her everything that had happened. I wanted to tell her how I was feeling and have her tell me everything was going to be okay. I couldn't do that though. I'd always been able to tell her anything, but how could I tell her I'd fucked her nephew?
"I'm sorry mom," I said, my eyes becoming watery.
"What were you up to?" she asked.
"I was just with James." I said, head bowed again, hands kneading the hem of my shirt.
"Okay, but what were you guys doing at eleven on a school night?"
I had to think fast. The way I saw it, I had two choices: I could tell her the truth, and let the chips fall where they may, or I could lie. I hated lying to my mom. James and I had promised we wouldn't tell anyone what happened though, and I couldn't break that promise.
"James was upset. He had some problems with a girl and wanted to talk," I lied. Good start, but not enough. "He just found out his girlfriend cheated on him."
"James has a girlfriend?" my mom asked.
"He did. They broke up tonight," I said, confident in the story that was taking shape.
"That's awful. How's he doing?"
"He's upset," I shrugged. "Angry. He'll be alright though."
"I'm sure he will be. He's a good kid," my mom said, wrapping her arm over my shoulders. "You're both good kids."
I wasn't. We weren't. I leaned into my mom's embrace, laying my head against her.
"You can't just go sneaking out though," she said. "You've got school. Your dad could've seen you." That thought frightened me a lot more than being tired at school tomorrow. If dad had caught me he wouldn't be nearly as understanding.
"I know. It won't happen again."
"I guess it could have been worse. When you kissed his cheek I didn't know what to think," she said, sounding relieved. I'd forgotten I'd done that. "Then you guys just drove off... It didn't look good."
It wasn't good. I should have yelled out, "Mom! Gross!" and told her even suggesting I might be into my cousin was disgusting. I should have said it with my words, my face, my body. I should have left no doubt in her mind that I wasn't interested in James, I never would be, and I couldn't believe she'd even suggested it. A week ago I would have. Instead I just laughed nervously.
"Don't be weird mom."
She eyed me skeptically. I kept kneading my shirt.
"Alright, well don't let me catch you sneaking out again. I won't tell your father this time, but you only get one freebie," she said, rising to leave.
"Thank you," I said, grabbing her hand. "Really.
"Of course sweetie. I still remember what it's like to be your age, you know. I'm not THAT old. Don't be too anxious to grow up. You're still my baby."
Would she still think I was her baby if she knew what I'd done? I'd managed to keep the tears in check throughout our conversation, but that last comment made it really, really hard. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would burst.
I squeezed her hand one more time and smiled at her. She kissed me on the forehead, wished me goodnight and left the room.
As soon as the door was closed the tears started flowing. I held my head in my hands and just sobbed quietly, trying to understand what I was feeling. After a minute I changed into pajamas, turned out the lights and grabbed Pooh Bear from the closet.
My parents had given me Pooh when I was just five. At the time he was as big as I was. I loved that bear and slept with him every night. Then one day I decided I was going to be a big girl and stuffed animals were for babies. Pooh was condemned to the closet.
I didn't feel too big for stuffed animals now. I just wanted to be my mom's little girl again. I held Pooh close, cuddled into a ball, and cried myself to sleep.
"What's wrong?" James asked. It was two nights later. My parents were asleep and I was in bed, talking quietly on the phone. Pooh was back in the closet, his job accomplished.
"What do you mean?" My cellphone was wedged between my face and shoulders so I could paint my toenails.
"Come on Jen. I know something's wrong," James prodded.
"It's nothing, alright?" I said, not wanting to talk about it.
"Come on babe. You can talk to me." Babe was new. I kind of liked it.
"Fuck!" I spit out in my loudest whisper.
"What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed.
"I messed up my toe," I said, wiping away the excess polish. I was putting red and white stripes on my toenails. I had put the red ones on first, but then I kept screwing up the white ones. I never was very good at drawing within the lines.
"Scared me for a second," he said. "I thought you'd stepped on a nail or something."
"If only. This is way more serious."
"I'm sure," he laughed. "So come on. Out with it."
"Fine," I relented. "My mom caught us the other night."
"What?!"
"It's cool. She didn't see anything. Just a kiss on the cheek. I just told her I was being a bro, helping you through some girl problems."
"You are my girl problems," he laughed.
"I love you too," I said.
"So that's why you were upset yesterday too?"
"I wasn't upset. I'm just... distracted. I don't like lying to my mom."
"I'm sorry," James said. "It's dumb you even have to lie."
"No it isn't. We're cousins. This is wrong," I said, trying not to fuck up my nails again.
"You don't mean that," he said.
"Don't I?" I said, stopping what I was doing. "We could be arrested for what we've done."
"Not really," James said. "It's legal for cousins to have sex here. We just can't get married."
"Of course you'd look that up."
"Seemed important."
"I guess that's something at least. I might get disowned by my family, but at least I won't end up behind bars."
"I miss you," he said.
I sighed. "I miss you too."
"I want to see you again. Tomorrow."
I hesitated. The talk with my mom had really shaken me, but I knew how I felt about James. Wrong or not, I wasn't going to be able to stay away from him.
"What do you want to do?" I asked, picturing James's car bouncing up and down in a Wendy's parking lot.
"I want to stay the night with you," he said. "All night." My heart skipped a beat, but I just shook my head.
"That'd be great, if we had any place to go."
"What if we did?" he asked. I could just picture the mischievous smile he always wore when he used that tone.
"You have something in mind?" I asked suspiciously.
"Let me surprise you," he said. "I promise you won't be disappointed."
"If you get my hopes up and then just take me to a parking lot again..."
"No parking lot," he laughed. "I learned my lesson."
"You better have mister."
"So you in?"
"I'm in," I said, a big smile spreading across my face. "Tomorrow night it is."
The next evening my parents went out for dinner, which gave us a lucky break. I'd told my parents I was staying at a friend's for the night, and James had done the same. With no parents around James was able to come right to the front door to get me.
"Hey babe," James said, stepping inside. I waited until he'd closed the door, then leaned up on tiptoes to kiss him. "You ready?
"Yep! Let's just get my bag," I said. I held his hand and led him down to my room, where my bag was sitting on the bed.
"Weird being back here again," James laughed nervously, standing in the doorway.
"Oh shut up," I said, grabbing the bag. "You've been in here a hundred times."
"Yea, but it's different now."
"Same room it's always been," I said, gesturing to my wall of Game of Thrones and Steven Universe posters.
"You know what I mean," he said.
"Not really. Same room. Same Jen."
"Yea, but this isn't just the room where we play video games anymore, and you're not just my cousin."
"I'm still me you know," I said, putting a hand on his chest. "I might be your girlfriend, but I'm still the same Jen I've always been."
"I wouldn't have it any other way," he said, pulling me in tight and kissing me. I wrapped my arms around him.
"So what have you planned for us?" I asked, admiring his eyes.
"You'll see," he said, kissing me again. "Come on."
We went back upstairs, hand in hand. Being this way with James, just walking around my parent's house as a couple, felt supremely naughty. I didn't like lying to my mom, but I was starting to see the allure of doing what you're not supposed to.
An hour later I was kissing James in a suite at The Allison Inn and Spa, thoroughly impressed with his surprise.
"I love it!" I said, gawking at the room from the comfort of his arms. "How could you afford this?"
"Remember how every birthday my grandma puts $100 in a saving account for me? I'd all but forgotten about it since I couldn't spend it, but I finally got access this year." I'd forgotten too. I used to be pretty jealous of James's saving account when we were kids. We shared a Grandma (our dads are brothers after all), but the grandma on his mom's side is the rich one.
"You spent your savings on me?" I asked, feeling guilty. I'd pushed James to be more romantic, but he didn't have to go this far.
"Not all of it, and I didn't spend it on you. I spent it on us. I wanted us to have a perfect night together."
"Can I help out at least?" My parents wouldn't let me get a job until I finished school, but I'd managed to save up a little.
"Of course not. I want to do this."
"Thank you," I said, putting my head to his chest. I knew James's idea of a perfect night didn't require spending a ton of money on a fancy hotel. This was his way of making things up to me. "It's wonderful."
I took a tour of the suite, lighting the fireplace and discovering a bath large enough to fit us both.
"I made us a reservation at the hotel restaurant," he said. "We should get going."
"Lets... not," I said, grabbing James's hand and leading him to the bedroom.
"You were just complaining that you were hungry on the drive here," James said, smiling. "You said it like fifty times."
"I've got other..." I circled a finger on his ear, trying my best to be seductive. "Appetites."
"You're so corny," he laughed, picking me up and throwing me on the bed. I giggled as I hit the mattress.
James pulled his shirt over his head, and I took the opportunity to admire his chest. He crawled on top of me and started kissing me. I was instantly reminded of our first night together, when he'd started fondling me during the game. This was very different, and not just because James was being gentle. This time I could use my hands. I grabbed a handful of James's hair and pulled his face into mine, lustily pushing my tongue into his mouth.
We made out for several minutes, during which I rubbed his naked chest while he gently caressed my face and hair. It was very sweet, but he seemed hesitant to make the first move sexually. I assumed this was due to my rejection of his advances the other night. I hadn't wanted to screw in the car, but tonight was a different matter.
I reached down and undid James's belt. He lifted his hips, giving me better access. I unbuttoned his jeans, then slid a hand into his boxers and grabbed his cock. James took a deep breath in, and I used the opportunity to go deeper into the kiss. I loved the feel of his dick in my hand; the hardness, the heat. The skin felt so soft but the instrument itself seemed surprisingly strong. I wasn't really sure I was stroking it right, but whatever I was doing seemed to be working for him. He took the hint and reached under my shirt to massage my tits over the bra.
I was instantly reminded of the sensations I'd felt our first night together, when he'd sucked on my naked breasts. I'd never felt anything like it before, and it'd made me wet enough for James to have his way with me. I needed to feel that again. I leaned up enough to pull off my shirt, then abandoned my bra as well, feeling the comforting release of pressure I always do.
James stopped kissing my face and moved to my tits. He had clearly done some reading or something since our last time together. His technique was far improved. Instead of just hungrily mauling my breasts, he took his time with them. He gently sucked on my left nipple, then exhaled hot air onto it. I arched my back, feeling tingles all over. He then took it into his mouth and softly, repeatedly flicked it with his tongue. While he did so he massaged my right breast, gently squeezing in a circular motion.
I moaned involuntarily as he swapped breasts, taking my right nipple into his mouth. I'd heard about women who could reach orgasm from just nipple play, but I'd thought that was ridiculous. Now with James's efforts it seemed a little more possible. I didn't know if I'd be able to, but if he'd kept it up we might've found out.
He had other ideas however. He moved down my body and undid my jeans, his erection slipping from my grip. I lifted up my ass to help him pull my clothes off. He did so quickly, taking my panties and jeans at the same time. A surprising wave of shyness come over me at being fully nude in front of him again.
"You shaved," he said, admiring my vagina. I'd shaved everything in the shower right before he'd picked me up.
"I did," I smiled shyly. "You like?"
He nodded, then buried his face in my pussy.
A fresh wave of embarrassment washed over me. A part of me had been hoping James would eat me out, but I was just so nervous about it. I had the normal hangups: Did my vagina look weird? Would it taste bad? Did it smell bad? Would it feel okay? All of those thoughts were pushed away when his tongue hit my clit, and were quickly replaced by another one: did James watch porn? If not, he must have had a hell of a training buddy he'd never told me about.
However James had learned these skills, I was just glad he had them. He flicked his tongue repeatedly over my clit, then slid it up and down my slit. He lapped at my juices several times, then entered me with his tongue. The feeling of it exploring inside me was incredible, and I grabbed his hair and pulled him further into me. He fucked me with his tongue for several minutes, then moved back up to focus on my clit. He sucked it into his mouth, then rubbed his tongue gently back and forth over the top of it. I moaned loudly, letting him know this was working.
The pleasure was getting overpowering, and I knew an orgasm was coming. My pussy ached with the desire to be filled though, and that's how I wanted to cum. I pulled James up and he smiled at me, my wetness all over his face. I struggled to catch my breath.
"Everything alright?" he asked, confused why I'd stopped him.
"Fuck me," I said, my head dizzy with pleasure. James pulled off his remaining clothes and threw them from the bed. I grabbed his arms and pulled him on top of me, then grabbed his erection and rubbed it against my pussy. I was pleased to find he was even harder than before.
"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me..." I repeated, guiding his dick to my opening. He thrust gently into me. I felt my muscles open for him, and with each gentle thrust his dick went further into me, until finally I let go of his cock and he pushed his full length inside. Right then it clicked for me why people liked sex so much. Whereas last time I'd been shocked and overwhelmed when he'd entered me (he hadn't taken his time at all, just shoving it in with one thrust), this time there was only pleasure. I felt a remarkable sense of fullness, as though my vagina had been empty of something it needed, and now I'd been made whole.
I wrapped my legs and arms around him as he pumped into me. I loved the way he felt, and just wanted to pull him in as close as possible. I clawed at his back as his thrusts became harder, but they never quite reached the pace he'd used on our first night together.
Everything felt great, but I wanted to be fucked harder. I needed it. I knew he was being gentle because of the way our first time had gone, and I appreciated that, but I couldn't cum this way. I was just a little too shy to say it.
I realized if wasn't able to tell James what I needed, I'd have to do it myself. After about five minutes of him on top I decided to change position. Last time we'd had sex was during a three minute round of the game, and James had only been in me half that time. He'd had no problem cumming though, and I was a bit worried he'd always cum quickly. It turned out I had nothing to worry about. I moved to flip James over, intending to end up on top of him, but just ended up pushing him off me instead. I gasped as he fell out, feeling empty once again. He shot me a quizzical look.
I pounced on top of him, grabbed his member and put it back inside. It slid in much easier the second time. This was my first time on top, ever, but I figured out the basics pretty quickly. I put my weight down on his cock, feeling it reach even deeper in the new position. We both gasped with the sensation. James put his hands on my ass and thrust upwards, pushing into me as far as he could go. He shot me a look of satisfaction, his eyes wide and intense.
Slowly I began moving my legs, riding up and down on him. I increased my pace and pressure, fucking myself on his hard dick. James seemed transfixed by the movements of my breasts, which gave me a thrill. He pushed upwards with each thrust, meeting my efforts with his own, then sat up on his elbows to suck on my tits. The effect was overwhelming. I held his face hard against my breasts, not wanting him to stop.
"I'm coming!" I yelled. I pushed down hard and started grinding my clit against him, the orgasm overtaking me. James laid back, then grunted as I felt his spunk shoot into me. I dug my hands into his chest involuntarily as I continued grinding, riding out my orgasm as his dick throbbed inside me. I collapsed onto him as it subsided, my strength leaving me completely.
I felt light-headed and weak, my vision blurry. James was still inside me, which felt right, and I felt a sting of disappointment when he slid out.
"That," I said, wiping the hair from my face, "was incredible." I sat up. My legs were sore from the effort of being on top, and I could feel James's cum sliding down my leg. I didn't care about either.
"A little better than last time?" James asked sheepishly.
"No comparison," I said, catching my breath.
"I couldn't agree more." James wrapped his arms around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder.
"Are you still hard?" I asked, noticing his erection.
"I guess? That's why I got out actually. I was starting to get hard again."
"I wouldn't have minded another go," I laughed, shooting him a wicked grin.
"You look spent," he said.
"Spent?" I asked, considering how I felt. "No. Hungry."
"Me too."
"I don't really feel like going to the restaurant anymore," I laughed, the cum still oozing out of me. I was making a real mess of the sheets.
"Room service?"
"Perfect."
We ate in front of the fireplace wearing only the robes provided by the hotel. We took turns feeding each other from our plates and stealing little kisses in between bites. It was perfect.
"I don't want tonight to end," I said. It was only eight, but I was already dreading having to leave in the morning.
"There'll be other nights. I'm not going anywhere."
"You better not mister. You're mine now."
"And you're mine," he said, kissing my nose. I giggled.
How could this be wrong? Yes, we were cousins, but we loved each other. We made each other happy. We made each other whole. What was so bad about that? I cuddled up next to him, the weight of our situation threatening to knock me back to reality. James had other ideas.
"So what do you want to do now?"
"I'm really liking this fireplace," I said, slipping my hand inside his robe and rubbing his chest hair.
"How would you like a hot tub?" he asked.
I considered it.
"I would like a hot tub very much." Guess that explained why he'd had asked me to bring a swimsuit.
We spent the rest of the night lounging in the hot tub, flirting in the pool and making love. At 2 am we ordered dessert. It was the perfect end to the perfect night. When we left the next day we walked hand in hand in the daylight, as though we weren't cousins at all, but just a boy and a girl in love.
Of course we were both. Our love was just like everyone else's, and yet it wasn't. Ours was stronger for having known each other our whole lives.
It turned out James was right of course. There were other nights, and we found other, less expensive places to be together. Things would never again be as simple as they were that night though, when we were just two lovers enjoying the warmth of a fireplace.
No matter how bad things got in the years ahead, we always had the memory of our perfect night together.