In a dark place there was a boy leaning in a cloud. He seemed to be suffering as his brows kept scrunching and tears would occasionally fall. He coughed as he opened his big eyes and felt a pain all over himself. "The mind is so powerful. Swords and spears have no effect on me, but a few questions and I feel the nearness of the end. Haha. I've only been here for a million years and yet I've found no idea as to who I am. My love for my mother was a love made simply due to her giving birth to me. My hatred for my adopted family was due to my pride. My slaughter was due to my fillal piety. My only true idea is my desire for power yet I do not know why I go up. what's the point." The boy sighed. This boy was Ryuk yet his mental shape was distorted and not stable shifting showing his lack of harmony.
10 Billion years later.
A black and white kept fighting. All other things had become two powerful forces. like how white contained all the colors and black containers non of the colors Ryuk ideas fought. "Nothingness is perfection and everything is imperfect. Yes I don't agree with both. I dont belong in white or black. Wait what was I searching for again... Who am I?"
99 Sexdecillion years later.
A bright flash then a dark curtain. The images flashed and dissapeared there was chaos and disorder. A boy sat holding his head loosely his self lost.
Unknown amount of years later.
Ryuk looked crazed and said randomly "Did you think you would be a hero if you got your revenge. That you killed with just the word of other's so you are now the good one? No you are fool hopelessly stuck in delusions of courtesy and nativity. Simply believing actions to reveal the play and words the plot. Fool yes you are. The actions of a puppeteer so real yet so fake. The words of the kind and good so nice so warm so cold so sharp. You like a good little doll play the dame the chap the one who saves the day yet when the curtains close and the lights turn off the scene really shows itself the ugly you. Me, we, I or demon. Who what."
Suddenly he stopped and tilted his head and said "Striving for a goal so far and so out of reach yet to never reach it is the result... Win, lose, good, bad."
Ryuk had broken down who he was so many times that he lost the pieces. He wasn't insane he was deranged. This was the end result that any person would reach. Ryuk searched too hard and now he had lost his way.
Time fell like a waterfall not considering anything. Ryuk continued to grow mad sprouting words, terms and ideas that had no connection. Ryuks erratic behavior seemed to change although it seemed now as if he was looking for something. "No answer. Only. Question? Foolish to know there's no win no lose." Ryuks mental apparition stood up "I am insane. Sanity is finding a stability, but there isnt."
Ryuk sat down, but this time he kept scratching his head. Everytime he nearly lost focus he scratched his head.
Years again passed. A fluttering wind seemed inconsequential and irrelevant. Moments seemed useless. Life seemed inconsistent and disgusting.
Ryuk said as he scratched his head in a deranged manner "Itchy my brains Itchy. Insanity people talk about sanity, but insanity is the only way people can live in this fucked up world. Being stable isn't possible it's always shifting... Black.. white... Black... White... Evil... Good... Its so contradictory so in tune. It exists because the other exists its all so ugly so immature so redundant. There no little theres no small. Theres no killing theres no saving. There's no good without bad. Otherwise those terms have no meaning like a a a faceless man. Good can't be good without having bad to say use as a basis for good... They can't stay without each other they birth each other yet they destroy each other. Itchy. Itchy. Insanity is like a shattered glass everything reflects something differently theres no correct no wrong just presence. Yet in sanity theres this compulsion to state something to attach a meaning to every passive chess move. Why king, why queen? Why pawn. Not sure its strange isn't it? Who are you? Me im just a fool. So whats the truth of it whats the scheme of it. What should i do what should i be. I dont know..."
Two dots spin around each other colliding clashing. A truth pops "Light and dark they are both so beautiful... Thats it... Beauty can exist without ugly. Because beauty is like insanity theres no correctness theres no wrong. Its just whats beautiful there's no order no script no way to analyze. Beautiful dosent have a set meaning. Beautiful... Ugly... Beautiful... Ugly..."
Ryuks color began bright and radiant.
"Ryuk. Insanity. Beauty. Slaughter. Insanity is the fragmentation and speration from everything. It's so beautiful yet because of people not seeing the truth it becomes bad? How repulsive. Insanity is a crooked cane working even though it's not right. Like a chess game without cheating, always within reason. Insanity isn't lack of reason its lack of... what? This is beginning forget about full. Begin the step. Slaughter is disgusting? Repulsive? No only those who are barely within it's beautiful scenery can say that. Those who step into its warm arms know its beautiful. Killing without reason is ugly. Like a step in mud repulsive. Killing to survive is smart, killing for revenge is novel, killing for... is serendipity. Beautiful things... Where all is ugly. There that smile. Real? Yes. Mother smile. The way she smiled at me. That warm smile that treasured smile is beautiful. Why love? For the sway of motion or the parallel workings of something divine? I see there has no answer just questions."
[ Chapter note: If you don't understand exactly what I'm saying Ill explain briefly. The reason Ryuk doesn't explain what the truth of Slaughter and insanity are is because he doesn't know yet. It's like listening to a song in another language you can't understand it, but you can somehow feel what is its essence. Its like watching a movie even though you haven't experience the same things you can still correlate with what happens. About beauty what he says is that a mother smiling at a child is beautiful, but is it something natural like momentum and friction or is it something planned or done by Something powerful. So is it artificial or natural.]
Ryuk became whole all the missing pieces flew and joined the blinding light. Ryuk said in a heavy voice "The first step of many. One must flow on a still river. Sometimes the wind may guide yet sometimes not. Only chance will allow one to be more than what is. Forcing it is the same as sinking it."
Ryuk woke up back in his room. His eyes different. His dantian now different. His soul different.