We are twins. Fraternal. We are so very similar that if I cut my hair short it will be hard to recognize which is which. I am beautiful. He is handsome. I am not bragging about this but both of us are naturally intelligent, and just like other twins, we share different personality.
He is possessive over me. And I am submissive to him.
We are twins and no one could change this fact, not even when you say that red is actually white. I don' want it any other way because it is the only claim I can have. Well, I am proud that we're twins. Specially since this is the only connection I have with him. This became my selfish reason that we should stay together. A reason to be happy.
I always believe that we should stay together, no matter what will happen in the future. We've been together for seventeen years! We saw each other's smiles and cries. And we know each other's weaknesses. Because we grew up together.
I believe we know each other very well. I am confident I could read his mind. He made me believed that he could read mine, too!
He calls me Chaise and I call him Charlie. People often call us the Darlington Twins. Charlie and I are connected in every single thing. And I believe we own each other. Charlie owns me. I own Charlie. Simple logic, right?
Yes, we're humans too, but we are different from the other people. We are different from the other twins. We're different in a way that we have our own world. And in that world there is only him and me. It is a happy world where no one is allowed to enter, well, supposedly. You see, we only rely to each other ever since we were kids. I believe it is going to be like that until the day we die.
However, I am just too confident. I thought I am right. But I am wrong.
A woman named Irisha Joules came.
This dangerously modest woman has corrupted Charlie's heart, in other words, she corrupted me. She entered my Charlie's world. And she made my theory all wrong.
Ever since Irisha came, our innocent world died due to the massive explosion and the most dramatic one you may add, called "falling in love". It is the most disgusting feeling I could have ever known. I wouldn't even dare to experience it myself. I immediately cursed that feeling. It is the reason why Charlie became so distant towards me.
What is so good at falling in love anyway?
I want to ask Charlie about that. But he will probably say to me, "You should experience it yourself, Chaise. You will know the answer then."
I wouldn't! How could I possibly want to experience that feeling which ruined my relationship with Charlie? That wasn't at all brilliant.
My world began with Charlie. And it should end with Charlie. But I was wrong. I thought I am his most important person because we are twins. But I am mistaken. I was confident we didn't need anyone else other than each other. That was shattered, too, you know. Shattered! Too much, too wrong.
Twins, huh? I smile pathetically as I scribble down on my notes.
"What are you writing, Chaise?" Charlie asks while he tries to peek on my notes, but I close it. His hair is naturally red and he likes it tousled. His red locks fell sexily on his reddish eyebrows, and his beautiful face is always shimmering under the heat of the sun. He has a pair of green eyes similar to mine. When I look at him, it is like I am looking at myself. We are so beautiful that it could be so illegal.
I stare at him in my usual way. Our identical eyes met and I say, "Nothing, Charlie. I'm just bored, you know."
I see him knit his brows. But I am not alarmed. I have grown familiarity to that dramatic expression of his, plus his scorning lips. He started frowning at me ever since Irisha came. It became his habit. And I wonder if he has realized it. I bet he hasn't.
"You're bored?" He repeats, and he sounded as if he couldn't really believe it. Duh. He adds, "Since when did you feel bored when you're with me, Chaise?" This time, for no apparent reason, his voice suddenly becomes petulant.
'Oh well, good question, dear brother! Since you started dating Irisha—got it? Every time you're with her you always bring me with you. You take advantage of my submissiveness to you, you selfish, greedy kid. What do you think I am, your pet? I'm your twin sister!'
But of course those are just my thoughts.
He stares at me in the most awkward way I could ever felt, and it is killing me because, well, it is just killing me. I sigh.
I decide to disregard his question. So I open my notes again. I scribble down random things, things which he shouldn't know—wouldn't ever know. I am careful he would not see it. I scribble and scribble just to get away from those alien, dominating green eyes. Those familiar yet now alien eyes.
"Why are you bored?" He asks again.
"I don't know. I'm just bored right now." In the end, I answer Charlie. Brilliant.
He peeks into my notes and I cover it with my other hand. It added more curiosity in him. But that's what I really wanted—to get his full attention. Didn't I? This time I am expecting that he would insist. But I am wrong.
"Fine! If you don't want to share it with me, who cares? I'll rather buy a drink." He raises his voice at me. I think it is the hundredth time just this day. I counted it, really, huh. I am such a freak.
You see, I have an incurable sickness. People call it a brother complex. I am obsessed with Charlie—that is my incurable disease. I grew up in a thought that he's the only person I could rely on. He made me this way. However, when he fell in love with Irisha, he wasn't the same person anymore.
Irisha is unbelievably lovely. I know that I am beautiful because Charlie is a handsome man but, Irisha is cuter. I am Charlie's twin sister so I must look beautiful, too. But I am not cute. I am just amazingly beautiful. And I always thought that Irisha is prettier than me. And more girly.
She wears lovely, stylish dresses every single day. But you see, because I don't have a sister, I carried on Charlie's passion. I often wear male pants, and sometimes some skinny jeans. And a polo shirt. I wouldn't wear dress in front of other people except Charlie, you know. Not because I wanted it, but because Charlie wanted it to be so. And well, because I grew up with Charlie, I love shoes and sneakers. I am always attracted to sandals but I never wanted to wear them. They are always uncomfortable.
"Hey, Chaise! Come over here. Look at this!" Irisha shouts at me, waving her hands from the shore, just a few walks from where I sat. Whenever I look at her, what I always see is an intruder. Charlie forgets how to read my thoughts because of her. His thoughts are now filled with Irisha, Irisha and Irisha. It is so sickening. And boring. And I hate boring things. I hate boredom. I am always dangerous when I am bored.
Charlie and Irisha have been dating for five months already. But they are not really an official couple. They are just dating. It is more like friendly dates, I guess. I don't even know that is possible until Charlie is doing it with Irisha.
Charlie courted on her several months after she joined our eccentric club in school. In a little way, I felt bad for my twin brother because Irisha could not commit yet. But they're getting there, of course. After all, I would not blame Irisha if she ended up falling in love with Charlie. I would be paralyzed in shock if she wouldn't.
Whatever.
Whether they're dating or not isn't a big deal to me.
Charlie could date any girl he wanted. I will not stop him. If he wants to marry then I will support him. I will be happy for him. But why does he have to become so distant? That is my only concern.
I wouldn't mind if he ended up with Irisha. But I hated it whenever he would choose Irisha first over me. I always feel like he is slowly abandoning me. I always think it is not fair. I must always be the first.
He doesn't need to ignore me whenever Irisha is around. He shouldn't yell at me whenever he feels grumpy because Irisha would sometimes refuse to see him. He shouldn't throw his tantrums at me because Irisha would sometimes smile at David. More importantly, he doesn't need to pretend that he needed me all the time. I could not really feel it from him now.
Sometimes, Charlie will throw his frustrations at me because Irisha hasn't returned his feelings yet. And I tell you, he is so horrible because of it. I thought Irisha liked him, too. However, I just, well, I just have this feeling that Irisha likes David more. David is our classmate and a funny one, you may add. I am not sure but why do I care? I don't like her or David, anyway.
Charlie often takes Irisha to different places. And he always wanted me to go with them. That is the worst part. Always dragging me along. He said he wouldn't know what to do without me. He is a jerk because of it.
Charlie doesn't like it when he's dating Irisha and I am left by myself. That's why he will always ask me to go with him. And I will always end up abiding his wants.
He said I must go with him because he couldn't imagine me alone in some place. But honestly, it isn't for my sake, it is for his sake. Because you see, Charlie is possessive. Very, very possessive. And I hated myself because I could not refuse Charlie. That's the worst part, part two.
Whenever they are having a date—going to cinemas, eating pancakes at home, dining at restaurants, you name it—I am always out of place. I could not catch up to their lovey-dovey mode! I am with them but I feel like I am not with them. Brilliant. I am like a wallflower most of the time.
Charlie will not even glance at me when they're dating. It could happen, but very rarely. He is head over heels on Irisha. When they date, sometimes they forget that I am with them. Sometimes I think Charlie is an idiot. He always looks like he doesn't need me all along. That's why I always wonder why he wanted my presence in every single date. It is boring me.
Sometimes I wonder—does he purposely do that to make me jealous? Or to make me understand that he doesn't need me anymore? And he just doesn't have the courage to say it himself? So he is just showing it to me? Is that it all along? If that is the case then he is totally cruel. He would become a criminal because he would murder my heart.
I need Charlie. I need my twin brother and I need him to consider my feelings just like before. But perhaps he doesn't need me anymore. He might even think I am annoying now. But I need him. Because he is my only brother. My twin brother.
If he could live without me, I couldn't.
Even if he would hate me, I wouldn't hate him. I promised him that I would stay at his side no matter what. So I would never leave his side unless if…he would push me away. Maybe I am a martyr sister.