"Sure! I don't need your money, I don't need to beg for your support. Even if I suffer, I won't abort the baby!" I declared, staring at him in disbelief.
I threw the empty folder towards him but he managed to avoid it. Even if I throw all of the stuff near me, this excruciating feeling won't disappear.
I observe his reaction but a devil mask is what I see in his face, enough for me to realize that he doesn't care. I'm holding back my tears because the moment I allow it to fall, I'm a loser.
How could he dump me just like this as if nothing happened?
"That's fine, as you wish. Let's see if you won't regret this, Sanya," he agreed in a cool way. A smirk formed on his lips, putting his hands in his pockets.
I gritted my teeth at how he reacts, knowing that he doesn't care for his child. This guy has no conscience, but too late to realize.
"Then what are you still doing here in my apartment? Get out and never show your annoying face with your disgusting attitude!" I blurt out and my hands are shaking while pointing to the door.
"If I saw you in the street asking for alms, I might laugh at you. Don't want to abort, huh? Then suit yourself," he added before leaving.
I immediately followed him and slammed the door after him because of frustration. My brain cannot function well, I feel nothing but pain.
"You're a worthless ass!" I screamed in madness, but of a sudden, the pain and anger diverted to regrets.
I found myself crying in tears while hugging my knees, just like a crumbled piece of paper thrown by someone, because I am no longer useful.
I don't want to cry in front of him, he will just laugh at me. I don't want to beg for his support because the only thing left in me was my dignity. I harshly wiped my tears with my hands but it didn't stop. He's not a man of his words.
I tried to look up, hoping that my tears will stop. My mind can't think properly, can't make a plan for this mess that I've done.
"How can I tell this to my parents? They will probably disown me," I whispered to the wind, trying to summon a concrete plan for my situation.
Pity to know that I can ask for help from no one including my five-year younger sister named Sasha. We're just two and I am the first child so I don't know who to consult. It's his fault!
I let myself cry because it's the only thing I can do to ease the pain. All those sweet memories suddenly turned into nightmares. A nightmare left a mark that is never forgotten.
For a couple of minutes that I cried, I decided to compose myself and I felt hunger so I decided to stand and walked towards the refrigerator to get a glass of water. I went back to the living room but I passed the body mirror and I saw my reflection.
I go near the mirror while blankly staring at my exhausted look. I am pity on this messy face, my mascara got ruined because of my tears and my lipstick was smudged out of the shape.
I've never been like this before. I limit myself to almost everything but look at me now, I let myself be ruined by just a coward guy. My sight landed on my stomach. I barely caressed it before I wiped my tears started to flow again so I looked up to hold it back.
I gave my sight in the mirror again and took a deep sigh.
"Right, this is not the end. I assured him that he is not a loss. Instead, I will make him crazy for leaving me and our child. Mark my word," I bravely declared in front of the mirror and my eyes are on fire.
But then I closed my eyes firmly and took a deep sigh while convincing myself that I can survive this.
"I'll think about it later. I'm really hungry," I stated and left the mirror to get changed. I took a quick shower to freshen up my mood.
I wore a jacket and fitted jeans before leaving my small apartment to buy dinner and some extra food such as chips and juices, especially healthy foods for my baby.
As I reached my home, I cooked scrambled eggs and two boiled potatoes. I prepared a glass of milk and a cup of rice then my dinner is ready. I'm used to being alone, far from my family.
I am two months pregnant based on the result of the test I received this morning from the hospital. Unfortunately, he didn't take responsibility.
To forget him today, I need to sleep early. I don't need to think again about those people who don't deserve my time.
The next morning, I woke up at around ten o'clock. Today is Saturday so I have no classes to attend to. If I have a class today, for sure I am late. For this semester, the monitor marked me as late five times.
Until now, I still don't have a concrete plan for my baby. I don't know what to do, when, and where to start, I'm screwed. My baby bump is not yet noticeable but sooner it will and I'm scared that on that day, I'm still stuck to nothing.
I rolled my eyes when my phone rang. I lazily reached my phone to check who's calling and it was my mom.
"Hi, sweetie!" she stated cheerfully.
"Mom, you're too loud. Why did you call, by the way?" I asked casually.
"You don't miss me, don't you? How've your studies?" she asked. I can feel the excitement in her voice.
I rolled my eyes again because I can't tell the truth to her. I'm scared.
"My studies are well, Mom. It's okay if you're not able to go home this year. I mean, I will not get mad anymore," I explained, and as expected, it made her joy.
"That's wonderful news to your Dad." she almost screamed in enjoyment.
I smiled as I've heard how happy she was because I know that they are having a hard time managing the company as well as making up with us, with Sasha.
Even just for two years, maybe it's enough already as long as they won't find out. I still don't have a plan but I have the thought that if they saw my baby after giving birth, they change their mind and they still accept me.
"I'll call you later, sweetie. I have an appointment today, regards me with your Aunt and Sasha, okay? See you soon. I love you." She bid her goodbye as she hangs up the call.
I stare at my phone, a bitter smile flashed on my lips. I sigh as I close my phone and threw it somewhere in my bed.
The New Year celebration had just finished a week ago that's why Mom and Dad went back to the United States so, everything backs to normal. They only go home for holiday seasons because it has a long vacation and they are just like that, too busy to the point that they can't go home for our birthdays. Well, at this moment it is a blessing in disguise so I'll just set aside this thought.
I was stunned at the ceiling when a light bulb lightens on my mind.
"Aha! Good idea, Sanya!" I praised myself in happiness as I get up from my bed but I stopped when my belly hurts.
"Oops! Sorry, baby. Mommy is just excited so wish me luck, ok?" I talked to my tummy and caressed it before leading to the bathroom.
I finally got a plan.