Upset then immediate anger, self hatred for feeling anger, and then self loathing and deepening of anger and hatred, and then I NEED to release energy like a balloon that can no longer hold water I would feel like I'm overflowing with anger towards myself and any object within my reach, extremely resentful and hatred that I feel angry and that I can feel myself losing control of my anger, and then fear of breaking objects or physically/psychologically hurting anyone near me at the time. And then extreme panic with seething self hatred, regret that I allowed my emotions to reach this stage and a feeling of wanting and needing to destroy. And then I choose the best option that does not effect others I scratch myself until I bleed, I pull out my own hair until I am out of energy to hurt. And then self hate gets stronger and I question why I should stay alive, thoughts of being worthless, monstrous for almost trying to destroy objects or other people, thoughts about how I shouldn't be alive and creating half baked plans to kill myself. And then just crying on the floor silently slowly agreeing to negative thoughts about myself, thinking they are fake thoughts but not truly believing they are not true. And then It feels like there's a searing pain in my chest, throat, and head. Somewhere between the sound of tv static fuzz, hot fire that burns, and a thundering pounding/aching that fills the inside of my skull and rib cage. And then after crying and thinking many more negative thoughts about myself I start to feel a spread from my chest and my head a feeling that mixes the emotions of numbness and the feeling of nobody anywhere near you. And then just feeling like lead, just tired.