I have a voice in my head.
It's called an inner voice and mine is currently saying I should be dead
I cant escape from it I can't turn the volume down it's in my skull and I'm scared because I believe it. It's late where I am I can't turn for help I'm scared because it's convincing and makes sense it's hard to breathe and I want to scream but I can't breathe and I can't scream I want to make myself shut up I don't know any other way then to distract myself or die
And I'm really scared because the things I've enjoyed doing don't feel so fun anymore they don't distract me anymore instead my inner voice gets louder and it's hurting my head it's terrible it says bad things.
I don't like whoever said stick and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.
You can endure physical pain but being mentally abused can damage you until you actively look for ways to die words they can create physical pain but you can heal physical pain i don't know how to help myself mentally I can't help myself I can't distract myself but I can hurt myself.
I could kill myself.
I want to see another day just one more
But not when I have to fight myself just to stay alive
Author note that did not fit in authors notes....
I wrote this in a time when my mind is not stable. I have and will continue to look for and currently receive professional help on this. I am fighting my own mind when it thinks I should die. It's scary and terrible to feel or have anything remotely close to this.
When your mind tells you to die that is the exact time that you should live.
I plead for anyone who has similar feelings or thoughts to either search for professional help or look into different ways to help yourself.
Just remember it is a choice.
Living may be a difficult choice to some but it is a choice worth taking (at least for me I believe it is)