I think it's finally time to talk about my spring break.
It happened during spring break.
I was attacked by a vampire.
Though it was less an attack and more of me sticking my own neck out─as in literally thrusting it toward a pair of sharp fangs─in any case, I, Koyomi Araragi, in this day and age where science reigns supreme, where there is no darkness that cannot be illuminated, was attacked by a vampire in a backwater Japanese suburb.
By a beautiful demon.
Attacked─by a blood-chillingly gorgeous demon.
My blood was─sucked dry.
As a result, I became a vampire.
I know it sounds like a joke, but it's not an amusing one.
My body was burned by the sun, hated crosses, was weakened by garlic, and melted in holy water─and in exchange, I gained unbelievable physical abilities. Then, waiting for me at the very end of my saga─was a hellish reality. I was saved from that reality by a dude passing by, scratch that, Mèmè Oshino. A role model to none with no fixed address who wandered from a journey to journey, Mèmè Oshino. He somehow managed to vanquish the vampire─and pulled off a bunch of other things.
And so─I turned back into a human.
A few traces of my previous physical powers─mild regeneration, an increased metabolism, nothing special─remained, but I was fine again with sunlight, crosses, garlic, and holy water.
The story isn't worth telling.
It doesn't have your usual happy ending.
It's a finished case, a closed topic. The few remaining things you could consider issues, like having my blood drunk once a month and doing so causing my eyesight and whatnot to supersede human levels every time, are a personal matter at this point, problems that I simply need to confront for the rest of my life.
And anyway─I got off on the lucky side.
It was only over spring break, after all.
My hell was just two weeks long.
Unlike Senjougahara's.
In her case─the case of the girl who met a crab.
She had to deal, for over two years, with a physical inconvenience.
An inconvenience that infringed on her freedom.
Two years of hell─what did that feel like?
So maybe it's no surprise that Senjougahara uncharacteristically feels a sincere debt of gratitude toward me, more than she really needs to─putting aside the physical inconvenience, the resolution of the one that plagued her mind must have been an irreplaceable and invaluable achievement.
Her mind.
Her psyche.
Yes, in the end, problems of that nature, the kind you can't discuss with anyone because no one will understand, shackles, or wedges into, your psyche more than your body─oftentimes.
Just as sunlight peeking through my curtains in the morning still scares me even though I'm fine now.
As far as I know, there's one other person whom Oshino has helped in the same way, and that's the president of my and Senjougahara's class, Haneakwa Tsubasa - but it was only a few days for her, even shorter than for me, and moreover she's forgotten it. In that sense, you could say hers is the most fortunate position. True, Hanekawa's case is totally beyond saving unless we take such an angle─
"Around here."
"What?"
"The home I used to live in. It was around here."
"Your home─" I looked in the exact direction Senjougahara pointed, but all that stood there was "…a street."
"A street."
It was a fine example of a road. The color of the asphalt was still new─as if it had just been paved. Which meant─
"Is this what you'd call residential redevelopment?" I asked.
"The more accurate term here would be town planning."
"You knew?"
"I didn't."
"Then you ought to act more surprised."
"I'm not a very good actor."
Indeed, she hadn't so much as raised an eyebrow.
But─her eyes were fixed in that direction, in that place. From Senjougahara's demeanor, you could, if you wanted to, interpret her as being stuck inside with the helpless feeling of having nowhere to go.
��It really has changed completely. I can't believe it's only been a year."
"...…"
"How boring."
It's a shame when we bothered to come, she mumbled.
She sounded truly bored.
But in any case, this must have meant that one of Senjougahara's main objectives for her day out in this area, right up there next to giving her clothes a test drive, or whatever it was she said, had been met.
I turned around.
Hachikuji Mayoi was hiding behind my leg and examining Senjougahara. The girl was silent as if her guard was up. Despite her being a child, or perhaps because she was a child, she seemed to be able to intuit just how dangerous Senjougahara was and had been using me as a wall for quite a while in order to avoid her. Of course, it's impossible for one person to use another as a wall, so it was obvious she was there, and it was also clear that she was attempting to avoid Senjougahara, to the extent that the situation began to feel awkward for me, a third party. But Senjougahara, for her part, made zero attempts to engage with a mere kid (speaking only to me with her "Over here" or "We're going down this street"), so they were even, so to speak.
It didn't feel great to be stuck in the middle.
Though judging by her reaction, Senjougahara didn't dislike or have trouble being around children as much as she simply didn't understand them.
"I didn't expect the house to still be there after we sold it, but…I wasn't expecting it to be a road. I have to say, it's making me feel pretty blue."
"Yeah…I guess it would."
All I could do was sympathize.
It was easy to see where she was coming from.
The path from the park to our current location was a mix of roads both old and new, and the neighborhood looked nothing like the guide, the residential map on that park sign─so the sight somehow felt demoralizing even to me, as unattached to the area as I was.
But what can you do?
Towns change, just like people do.
"Phew." Senjougahara let out a big sigh. "I've wasted your time on something pointless. Ready to go, Araragi?"
"Huh…already? Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
"I see. Okay, then. Let's go, Hachikuji," I said.
Hachikuji nodded silently.
…Maybe she was under the impression that Senjougahara would figure out where she was if she spoke.
Senjougahara began striding off on her own.
Hachikuji and I followed after her.
"Actually, Hachikuji, could you let go of my leg? It's hard for me to walk. You're grabbing onto me like you're a baby koala or something. What're you gonna do if I fall?"
"..."
"Say something, will you?" I demanded.
"Well," Hachikuji responded, "it's not as if I want to hold on to your dreadful leg, Mister Araragi!"
I peeled her off of me.
Rrrrrrip─though there was no sound.
"I can't believe you! I'm telling the PTA about this!" she complained.
"Oh yeah, the PTA?"
"The PTA is an incredible organization! They'd barely have to lift a finger to put alone, powerless, an underage citizen like you down and out for the count, Mister Araragi!"
"Barely a finger, huh? Sounds scary. By the way, do you know what PTA stands for, Hachikuji?"
"Huh? Well…"
Hachikuji sank back into silence. She must not have known.
Of course, I didn't know either.
I was just glad it didn't turn into a long, drawn-out argument.
"PTA stands for Parent-Teacher Association. It's an English term for a school organization made up of guardians and instructors," Senjougahara answered from the front. "It also stands for percutaneous transluminal angioplasty, a medical term. But I doubt that's what you're talking about, Araragi, so the first explanation should be the right one."
"Huh. I'd vaguely known it was some kind of meeting of parents, but I didn't know the teachers counted too. You're quite literate, Senjougahara, aren't you?"
"No, Araragi, it's just that you're an illiterate bum."
"I'll accept the 'illiterate' as an antonym, but the 'bum'…"
"You don't like it? Then let's say 'scum' instead."
She didn't even turn around to face me.
She really seemed to be in a bad mood…
An ordinary person might wonder how Senjougahara was acting any differently from her usual acid-tongued self, but once you've experienced as much verbal abuse from her as I have, you start to get a feel for it. She just wasn't being as sharp. Normally, or even when she's in a good mood, she doesn't let up.
Hmm.
What was it?
Was it because her home had become a road─or was it my fault?
It seemed like both.
Whatever it was, though, even putting aside the child abuse aspect, I'd also abandoned Senjougahara mid-conversation to mind Hachikuji… It had felt like the natural thing to do, but Senjougahara couldn't have been happy about it.
In that case, I needed to get this little girl, Hachikuji Mayoi, straight to her destination and then focus on cheering Senjougahara back up. I'd buy her lunch, then go shopping with her─and if time allowed, I'd take her somewhere fun. All right, I decided, that was the plan. I didn't want to head home anyway because of that business with my little sisters, so I'd spend the day attending to Senjougahara. And just my luck, I was carrying a lot of cash─wait, what was I, her slave?!
I managed to surprise even myself.
"By the way, Hachikuji."
"What is it, Mister Araragi?"
"This address," I began, taking her note out of my pocket. I had yet to return it to her. "What exactly is this place?"
And.
What was she going to do there?
I wanted to know so long as I was taking here there─especially considering she was an elementary school girl traveling alone.
"Hah, I'm not telling! I exercise my right to remain silent!"
"...…"
What a little smart aleck.
Whoever said kids were pure and innocent?
"No talk, no help," I said.
"I never asked for your help! I can get there myself!"
"Aren't you lost?"
"And what if I am?!"
"Um… So for future reference, Hachikuji, you should ask people for help when you get lost."
"People like you who can't put any faith in themselves, Mister Araragi, are free to do that! Ask others for help to your heart's content! But I don't have any need for that! This kind of thing is daily insurance for me!"
"Oh…so I guess your policy covers it."
An odd rejoinder.
But I could see why Hachikuji considered me a nuisance. When I was in elementary school, I believed I could do anything on my own, too. I was convinced there was no need to ever ask for anyone's help─that there was nothing I needed outside assistance to do.
I could do anything?
Yeah.
Of course, I couldn't.
"Very well then, young lady. Please, would you be so kind as to bestow upon me the secret of what exactly lies in this location?"
"You don't sound very sincere!"
She was a hard nut to crack.
That move would have been enough for either of my middle school sisters…but Hachikuji's face did have an intelligent cast, and maybe I couldn't treat her like some dumb kid. What to do?
"…All right."
A brilliant idea came to me.
I reached into my back pocket and took out my wallet.
I was carrying a lot of cash.
"I'll give you an allowance, young lady."
"Woo-hoo! I'll tell you anything you want!"
Dumb kid.
Actually, she was really dumb…
I was sure that not a single real child had ever been abducted this way─but Hachikuji seemed to have what it took to be a historic first.
"Someone named Miss Tsunade lives there."
"Tsunade? Is that her last name or something?"
"It's a wonderful last name!" Hachikuji said, sounding upset for some reason.
I could understand feeling annoyed by someone dissing an acquaintance's name, but I didn't see myself ever raising my voice over it. Was she emotionally unstable or something?
"Okay… So how do you know this person?"
"She's a relative."
"A relative, huh?"
In other words, Hachikuji was on her way to go spend her Sunday playing at a close relative's home. Either she had some very hands-off parents, or she had snuck her way here when they weren't looking. I didn't know which─but regardless of her intentions, the solo elementary school weekend adventure had come to a screeching halt.
"Is this a cousin you're friends with? You must've come a long way, judging by how big that backpack is. This is the kind of thing you should do over a longer vacation, like Golden Week. Or is there some specific reason you had to do this today?"
"Yes, something like that."
"It's Mother's Day, you ought to be at home like a good daughter."
Well.
I wasn't in any position to be saying that, of course.
─You know, Koyomi, that's why.
That's why? What was the big issue?
"I don't want to hear that from you, Mister Araragi."
"Hey, what do you know about my situation?!"
"It's just a feeling I have."
"..."
It seemed she didn't have any reasoning to back herself up but was simply annoyed on an instinctual level that I was lecturing her.
How cruel.
"So what were you doing in a place like that, Mister Araragi? Sitting vacantly on a park bench on a Sunday morning doesn't seem to me like something a respectable human being would do."
"Nothing really. Just─"
Passing the time, I nearly said, before stopping myself at the last second. I'd remembered, any man who answers "just passing the time" when he's asked what he's doing is as good as useless. That was a close call.
"Just doing some bike touring."
"Bike touring? How cool!"
She praised me.
I'd expected that to be followed by something mean, but it never came.
Oh, I thought. So Hachikuji is capable of praising me…
"On a bicycle, not a motorcycle, though."
"Is that so. When I hear 'bike touring,' I assume motorcycles are being discussed! That's very unfortunate! Do you not have a license, Mister Araragi?!"
"Sadly, my school's rules won't let me get a license. But I'd rather wait to drive a car, either way, motorcycles are dangerous."
"Is that so. But in that case, wouldn't you be fouring?!"
"...…"
Yikes. She was misspelling "touring" in a pretty amusing way. Would it be kinder to correct her or to leave her be? …I wasn't sure.
Incidentally, Senjougahara showed no reaction as she continued to walk ahead.
She didn't even attempt to participate in the conversation.
Maybe she couldn't hear low-IQ conversations.
Still.
The carefree smile I'd just seen from Hachikuji Mayoiwas a rather charming thing. It was a wholehearted smile. To say it was like a flower in bloom might be a cliché, but it was the kind of expression that most people lose the ability to make once they grow up.
"Phew… Jeez."
I'd put myself in a dangerous position once again. Was I a pedophile, my heart would've been won over. Ah, how fortunate that I wasn't one…
"In any case," I said, "the streets around here are really complicated. How do they even work? I can't believe you tried to come here on your own."
"Well, it isn't my first time."
"Oh? Then why did you get lost?"
"…It's been a while," Hachikuji replied in an embarrassed voice.
Hmph…I could see that happening. She thought she could do it, but she couldn't when she tried. You can think something, but that doesn't mean it's true. And that went for elementary schoolers, high schoolers, and anyone else for that matter.
"Speaking of which, Mister Arararagi─"
"That's one too many ra's!"
"I'm sorry. A slip of the tongue."
"Well, don't do it again…"
"I'm not sure what you expect. Everyone misspeaks from time to time. Or do you mean to say that you've never had a slip of the tongue in your entire life, Mister Araragi?"
"I wouldn't say never, but I don't slip up when I'm saying someone's name."
"Okay, then. Say 'She sells sea-shells on the sea-shore' three times in a row."
"That isn't a name."
"Yes, it is. I have three friends named that, in fact. So I would say it's a fairly common name."
She sounded so confident.
It's so easy to see through kids' lies.
Shockingly easy.
"She sells sea-shells on the sea-shore, she sells sea-shells on the sea-shore, she sells sea-shells on the sea-shore."
I did it.
"What are you when your dreams don't come true?" Hachikuji said, not missing a beat.
I was apparently being riddled now. "…Sore?"
"Bzzzt. Wrong!" Hachikuji said with a knowing look. "The answer is…" She wore an intrepid grin. "…Human."
"You think you're so clever!"
I'd screamed in an unnecessarily loud voice because, despite myself, I did find it clever.
But anyway.
We were in what you'd call a sleepy residential area.
Senjougahara turned back the way we came, her face showing no signs of agitation whatsoever─and Hachikuji moved in perfect contrast to her, avoiding Senjougahara by rotating around me.
"…Why are you that freaked out by Senjougahara? It's not like she's done anything to you. In fact, I know it might not look like it at first glance, but it's her showing you the way, not me."
I was just tagging along.
I wasn't in a position to act all high and mighty.
Even if Hachikuji's childlike intuition was making her eschew Senjougahara, this was going too far. You could say a lot of things about Senjougahara, but she wasn't made of steel. How could she not be hurt by someone avoiding her so blatantly? Aside from whatever concern I had for Senjougahara, Hachikuji wasn't treating her right on a moral level.
"There's nothing I could say to that…" Hachikuji admitted, surprising me with her modest, timid response.
She continued in a whisper, "Don't you feel it, though, Mister Araragi?"
"Feel what?"
"The brutal malice emanating from that woman…"
"...…"
She seemed to be going on something more than intuition.
The worst part was that I couldn't disagree with her.
"She doesn't seem to like me… I can feel a strong will coming from her, and it's saying, 'You're in the way, get lost'…"
"I don't know if I'd go that far, but… Hmm."
Fine.
I'd ask, even though I was a bit scared to.
While the answer seemed obvious to me, it seemed like I needed to get her on the record.
"Hey, Senjougahara."
"What is it?"
Once again, she replied without turning around.
Maybe "You're in the way, get lost" was what she was thinking about me.
It was strange. We considered each other friends, but we had such a hard time getting along.
"Do you not like kids?"
"No, I don't. I hate them. I wish they'd die, every last one of them."
Ruthless.
Hachikuji shrank back with an "Eep!"
"I don't have any idea how I'm supposed to deal with them. I think it happened in middle school. I was shopping in a department store when I bumped into a child about seven years old."
"Oh, and you made the kid cry?"
"No, that wasn't the problem. I found myself telling him, 'My goodness, sir, are you all right? Are you injured? I'm sincerely sorry. Please forgive me.'"
"...…"
"I was thrown off-balance because I didn't know how to talk to little kids. Still, having acted so politely and modestly to one was such a shock to me…that I've decided to show nothing but hatred to anything you'd call a child, human or otherwise."
She was practically taking it out on them.
I understood the logic, but not the sensibility.
"By the way, Araragi."
What's up?"
"It seems we've gone too far in the wrong direction again."
"Hunh?"
We'd gone too far─past the address?
Really? That made two times in a row.
You could expect someone coming to a new place to have trouble matching locations on a map to where they actually were, but Senjougahara lived here until recently.
"If you'd like to criticize me, then go ahead, try and criticize me to your heart's content."
"No, I wouldn't over something… Hold on a sec. Did you say it slightly differently from the last time?"
"You think? I didn't notice."
"Come on. Oh yeah, weren't you talking about town planning or something earlier? Even your home had become a road, so I guess it'd make sense for this place to look pretty different from how you remember it."
"No. That's not the problem." She looked around the area once more, then continued, "Yes, there are more roads, some houses are gone, and others have been built, but it's not as if all the old streets are gone… There's no structural reason for me to get lost."
"Uh huh…"
Since she really was lost, that did seem to be the case. How could I conclude otherwise? Maybe Senjougahara didn't want to own up to making a careless mistake. She could be pretty obstinate in her own way… But as these thoughts ran through my mind, I heard a "What?" come from her.
I can tell by your face that you're itching to complain. If there's something you want to say, then why not say it like a man? I'll strip naked and get down on all fours to apologize to you if that'll make you happy."
"Are you trying to make me out to be the most disgusting man on Earth?"
As if I'd let her do that in the middle of a residential area.
Plus, I wasn't interested in having her grovel in the first place.
"Getting down on all fours naked," she said, "is a small price to pay to make Koyomi Araragi known the world over as the most disgusting man alive."
"Your pride is the only thing here that's cheap."
I could no longer figure out whether she was supposed to be a haughty character or a shameless one.
"But I'd be keeping just my socks on," she added.
"You say that like a punch line to wrap this up, but I'm not into weird stuff."
"And by socks, I mean fishnet tights."
"Getting more extreme doesn't change a thing…"
Though on second thought.
Even if I wasn't into that, a part of me did want to see Senjougahara, specifically, in fishnet tights─she wouldn't even have to be naked. I mean, if she looked like this in regular black stockings…
"That's the face of someone thinking unseemly thoughts, Araragi."
"Who, me? Do you really see me in such a vulgar light, a guy whose motto is 'the straight and narrow'? I can't believe you'd say that about me, Senjougahara."
"Oh? I believe I've always been saying these things about you, whether I have proof or not. It's very suspicious that instead of coming back with some sort of quip, you're rejecting the claim outright."
"Ulp…"
"So forcing me down on all fours to apologize to you naked isn't enough, you want to write obscene things across every inch of my body with permanent marker?"
"I wasn't going that far!"
"Then how far were you going?"
"Um, anyway, Hachikuji," I brusquely changed the topic. I could do worse than borrow a page from Senjougahara's book in that regard. "Sorry, but this might take a little longer. But we know it's in this area, so─"
"No," Hachikuji said in a surprisingly calm tone─the kind of unfeeling, mechanical tone you used in class to supply the answer to an obvious equation. "It's probably impossible."
"What? 'Probably'?"
"If 'probably' isn't pleasing to you, then 'absolutely.'"
"..."
It's not like I wasn't pleased with "probably."
I wasn't pleased with "absolutely," either.
But─I found myself with no reply.
Not to that tone.
"Because no matter how many times we try, I'll never get there."
Hachikuji.
"I'll never get there."
Hachikuji repeated herself.
"I'll never get there─to my mother."
Just like a broken record.
Like a record, unbroken.
"Because I'm─a lost snail."