This was honestly hard for me to write. I was very hesitant about writing and bringing up the racism and hate crimes that Asians and Asian Americans are experiencing here in America.
Not because I am afraid to speak out or that I am afraid of the feedback that I would receive from my readers.
If you guys have been reading my story then you know that I am never one to stay silent because of a fear to talk about social issues.
In fact I try to include some of said issues in my writing as a way to bring attention and awareness to it. The reason why it was so hard for me to speak about Asian hate is because of the weight that I felt.
This felt like such a heavy topic because I felt as though if I were to write something or speak about this issue then my delivery would have to be perfect.
It seemed to me as though it had to be perfect because it was going to be my input and my voice on an issue pertaining to my community.
Not to say that I didn't feel any pressure when I wrote my piece about how I felt with Black Lives Matter. I wrote that with the entirety of my heart and with all the sincerity in the world.
But no matter how much of an ally as I am for Black people around the world, no matter how much I think of my Black friends as family, I am still not a member of that community.
I am sure that many of my readers who are minorities or People of Color who reside in the United States can sympathize with what I am about to say.
As a first generation Asian American my parents always wanted nothing more than for me to be seen and accepted as an American.
They would tell me that whenever I was out that I had to speak perfect English. So that no one would have even the smallest reason to say that 'I didn't belong.' or that 'I wasn't from here.'
They tried their hardest to take on American traditions that didn't really mean anything to them just so that I would be able to share similar stories with my classmate after holiday breaks.
To them we had to put in more effort so that we could fit in and assimilate as 'Americans.' And it wasn't just about us.
We had to put more effort into being American because we didn't just represent ourselves or our family.
We were representing all the Asians and Asian Americans here in the states. Only speak English when you're out or it'll make Asians seem even more foreign.
Don't get into a accident, you're just going to reinforce the Asians are bad drivers stereotype. Don't get into fights, you'll make Asians look violent.
Having to act not only in a way that represents myself in a good light but a whole group of people was exhausting.
And the same went for this. Thinking that I was writing something that someone might take as a representation of Asian American sentiment was very draining.
But I realized something. No matter what words I choose to use and how I use them it is impossible for me to write something that is perfect and without fault.
So instead of something that is supposed to be a perfect representation for Asian American sentiment I chose to write something that is simply a representation of me.
An Asian American dude that grew up in Moreno Valley California. An Asian American dude that was taken in by my friends in the Black community and saw their struggle.
A struggle that has a long and complex connection to the struggle of the Asian American community.
If you are interested in learning about the long history shared between the Black and Asian community in the United states I would recommend learning about the model minority myth and how it was weaponized against other communities of POC.
But I don't really want to write about that as it would end up taking chapters worth of words. Instead what I want to talk about is this.
In these difficult times I understand that it is easy to feel divided. A lot of people have been trying to throw the blame around saying that it's one groups fault or the others.
Don't get me wrong. I'll be honest and say that I've laughed at a few jokes about white people being colonizers and the such.
But just as we POC say to white people when a joke has gone too far or is clearly offensive there is a line that I think isn't too hard to miss.
I have seen some POC say that they think that white people are the problem and that they are the enemy of all minorities.
And although I understand where the anger and animosity is coming from we have to understand that just as there are some White people who want nothing more than to protect their privilege there are also those who are acting as allies to help us reach real change.
In my opinion there is no one group of people who are the enemy. Instead I believe that our enemy is a mindset.
A mindset that says that one person's life inherently holds more value over another's solely because of the color of their skin.
And as hard as it may be to believe that mindset exists in people from all communities. I'm calling out the Asian community for their colorism and racism.
The terms Jungle Asian and Fancy Asian shouldn't be a thing. A beautiful Filipino girl shouldn't feel discouraged simply because of the shade of her skin.
I'm calling out the Latino community for their racism and colorism as well. There are Afro Latinos who are ashamed to claim their Blackness because they feel that Black is below them.
And I will also call out the Black community for their colorism and for being anti LGBT although honestly that is something I feel a lot of communities need to be called out for including the Asian community.
There isn't one person or group that is perfect. So let's all work towards improving and policing our own communities so that we can make some real change.