I had the best dream. It was very vivid too...
I was at West Gresham Elementary school. I could see my friends who were all highschoolers there. I passed Evan Hill, my former crush on my way to eat lunch with Natasha my friend.
When we finished we walked by him and his friends again. It was a weird coincidence. Then she went to the black top to most likely play basketball while I went to the play structure. I was in a chair on the barkdust. Weird right? I thought so too.
Evan and his friends came over to play on the structure as well. When they came over I couldn't help but stare at Evan. This had to be more than a coincidence. He didn't look at me in that moment and I looked away. I pulled the strings on my jacket to hide my face but made sure I could still see him. He looked at me with a sort of... longing in his eyes. Suprised I froze. He doesn't... like me does he?
Later, school ended. The inside of the school looked like Dexter McCarty. There was sun and for some reason we all got on a bus as if we were going on a field trip. Evan sat in front of me with Tyler on his left. We were on the left side of the bus. They were about 5 seats from the front. I leaned forward and standing up slightly and played with his hair. I was waiting for him to move away and say "Eww gross" or "Don't touch me" or "What are you doing?" but he only flinched a little as if suprised and let me continue to do it.
As I played in his hair I whispered, "I'll comb out your hair." I don't know why I whispered it but I'm glad I did because he whispered back.
I didn't hear what he said but the feel of his breath hot on my ear and neck brought out this electricfying sensation that ran threw me. It seemed to take over my body completely.
I walk to his seat and sat on his lap facing him as I said "What did you say...?" moaning.
The moan suprised me. I think he liked the moan because he kept whispering in my ear even though I had no idea what he was saying. He wrapped his arms loosely around my back. I was dying. I couldn't stop moaning. The warmth was making my body do things I didn't know it could do. I shivered and he held me closer. I wanted to be completely surrounded by him. I wanted to drown in those ocean blue eyes...
And then I woke up.
I thought about it a lot when I woke up. Why was it Evan and not Azahel? I only realized then I was still truly very much in love with Evan. I'll never stop loving him. I cried a lot as I texted my best friend Hafsa about it. I'll post another chapter just us texting.
I don't want to hurt Azahel but... I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as I love Evan. It breaks my heart to know this. I wont do anything about it though because... in real life I know he won't ever feel the same. So why bother. I'll just have to tough it out and get over it.
I know this is selfish but, I want to save all my firsts for Evan...
Me and Azahel have been talking about our first kiss and now I want to wait hoping that Evan will fall for me and I'll be his. I honestly feel awful and I never wanted to love him in the first place. Maybe there is no getting over it...
What would you do in this situation? What should I do...?
I feel empty...