The most fucked up thing is happening. So let me tell you what's going on. Well I feel for my girl best friend. The really fucked up thing is my boy best friend is in love with her to and she knows that. I think she liked me well Ik she does. She has said it and hasn't really hid it. But I'm not going to do that to my boy so I'm going to suffer. I lied I don't like her I love her. It's bad ik. How could I do this what a fucked up person. But I have to suffer and hope she loses feeling for me so that I won't hurt him. When I was younger I would alway sit in bed and look to my right and try to picture someone to be with me and in the future are kid would be in the middle. I would look to my left and I would see her open her eyes and smile and mouth with her lips and say I love you. And my kid would wake up and hug us both. But ik this will never happen and it hurts it really does. It's a hurt I can't explain and engulfs me. But hey better me then someone else right. I would rather suffer then pain then have someone else feel how I do. I think it would be better If I never lived but then I look around and see all the faces of my family and friends and ik the pain it would put them threw and I have already put them threw so much why would I do it again. So I will suffer and not be selfish. Idk why I put myself in these positions.