We were sitting outside on a bench in the lawn where I always sit.
After coming out, or shall I say getting rolled out of the boy's dorm, Matt kept the laundry basket in a random classroom and we just walked outside, both busy in thought.
It was awkward.
The kiss, the random room visit, the basket incident. It was very awkward between us. We were both looking in front of us. There were only trees in front of us. Nothing special to be honest. But it looked like a massive forest was just there because there very many trees. Normally I would explore but I don't know, for some reason I've changed.
After 5 minutes and 32 seconds (yes I was counting), I felt Matt's eyes on me. I didn't want to look at him. Not because it would be awkward but we were too close to each other and if I looked at him, I would end up getting lost in his eyes.
"Hey." He called me. I couldn't help but look at him. He was staring at me with his blue, shining eyes. His face filled with concern and curiousness.
Normally, I would never know what he's feeling but since we were sitting so close, I kind of did. His eyes still were so mysterious to understand his emotions completely. They were so blue. Bluer than I've ever seen them.
It was weird.
The feeling I was having right now. It was the same feeling when I kissed him and even after.
"Firstly…." He said, still staring at me. "You should not bite your lip like that."
I frowned.
I was biting my lip?
Damn, I didn't even know.
And even if I was, I don't understand why he was annoyed by it.
"Why?" I asked him, feeling kind of annoyed.
"Just…Just don't." He said, staring at my lips.
I rolled my eyes.
"That's so typical of you, telling me not to do things. You know, you have no right to tell me what I can't do." I threw my stony, hard words at him.
He was now also looking into my eyes and the feeling was back again. This weird feeling.
I quickly looked back at the trees.
"Can we just talk about what happened and then go our separate ways?" I said.
"Okay." He said. It was obvious he was hurt but I couldn't do anything. I was hurt too.
He stopped looking at me and looked back at the trees.
"Why were you in my room?" He said.
I sighed, " I was in your room because I'm stupid."
"Why? What did you do?" He asked me in confusion.
I looked at him.
He was still looking at the trees at the far end.
"Because I was embarrassed about what happened that day. I shouldn't have hurt you like that."
He looked at me and smiled. "You thought I was hurt?"
I nodded.
He laughed lightly. "I wasn't hurt. I was just confused."
"What?" I said, confused now.
He put shuffled a bit so he was looking at me properly. "Well, I never knew you had an anger problem and when you did that-"
"You got scared? You thought I was going to hurt you?"
He smiled again. That beautiful smile, ugh it was as mesmerizing as Han's smile. "No, of course not. It was just so…"
I patiently waited for him to continue.
"Relatable, I guess." He put his hand through his hair. "Well, I do that a lot. Get angry at tiny things so it was good to meet someone who's like me."
I was speechless.
This isn't what I was expecting.
I was expecting him to think I'm weird, or crazy… not.. relatable.
He looked into my eyes. "You don't need to apologise for something that I do too."
"Doesn't it annoy you?" I whispered in a very low voice yet enough for him to hear it clearly. I couldn't trust my voice so I had to whisper.
"No." He whispered back.
We looked at each other for a long time, trying to see through each other. I couldn't but I knew he could see through me.
I looked down at my hands again. "So is that all? Nothing more to discuss? Right?" I asked trying to evade the kiss topic.
"Yeah, I guess." He said.
I can still feel him looking at me and I couldn't take it anymore.
"I should go now," I said. I got up to go but then Matt quickly grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. I gasped as he pulled me closer to him.
Instead of shouting at him or hitting him or trying to get off him, I just stared into his eyes.
I didn't know what he was thinking but all I knew was that he was staring at my lips.
We were so close that our noses touched for a second.
"Matt, what are you-"
"Kiss." He said.
My eyes widened.
He looked into my eyes again. "Er, I mean, we forgot to talk about the kiss."
"Yeah, that was weird," I whispered. He was still holding me so tightly.
"Yeah but well, it was…something…right?" He said, reading my face.
"Well," I whispered. "It was something…"
He looked at me a little smile spreading on his face.
But I wasn't finished.
"I think its better if we both forget about it."
His smile vanished.
I looked down.
I didn't want to see him hurt.
I didn't want to feel pain too.
I just didn't want to see him sad.
I quickly took his warm hand out of my wrist and walked away.
I wanted to look back.
I wanted to do something but I know if I did, it won't be any good..it won't work out between us and I perfectly know this...
Why? That's something which I would like to keep in the corner of my heart and hide it away from everyone else.
It hurts me a lot even if I remember it for once.
Hope I never experience something like that again...